Would you date or marry a nonintellectual?

[Honn]

Would you date or marry someone you couldn't have profound intellectual conversations with? I mean someone who is smart, a person who has common sense, but this person is not a genius and can't talk about profound intellectual subjects. Would you date or marry someone like this?

 

[siddharth23]

Is anyone dating you?

 

[Windadct]

Yes -- and I did, however I do not think less of her. If you see yourself as "above" that person than you may never see them as an equal in the relationship (IMO THAT is necessary). Being an intellectual is akin to having a hobby, she has her interests and I have mine, and we share maybe 40%. As for dating how do you know until you date them?

Best advice I got form my mother-in-law..."Go into marriage with both eyes open, and stay married with one eye closed."

 

[jim hardy]

Popular lore on the subject abounds.
Got Netflix?
Movies
"My Fair Lady"
"The Apartment"
"Born Yesterday"

deal with men who thought themselves above ordinary women.

“Human beings are poor examiners, subject to superstition, bias, prejudice, and a PROFOUND tendency to see what they want to see rather than what is really there.”

the road less travelled

 

[StatGuy2000]

Would you date or marry someone you couldn't have profound intellectual conversations with? I mean someone who is smart, a person who has common sense, but this person is not a genius and can't talk about profound intellectual subjects. Would you date or marry someone like this?

I think the answer to this question would really depend on if the other person has enough common interests and things we can talk about to be interesting and fun to be with. If the other person and I can find enough things to be interested in and have a conversation, then sure, why not?

 

[SixNein]

Would you date or marry someone you couldn't have profound intellectual conversations with? I mean someone who is smart, a person who has common sense, but this person is not a genius and can't talk about profound intellectual subjects. Would you date or marry someone like this?

Absolutely

I think there is a lot of ways for a person to sum up as an equal. Having some difference can even be quite refreshing and create balance. In addition, you can make friends who enjoy those types of conversations. For example, I have mathematician and computer scientist friends that enjoy these types of conversations.

 

[SteamKing]

Intellectuals aren't what they're always cracked up to be. They can be terrifically odd and tedious simultaneously. Newton was without a doubt one of the most brilliant men of his or any other time, but hardly a bon vivant. OTOH, John von Neumann was whip smart, scarily otherworldly in his grasp of difficult subjects, and quite the party animal.

Life is more than intellectual pursuits. A well-rounded, well adjusted individual is more pleasant to be around socially.

In any event, it helps if the other person is hot. ;)

 

[jim hardy]

evo if this is off-topic feel free to delete

Would you date or marry someone like this?

The Clod and the Pebble
"Love seeketh not itself to please,
Nor for itself hath any care,
But for another gives its ease,
And builds a heaven in hell's despair."

So sung a little Clod of Clay,
Trodden with the cattle's feet,
But a Pebble of the brook
Warbled out these metres meet:

"Love seeketh only Self to please,
To bind another to its delight,
Joys in another's loss of ease,
And builds a hell in heaven's despite."

Literature Network » William Blake » The Clod and the Pebble

been there, done that

old jim

 

[Garth]

Would you date or marry someone you couldn't have profound intellectual conversations with? I mean someone who is smart, a person who has common sense, but this person is not a genius and can't talk about profound intellectual subjects. Would you date or marry someone like this?

It depends on whether you could find "someone like this" who is dumb enough to marry you.

I would marry someone you do love and will love. :)

Garth

 

[Psinter]

Would you date or marry someone you couldn't have profound intellectual conversations with? I mean someone who is smart, a person who has common sense, but this person is not a genius and can't talk about profound intellectual subjects. Would you date or marry someone like this?

Yes. Intellectual talks is not something I would seek in a relationship. Not dumb talk, but not intellectual either... just normal. Plus, people tend to adapt. I noticed people who spend time with me tend to copy me. So they will eventually learn from me and I will learn from them and there will be no problem having an intellectual conversation.

Best advice I got form my mother-in-law..."Go into marriage with both eyes open, and stay married with one eye closed."

I don't get it. Could you please explain those words in a more simple manner so I can understand what they mean? Thanks.

 

[JLowe]

If you define an "intellectual" as someone who can have an intelligent conversation with you, then no, I would not be with anyone who wasn't an intellectual.

You must strictly define intellectual though, because I've encountered numerous people with various degrees that I could not have an intelligent conversation with. I've also encountered people with very little formal education that could dissect complex subjects rather impressively. That being said, some of the smartest people I know personally are engineers, and I get that feeling of childish euphoria when we really click on a subject.

I know as a musician I want to play with someone slightly better than me, but not too much better. They usually will feel the same way, so it works out best if each of you are better at different things. Its the same with a relationship, I wouldn't want to be with someone who makes me look like an idiot, but I have no desire to make anyone else look like an idiot either.

 

[SixNein]

Its the same with a relationship, I wouldn't want to be with someone who makes me look like an idiot, but I have no desire to make anyone else look like an idiot either.

