Important Life Lessons: Integrity & Challenges

[JasonRox]

Lately I've been thinking about what are some of the best things I've learned and how valuable it is to us and what not. I'm really tired right now, so I'll just post up what I found to be the most important thing to me so far... well two things I learned.

One valuable thing I learned is that having integrity is one of the best qualities one can have. This brings me to my second important thing I learned. The second thing I learned is that maintaining your integrity can be a ***** and challenging!

Note: In case you guessed it, my integrity has been challenged quite a bit lately. :P

 

[Cyrus]

Although its hard, don't lose your cool. I've been snappy at people lately- but they deserve it.

 

[dontdisturbmycircles]

GRRRR Cyrus, YOU MAKE ME SO MAD. !

On a serious note, I agree with you Jason - that integrity is important.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Never try to play rough with three fully grown Great Danes who don't love you.

http://www.pups4sale.com.au/great_dane_03a.jpg

 

[JasonRox]

Yeah, it's all cool and everything, but like I have so much stuff going on!

It's alright though because I know I'm doing the right thing for myself. Some people hate it in the process though, which is what is annoying because I'm just being true to myself!

 

[Astronuc]

being true to myself

That's what counts in the end.

One can only try to do the best one can, and hopefully succeed more often than not, or most of time.

Hopefully in the end, one will look back upon modest success and happiness rather than a life of sorrow or regret.

 

[angel 42]

I keep reminding myself to think positive, and if there is any good thoughts about people speak it up, and any bad or harmful ones, stop and think before telling it to them even if they deserve it!

 

[JasonRox]

I keep reminding myself to think positive, and if there is any good thoughts about people speak it up, and any bad or harmful ones, stop and think before telling it to them even if they deserve it!

Oh no, I don't go around saying bad things about people.

Integrity is a ***** because I broke up with my girlfriend (ex) like 3 months ago (or more), but we still saw each other. I want to have her in my life, but I don't think I'm capable of commiting to a relationship right now. I'm just really really busy and have lots of plans for myself to figure out. She's a great girl, but I need to figure things out. We had our reasons, but she's like changing for me and everything. I don't feel totally comfortable with that. And since we broke up, I have to admit that I developped interest in other girls which is completely normal. But like, she might be taking our relationship at a level I can't handle and it's tough to say that to someone that loves you very much (I love her too). We never fought or anything though, so we never had any bad things happen.

I do lots right now. I write comics and articles for the paper, volunteer, tutor, TA and mark 2 classes, Team Leader for events, Finance/Budgetting for events, work out, take 4 courses, work part-time at a grocery store and so on. There could be more stuff and just forgot. I'm in my 4th year and now living on my own and will be applying for jobs on the other side of the country for May 2008. It's really a lot. I had to drop Chinese because it's just too much now. Plus, I do want to hang out with friends, meet girls and have fun (which I have lots of).

It's a lot.

 

[cristo]

But like, she might be taking out relationship at a level I can't handle and it's tough to say that to someone that loves you very much (I love her too).

It is, but then it'll be a lot harder in 8 months time if you continue like this. If you're happy going out with friends and meeting girls and don't feel it's right for you to step the relationship up to the next level, then it's definitely better to tell her. If at all possible, you should probably sit down and have the conversation sooner rather than later. After all, if you do carry on seeing her, her feelings will probably get stronger, and if you come to tell her later on that you're not comfortable then I imagine it will hurt her a lot more. Just be honest with her; it may cause hurt to begin with, but it'll be better in the long run.

Anyway, that's just my two cents!

 

[JasonRox]

It is, but then it'll be a lot harder in 8 months time if you continue like this. If you're happy going out with friends and meeting girls and don't feel it's right for you to step the relationship up to the next level, then it's definitely better to tell her. If at all possible, you should probably sit down and have the conversation sooner rather than later. After all, if you do carry on seeing her, her feelings will probably get stronger, and if you come to tell her later on that you're not comfortable then I imagine it will hurt her a lot more. Just be honest with her; it may cause hurt to begin with, but it'll be better in the long run.

Anyway, that's just my two cents!

Oh, I did tell her like 2-3 weeks ago. And you're totally right, you have to share this with the person right away whenever possible.

We still hung out afterwards, but didn't like get physical or anything. But then yesterday, I slept with her. I did say that I don't want any commitments or anything like that (but then again she's kind of saying she wants commitment). I even honestly answered her before that I have interest in other girls. So, I'm being full out honest about it. Now that I slept with her, I have to again re-establish the whole thing just to be sure. She's free to walk away and yes that will suck for both of us. That's something I will have to accept if she chooses to do so.

