Bidet attachment not fully functioning

[DaveC426913]

TL;DR

Looking for troubleshooting suggestions

Bought this bidet for half price at a "Restore" location that fits over an existing toilet. (30 day Return licy has expired).
Name: Evo Decor

It is only partially functioning (which is weirder than if it weren't functioning at all.)

What I have done:
Plugged it in, got the water all hooked up, paired up the remote. Put in fresh batteries.

I have downloaded the manual but it is little help in troubleshooting.
I contacted them but have not heard back. Even if they still exist, I'm not sure they are interested in tech support on this model.

• It runs through a self-check, even extending and operating the "sprayinator". Some water sprays out.
• The seat(s) going up and down works perfectly fine (which tells me the remote is paired).
• The other buttons activate for the most part (They beep once. This, according to the manual is another indication that the remote is paired and functioning. When they are not working, they beep three times or not at all.)
• Some of the buttons affect the LEDs on the remote - sliding them up and down (like water flow or fan power), though the actual devices don't do anything.
• The automatic heaterizer(s) seem to work (water temp and seat temp are above room temp).

I cannot get the sprayinator or blowinator to do anything after that first self-test.

I can go into depth about exactly
- which buttons work
- which buttons pretend to work but don't activate anything, and
- which ones don't even beep
if you think that will help troubleshoot.

As you can see, I have opened it up to see what's what. It appears perfectly clean, as if fresh out of the box.
I have jiggled and reseated every connector I can find.

What can you suggest I try next?