Is Premarital Sex Worth the Risks? A 20-Year-Old's Perspective

[slugcountry]

Why is it that there's sooooooooooo many single mothers anyhow if these protective agents are 99.99% effective and all that good stuff. Either this world seems to be full of sluts and the odds just aren't in their favor ... or remembering to use protection isn't as easy as people make it out to be.

Its just simple human error.

 

[Pengwuino]

Just live life and don't give it a second thought. If it feels right do it, people make sex out to be this big thing but in the end its just one of the many things people do.

There's so much more to life; no need to spend it worrying about something that is so completely natural. Would you make a big fuss over breathing?

You don't see many people stuck barely paying the bills and raising 3 kids because they chose to breathe . I say as long as someone doesn't complain to me or has any affect on my life from them not being able to pay their bills, they should consider the risk of having a kid to be irrelevant. Unfortunatley, around here, that's not the case

 

[Mickey]

Just live life and don't give it a second thought. If it feels right do it, people make sex out to be this big thing but in the end its just one of the many things people do.

There's so much more to life; no need to spend it worrying about something that is so completely natural. Would you make a big fuss over breathing?

Cryptosporidium is natural.

 

[Jack Bauer]

I think the reasons not to (which might be overbalanced by reasons to) have premarital sex would be a subset of the reasons not to have sex in general, plus a couple others relating to marriage. The usual reasons are the risk of STDs and the risk of pregnancy. You should research these risks because they are a lot lower than you might think especially if your partner is not in a known high-risk population. For instance the risk of contracting HIV in the typical US population is probably 1 in in several million. Re: pregnancy, it's interesting how many women choose not to use the pill because of side effects, and how many wouldn't get an abortion. Condoms can fail because of mis-use; talk to someone first about the potential ways you can avoid that. Re: marriage, I think one point is that you know you're going to have sex anyway in a marriage, so the risk calculation is not so relevant but before you marry it's more of an option so you have to consider more carefully the risk/benefit ratio. There's a lot of intimate stuff you can do that will give you almost as much pleasure without the risks of sex, so there is something to think about there, especially if you're likely to be married in a couple years anyway. That's all I've got for you.

 

[Schrodinger's Dog]

God says fornication is a sin, to be honest I've never met anyone Christian or otherwise who followed this practice, although I had a friend who tried once, but then when he went to university he was so popular with the ladies that he buckled in the end. In the US maybe it's a little more common amongst religous communities I don't know, here no one would bat an eyelid if you indulged in multiple sexual relationships and never got married anyway, times change, if you don't fear societal retribution of some sort, or God's wrath then do what you feel. AFAIK only adultery is directly forbidden by God, the other stuff is just the laws of a society that no longer exists, the laws still do though? some places, very odd? Yes we Europeans are sinful fornicating beasts

 

[Beeza]

This may not be a reason not to, but I think that if in the end you decide to hold out and wait, it is becoming increasingly difficult to find women that have held out too. I'm not saying that there aren't any, but they are certainly harder to find than let's say 20 years ago. Wouldn't it suck to meet a girl and fall completely in love with her only to find out she's been having fun in her college days--while you have been holding out?

BTW, this post is in no way shape or form saying anything bad about women or having premarital sex. I don't want to experience the wrath of an angry Moonbear.

 

[Aether]

I'm really looking hard for one good reason not to do it. Does one exist?

BTW, I'm 20.

As long as your partner isn't much younger than you are now, then you are old enough to decide this for yourself. Don't be afraid to be yourself, but do always use your head.

I wouldn't put pregnancy as a big risk factor nor STD's because if you trust the girl and know her you will know whether or not she has STD's or has had lots of partners (word gets around) and whether or not she uses the birth control pill. After knowing this, you can make a better educated guess.

A better educated guess?!? Wrong.

 

[Physics_wiz]

Well the reason I'm looking for a reason not to do it is that I just grew up with the belief that it was wrong. Now that I'm actually using my head, I can't think of anything that makes it wrong. The one thing I'm afraid of is that I might go rampant if I let myself do it for the first time.

 

[JasonRox]

I always make sure the girl uses the pill and I also use a condom.

If you want to avoid pregnancy 100%, just PULL OUT! Not that freaking hard guys.

Therefore, pregnancy shouldn't be on the list because you can just pull out which is 100% effective.

 

[Danger]

you can just pull out which is 100% effective.

WRONG! Sperm can be released prior to ejaculation. Also, there are occassions when you might think that you still have a few minutes to go and something sets you off without warning.

 

[JasonRox]

WRONG! Sperm can be released prior to ejaculation. Also, there are occassions when you might think that you still have a few minutes to go and something sets you off without warning.

Yes, that's "pre-cum". Once you feel that you should pull out.

If it sets off without warning, thank your girlfriend for taking the birth control pill. Go take the morning pill the next day.

Next time, get more practice and control.