Unless you are dating someone from within your own field of study, the person is probably going to know a lot more about some subjects than you. I think a major part of becoming educated is realizing how little you really know. Once you reach that point, the topic we are discussing seems rather silly.

I recently dated someone who wasn't an intellectual or highly educated, and it was never an issue for me. I think people are confusing personal and professional lives here.

 

[Garth]

I think they have gone; last contact with Honn was the evening of the OP.

Garth

 

[JLowe]

Unless you are dating someone from within your own field of study, the person is probably going to know a lot more about some subjects than you. I think a major part of becoming educated is realizing how little you really know. Once you reach that point, the topic we are discussing seems rather silly.

I recently dated someone who wasn't an intellectual or highly educated, and it was never an issue for me. I think people are confusing personal and professional lives here.

I basically said this same thing and thought I made it clear intellectual doesn't mean educated.

 

[Ryan_m_b]

Would you date or marry someone you couldn't have profound intellectual conversations with? I mean someone who is smart, a person who has common sense, but this person is not a genius and can't talk about profound intellectual subjects. Would you date or marry someone like this?

The way you're describing it if someone had this standard they could perhaps date one in ten thousand people. Honestly if you're only going to date people classed as geniuses then you're not going to get a lot of dates. Everyone I have dated in my life has been intelligent and I've had many fulfilling relationships from that. I wouldn't describe many of them as "intellectuals" because I'm not entirely sure what one has to be to count as that. Some of them (like my current girlfriend) were academics like me which is interesting. Others weren't which was interesting in a different but equal way.

 

[Quantum Defect]

Windadct: "Best advice I got form my mother-in-law..."Go into marriage with both eyes open, and stay married with one eye closed." "

I don't get it. Could you please explain those words in a more simple manner so I can understand what they mean? Thanks.

I would say, it is a cheeky way to say that you should conduct "due diligence" when picking a person to spend the rest of your life with, but afterward, you should strive to be a tolerant and forgiving spouse.

 

[JLowe]

There's a level of stupidity I'm simply not going to deal with regardless of hotness or anything else, and I find it hard to believe other people don't have a similar cut off even if it isn't strictly a black and white issue.

This bar is way below genius, btw, but still significant enough to include a good amount of people.

 

[alan2]

What in the world is a deep intellectual conversation? My wife is a doctor and, although I've learned a lot from her, I couldn't carry on a deep intellectual conversation about her work anymore than she understands what I do.

 

[Ryan_m_b]

What in the world is a deep intellectual conversation? My wife is a doctor and, although I've learned a lot from her, I couldn't carry on a deep intellectual conversation about her work anymore than she understands what I do.

I think this is a key point. As it stands "deep intellectual conversation" smacks of elitism within a specific field.

 

[Quantum Defect]

I think this is a key point. As it stands "deep intellectual conversation" smacks of elitism within a specific field.

My wife and I both have PhDs. When we had our child and he was in diapers, there was a lot of talk in our house about poop, pee, etc. I think that real life is very "real." :)

 

[Greg Bernhardt]

When we had our child and he was in diapers, there was a lot of talk in our house about poop, pee, etc.

My wife and I don't have a child, yet this is still the case :D

 

[JLowe]

I think this is a key point. As it stands "deep intellectual conversation" smacks of elitism within a specific field.

I agree it's too strong a phrase.

 

[jim hardy]

Love ? Intellectual ? Deep ?

somebody once said:

The wonderful love of a beautiful maid,
The love of a staunch true man,
The love of a baby unafraid,
Have existed since life began.
But the greatest love, the love of loves,
Even greater than that of a mother,
Is the tender, passionate, infinite love,
Of one drunken bum for another.

 

[Pythagorean]

My wife and I both have PhDs. When we had our child and he was in diapers, there was a lot of talk in our house about poop, pee, etc. I think that real life is very "real." :)

I always have to catch myself before telling my friends I'm going to the potty :/

 

[timthereaper]

but this person is not a genius and can't talk about profound intellectual subjects

What's a "profound intellectual subject" and why can only "geniuses" talk about them? I'm assuming you're thinking about things like: meaning of life, the world's hunger/homeless problem, peace in the Middle East, intense physics/math/philosophy questions, etc. I'm not seeing anything here that 99.9% of the world can't talk about intelligently. I'm not sure I'm even qualified to give an intelligent opinion on half of things I consider profound intellectual subjects. If I was arrogant enough to consider myself a genius and would want to spend my life with someone I believed to be on my level intellectually, I would hope anyone half that smart would have the good sense to stay away from me.

However, as a man interested in technical subjects happily married to a woman who is decidedly non-technical, we have some great conversations about those exact subjects. I'm actually glad she doesn't share the same intellectual interests as I do because I'm wrong enough of the time as it is that I don't need her to know how wrong I am even in my specialized technical areas.