 

[cristo]

Oh, I did tell her like 2-3 weeks ago. And you're totally right, you have to share this with the person right away whenever possible.

We still hung out afterwards, but didn't like get physical or anything. But then yesterday, I slept with her. I did say that I don't want any commitments or anything like that (but then again she's kind of saying she wants commitment). I even honestly answered her before that I have interest in other girls. So, I'm being full out honest about it. Now that I slept with her, I have to again re-establish the whole thing just to be sure. She's free to walk away and yes that will suck for both of us. That's something I will have to accept if she chooses to do so.

Well, you're being perfectly honest with both yourself and her, which is a very admirable thing to do! You definitely seem to be in a rather difficult predicament. Yes, I agree that you will need to re-establish things, but you can't keep on doing that. There's obviously something there that's drawing you back to each other, and I imagine that will keep on happening. Ultimately, though, there's got to be a decision made by one of you: casual sex is healthy, but casual sex when you're in love with each other is dangerous! That decision doesn't necessarily have to happen immediately, and it may even be a forced decision by your moving away.

I'd say that if you're happy at the moment, then there's no real reason to stop doing what you're doing. However, be mindful of her feelings, and the fact that her feelings about the situation may well change abruptly. Best of luck to you!

 

[JasonRox]

Well, you're being perfectly honest with both yourself and her, which is a very admirable thing to do! You definitely seem to be in a rather difficult predicament. Yes, I agree that you will need to re-establish things, but you can't keep on doing that. There's obviously something there that's drawing you back to each other, and I imagine that will keep on happening. Ultimately, though, there's got to be a decision made by one of you: casual sex is healthy, but casual sex when you're in love with each other is dangerous! That decision doesn't necessarily have to happen immediately, and it may even be a forced decision by your moving away.

I'd say that if you're happy at the moment, then there's no real reason to stop doing what you're doing. However, be mindful of her feelings, and the fact that her feelings about the situation may well change abruptly. Best of luck to you!

I'm really liking your posts by the way.

Yeah, casual sex when in love is dangerous. I guess I'll just re-establish and if things go to far, I'll have to re-think and decide what to do. Again, her feelings may change also.

She wants to move with me, which was a big shocker to me because she'll be living so far away from home. She's really close to her family. I'm still telling her that I'm doing it on my own and I can't have the pressure of someone coming with me. Going myself is enough as it is. So, yeah that's a lot to deal with.

 

[cristo]

I'm really liking your posts by the way.

Thanks

Yeah, casual sex when in love is dangerous. I guess I'll just re-establish and if things go to far, I'll have to re-think and decide what to do. Again, her feelings may change also.

That sounds like the best thing, to me.

She wants to move with me, which was a big shocker to me because she'll be living so far away from home. She's really close to her family. I'm still telling her that I'm doing it on my own and I can't have the pressure of someone coming with me. Going myself is enough as it is. So, yeah that's a lot to deal with.

That is a tough one, especially as you're not actually together. I agree with you that it would be best for you to go on your own. After all, moving to a new place means that you have the chance to start things afresh, and so moving on your own gives you the freedom to go out, enjoy yourself, and make new friends that moving with someone will not do. There's also the point that if you move with her, and she ends up having a terrible time, and is in a job that she doesn't really want to be in (since after all you moved because of your career, not hers) then that will put a huge strain between the two of you.

Try and tell her that you want to move down on your own so you can settle into the new area, new people, etc, but that she can still visit you if she likes (and if you want her to). You never know, after being apart for a few days, weeks, months (apart as in hardly ever seeing her) you may realize that you want to be with her, and you're ready to step the relationship up. That's the time that you should talk about her moving to where you are. On the other hand, the time apart may enable you to get over her, and make you realize for sure that you don't want a relationship with her. Either way, I think the move will do the situation good!

 

[JasonRox]

Thanks


That sounds like the best thing, to me.

That is a tough one, especially as you're not actually together. I agree with you that it would be best for you to go on your own. After all, moving to a new place means that you have the chance to start things afresh, and so moving on your own gives you the freedom to go out, enjoy yourself, and make new friends that moving with someone will not do. There's also the point that if you move with her, and she ends up having a terrible time, and is in a job that she doesn't really want to be in (since after all you moved because of your career, not hers) then that will put a huge strain between the two of you.

Try and tell her that you want to move down on your own so you can settle into the new area, new people, etc, but that she can still visit you if she likes (and if you want her to). You never know, after being apart for a few days, weeks, months (apart as in hardly ever seeing her) you may realize that you want to be with her, and you're ready to step the relationship up. That's the time that you should talk about her moving to where you are. On the other hand, the time apart may enable you to get over her, and make you realize for sure that you don't want a relationship with her. Either way, I think the move will do the situation good!

