- #1
Maths Absorber
- 59
- 3
I am in a course of Computer Science Engineering.I have noticed about by personal temperament that I learn better on my own than I do under authority. I learn better when I am reading books and studying on my own than when I am sitting in a class and listening to six hours of people talking.
So, when I develop an interest in a subject, I learn a lot about it on my own. I had a lot of interest in Maths, not necessarily the Maths taught in college and in the second semester I realized I could indulge my need for learning on my own. Till that time, I always depended on school to learn subjects like Maths and Science and never thought I could do it on my own. With this revelation, I went down the rabbit hole. I started reading lots of Maths books. Books about Maths history (Journey Through Genius, A History of Mathematics by Victor Katz), books about recreational Maths(books by Ian Stewart, Martin Gardner, Ross Hosenberg), books about problem solving(Thinking Mathematically, Arthur Engel, Alan Schoenfeld, Sanjay Mahajan), and books about particular topics in Maths that I had no idea about like Visual Complex Analysis by Tristan Needham. There were many other books that I started reading. I should note that I never finished any of these books. I would read a little bit, and then get scared of not understanding something and then reading another book and returning to it once again (or sometimes not).
I did this for the sheer joy of learning. I enjoyed studying Maths more than I ever did in all my school and pre-university years. In fact, for many years I did not enjoy studying Maths in school inspite of an inclination towards the subject in my early childhood. I often got intimidated by books like Arthur Engle which dealt with training for Olympiad. If I could not solve those basic problems, how could I hope to understand differential equations. However, my worry may have been misplaced because the Engineering Maths class in college which included differential equations needed a greater amount of mathematical knowledge, but not a greater amount of mathematical skill than the problem solving book.
I was studying for the sheer joy of learning and nothing more. There was no concept of a minor so I couldn't tell anybody that I minored in Mathematics. Sometimes, this thought weighed me down. Inspite of all the effort I was putting in, it improved neither my résumé for further studies or for work. For some reason, saying "I read X number of books about the subject." does not have as much weight as saying "I completed a course in this subject", even though the former would yield a greater amount of knowledge and the latter would mostly include cramming and going past the exams. It worried me that after spending so much effort, my profile did not look any better than someone who didn't do any of that .
Towards the end of the third semester, I developed a deep interest in psychology books. I could not stop reading them. So sometimes I wished I was in a psychology course. And then I thought that if I was, the emphasis both from the teachers and the university would so overwhelmingly be on marks and exams than on acquiring knowledge that I would be turned off and maybe have started reading computer science books ! Again, I feel bad that I have nothing to show for either a professional or academic résumé.
This sometimes makes me feel guilty when I'm studying either psychology or Maths. There's a voice at the back of my mind telling me that every minute I'm spending on indulging my curiosity and thirst for learning is a minute I'm not spending on coursework. Ironically, if I wasn't studying what I like, I probably wouldn't have been studying at all. (Like in the first semester.) It's a paradox. If I have it in my mind that I have to only do coursework, I am immensely repelled. If I start studying what I like, then I study for a long time but I wistfully think it could have been spent on coursework to improve grades. It's also extremely defeating to look at the report card in view of all the effort I put in throughout the semester.
I'd also like to go to graduate school because I like studying and would like to study some more instead of start a job straight away. Ideally, I'd like to go abroad so I can maybe formalise my knowledge of some subjects like psychology and mathematics and minor in them. But, that requires good grades.
So my questions are
1. Is it ok to have an interest like this or should I be spending all my time doing coursework ?
2. If it is ok, what can I do with my interest that will give it some kind of quantifiable value that will enhance either my academic or professional résumé ?
So, when I develop an interest in a subject, I learn a lot about it on my own. I had a lot of interest in Maths, not necessarily the Maths taught in college and in the second semester I realized I could indulge my need for learning on my own. Till that time, I always depended on school to learn subjects like Maths and Science and never thought I could do it on my own. With this revelation, I went down the rabbit hole. I started reading lots of Maths books. Books about Maths history (Journey Through Genius, A History of Mathematics by Victor Katz), books about recreational Maths(books by Ian Stewart, Martin Gardner, Ross Hosenberg), books about problem solving(Thinking Mathematically, Arthur Engel, Alan Schoenfeld, Sanjay Mahajan), and books about particular topics in Maths that I had no idea about like Visual Complex Analysis by Tristan Needham. There were many other books that I started reading. I should note that I never finished any of these books. I would read a little bit, and then get scared of not understanding something and then reading another book and returning to it once again (or sometimes not).
I did this for the sheer joy of learning. I enjoyed studying Maths more than I ever did in all my school and pre-university years. In fact, for many years I did not enjoy studying Maths in school inspite of an inclination towards the subject in my early childhood. I often got intimidated by books like Arthur Engle which dealt with training for Olympiad. If I could not solve those basic problems, how could I hope to understand differential equations. However, my worry may have been misplaced because the Engineering Maths class in college which included differential equations needed a greater amount of mathematical knowledge, but not a greater amount of mathematical skill than the problem solving book.
I was studying for the sheer joy of learning and nothing more. There was no concept of a minor so I couldn't tell anybody that I minored in Mathematics. Sometimes, this thought weighed me down. Inspite of all the effort I was putting in, it improved neither my résumé for further studies or for work. For some reason, saying "I read X number of books about the subject." does not have as much weight as saying "I completed a course in this subject", even though the former would yield a greater amount of knowledge and the latter would mostly include cramming and going past the exams. It worried me that after spending so much effort, my profile did not look any better than someone who didn't do any of that .
Towards the end of the third semester, I developed a deep interest in psychology books. I could not stop reading them. So sometimes I wished I was in a psychology course. And then I thought that if I was, the emphasis both from the teachers and the university would so overwhelmingly be on marks and exams than on acquiring knowledge that I would be turned off and maybe have started reading computer science books ! Again, I feel bad that I have nothing to show for either a professional or academic résumé.
This sometimes makes me feel guilty when I'm studying either psychology or Maths. There's a voice at the back of my mind telling me that every minute I'm spending on indulging my curiosity and thirst for learning is a minute I'm not spending on coursework. Ironically, if I wasn't studying what I like, I probably wouldn't have been studying at all. (Like in the first semester.) It's a paradox. If I have it in my mind that I have to only do coursework, I am immensely repelled. If I start studying what I like, then I study for a long time but I wistfully think it could have been spent on coursework to improve grades. It's also extremely defeating to look at the report card in view of all the effort I put in throughout the semester.
I'd also like to go to graduate school because I like studying and would like to study some more instead of start a job straight away. Ideally, I'd like to go abroad so I can maybe formalise my knowledge of some subjects like psychology and mathematics and minor in them. But, that requires good grades.
So my questions are
1. Is it ok to have an interest like this or should I be spending all my time doing coursework ?
2. If it is ok, what can I do with my interest that will give it some kind of quantifiable value that will enhance either my academic or professional résumé ?
Last edited: