I think a coworker likes me. I'm not sure how to proceed. (I like her too)

  • Thread starter dcm
  • Start date

dcm

1
0
No letters on the car. That's creepy. Ask her to go to lunch with you and a group of friends from the office. This is easy, especially if there is a new place to go: "Hey, a bunch of us are going to check out Sal's Pizza tomorrow for lunch. Wanna go?"
Unfortunately I am not a member of any groups of friends here. We are allowed 20 minutes for lunch, so going anywhere is pretty much a waste of valuable time. One has to drive all the out of the corporate park, then a half mile down a busy avenue for access to restaurants. We also do not work the same schedule. The end of her shift, is the middle of my shift.

My concern with intercepting her at the the exit is because I know her boss works 11hrs a day, and takes work home. I imagine she is putting in similar effort, since they leave at about the same time. I hope a letter through the mail isn't creepy. It appears to be the most effective way to communicate.
 

Zryn

Gold Member
310
0
No letters on the car. That's creepy.
Whats creepy about a short letter apologizing for the communication medium but expressing interest? They already have somewhat of a friendly rapport so its not like some random hobo put it there and as long as it is made clearly known whom it is there shouldnt be any problems.

It would be creepy if he already knew her number and sent her a SMS!
 

Borek

Mentor
28,098
2,619
Whats creepy about a short letter apologizing for the communication medium but expressing interest? They already have somewhat of a friendly rapport so its not like some random hobo put it there and as long as it is made clearly known whom it is there shouldnt be any problems.

It would be creepy if he already knew her number and sent her a SMS!
MIH sees it as creepy, and I understand her point. Note that you don't have to see something as creepy - it is enough that others see it this way. They don't have to be right, but if they see it this way it is this way for them.
 

Dembadon

Gold Member
607
89
No letters on the car. That's creepy. Ask her to go to lunch with you and a group of friends from the office. This is easy, especially if there is a new place to go: "Hey, a bunch of us are going to check out Sal's Pizza tomorrow for lunch. Wanna go?"
I agree, somewhat; the letter method is too indirect.

dcm,

The following would probably take all of 8 seconds, which isn't an awkward amount of time during a situation when she's leaving. If 8 seconds is too much of an inconvenience for her, then I'd say she's too busy for a relationship. :smile:

If it were me, I'd literally say, "Hi (so-and-so), I'd love to go to dinner/lunch/coffee (whatever's most appropriate) with you sometime."

<hand her your card and then continue>

"Give me a call if you like." Then smile.

The ball is in her court; she has your number and is not likely to feel stressed by the invitation if her schedule is full. You've also successfully communicated your interest without coming across as creepy or timid, and giving her your card maintains some semblance of professionalism while still letting her know that you're interested.
 
Dude this is a sorry situation! You have a personality disorder in the social area. You need to stop the excuses and thinking. I have a friend like you but maybe worse. A very good looking guy he is afraid of women to where he will hide behind me if one comes along who he feels might be available. He lives in a little house by himself. He's afraid to try anything new.
Just go up to her and if someone's in the way push them aside. Go like this- "Hi how you doing? I've noticed you obviously" Introduce yourself. Say "my name's... " what ever your name is. Then she should give her name "my name's Jane." If she doesn't give her name you say in your best Brooklyn Jewish accent "What you don't got a name?" But unless she's making fun of your shyness she'll give it. And if she is she'll stop with the flirtyness. Then you say " We should go out sometime. Want to go get some pizza?" ( Now! and not sometime next year. ) Keep her safety/comfort margin in mind. Don't be too foward or she might think you're a little scary. You can say "can I call you later to set up a time?" if that's necessary.
She accepts your offer for a date. Now your head is swimming. You're totally in love-can't concentrate so be careful you don't run into the light pole driving out of the lot. If it don't work out don't give it a second thought. Time makes anything okay. Think of a role model. Try Clint Eastwood. If he got shot down do you think he'd go into a depression? Act as if you go out on a different date three times a week. Capture that feeling and you'll tend to act that way and be at ease.
Women get flirty with me all the time. Just can't wait to be friends but when I suggest we go out they panic-usually because they're married. Then they stop their advances. Be prepared to talk about her interests when you go out. Don't talk about yourself. Yes a note on the windshield is creepy. Just as bad as her seeing you hiding behind a tree watching her. And be sure to keep us informed on how you're doing!
 