Wouldn't it suck to get married and you married someone who just sucks in bed? Yes, this probably happens to most couples who decide to keep it until marriages contrary to Christian opinions. This is why you always have those no-sex marriages, which usually end up down the ****ter or someone having an affair. Like honestly, look at the marriage in Everybody Loves Raymond. Who the hell would stay with that loser? Of course, he's a loser in my opinion and it involves other reasons besides sex, like lack of consideration for his own darn wife.

 

[Moonbear]

I always make sure the girl uses the pill and I also use a condom.

If you want to avoid pregnancy 100%, just PULL OUT! Not that freaking hard guys.

Therefore, pregnancy shouldn't be on the list because you can just pull out which is 100% effective.

As Danger already said that's completely wrong. There are plenty enough sperm to become pregnant in pre-ejaculatory emissions. Basically, if you have a sufficient erection to engage in intercourse, there are sperm present in the pre-ejaculatory emissions. The only 100% effective method of avoiding pregnancy is to not put it in in the first place.

 

[arildno]

Yes, that's "pre-cum". Once you feel that you should pull out.

Many men leak that without any strong sense it is coming.

 

[Moonbear]

Yes, that's "pre-cum". Once you feel that you should pull out.

It's too late AFTER it's there.

"Don't worry baby, I'll just pull out," spoken by fathers everywhere.

 

[Andy]

Just pulling out is the single dumbest way of birth control so don't try it. Hvae your girlfriend take the birth control pill, and if your not sure about whether you or her has an STD then use a condom. Remember that the birth control pill isn't 100% guarenteed and that a condom can break or fall off.

 

[Andy]

God I am starting to sound like an old man.

 

[Moonbear]

Why is it that there's sooooooooooo many single mothers anyhow if these protective agents are 99.99% effective and all that good stuff. Either this world seems to be full of sluts and the odds just aren't in their favor ... or remembering to use protection isn't as easy as people make it out to be.

They're 99.9% effective if used correctly every time. The actual effectiveness is somewhat lower, based on what's called "typical use." That means, when you take into account that someone's going to have a bad day and forget to take the pill, or someone in a hurry is going to roll on the condom and forget to leave space at the end, the effectiveness is decreased. And, that also assumes they use protection EVERY time, which would be a bad assumption.

The only contraceptives in which the optimal effectiveness and actual effectiveness are the same are those in which the doctor implants or injects them and the individual users don't need to think about it again, and that would be norplant (the implants they stick in your arm) and Depo-Provera, which is a shot that lasts about a month (of course you better make your appointment on time for the next shot). Things like the Mirena IUD have good effectiveness too, but in some women, they can become misplaced or be expelled, so it requires that the woman using it be comfortable checking that it is still in place before having intercourse, so again, the actual effectiveness is a bit lower than ideal effectiveness because some women will either not check or will notice it's not in quite the right place and have intercourse anyway. The last time I looked into it, they weren't recommending IUDs for unmarried women in the US (it's very popular, and well accepted abroad, but people in the US are being overly cautious after the problems that occurred with the Dalcon Shield IUD that left women with serious infections and permanent sterility). I don't know the reasoning behind why it's not recommended for unmarried women (or maybe that was just monogamous relationships...I'd have to double check), and my only guess, other than it being a hang-up about premarital sex, is that maybe the cord that remains present in the cervix increases susceptibility to STDs or worse complications if infected with an STD, and the unmarried population is more likely to come into contact with STDs due to multiple partners.

 

[Schrodinger's Dog]

If you don't want to have a baby, try trying for a baby, no seriously, how many times have you heard that line "trying for a baby", it always takes donkeys years right, so if you try to have a kid then you should in theory be safe for ohh at least a year, then try a condom& the pill(not both at once obviously, that wouldn't work, I mean you use the condom and she uses the pill)

 

[Moonbear]

If you don't want to have a baby, try trying for a baby, no seriously, how many times have you heard that line "trying for a baby", it always takes donkeys years right, so if you try to have a kid then you should in theory be safe for ohh at least a year, then try a condom& the pill(not both at once obviously, that wouldn't work, I mean you use the condom and she uses the pill)

My friends and I would say, if they are using the phrase, "trying to have a baby," then they must not be having much fun doing it. In reality, that phrase often follows a period of time when they are trying NOT to have a baby, and when one has been correctly using the birth control pill for a number of years, it can take several months before the woman starts having normal cycles again, so there's usually (but not always) several months between a couple deciding they're going to start trying to have a baby (i.e., stop taking the pill), and getting pregnant. You're also more likely to hear about it when they've been trying a long time without success and start to get frustrated and talk to friends about it. Those who get pregnant in the first month or two of "trying" don't get to go around telling all their friends they've decided to try having a baby, they just announce they're pregnant.

 

[Schrodinger's Dog]

Thanks for the information, I never really thought about it before, not having kids myself, but your response is eminently logical, it's kind of analogous to waiting for a bus, you always have to wait ages but then when you don't need a bus three turn up at once, that's just because you don't remeber the times where a bus turned up straight away, theirs less emotional context than the prolonged watch watching agony of the long waiting time.

