I think my parents have raised me wrong and it's backfired

  • Thread starter TechieDork
  • Start date
36
7

Main Question or Discussion Point

My parents are a bit overprotected me, they rarely use foul language or yelling at me.
I was often get bailed out of inconviences situation and I really don't like it , they say some problems are beyond your abilities as a young man to solve.
But the parts of growing up are learning how to solve my own problems, take the foul languages and brtually honest criticism ,aren't they?

-I don't intend to place a blame solely on my parents , they provide me love and protection but when I need to go out of the nest I need to be ready to survive own my own.

What I concern is a real world isn't academia where everyone is a classy white collar and uses flower language sometimes I have to work with people from very different backgrounds.

Edited : For being too critical and judgemental to a group of people.
 
Last edited:

Answers and Replies

phinds
Science Advisor
Insights Author
Gold Member
15,576
5,219
I think you should be more concerned with your judgementalism in such a blanket characterization of some other people as brutes and meatheads than you are with your parents parenting style. We meatheads don't like it.
 
Last edited:
russ_watters
Mentor
19,016
5,168
If you recognize you have an issue, that's at least half of what is required to solve it.
 
36
7
I think you should be more concerned with your judgementalism in such a blanket characterization of some other people as brutes and meatheads than you are with your parents parenting style. Us meatheads don't like it.
Sorry if this sounds rude and degrading ,what I really want to say is I need to understand how to work well with people from very different backgrounds especially from the "tough" type. That's it.

Thanks you
 
gleem
Science Advisor
Education Advisor
1,510
889
What particular problems do you see when working with people of very different backgrounds?
 
Evo
Mentor
22,878
2,371
My parents are a bit overprotected me, they rarely use foul language or yelling at me.
I was often get bailed out of inconviences situation and I really don't like it , they say some problems are beyond your abilities as a young man to solve.
But the parts of growing up are learning how to solve my own problems, take the foul languages and brtually honest criticism ,aren't they?

-I don't intend to place a blame solely on my parents , they provide me love and protection but when I need to go out of the nest I need to be ready to survive own my own.

What I concern is a real world isn't academia where everyone is a classy white collar and uses flower language sometimes I have to work with people from very different backgrounds.

Edited : For being too critical and judgemental to a group of people.
Have you tried talking to your parents and explaining that as much as you appreciate them helping you out of bad situations (by the way how old are you and what type of "situations", and why are you getting into them, if I may ask) that you would also like guidance on how to avoid getting into these types of situations in the first place, and if you do get into one, how you should try to deal with them.
 
HAYAO
Gold Member
306
138
From what I observe, you might be a bit too timid. Being too timid is just as bad as being too bold. Most likely, you haven't been exposed to any danger that you lack confidence. You don't know what it means to survive an adversary. So kudos to you for wanting to change that.

I was also raised overprotected, albeit a lot more toxic parenting was involved, that I needed substantial therapy to recover. I can give you some advice: You can't change yourself by yourself, but you can change yourself by putting yourself in such environment.

You are an undergrad. I don't know what you are planning to do after that but if you are planning to go to a graduate school to join a research group, don't choose a group just because they are lenient. That will not improve you at all both mentally and academically. Instead, choose a group with a supervisor that has high-standards but civil and with other members that are competitive but similarly civil. This really kills two birds with one stone. You improve yourself academically AND gain confidence. You learn to be competitive instead of a wishy-washy pushover.

The chance is, there always this one or two people in a great group that are narcissistic and terrible. You will meet them. They will give you a hard time. Succumbing to them makes you complicit. But surrounding yourself with civil people means you don't succumb to this. You won't become cynical.

This actually goes the same for any kind of competitive workplace (even places like boxing gyms). That's why adults are typically "mature". They know what it means to be in a competitive environment while having to have to maintain civility.

Be aggressive but civil. Be confident but modest. Sit up straight. Move forward.

Good luck!



EDIT: As a matter of fact, putting yourself in a serious relationship will still improve you a lot. You learn how to set boundaries. You learn how to make compromises. You learn how to be responsible. You learn how to be attentive. You learn to do your own part. The skills you learn here is similarly important in any other places. Don't put yourself in a loose, responsibility-free relationships. They won't improve you at all.
 