Yeah, it puts strain on me having her come because of me. For me it's not even so much a career thing, but more like I'd like to live there. But also, it's not guaranteed that I'll stay there and I could be going back on the other side of the country withing a year following (I'm in the middle right now). There is nothing saying that I'm staying where I land. If she moved with me and things didn't work out, imagine the strain and pressure that would create. But also like you said, I might come to a point that I'll miss her too much and I'll do a little something to be with her and she can do a little something to be with me (if she continued to feel the same way).

She's doing a lot for me right now which will start making me feel uncomfortable. I really admire her now. I just can't have any commitments right now that's all.

 

[theoritician]

Note: In case you guessed it, my integrity has been challenged quite a bit lately. :P

I should have guessed. For a male it's all about the female and his offsprings if he decide to have them. For the female, well replace female with male in the above sentence. Is that what life boils downs to? It makes sense from a biological perspective.

 

[JasonRox]

I should have guessed. For a male it's all about the female and his offsprings if he decide to have them. For the female, well replace female with male in the above sentence. Is that what life boils downs to? It makes sense from a biological perspective.

Huh? It's not just about females.

 

[theoritician]

Huh? It's not just about females.

So you are troubled by other things as well? But nothing more severe then problem with females?

 

[JasonRox]

So you are troubled by other things as well? But nothing more severe then problem with females?

I don't have problems with females. It's more like staying in line with what I want to do.

I do talk straight up with girls and even close ones. I'll tell the girl how I feel when I see her. It's not an issue. It's just that it's a ***** to do, but it has to be done.

 

[theoritician]

I don't have problems with females. It's more like staying in line with what I want to do.

I do talk straight up with girls and even close ones. I'll tell the girl how I feel when I see her. It's not an issue. It's just that it's a ***** to do, but it has to be done.

I have no idea what ***** is.

So your problem is that the girl and you can't operate together well so you broke up with her. That seems reasonable. Did you discuss it with her? However you two also had an intimate relationship so breaking up would seem bad, morally and emotionally. Is that the problem?

Why is it that you can have time with other girls but not with her?

 

[JasonRox]

I have no idea what ***** is.

So your problem is that the girl and you can't operate together well so you broke up with her. That seems reasonable. Did you discuss it with her? However you two also had an intimate relationship so breaking up would seem bad, morally and emotionally. Is that the problem?

Why is it that you can have time with other girls but not with her?

First, I have family issues too, so it's not only girl problems.

Second, we broke up because the relationship wasn't going anywhere and we pretty much pre-agreed that back in January anyways. We broke up in June. She could have said something then and she chose not to.

I can make time for her, but I'd like to get to know other people too. I do have interests in other girls and that is perfectly normal. There are many great girls out there, so basically I'd like to explore the sea for awhile and it doesn't have to be sexual, but at the same time I don't want restrictions because when a kiss happens... it happens. My ex-girlfriend and I never had plans to move in together, or move together or do anything serious for that matter and we understood that. Now she can see herself doing all of this for me and the problem is that it makes me uncomfortable because there are things I need to do for myself first (like meet new people and figure out what I'm doing after school). Most guys would probably love a girl like that and I would too. Unfortunately, I have things to do and I can't just put a halt on that because that will just create more problems later on.

I'm a very happy person regardless of what's going on. Most people can tell too, which is what I admire about myself. I like to share what I have.

 

[theoritician]

First, I have family issues too, so it's not only girl problems.

Right, offcourse. Family would be right up there maybe second.

Second, we broke up because the relationship wasn't going anywhere and we pretty much pre-agreed that back in January anyways. We broke up in June. She could have said something then and she chose not to.

I can make time for her, but I'd like to get to know other people too. I do have interests in other girls and that is perfectly normal. There are many great girls out there, so basically I'd like to explore the sea for awhile and it doesn't have to be sexual, but at the same time I don't want restrictions because when a kiss happens... it happens. My ex-girlfriend and I never had plans to move in together, or move together or do anything serious for that matter and we understood that. Now she can see herself doing all of this for me and the problem is that it makes me uncomfortable because there are things I need to do for myself first (like meet new people and figure out what I'm doing after school). Most guys would probably love a girl like that and I would too. Unfortunately, I have things to do and I can't just put a halt on that because that will just create more problems later on.

I'm a very happy person regardless of what's going on. Most people can tell too, which is what I admire about myself. I like to share what I have.

So she changed her mind and you sort of gave or let in. Now you regret it as you always knew there was no future. Did she think you changed your mind too?