42
0
I'm sorry, I skimmed for the gist.
Is there a strict policy against dating coworkers? Usually not, just an unspoken understanding.

If there is no such policy, and you'd like to ask her out, just ask her out, man. Lord - she's waiting for you. Don't be a creep about it - that's sexual harassment, brotha.

Do you work the same shift? If not, do you ever come in after her?

I've got a few ideas:
1) Say "Hey Shirley (only say this if her name is Shirley, otherwise use her actual name), your friendly smile always brightens my day. Can I bring you something from Starbucks (or hopefully some better coffee joint) as a thank you?" Very unpresumptuous, and if she wants to pursue something with you, she'll take you up on the offer - even if she's not a coffee drinker maybe an "Oh a blueberry muffin would be great!" If she looks at you flatly and says "I don't drink coffee" while holding a cup in her hand - she's not that into you.

2) If you're ever getting off of work at the same time, time yourself to try to walk out with her and just say "I was thinking about grabbing something to eat at suchwhere place - do you have any plans? I'd love some company - my treat." Then when you get done eating, hand her the bill and say "I changed my mind - you're the one making all the money, boss lady. Then of course say "Just joking" - but don't pick it back up. Just joking...

3) This is the diplomatic way. Clearly articulatate that you understand that you are her subordinate by saying "Would it be impertinent for me to invite you to dinner some time?"

You've got to take the initiative - she's put all the signs out there that she's interested - at least as you've described them here. Best of luck to you.
 

Zryn

Gold Member
310
0
MIH sees it as creepy, and I understand her point. Note that you don't have to see something as creepy - it is enough that others see it this way. They don't have to be right, but if they see it this way it is this way for them.
OK ... you sound a little defensive, and I'm not disagreeing with you, so I'm a little confused.

Is there a reason that it's creepy in general to put a letter on someones windshield? I wouldn't have suggested it had I thought it was creepy, hence my surprise!

What did I miss :tongue2:?
 

FrancisZ

No letters on the car. That's creepy. Ask her to go to lunch with you and a group of friends from the office. This is easy, especially if there is a new place to go: "Hey, a bunch of us are going to check out Sal's Pizza tomorrow for lunch. Wanna go?"

Have to agree here. In the past, I've often been one to write an actual handwritten letter; but if you don't know someone very well, that could definitely be misconstrued. Letters are for people in well established relationships.

Also, if your boss disapproves, you can be fired. And that's definitely not a cool way to meet someone. :frown:
 

Borek

Mentor
28,098
2,619
Is there a reason that it's creepy in general to put a letter on someones windshield?
No.

What did I miss :tongue2:?
Circumstances. There is no need for a letter if they see each other on a daily basis. Letter gives a clear signal there is something wrong with you - first of all, she would ask herself "Why letter and not just a talk, when I say Hi to him?" And remember girls/woman are much more sensitive to such things.
 

Zryn

Gold Member
310
0
I think I live in a significantly different culture, and I shall defer to the general consensus :smile:

So if he says he doesn't have time (courage) and/or is not available (willing) to do anything more than a smile and wave as she leaves in the afternoon, and letters are out, what's an appropriate course of action?

Man up :tongue2: ?
 

lisab

Staff Emeritus
Science Advisor
Gold Member
1,832
616

dcm

1
0
I agree, somewhat; the letter method is too indirect.

dcm,

The following would probably take all of 8 seconds, which isn't an awkward amount of time during a situation when she's leaving. If 8 seconds is too much of an inconvenience for her, then I'd say she's too busy for a relationship. :smile:

If it were me, I'd literally say, "Hi (so-and-so), I'd love to go to dinner/lunch/coffee (whatever's most appropriate) with you sometime."