 

[Honn]

By nonintellectual I meant an intellectually simple person. A person who is street smart but not book smart. Someone who can't talk about more complex subjects like in philosophy, science, politics, math, physics, etc..
Someone who prefers talking about mundane subjects. This person is not a book aficionado and prefers watching movies and tv rather than reading.
My question is how important intellectual compatibility is for you.

 

[SixNein]

By nonintellectual I meant an intellectually simple person. A person who is street smart but not book smart. Someone who can't talk about more complex subjects like in philosophy, science, politics, math, physics, etc..
Someone who prefers talking about mundane subjects. This person is not a book aficionado and prefers watching movies and tv rather than reading.
My question is how important intellectual compatibility is for you.

For me, it doesn't matter.

I once fell head over hills for a girl who was street smart as opposed to book smart.

 

[HuskyNamedNala]

Humour and character are more important to me. I know smart people who are so clueless about life that it is frustrating to be around them. I know people who aren't very bright in the traditional sense but know how to have a good time - these are the people where some of my best memories were made.

I also know people who have a lot of common sense, and I find these people much easier to interact with on a daily basis. Then again, to me being smart encompasses both knowing "complicated" subjects as well as being able to think for yourself and exercise "common sense." To me, if you don't have both then you aren't intelligent.

 

[JLowe]

Humour and character are more important to me. I know smart people who are so clueless about life that it is frustrating to be around them. I know people who aren't very bright in the traditional sense but know how to have a good time - these are the people where some of my best memories were made.

I also know people who have a lot of common sense, and I find these people much easier to interact with on a daily basis. Then again, to me being smart encompasses both knowing "complicated" subjects as well as being able to think for yourself and exercise "common sense." To me, if you don't have both then you aren't intelligent.

Common sense is an important thing to have and there are too many "smart" people walking around without it. But it can be learned as well, it just takes a different kind of effort.

 

[HuskyNamedNala]

I don't think so. I think the only thing that brings common sense is having a hard life. I don't know too many people who had it easy that have this attribute. So maybe an intellectual with some damaged goods is the best way to go :)

 

[JLowe]

I don't think so. I think the only thing that brings common sense is having a hard life. I don't know too many people who had it easy that have this attribute. So maybe an intellectual with some damaged goods is the best way to go :)

This isn't true, I know plenty of people with hard lives that have zero common sense. In fact it's probably a big reason for their hard lives.

 

[JLowe]

In my opinion, I think everyone physically able should spend at least 2 years of their life in a blue collar job. Not a mindless assembly line job, but preferably a blue collar job that requires you to think, such as construction or drilling, etc.

 

[StatGuy2000]

In my opinion, I think everyone physically able should spend at least 2 years of their life in a blue collar job. Not a mindless assembly line job, but preferably a blue collar job that requires you to think, such as construction or drilling, etc.

Easier said than done, because most blue collar jobs of that sort require some form of post-secondary training or apprenticeship. That's a commitment of at least a year, more likely 2 years. The blue collar jobs that don't require such training are by their very nature mindless (e.g. mopping floors, assembly line work).

 

[JLowe]

Easier said than done, because most blue collar jobs of that sort require some form of post-secondary training or apprenticeship. That's a commitment of at least a year, more likely 2 years. The blue collar jobs that don't require such training are by their very nature mindless (e.g. mopping floors, assembly line work).

No, the primary reason training takes a while is because of the ridiculously high safety standards. You can literally take your basic 40 hour safety class though, and with no further training work at a lot of these jobs.

I'm an environmental driller, and day 1 one when I got hired I knew nothing about the field and required no special training beyond on the job experience. Of course it still takes years to master these fields, but my point is most of your training is basic safety, eg, basic common sense. There certainly exist blue collar jobs that do require a lot of special training though.

 

[jim hardy]

My question is how important intellectual compatibility is for you.

Realizing that i spend > 90% of my waking time
maintaining the yard, fixing the cars lawnmower dishwasher fridge washing machine chainsaw outboard motors household plumbing & so on;
carrying groceries in and trash out
handling the bills and the gargantuan paperwork load imposed by insurance industry
fielding calls from telematketers between calls from the kids
cutting wood for heat in winter and tending to the garden and grandkids in summer

It is far more important to me to have a spouse who recognizes the preposterous degree of overcomplication in life to which we have become accustomed
and who will be there with a sandwich and a kind word when i drag into the house exhausted soaked with sweat and covered in wood chips or automobile grease
and offers me a fresh towel after i shower...
than to have one who will instead query me about Kierkegaard and Kant .
Fair Anne threw herself wholeheartedly into raising healthy children and set the example for them as quintessential caretaker.
Now THAT is giving.

i'd say find out where you yourself fall on the scale between behavioral extremes of ascetic and overly accommodating
and look for partners who are similar by that criterion , not by their level of education .
because when a giver hooks up with a taker it leads to misery.

my two cents (again)old jim