Why Do Women Fall for Bad Boys Despite Knowing Better?

[arildno]

Well, to me, that IS the limit I never want to reach.

 

[DanP]

Well, to me, that IS the limit I never want to reach.

Seems that you are pretty open, if you only stop there =)

 

[arildno]

I never said THAT was my greatest lower bound!

 

[DanP]

I never said THAT was my greatest lower bound!

Nor is this forum the place to disclose our lowest bound :P

 

[arildno]

Nor is this forum the place to disclose our lowest bound :P

Surely, with that attitude, YOU must be a..top?

 

[DanP]

Surely, with that attitude, YOU must be a..top?

 

[radou]

Bad boys have bigger dicks, perhaps?

Yeah, there must be a positive correlation here.

 

[Hepth]

I used to get in fights years ago with my girlfriend because I refused to sneak into movies. (EDIT: thought I'd put in ages, I guess we were like 23 at the time, not 16)
My thoughts: "Why? I can afford it. Do I really have to steal to find excitement? Seems really petty and childish, with a risk that's needless."
Her thoughts: "Lets do something we're not supposed to with a high chance of getting caught. By doing so we're proving that we're exciting people above societal norms."

Then by me refusing she had the mindset of:
"If I can convince him to do this, I can show how I control him into doing things that are against his nature." And battle ensued.

Needless to say, I don't think I've ever snuck into a movie, nor skipped out on a dinner bill. I refused to compromise my character for her, and if she didn't like it she could get the hell out. I guess me sticking up for my principles was enough strength-of-character to make up for the lack of "bad boy" behaviour as we're still together...

 

[lisab]

I used to get in fights years ago with my girlfriend because I refused to sneak into movies. (EDIT: thought I'd put in ages, I guess we were like 23 at the time, not 16)
My thoughts: "Why? I can afford it. Do I really have to steal to find excitement? Seems really petty and childish, with a risk that's needless."
Her thoughts: "Lets do something we're not supposed to with a high chance of getting caught. By doing so we're proving that we're exciting people above societal norms."

Then by me refusing she had the mindset of:
"If I can convince him to do this, I can show how I control him into doing things that are against his nature." And battle ensued.

Needless to say, I don't think I've ever snuck into a movie, nor skipped out on a dinner bill. I refused to compromise my character for her, and if she didn't like it she could get the hell out. I guess me sticking up for my principles was enough strength-of-character to make up for the lack of "bad boy" behaviour as we're still together...

Wow, Hepth, she sounds like a woman with issues!

 

[bd7878]

unfortunately many women, particularly younger ones, crave the drama that comes from a 'bad boy.' They mistake the turbulence that one of these fellows brings to their life with passion. Also, many very attractive women base a great deal of their self worth on their looks - and bad boys are primarily (read almost exclusively) interested in what a women looks like, therefor much of the bad boy communication, praise and criticism towards women is focused on the superficial. This feeds these women's own visions of their worth and insecurities.

 

[bd7878]

also - frankly at certain points in my life all i have wanted is fun and drama and these guys provide.. think of them like fast food, you know you shouldn't but every once in a while is OK

 

[Moonbear]

I'm thinking it's more about confidence then where one lies on some good/bad axis. I ride (Motorcycle) sporadically with the Bandidos and do not usually acquire the attention of very many girls, but if I ride into some random bar and sit in a corner and then take out the chess board or some textbooks a number of girls will approach me (Beware; For some reason this attracts every Cougar in a 10 mile radius). Blending of the common Archetypes has worked well for me.

I usually pick up girls in libraries, coffee shops, grocery stores, bookstores. Just go up and introduce yourself. If your rejected there really isn't a downside, so it's a free bet with a possible positive pay off. Wager as often as you like.

That's very likely a lot of the issue. If someone is confident (or even cocky) enough to just keep asking women out, they don't need to have a great rate of success to frequently find dates.

 

[Galteeth]

Everything has its hidden downside. Working at an underground music venue and dressing punk, I meet a lot of girls who seem to be into me at first, and then after they get to know me, lose interest. Of course, this could have a lot of reasons, but I think a major factor is the "bad boy" draw, then finding out, after getting to know me better, that I'm not the "bad boy" type at all.

 

[Physics-Learner]

Men like bitchy women for the same reason women love bad boys. It's the conquest, the game that's appealing. From my experience, I don't think all women like bad boys. I think it's just the confidence of bad boys that's appealing.

touche. it is one of my pet peeves about women. they constantly talk about men not being nice, etc. then they don't appreciate a nice guy, when they get him.

cuz nice guys are no challenge. if a nice guy doesn't like a girl, there aint much she can do to change that. if a nice guy likes a girl, he doesn't play games. he let's her know that he likes her, and treats her well right from the get-go.

so it really depends on how mature the female is. if she needs to play games to increase her self-esteem, she will go for the bad boy.

the problem with this behavior from females, early on, is that it removes many of the nice guys from the dating pool, because they get fed up quite easily. that leaves the dating pool full of bad boys, and a ton of crappy relationships.

and so goes the life of the opposite sexes - mostly a bunch of crap.