<hand her your card and then continue>

"Give me a call if you like." Then smile.

The ball is in her court; she has your number and is not likely to feel stressed by the invitation if her schedule is full. You've also successfully communicated your interest without coming across as creepy or timid, and giving her your card maintains some semblance of professionalism while still letting her know that you're interested.
Thanks for this idea.

Dude this is a sorry situation! You have a personality disorder in the social area. You need to stop the excuses and thinking. I have a friend like you but maybe worse. A very good looking guy he is afraid of women to where he will hide behind me if one comes along who he feels might be available. He lives in a little house by himself. He's afraid to try anything new.
Just go up to her and if someone's in the way push them aside. Go like this- "Hi how you doing? I've noticed you obviously" Introduce yourself. Say "my name's... " what ever your name is. Then she should give her name "my name's Jane." If she doesn't give her name you say in your best Brooklyn Jewish accent "What you don't got a name?" But unless she's making fun of your shyness she'll give it. And if she is she'll stop with the flirtyness. Then you say " We should go out sometime. Want to go get some pizza?" ( Now! and not sometime next year. ) Keep her safety/comfort margin in mind. Don't be too foward or she might think you're a little scary. You can say "can I call you later to set up a time?" if that's necessary.
She accepts your offer for a date. Now your head is swimming. You're totally in love-can't concentrate so be careful you don't run into the light pole driving out of the lot. If it don't work out don't give it a second thought. Time makes anything okay. Think of a role model. Try Clint Eastwood. If he got shot down do you think he'd go into a depression? Act as if you go out on a different date three times a week. Capture that feeling and you'll tend to act that way and be at ease.
Women get flirty with me all the time. Just can't wait to be friends but when I suggest we go out they panic-usually because they're married. Then they stop their advances. Be prepared to talk about her interests when you go out. Don't talk about yourself. Yes a note on the windshield is creepy. Just as bad as her seeing you hiding behind a tree watching her. And be sure to keep us informed on how you're doing!
As far as a personality disorder in the social area, I agree with you. As I described in a couple other posts, I have recently ended a self imposed exile. I made a thread describing most of the details, you can read it if you dare.

The other bits of your posts, I somewhat agree with what you are saying. This woman and I are not strangers. We have chatted in the past, but mainly about job related things. So I do not need to approach her in the way I would with a complete stranger. My problem is, because I have not been in the loop for a while, I keep questioning whether or not I am misinterpreting her actions. I do this because I don't want to make the same kid mistakes I made (way back) in high school.

I'm sorry, I skimmed for the gist.
Is there a strict policy against dating coworkers? Usually not, just an unspoken understanding.

If there is no such policy, and you'd like to ask her out, just ask her out, man. Lord - she's waiting for you. Don't be a creep about it - that's sexual harassment, brotha.

Do you work the same shift? If not, do you ever come in after her?

I've got a few ideas:
1) Say "Hey Shirley (only say this if her name is Shirley, otherwise use her actual name), your friendly smile always brightens my day. Can I bring you something from Starbucks (or hopefully some better coffee joint) as a thank you?" Very unpresumptuous, and if she wants to pursue something with you, she'll take you up on the offer - even if she's not a coffee drinker maybe an "Oh a blueberry muffin would be great!" If she looks at you flatly and says "I don't drink coffee" while holding a cup in her hand - she's not that into you.

2) If you're ever getting off of work at the same time, time yourself to try to walk out with her and just say "I was thinking about grabbing something to eat at suchwhere place - do you have any plans? I'd love some company - my treat." Then when you get done eating, hand her the bill and say "I changed my mind - you're the one making all the money, boss lady. Then of course say "Just joking" - but don't pick it back up. Just joking...

