Boyfriend is very homophobic. Can we make it work?

[Toph_fan]

Define justifies poorly? What you really mean is didn't come to an conclusion that you deemed valid or 'rationally'. Opinions are frequently derived emotionally, and there really isn't anything wrong with that if it doesn't affect anyone else. As you said before he doesn't believe in discrimination.

What if he agreed with your position but didn't have a rational reason for it?

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Storm_in_a_Teacup

If he doesn't approve of the gay lifestyle that's his opinion and I can't really argue against it, however, if he believes that being gay is a choice for ALL gay people then I can definitely argue against that with reason. That's denying science. He thinks that gay people should go to therapy and pray the gay away. One of the reasons we broke up was because he and his brother became more enthusiastic about their religion recently and started pressuring me to go to church. That's where I drew the line. He was the one trying to force his opinions on me in the end.

 

[Rob D]

I agree, and at the risk of overreaching I also agree with her decision to end the relationship. If for no other reason other than, using her description, he sounds quite annoying. And, for reasons I cannot explain, I imagine that Ms. toph fan is quite physically attractive and by expanding her scope just a bit will have no problem filling the vacant position.

But what do I know about such things? I'm a happily married middle-aged theorist who hasn't dated in 25 years. However, we must remember that Feynman, at my age, did some of his best work on the cocktail napkins of titty-bars.

 

[Best Pokemon]

Do you remember that episode of Static Shock when Richie had a racist father? You should find a way to make him change his views about homosexuality.

 

[D.M.]

I've seen this bs too many times among my own hillbilly family and friends. I recognize the pattern right away.

So you broke up. Good riddance.
I know folks who are going into medical fields, so they know quite a bit of math & biology, yet believe in Adam and Eve and think evolution is bs. It doesn't matter how 'smart' they are if they're willfully ignorant.

It's not your job to change anyone. You can't make him 'see the light'.

Don't ever settle with someone just because you think you're 'expired'. It's better to be single than have someone be the cancer in your bones. Staying by him would've been like buying a rotten apple at the grocery store just because you can't find any other apples at the moment. There may be more apples at the other side of the store, or more apples will arrive the next day... Would you eat a rotten apple only because it's the only thing you found at the moment?

You have to judge a relationship by it's worst moments. Those show how far the other person is willing to hurt you.

 

[jmeps]

Okay, I don't normally weigh in on others feelings, so here is my two cents for what it's worth.
#1. Tick tock, as in biological clock is running and you are watching the clock. Bad, move very bad.
#2. Can you say control freak? This is what you are dealing with and it's only the beginning. It will get worse for you if you stay with him. He will "promise you the moon" but watch what comes instead.
#3. RUN AWAY from him as fast as you can. The farther the better. Distance will be to your advantage if he can't get to you.

The good news is you broke up with him.
PLEASE PLEASE keep it that way for your own good.

Good Luck

 

[elusiveshame]

You mentioned you hope to change him. You shouldn't be in a relationship with someone who you feel you have to change.

If you can't cast all doubt away and you don't feel the relation is well balanced, it might not be a bad idea to consider other options in terms of your current relationship. There is no way around it, but you need to talk to him and get him to talk to you about your concerns and try to find a middle ground.

Trying to change someone is silly. The best you can do is explain why you believe the things you do (homosexuality and religion) in hopes that he understands, or at the very least respect your views, and if not, it's time to move on.

Just my $0.02

Good luck in whatever you decide to do op!

Edit: my bad, didn't realize how old this thread was

 

[Evo]

The member that started this thread hasn't even been here for 2 years, so I am closing this thread.