Is it better to have loved and lost than to have ever loved at all?

  • Thread starter FUNKER
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  • #26
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Originally posted by Monique
WHOA!
Experience the bad to appreciate the good? No, not my point of view at all.. I'd very happily go without experiencing the bad, thank you
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you obviously didnt understand what i said. If all you knew was a good day, you would not acknowledge it as a good day it would be a normality, therefore you would not be able to appreciate it. you require somethings opppsite to know what it is, a reference point. Its all relativity.
 
  • #27
Evo
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Originally posted by FUNKER
you obviously didnt understand what i said. If all you knew was a good day, you would not acknowledge it as a good day it would be a normality, therefore you would not be able to appreciate it. you require somethings opppsite to know what it is, a reference point. Its all relativity.
When you put it that way, yes, I agree with you. It's like saying "how do you know what is "good" if you don't know what is "bad". But the saying you referenced isn't asking "how do you know what love is if you haven't experienced it?".

To me, what the "saying" is referring to is that having experienced "love" is worth the price of the pain of losing it. That you've gained more from the experience than you've lost. I'd have to say that's not true in all cases.
 
  • #28
Monique
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Originally posted by FUNKER
Originally posted by Monique
WHOA!
Experience the bad to appreciate the good? No, not my point of view at all.. I'd very happily go without experiencing the bad, thank you
--------------------------------------------------------------------------------
you obviously didnt understand what i said. If all you knew was a good day, you would not acknowledge it as a good day it would be a normality, therefore you would not be able to appreciate it. you require somethings opppsite to know what it is, a reference point. Its all relativity.
I can very well appreciate good days without having to have a bad day. The illusion of normality is quickly broken by taking a quick look at the real world. I've been in a very good relationship, I appreciate that person more than anything in the world and we never argued one day.
 
  • #29
Duderino
Yeah Funker I guess there might be the good - bad thing going on but
who says its ever over?
 
  • #30
ShawnD
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Originally posted by FUNKER
you require somethings opppsite to know what it is, a reference point. Its all relativity.
Sometimes it's not worth knowing what the good is if you have to go through the bad.

I've never actually had a girlfriend myself and I've never had any problems with that. However, I have seen people around me just fall to pieces when love hits them the wrong way. A friend of mine was in a relationship with a girl he really liked but they had to break up because they never had time for each other. My friend didn't take that too well, he started going to the bar alone trying to pickup women (which is really sad) and his grades in school started falling because he couldn't stop thinking about his ex.
Another friend of mine has started to take interest in a girl who is in most of his classes. Although that relationship is still good, his concentration on trying to pass his classes is starting to go and he's starting to get C grades instead of his usual A grades. He's even been kicked out of the honors program (an honors degree basically allows you to go anywhere for graduate school).

So far I haven't seen love really help anybody around me. It only destroys people and their futures (like that honors degree)
 
  • #31
Love?

The whole concept of it existing is ridiculous.

Don't bother debating.. I can't prove it doesn't exist, no one can prove it exists.. sort of like God. With time and a mind that allows all possibilities to exist, you will crawl out of this sissiness and realise.
 
  • #32
BLUE_CHIP
Posted by Blood Junkie

Love?

The whole concept of it existing is ridiculous.

Don't bother debating.. I can't prove it doesn't exist, no one can prove it exists.. sort of like God. With time and a mind that allows all possibilities to exist, you will crawl out of this sissiness and realise.
What do you define as that sensation one gets when with a person that you have a very strong connection with?

Surley all human emotions are named so. For instance, tiredness is a bunch of neurological signals which we have given a name to.

Albeit a neurological function, I believe Love is something deeper. but if we were to debate that is gets into the whole "is there a soul" thing.
 
  • #33
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Originally posted by Blood Junkie
Love?

The whole concept of it existing is ridiculous.
Certainly from the Terminator's point of view, "Why not? She is a healthy female of breeding age."

Originally posted by BLUE_CHIP
Albeit a neurological function, I believe Love is something deeper. but if we were to debate that is gets into the whole "is there a soul" thing.
Kinda like comparing prose works or fiction to poetry?
 
  • #34
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duderino, who says its over? well......... it was the agreement,so both of us. but i kno where you are comin from
but "can you show me the way to the water fall?"

blood junkie, dude are you makin an attempt too be hard? you just look like a fool. just because no one can prove it doesnt mean it doesnt exsist, i feel sorry for you man. peace
ps: feel the love, hater
 
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  • #35
Duderino
I guess I did make myself not quite clear - but never mind
You will do whats right for you anyway....
aslong as you come around for a hug....
 
