Would you bail your daughter's boyfriend out of jail?

[BobG]

Interesting questions a parent never thinks they'll be asked:

Would you bail your daughter's boyfriend out of jail?

 

[BobG]

I had to answer that it depends (surprisingly enough).

Then again, that answer is at least partially motivated by how things worked out when I bailed my dog out of jail.

 

[Astronuc]

It depends on the circumstances. If fact if either my son or daughter was arrested, whether or not I bail them out depends on the situation and the intent.

If I got myself in trouble, I did not expect my parents to bail me out. The one time I was arrested, I simply called my parents to tell them that I would not be home for supper. I simply expected to handle it myself.

 

[wolram]

As we get along with each other yes i would, even if we did not i would for
my daughters sake.

 

[FredGarvin]

The one time you got arrested?! Holy moley! Astro's got a record!

I would have to say the depends, not only on the conditions surrounding the arrest, but also it would depend heavily on whether I liked the kid.

 

[BobG]

If I got myself in trouble, I did not expect my parents to bail me out. The one time I was arrested, I simply called my parents to tell them that I would not be home for supper. I simply expected to handle it myself.

"I won't be home for supper." I like that answer. I need to teach my kids that that's what they should do if they wind up in jail.

 

[Evo]

It would depend on the circumstances. If it was apparent that he was violent, no. But then my daughter wouldn't be dating anyone that was.

 

[Zantra]

trick question- my daughter's too young to have a boyfriend, so I'd likely have been the one to have him thrown in jail, so I picked HA HA HA HA HA HA HA and HAH.

I might bail him out if he agreed to leave the state...

 

[Cyrus]

I voted HA HA HA HA HA HA.....

hellllllllll no.

How about his parents cough up the money. I'm not a banker.

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

Yup. And I would be there to greet him as he left the police station. And I would join the search party when it forms in the next few days.

 

[BobG]

There is an advantage to at least consider bailing him out, especially if you go through a bail bond company (assuming your daughter or her boyfriend is paying the non-refundable part). As the person responsible for the debt if he doesn't show, the bail bondsman and you have the right to see the details on the charges in order to assess whether he's worth the risk (this is probably information available even without a bail bondsman, but I'm certainly no expert on how these things work). For a small bail (around $500), the risk is sometimes worth the information. In fact, you get the information for free before you even have to assume the risk.

In this case, the info paints a sad story. A traffic ticket for expired tags, but the car's a beater that probably won't pass the emission test needed to renew the registration (Geez, the test's only $10! You could at least find out! Maybe you would have gotten lucky.) The best option is to buy a better car real soon. But not fast enough to keep from getting stopped again for expired tags, except now the insurance has expired as well, and he's done nothing about the first ticket yet. With no insurance, your license is suspended until you get insurance and pay a fine. Now he really needs to hurry up and get a usable car, except what does he do about buying a car, getting insurance, and registering it when he doesn't have a license? All tough stuff to figure out, especially if you just ponder the issue instead of asking. In the meantime, he gets pulled over again for the expired tags, but now has no driver's license in additon to no insurance. And he still hasn't done anything about the first or second ticket.

Finally, he makes a good decision. Maybe he should sell the car for whatever he can get and do without a car until he can resolve all these issues (this is about the point where my daughter met him). No more problems. He hasn't actually done anything about these tickets, but no one hunts down someone for traffic violations, especially the kind he has.

In the meantime, he can use the bus or, if he's in a real bind, he can borrow a car from a friend (preferably one that has current tags and insurance). All is well for a long time. This hasn't worked out all that bad. Well, at least until someone does something dumb and he winds up involved in a minor traffic accident in a borrowed car. All routine since the car has current registration and insurance. Right up until all the paperwork's filled out and only one problem remains: the check on his license finally comes back and he receives the shock of his life. The accident isn't even his fault, but he's put in handcuffs, searched on the hood of a car, and taken off to jail.

For traffic violations??! No, you moron! You're going to jail for failure to appear at three separate court dates! That's a whole different issue than traffic violations.

 

[hypatia]

I would guess a few nights in jail would help him sort things out. Maybe he will get the idea that he won't want to go back.

 

[Astronuc]

The one time you got arrested?! Holy moley! Astro's got a record!

I would have to say the depends, not only on the conditions surrounding the arrest, but also it would depend heavily on whether I liked the kid.

I don't think I have a record. The charges were dropped for lack of evidence.

I was with a friend who picked up a package (box) for a mutual acquaintance. The package was waiting at a UPS office near my friend's work place. We signed for the package, put it in his car and were about to get into his car when another car came skidding to a stop behind his car blocking it. Then two plain clothes narcotics officers jumped up pointing their guns at us.

I had left my ID in my car, so I didn't have any ID, and they thought the package was mine - i.e. they thought the person on the package was me.

