Is Flirting a Conscious or Natural Behavior?

[tgt]

This is not a relationship advice topic but a question of science although I am not trained in biology so have not posted in the science sections.

I have a feeling that when one is flirting, usually, it's a natural thing rather then a conscious act. What do you think?

 

[sermatt]

I think it only becomes natural once you're good at it... you'd be nervously thinking about it all the time if you were inexperienced.

But then again I'm a nerd.

 

[KingNothing]

I think it is a learned behavior, while the learning curves differ greatly between people, to the point where one person could said to be doing it naturally, where for another it might be quite unnatural.

I know plenty of people that flirt with everything that moves, and don't even realize it.

 

[sylas]

The key to good flirting is sincerity...

... if you can fake that, you've got it made!

 

[junglebeast]

If you're interested in a person and are striking conversation with them, that is flirting. If you're not conscious of being interested in a person, then you're not really interested in them. Therefore I think flirting is by definition a conscious act.

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

Flirting is natural. Here is Ferdinand, taking time out during a heated battle, to flirt with a woman, any woman.
http://failblog.org/2009/07/21/bullfighter-fail"

 

[fileen]

Ive flirted accidentally before. I don't even know I am doing it until someone says something to me. I've done it in front of my boyfriend accidentally. Luckily he's a pretty forgiving guy, but I seem to just slip into that mode unconsciously if someone begins to flirt with me.

 

[tgt]

I think it only becomes natural once you're good at it... you'd be nervously thinking about it all the time if you were inexperienced.

But then again I'm a nerd.

I thought it would be the opposite. If you are really nervous then you tend not to be in control of your consious self.

 

[tgt]

If you're interested in a person and are striking conversation with them, that is flirting. If you're not conscious of being interested in a person, then you're not really interested in them. Therefore I think flirting is by definition a conscious act.

On the contrary, many shy people will purposely aviod someone they like. Although it could be a defense mechanism they've built to avoid acting like a fool.

 

[tgt]

Ive flirted accidentally before. I don't even know I am doing it until someone says something to me. I've done it in front of my boyfriend accidentally. Luckily he's a pretty forgiving guy, but I seem to just slip into that mode unconsciously if someone begins to flirt with me.

What's wrong with flirting in front of your bf?

 

[fileen]

What's wrong with flirting in front of your bf?

I guess I just feel its not very considerate. He never said anything to me, but a good friend who was there later told me that he was shocked and seemed anxious about it. I am a pretty independent kind of girl, I am the type to do exactly what you tell me not to just because I can. My BF knows better than to try to tell me not to behave in a certain way, so I can imagine him trying to decide how best to deal with the situation. Hes never mentioned it to me, however knowing it hurts his feelings makes me want to avoid that situation in the future. I call him my boyfriend but we have been together for 4 years and have known each other as long as I can remember. Were pretty much a sure thing and both consider the relationship to be a forever one. I would be uncomfortable watching him flirt with other girls, I can't expect him to take it any easier than I would.

 

[junglebeast]

On the contrary, many shy people will purposely aviod someone they like. Although it could be a defense mechanism they've built to avoid acting like a fool.

How is that contrary to what I said?

 

[tgt]

How is that contrary to what I said?

Maybe I have mistaken what you said with my 'on the contrary statement'. However, i don't agree with your conclusion that flirting is by definition a conscious act. You could be conscious of the fact that you like someone but that is entirely in your own head. How you act in front of them can be an entirely a different thing. Flirting is all about how you act in front of the person.