1,444
779
What I concern is a real world isn't academia where everyone is a classy white collar and uses flower language sometimes I have to work with people from very different backgrounds.
I think you should get a student job so you can get some actual experience/reference about the suspected problem.

Without experience you won't be able to tell whether it is even a problem or not.
 
WWGD
Science Advisor
Gold Member
5,030
2,253
My parents are a bit overprotected me, they rarely use foul language or yelling at me.
I was often get bailed out of inconviences situation and I really don't like it , they say some problems are beyond your abilities as a young man to solve.
But the parts of growing up are learning how to solve my own problems, take the foul languages and brtually honest criticism ,aren't they?

-I don't intend to place a blame solely on my parents , they provide me love and protection but when I need to go out of the nest I need to be ready to survive own my own.

What I concern is a real world isn't academia where everyone is a classy white collar and uses flower language sometimes I have to work with people from very different backgrounds.

Edited : For being too critical and judgemental to a group of people.
Don't be so sure people in academia are classy. Just like any other group , they have their different types. In my experience they are less likely to be openly confrontational or rude but , as a whole, neither significantly better nor worse.
 
36
7
In other words , It's really about growing a thick skin that thick enough to withstand any discomforts in the world.
I also study the stoic principle and it does help me cope better with my situations.
 
phinds
Science Advisor
Insights Author
Gold Member
15,576
5,219
In other words , It's really about growing a thick skin that thick enough to withstand any discomforts in the world.
I think you are missing the part about deciding WHAT is a discomfort. It's possible you're a bit thin-skinned. Just something to think about.
 
gleem
Science Advisor
Education Advisor
1,510
889
In other words , It's really about growing a thick skin that thick enough to withstand any discomforts in the world.
I think it would be helpful if you were more specific. Can you give an example of the type of situation that you a having trouble with.
 
StatGuy2000
Education Advisor
1,669
748
To posters outside of Asia (e.g. US, Canada, UK, Australia, France, Germany, Belgium, etc.)

Please note that @TechieDork is from Thailand, and so it is important to take into account traditional Thai (and more broadly, traditional East or Southeast Asian) culture in terms of parenting.

What @TechieDork refers to as overprotective parenting is quite common in many Asian countries - as someone who is half-Japanese and born in Japan, and with many friends from various Asian countries, I can attest to this. So when you respond with comments or advice, keep note of this.
 
Last edited:
phinds
Science Advisor
Insights Author
Gold Member
15,576
5,219
To posters outside of Asia (e.g. US, Canada, UK, Australia, France, Germany, Belgium, etc.)

Please note that @TechieDork is from Thailand, and so it is important to take into account traditional Thai (and more broadly, traditional East or Southeast Asian culture) in terms of parenting.

What @TechieDork refers to as overprotective parenting is quite common in many Asian countries - as someone who is half-Japanese and born in Japan, and with many friends from various Asian countries, I can attest to this. So when you respond with comments or advice, keep note of this.
Good point. Would have been helpful if he had told us that. All his profile says is that he graduated high school.
 
StatGuy2000
Education Advisor
1,669
748
I wondered how you knew but anyway, expecting folks to know stuff from other threads is not realistic, seems to me.
That's a fair point.

@TechieDork , next time when you start a thread about personal matters, I suggest you mention that you are from Thailand, so people can take your background into account. :)
 
16
4
I'm reminded of something I read years ago, that went something like this: "When I was 14 I couldn't stand to listen to my ole man blather about boring nonsense. By the time I was 30 I couldn't believe how much he had learned in 16 years." (If only we could get some updates here: https://www.physicsforums.com/threads/i-hate-my-parents.241142/)

Nevertheless, if you've seen movies than you're well aware that the world is full of all kinds of people. It sounds like your folks are trying to keep you focused on studies so the $ part of adulthood isn't such a struggle. That being said, motivation and a smile goes a long way with just about everyone--even meatheads. :)
 

Related Threads for: I think my parents have raised me wrong and it's backfired

Replies
7
Views
1K
  • Last Post
6
Replies
141
Views
32K
  • Last Post
Replies
1
Views
187
  • Last Post
Replies
16
Views
8K
  • Last Post
Replies
11
Views
2K
Replies
21
Views
4K
Replies
24
Views
17K
  • Last Post
Replies
4
Views
2K
Top