So we took a trip downtown to the city jail, got checked in and then discovered that package contained a kg of illicit substances.

After I called my father, he called a judge we knew, and he checked into the case. Based on the explanation by the police, the judge told them they didn't have a case and we were released at 0200, after 8 hrs in jail. It really does matter who you know.

 

[chroot]

This is yet another reason why I try to ride a bicycle as much as possible, and leave my car at home. I hate automobile manufacturers. I hate their marketing companies. I hate oil companies. I hate the DMV. I hate the highway patrol. I hate virtually all police officers. I hate traffic. I hate smog. I hate all of it. The penalties for stupid paperwork violations for a stupid car can involve thousands of dollars and days in jail. Give me break! It's all just an enormous scam... a revenue generator. I opt out of it as much as possible.

- Warren

 

[marlon]

This is yet another reason why I try to ride a bicycle as much as possible, and leave my car at home.

Chroot, my dear friend...i can only agree with you

I hate automobile manufacturers. I hate their marketing companies. I hate oil companies. I hate the DMV. I hate the highway patrol. I hate virtually all police officers. I hate traffic. I hate smog. I hate all of it. The penalties for stupid paperwork violations for a stupid car can involve thousands of dollars and days in jail. Give me break! It's all just an enormous scam... a revenue generator. I opt out of it as much as possible.

- Warren

SAME HERE

marlon

 

[Astronuc]

You're going to jail for failure to appear at three separate court dates! That's a whole different issue than traffic violations.

1. I'd leave him in jail for at least one night - to let him think it over. He is showing poor judgement and disregard for the law!

2. If it was my daughter, I would say "No way in H@! are you going to marry this idiot! Think about how irresponsible this moron is - and that's what he'd be like as a husband."

 

[Pengwuino]

Depends on the circumstances

 

[Mk]

Would you bail your daughter's boyfriend out of jail?

Depends. On if he was my son or not.

 

[wolram]

1. I'd leave him in jail for at least one night - to let him think it over. He is showing poor judgement and disregard for the law!

2. If it was my daughter, I would say "No way in H@! are you going to marry this idiot! Think about how irresponsible this moron is - and that's what he'd be like as a husband."

But Astro some times guys like this can turn out ok, i would still bail him out
but i would make it clear to him that this is his one and only get of jail free card, and i would tell my daughter the same, from then on it would be her judgment if she stays with him, some times steping between two people can
cause a family split.

 

[Beeza]

When I have kids, and If i have a daughter, she will not be allowed to have boyfriends, so no I wouldn't bail him out :) hehe

 

[Mk]

When I have kids, and If i have a daughter, she will not be allowed to have boyfriends

Don't do it that way, or she'll just be waiting for you to die. Or run away with a man and break your heart before you figure out that she's not a child anymore. Well that had a lack of humor...

 

[Astronuc]

But Astro some times guys like this can turn out ok, i would still bail him out but i would make it clear to him that this is his one and only get of jail free card, and i would tell my daughter the same, from then on it would be her judgment if she stays with him, some times steping between two people can cause a family split.

That's pretty much the advice my wife had.

Given the situation as posted by BobG - three failed court appearances - I would be inclined to let kid spend some time (overnight) in jail to think about it - as long as he was safe.

As for point 2, I would have a serious discussion with my daughter about the young man. At the point where my daugther is an adult, I certainly cannot forbid her to date or marry whomever, but I can certainly ask her 'THINK' about the relationship, especially as in the case of marriage, if she is planning to spend the rest of her life with the man and possibly having children. If a man cannot deal with simple matters like traffic tickets, then is he inclined to bail when the relationship gets difficult.

When (or if) I bailed him from jail, I would certainly sit him down, in front of my daughter, and explain my thoughts and ask for an explanation of his behavior.

I am really surprised by the number of couples who never discuss significant matters before they get married, and then lo and behold discover that the person they married is not whom they thought they married. That's partly why we have a divorce rate greater the 50%, and some unacceptable number of domestic abuse and violence.

Certainly the young man in question could turn out to be a really good person, but at the moment he's not off to a good start, IMO.

 

[loseyourname]

This is yet another reason why I try to ride a bicycle as much as possible, and leave my car at home. I hate automobile manufacturers. I hate their marketing companies. I hate oil companies. I hate the DMV. I hate the highway patrol. I hate virtually all police officers. I hate traffic. I hate smog. I hate all of it. The penalties for stupid paperwork violations for a stupid car can involve thousands of dollars and days in jail. Give me break! It's all just an enormous scam... a revenue generator. I opt out of it as much as possible.

- Warren

A-effin'-men.

 

[SimplySolitary_]

Hell no. Where are the kids parents? Besides, if he had missed court dates, he could use the time to think it over and realize he's an idiot for missing them. Then I'd tell my daughter that she needs to re-evaluate her choice of men. :)