3) This is the diplomatic way. Clearly articulatate that you understand that you are her subordinate by saying "Would it be impertinent for me to invite you to dinner some time?"

You've got to take the initiative - she's put all the signs out there that she's interested - at least as you've described them here. Best of luck to you.
I do not know if there is a policy against workplace friendship++. As I said before, there are coworkers there that are married. At least two pair that I know of.

We do not work the same shift.

1)This idea might not work. It is difficult to explain. Basically I only see her when she is leaving. If I offered to buy her some coffee, donuts, or whatever, how can I give it to her? Leave it in the refrigerator?

2)We work different shifts.

3)This might work, but I would prefer to use it an excuse as to why I waited so long to ask her out. :smile:

I understand I need to take the initiative. I fear that I am misinterpreting her, and will make a fool of myself. I made that mistake twice in high school, and I had to deal with that embarrassment during the entire school year(s). As an adult I'm sure I would just have to brush it off as nothing, but this is our workplace. To me, I feel this is an excuse, but I still see it as valid.

Have to agree here. In the past, I've often been one to write an actual handwritten letter; but if you don't know someone very well, that could definitely be misconstrued. Letters are for people in well established relationships.

Also, if your boss disapproves, you can be fired. And that's definitely not a cool way to meet someone. :frown:
Just so everyone knows, the content of the letter I was planning on sending through the mail was going to be humorous in nature. The goal was to get her to come and talk to me about the content, because I cannot go and talk to her. For example, I was not going to put some fourth grade "Do you like me? YES or NO or MAYBE". I was thinking more along the lines of "Could you explain your job title? Because for some reason I view it as this: [insert silly drawn picture]" with a smiley face.

Circumstances. There is no need for a letter if they see each other on a daily basis. Letter gives a clear signal there is something wrong with you - first of all, she would ask herself "Why letter and not just a talk, when I say Hi to him?" And remember girls/woman are much more sensitive to such things.
This is why I was against the letter, I did not want to appear more timid and unmanly than I have already shown. I want actually speak with her, but the only opportunity I have is to intercept her at the exit. Unless, I write her a letter to draw her out of the office, and she comes to speak to me.

So if he says he doesn't have time (courage) and/or is not available (willing) to do anything more than a smile and wave as she leaves in the afternoon, and letters are out, what's an appropriate course of action?

Man up :tongue2: ?
The whole point of this thread. I'm ready to man up, but there is still the worry of me possibly misinterpreting her. I don't know how to handle that. I won't fall into a depression as someone touched on, the concern is awkwardness after the fact.

Thanks for the replies, hopefully this isn't too long of a post to read. I tried to do something different than just rapid firing 5 or 6 consecutive replies.
 

MATLABdude

Science Advisor
1,646
4
Unfortunately I am not a member of any groups of friends here. We are allowed 20 minutes for lunch, so going anywhere is pretty much a waste of valuable time. One has to drive all the out of the corporate park, then a half mile down a busy avenue for access to restaurants. We also do not work the same schedule. The end of her shift, is the middle of my shift.

My concern with intercepting her at the the exit is because I know her boss works 11hrs a day, and takes work home. I imagine she is putting in similar effort, since they leave at about the same time. I hope a letter through the mail isn't creepy. It appears to be the most effective way to communicate.
Why not go over to her on a day when it's sunny out, and invite her to go outside and enjoy that 20 minute lunch break outdoors? At the very least, it gets you out of the chair / cube / building. Unless you work in a bunker or Cheyenne Mountain or the Antarctic (or some such).

And then, if it gets more serious, consolidate your breaks (assuming you have coffee / smoke / etc.) Don't be creepy about it, and don't turn it into a date. At the very least, it might get you someone else to talk to at work.
 

dcm

1
0
Why not go over to her on a day when it's sunny out, and invite her to go outside and enjoy that 20 minute lunch break outdoors? At the very least, it gets you out of the chair / cube / building. Unless you work in a bunker or Cheyenne Mountain or the Antarctic (or some such).

