Is It Time to Break Up? Handling a Complicated Relationship with a Friend

[ephedyn]

"I like you, but I like manifolds more."

 

[FrancisZ]

can anyone give me any good info? I am still a young buck and in need of mature advice

I think that if you considered yourself actually mature enough to have an intimate relationship with this person, then you must realize also that you now bear a responsibility to her, and to her feelings. You've joined with her on, shall we say, (ideally at least) on a spiritual level; and that is very, very, very serious.

People don't like to consider that I suppose, but that is unspoken commitment nonetheless; unless of course there was some kind of communication to begin with, thereby negating any long term expectations either of you might have had.

I would have assumed at least that by sleeping with someone, you had meant to say "I love you, and I am committed to you" without actually uttering the words themselves. But then by carelessly breaking up with that person--even after a long time--that's a lot like taking it back.

I'm not saying that you both shouldn't move on, if that is truly for the best. But I really think you ought apologize profusely to her, if she still wants a serious relationship.

If nothing else you ought to admit to her that you were too immature when you first committed to the relationship; and may very well still be, if the only reason you are lingering now, is on account of her family, whom YOU are afraid of losing.

If I were in your situation: I would ask her outright what her feelings are about the two of you being together. If she genuinely cares for you, and is in fact the benefit that you seem to agree she has been for you all along anyway; then I would seriously consider working on being a better boyfriend to her exclusively. Don't be a doormat, but don't be so selfish either. That is the real test of maturity.

Remember: just because you don't want to lose her benefits, does not mean you are nice guy, and that you truly deserve them. You could just be a lucky jerk.

 

[JasonRox]

on a spiritual level;

Oh please, that word should be deleted from the english dictionnary.

 

[Evo]

I remember the sister of a guy I dated. Stunningly beautiful, very smart, and a volatile temper, Italian and OUCH.

I remember the poor guy she was dating. A wonderful, kind, and generous guy. Heck, I would have dated him if I wasn't dating her brother. She got mad at him and he, poor soul, went out of town on business. She went to his house, managed to get the garden hose up through an upstairs window and turned it on full blast. When he got back a few days later, I think he had around $20,000.00 dollars in damages.

And it was over something trivial like he had forgotten to call and say he was running late.

 

[FrancisZ]

Oh please, that word should be deleted from the english dictionnary.

Well, if you choose to say "altruistically euphoric" instead that's fine.

 

[JasonRox]

I remember the sister of a guy I dated. Stunningly beautiful, very smart, and a volatile temper, Italian and OUCH.

I remember the poor guy she was dating. A wonderful, kind, and generous guy. Heck, I would have dated him if I wasn't dating her brother. She got mad at him and he, poor soul, went out of town on business. She went to his house, managed to get the garden hose up through an upstairs window and turned it on full blast. When he got back a few days later, I think he had around $20,000.00 dollars in damages.

And it was over something trivial like he had forgotten to call and say he was running late.

I would file charges against that.