Carriers of force are not particles. They are fields.
There are configurations of fields that have changing potential. They do not obey equations of motion thus are not particles. But the gradient of potential means they extert forces.
And there are configurations of fields that have zero (mean) potential, but at the same time they obey wave equation = equations of motion. They are particles, but they don't carry forces.
A very useful analogy: you have a guitar string, attached to some point. You can take the string into your hand and pull it constantly. It will extert force. On the other hand, you can pluck the string. It will make a sound.
Pulling the string is analogous to force-carrying field. Sound (waves traveling on the string) is analogous to particles, excitations of the field.
TL;DR: Forces arise from non-wave non-constant solutions of fields, particles arise from wave solutions.
Remember: force carriers are not particles.
What's the fuss about virtual particles then? Well, they are a mathematical trick. You can express a non-wave configuration as a weighted sum of wave configurations. This is a procedure somewhat analogous to Taylor expansion or better Fourier expansion. You take a subset of configurations (wave solutions only) and use it to construct any other configuration.
The waves used in this construction are technically particle-like solutions, that's why we call them virtual particles. But they are not particles. They don't obey equations of motion. They are simply a mathematical re-expression of a non-particle field configuration.
Why are we doing this? Well, particles have a simple commutator relation. We know how to compute a commutator between two pure waves. We don't know instantly how to compute commutator between everything else. Until we express everything as a weighted sum (or integral) of particle configurations.
This is how Feynmann's quantization works.