And then, if it gets more serious, consolidate your breaks (assuming you have coffee / smoke / etc.) Don't be creepy about it, and don't turn it into a date. At the very least, it might get you someone else to talk to at work.
We work different shifts. During my first break, she is still working, during my second break, she has already gone home. We also do two completely different jobs, in different parts of the building. I only see her when she is leaving.
 
Thanks for this idea.



My problem is, because I have not been in the loop for a while, I keep questioning whether or not I am misinterpreting her actions. I do this because I don't want to make the same kid mistakes I made (way back) in high school.

You don't have no friggin problem! Just go ask her out for the pizza! If it don't work who gives a sxxx! It ain't no big deal! Act as though you do this sort of thing every other day!
 

dcm

1
0
I've decided to go with what lisab suggested, asking if she has a facebook page and would like to chat someday. On St. Patrick's day she told me she liked my green shirt as she was gliding towards the door. That was a huge missed opportunity.

Also, if she is interested, why won't she ask me for a chat? Could it be she is a wall-flower as turbo-1 says? We sat next to each other in a long meeting about six months ago. We did not speak at all. I wonder why when we are close, she is silent, but when far away, she is able to speak? I'll never forget that one day we had a party, she walks in the room, stares me right in the face for two seconds and doesn't say a word. I'm confused.
 
456
8
I'll never forget that one day we had a party, she walks in the room, stares me right in the face for two seconds and doesn't say a word. I'm confused.
She probably thought "Why does this wierdo stares me right in the face for two seconds and doesn't say a word. I'm confused."
 

dcm

1
0
She probably thought "Why does this wierdo stares me right in the face for two seconds and doesn't say a word. I'm confused."
Well, it has happened before, and the look on her face is like a deer in headlights. It is as if she doesn't know what to do for a second, then I either wave or smile.
 
142
0
Don't worry about it. If it doesn't happen naturally, then it should not happen. There is nothing special about her. You are making her into this wonderful soul mate in your head while you don't really know her.
 

dcm

1
0
Don't worry about it. If it doesn't happen naturally, then it should not happen. There is nothing special about her. You are making her into this wonderful soul mate in your head while you don't really know her.
I've been thinking about that. Someone here in a different thread asked the OP why did he allow himself to become so enamored with a person he had not even had a conversation with yet. Then someone else mentioned something about placing imaginary value on a person. I think I'm going to shift my focus on chatting up random women in public places like a museum or something. I'll still ask her if she would like to chat online one day, but she hasn't spoken to me in two days. Maybe she doesn't like me anymore. :smile:
 

mathwonk

Science Advisor
Homework Helper
10,738
912
Maybe after a week of waiting she is giving up hope you will ever ask her out.
 

dcm

1
0
Maybe after a week of waiting she is giving up hope you will ever ask her out.
Well, if she is interested, why has she also waited this long to ask ME out? There is a lady on here that says she approached guys she was interested in by asking where the guy is taking her on Saturday night. Maybe she is shy? I'm not trying to absolve myself of my manly duties by expecting/waiting for her to make a move, but why would a woman wait this long? One would think if an assertive woman would just ask the guy, "hey, I've been dangling this carrot in front of your face for x amount of time, why do you not bite?"
 

Math Is Hard

Staff Emeritus
Science Advisor
Gold Member
4,491
28
Did you send the Facebook friend invitation yet?
 

dcm

1
0
Did you send the Facebook friend invitation yet?
No I did not. I wanted to ask her for her information first, instead of doing a random poke. I imagine that would be almost as creepy as writing a letter.
 

Related Threads for: I think a coworker likes me. I'm not sure how to proceed. (I like her too)

  • Last Post
Replies
11
Views
5K
  • Last Post
Replies
19
Views
3K
Replies
2
Views
318
  • Last Post
Replies
1
Views
1K
Replies
1
Views
795

Hot Threads

Top