 

[Aether]

Well the reason I'm looking for a reason not to do it is that I just grew up with the belief that it was wrong. Now that I'm actually using my head, I can't think of anything that makes it wrong.

Is there any particular reason that you can think of to support that belief? It could really be wrong to deny who you are for no good reason.

The one thing I'm afraid of is that I might go rampant if I let myself do it for the first time.

Unless you have an addictive personality, then that is something that you should be able to control.

 

[FrogPad]

The first time really isn't that special. It's awkward and can be a head trip. By head trip I mean, if you've read about technique and the actions that ensue, then when it becomes time to apply them, things do not necessarily follow a specific recipe. The first time doesn't play out like a movie. Things do not happen that smooth. It's not like baking a cake... unless you have an oven that doesn't hold a constant temperature, then maybe the analogy works.

 

[FrogPad]

The one thing I'm afraid of is that I might go rampant if I let myself do it for the first time.

Yeah right. If you start to go rampant, then come on here and let us know. We'll tell you how to slow things down and look for other forms of entertainment. I'm guessing you are not going to go tearing through a college town making a name for yourself. If you do, I'll help organize a relief fund and we will sell plastic bracelets for your cause.

 

[Moonbear]

The first time really isn't that special. It's awkward and can be a head trip. By head trip I mean, if you've read about technique and the actions that ensue, then when it becomes time to apply them, things do not necessarily follow a specific recipe. The first time doesn't play out like a movie. Things do not happen that smooth. It's not like baking a cake... unless you have an oven that doesn't hold a constant temperature, then maybe the analogy works.

Sometimes, that can be a good reason to wait. If you're a bit older the first time, you and your partner both have the maturity to not expect everything to go perfectly smoothly, so it doesn't end up being quite as much of a disappointment or an ego-bursting experience. If both partners are virgins, you're going to have almost opposite needs. Knowing this can help make it a better experience. For the men, premature ejaculation is pretty common, they're just so excited thinking about it that everything happens way too quickly. For the women, things need to go pretty slowly...if her hymen is still intact, breaking through it can range from mild discomfort to outright pain...it's really variable how each woman responds...she may want you to hold perfectly still until the pain subsides, right when the LAST thing you think you can do is hold still. So, it doesn't take much imagination to realize the whole thing can end with the guy already being done and ready for a nap while the woman is ready to cry because it just hurt and then it was over before she had any pleasure out of it. Knowing some of this ahead of time can at least help mentally prepare you so it might be a good experience, even if not a great experience. That's the stuff they don't teach you in school that is just as important to know as how to avoid pregnancy.

 

[Physics_wiz]

Yeah right. If you start to go rampant, then come on here and let us know. We'll tell you how to slow things down and look for other forms of entertainment. I'm guessing you are not going to go tearing through a college town making a name for yourself. If you do, I'll help organize a relief fund and we will sell plastic bracelets for your cause.

"rampant" was an exaggeration just to get a point across .

 

[pallidin]

I have not read the entire thread, but I will say this:
Pre-marital sex is as natural as masturbation. That is, it is Nature's way of eventual pro-creation.
The dangers/consequences of pre-marital sex are existent to be sure, but Nature has never demanded a "formal" marriage prior to sex.
Indeed, stepping far back in time, I would venture to guess that none of us would exist today without pre-marital sex.

 

[slugcountry]

As Danger already said that's completely wrong. There are plenty enough sperm to become pregnant in pre-ejaculatory emissions. Basically, if you have a sufficient erection to engage in intercourse, there are sperm present in the pre-ejaculatory emissions. The only 100% effective method of avoiding pregnancy is to not put it in in the first place.

Actually that's completely wrong, and I'm tired of seeing people spread that fallacy. There is NO sperm in pre-ejaculatory emissions. The reason you can still get pregnant is because sperm can survive on the outside of the penis for up to seven days.

Some cultures teach their children the technique of pulling out and ejaculation control to 99% effectiveness.

 

[Danger]

Actually that's completely wrong, and I'm tired of seeing people spread that fallacy.

I find it a little odd that you're arguing with a biology professor about this.

 

[chroot]

Actually that's completely wrong, and I'm tired of seeing people spread that fallacy. There is NO sperm in pre-ejaculatory emissions. The reason you can still get pregnant is because sperm can survive on the outside of the penis for up to seven days.

Some cultures teach their children the technique of pulling out and ejaculation control to 99% effectiveness.

In before Moonbear's scorn and a flurry of journal references.

Sperm living for seven days on the dry skin on the outside of the penis? Where do you morons come up with this stuff?

- Warren

 

[Pengwuino]

In before Moonbear's scorn and a flurry of journal references.

Sperm living for seven days on the dry skin on the outside of the penis? Where do you morons come up with this stuff?

- Warren

Yah I am waiting for the smackdown as well He picked the wrooooooong members to argue over a biological question!