  • #36
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hugs not drugs, so i heard mullets are in
 
  • #37
hypnagogue
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Originally posted by Evo
To me, what the "saying" is referring to is that having experienced "love" is worth the price of the pain of losing it. That you've gained more from the experience than you've lost. I'd have to say that's not true in all cases.
To me it says that the positives and negatives from having loved and lost, taken as a whole, are preferable to the empty feeling of never having loved in the first place. It's not so much saying that loving and losing is always a net positive experience as it's saying that that's still better than never getting off the ground at all. From that standpoint I'd have to agree, given how I remember feeling when I was at that stage where I hadn't found anyone yet even though I desperately wanted to.

Reminds me of the epitaph of the fictional character George Gray from Spoon River Anthology by Edgar Lee Masters:

I have studied many times
The marble which was chiseled for me--
A boat with a furled sail at rest in a harbor.
In truth it pictures not my destination
But my life.
For love was offered me and I shrank from its disillusionment;
Sorrow knocked at my door, but I was afraid;
Ambition called to me, but I dreaded the chances.
Yet all the while I hungered for meaning in my life.
And now I know that we must lift the sail
And catch the winds of destiny
Wherever they drive the boat.
To put meaning in one's life may end in madness,
But life without meaning is the torture
Of restlessness and vague desire--
It is a boat longing for the sea and yet afraid.
 
  • #38
hypnagogue
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Originally posted by ShawnD
Sometimes it's not worth knowing what the good is if you have to go through the bad.

I've never actually had a girlfriend myself and I've never had any problems with that. However, I have seen people around me just fall to pieces when love hits them the wrong way. A friend of mine was in a relationship with a girl he really liked but they had to break up because they never had time for each other. My friend didn't take that too well, he started going to the bar alone trying to pickup women (which is really sad) and his grades in school started falling because he couldn't stop thinking about his ex.
Another friend of mine has started to take interest in a girl who is in most of his classes. Although that relationship is still good, his concentration on trying to pass his classes is starting to go and he's starting to get C grades instead of his usual A grades. He's even been kicked out of the honors program (an honors degree basically allows you to go anywhere for graduate school).

So far I haven't seen love really help anybody around me. It only destroys people and their futures (like that honors degree)
You speak as if the most important thing in life is an honor's degree. When I began falling for a girl who lived on my floor in sophomore year of college, the same thing happened to me. My grades fell badly. I followed a semester where I posted a 4.00 average with one where I dropped to 1.76, including failing outright a class that was in the core distribution of my major.

Well, guess what? It was easily worth it. I'm still with her, and I'm much happier now than I would have been if I killed my emotions in the name of getting higher numbers printed on a piece of paper. Even if I were to lose her tomorrow, the good times we've had easily outweigh whatever extra gratification I could get from better grades and possibly a better job. I would be a janitor if I had to be to stay with her. What goal in life is higher than love? None if you ask me.
 
  • #39
Monique
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A degree stays with you throughout your life, the feeling of being in love numbs after a while.. only if that love is meant to last it would be worth it.
 
  • #40
Evo
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Hypnagogue it sounds as though you have been lucky enough to be spared what a lot of people have gone through. You've never been betrayed by the one you love? You would not imagine what some of the people I know have been through.

If you were to marry this girl and have a child, then she had an affair and became pregnant by this other man, they emptied your life savings and moved out of state with your child. Would you still say it was all worth it? That happened to a co-worker.

Until you have suffered extreme pain, you won't understand.
 
  • #41
Njorl
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I'd have to agree with Hypnogogue, and I've been through a very nasty break-up. My first fiancee dumped me after living together for a year. It was right out of the blue, no explanation. One day shopping for rings, the next out the door.

Today, I consider it worth it, though afterwards I was drunk for 2 years and deeply depressed for 2 more. I look back now, and our time together was some of the best days of my life. I learned a lot about myself, and by loving her, learned how to love more fully. Now, had you asked me shortly after she dumped me, I'd have said, "Hell no!", but the pain fades away.

Loving is tough. If you get it right the first time it's truly amazing. I think it takes practice to get it right.

Njorl
 

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