 

[Galteeth]

touche. it is one of my pet peeves about women. they constantly talk about men not being nice, etc. then they don't appreciate a nice guy, when they get him.

cuz nice guys are no challenge. if a nice guy doesn't like a girl, there aint much she can do to change that. if a nice guy likes a girl, he doesn't play games. he let's her know that he likes her, and treats her well right from the get-go.

so it really depends on how mature the female is. if she needs to play games to increase her self-esteem, she will go for the bad boy.

the problem with this behavior from females, early on, is that it removes many of the nice guys from the dating pool, because they get fed up quite easily. that leaves the dating pool full of bad boys, and a ton of crappy relationships.

and so goes the life of the opposite sexes - mostly a bunch of crap.

http://www.xkcd.com/513/

 

[Pyrrhus]

It is a game. What you need to realize is that you always win regardless if you get the girl or not. You didn't get her? oh great now you are free to get to the other one. You got her? great now to the next step.

Frankly, meeting girls and dating them should be almost like breathing to you. Take it for granted (not the women, but the activity).

 

[Physics-Learner]

if one figures that meeting girls is an important thing in one's life.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I was attracted to Tsu because she was a very bad girl! Nyuck nyuck nyuck. Actually, she was pretty crazy, but not "bad".

She was attracted to me because I wore shorts at work and she liked my legs.

 

[Gokul43201]

Here's a word I learned just this week: http://www.suite101.com/content/hybristophilia-a111168.

 

[Galteeth]

Another point. Generally in life, we get satisfaction from things that we find challenging. That is to say, in most fields, such as math, business, or physical fitness, we set goals that are difficult to reach, and get satisfaction from reaching them.
I think some of this is the same phenomenon, although it is not a correct application of the people, since people aren't challenges that can be conquered (although unfortunately, many people believe so.) I think the male equivalent is the "player" who seeks to bed as many women as possible.

 

[Physics-Learner]

people who view "getting someone" as the challenge, are still immature.

the real challenge is making things work.

 

[Lichdar]

The key is really just confidence.

Unconsciously or otherwise, I tend to respect my male friends who lean toward the arrogance skill if they also have some aptitude to back it up with. I think its not about lawlessness as much as ingratiation - a man who looks like he wants to ingratiate or seek the approval of everyone around him comes off as weak. It might be a sign of the society I came from, but I always remember this said by several girls as I grew up and I think it is very true:

"A man can have any fault except weakness."

Weakness or being perceived as weak is essentially the death touch; and this refers a great deal to emotional strength as well. It is, however, also individual what each person perceives as strength, but I do think there are certain basic instincts as well.

 

[ee1978]

I understand why women like tall, muscular, wealthy men, but why do (most) women like bad boys? Countless times we hear women saying they know a certain type of man is bad for them but they keep falling for them, why is this? "Nice guys finish last" is a cliche because it's largely true.
There was a study, which I cannot find, which showed that women will date the bad boy then marry the quiet, nice nerd, but then still go out and have an affair with some tall muscular man.

I'm not feeling sorry for myself because I'm not a bad boy, btw, I'm ok with who I am.

First, from what I've seen, the average woman, first and foremost, is drawn to certain personality traits: a sense of humor, charisma, confidence, extroversion, etc. I knew someone on the football team in high school who was over 6' and mesomorphic, who was very introverted, and he never dated anyone. Conversely, I've seen plenty of examples of men who are under 6' and/or non-mesomorphic who have these personality traits who do well with women.

Now, what profession comes to mind when you combine a sense of humor, charisma, confidence, extroversion? For me, it's politician. Lots of politicians are assholes. A lot of people with those personality traits are assholes, because of the arrogance that they develop from the popularity that those personality traits give them.

To answer your question, the "bad boy" persona is merely a common by-product of the personality traits (personality traits, as outlined above, being what the average woman cares about most) that the average woman looks for.

 

[Darken-Sol]

normal guys are boring. bad boys are exciting.

 

[SamirS]

To answer your question, the "bad boy" persona is merely a common by-product of the personality traits (personality traits, as outlined above, being what the average woman cares about most) that the average woman looks for.

Very well said.

Also, a "bad boy", or a typicall "I like him"-jerk has another quality. Typical "nice" guys are, in my opinion, very dishonest. I'll try to explain it through Hollywood.

You know all the movies where the not-so-attractive boy (or sometimes girl) comes to a new school (or similar) and instantly falls in love with the best looking girl (or sometimes boy) of the school, and he loves her somehow "more honestly" than the jerks she's dating, and how the movie spectators all feel for the poor guy and hope he gets the girl?

Well, I find it arrogant and very dishonest that he expects her to love him back under the premise that he is somewhat less interested in her the same way the jerks are (namely, sexually), when he proved that premise wrong simply by means of falling in love with the most beautiful girl. He is dishonest to her (and most likely to himself, too) and tries to rationalize the actual reason for his love into something higher.

Well, translated to the real life, most jerks/bad boys of the type girls like are usually much more honest about their reasons. The nice "best friend"-guy (see the xkcd comic) shares the basic intentions for the girl, but he disguises it with understanding and support.

Pretty much all males who are trying to get into a relationship with women try to do it the way they feel is the one with the most probable success (the easiest perceived way correlates with your inherent character traits). If you are nice but also honest, fine. But almost all guys I know who are the typical "best friend"-type are not nice and understanding in the same way to other people, so I suspect this niceness to be a strategy.


*Generally assuming the (non-abusive) jerk from the quote

 

[Lichdar]

Also note: people who specialize in ruthlessly manipulating human emotions tend to be better at doing exactly what they've practiced at. Its nothing more than the principle of being good at what you practice at.