Is Premarital Sex Worth the Risks? A 20-Year-Old's Perspective

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The discussion revolves around the question of whether there are valid reasons to abstain from premarital sex, particularly from the perspective of a 20-year-old seeking clarity on the topic. Key points include the acknowledgment of potential risks such as pregnancy and STDs, emphasizing the importance of communication with partners about these risks and personal readiness. Participants highlight that if one feels the need to justify their decision to abstain, that may indicate uncertainty about their choice. The conversation also touches on the emotional implications of sex, such as the potential for developing strong attachments and the impact of sexual relationships on future commitments. Ultimately, the consensus leans towards making informed decisions based on personal values, readiness, and mutual respect, rather than succumbing to peer pressure or fear.
  • #51
Physics_wiz said:
Well the reason I'm looking for a reason not to do it is that I just grew up with the belief that it was wrong. Now that I'm actually using my head, I can't think of anything that makes it wrong.
Is there any particular reason that you can think of to support that belief? It could really be wrong to deny who you are for no good reason.
The one thing I'm afraid of is that I might go rampant if I let myself do it for the first time.
Unless you have an addictive personality, then that is something that you should be able to control.
 
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  • #52
The first time really isn't that special. It's awkward and can be a head trip. By head trip I mean, if you've read about technique and the actions that ensue, then when it becomes time to apply them, things do not necessarily follow a specific recipe. The first time doesn't play out like a movie. Things do not happen that smooth. It's not like baking a cake... unless you have an oven that doesn't hold a constant temperature, then maybe the analogy works.
 
  • #53
Physics_wiz said:
The one thing I'm afraid of is that I might go rampant if I let myself do it for the first time.

Yeah right. If you start to go rampant, then come on here and let us know. We'll tell you how to slow things down and look for other forms of entertainment. I'm guessing you are not going to go tearing through a college town making a name for yourself. If you do, I'll help organize a relief fund and we will sell plastic bracelets for your cause.
 
  • #54
FrogPad said:
The first time really isn't that special. It's awkward and can be a head trip. By head trip I mean, if you've read about technique and the actions that ensue, then when it becomes time to apply them, things do not necessarily follow a specific recipe. The first time doesn't play out like a movie. Things do not happen that smooth. It's not like baking a cake... unless you have an oven that doesn't hold a constant temperature, then maybe the analogy works.
Sometimes, that can be a good reason to wait. If you're a bit older the first time, you and your partner both have the maturity to not expect everything to go perfectly smoothly, so it doesn't end up being quite as much of a disappointment or an ego-bursting experience. If both partners are virgins, you're going to have almost opposite needs. Knowing this can help make it a better experience. For the men, premature ejaculation is pretty common, they're just so excited thinking about it that everything happens way too quickly. For the women, things need to go pretty slowly...if her hymen is still intact, breaking through it can range from mild discomfort to outright pain...it's really variable how each woman responds...she may want you to hold perfectly still until the pain subsides, right when the LAST thing you think you can do is hold still. So, it doesn't take much imagination to realize the whole thing can end with the guy already being done and ready for a nap while the woman is ready to cry because it just hurt and then it was over before she had any pleasure out of it. Knowing some of this ahead of time can at least help mentally prepare you so it might be a good experience, even if not a great experience. That's the stuff they don't teach you in school that is just as important to know as how to avoid pregnancy.
 
  • #55
FrogPad said:
Yeah right. If you start to go rampant, then come on here and let us know. We'll tell you how to slow things down and look for other forms of entertainment. I'm guessing you are not going to go tearing through a college town making a name for yourself. If you do, I'll help organize a relief fund and we will sell plastic bracelets for your cause.

"rampant" was an exaggeration just to get a point across :wink:.
 
  • #56
I have not read the entire thread, but I will say this:
Pre-marital sex is as natural as masturbation. That is, it is Nature's way of eventual pro-creation.
The dangers/consequences of pre-marital sex are existent to be sure, but Nature has never demanded a "formal" marriage prior to sex.
Indeed, stepping far back in time, I would venture to guess that none of us would exist today without pre-marital sex.
 
  • #57
Moonbear said:
As Danger already said that's completely wrong. There are plenty enough sperm to become pregnant in pre-ejaculatory emissions. Basically, if you have a sufficient erection to engage in intercourse, there are sperm present in the pre-ejaculatory emissions. The only 100% effective method of avoiding pregnancy is to not put it in in the first place.

Actually that's completely wrong, and I'm tired of seeing people spread that fallacy. There is NO sperm in pre-ejaculatory emissions. The reason you can still get pregnant is because sperm can survive on the outside of the penis for up to seven days.

Some cultures teach their children the technique of pulling out and ejaculation control to 99% effectiveness.
 
  • #58
slugcountry said:
Actually that's completely wrong, and I'm tired of seeing people spread that fallacy.
I find it a little odd that you're arguing with a biology professor about this.
 
  • #59
slugcountry said:
Actually that's completely wrong, and I'm tired of seeing people spread that fallacy. There is NO sperm in pre-ejaculatory emissions. The reason you can still get pregnant is because sperm can survive on the outside of the penis for up to seven days.

Some cultures teach their children the technique of pulling out and ejaculation control to 99% effectiveness.
In before Moonbear's scorn and a flurry of journal references.

Sperm living for seven days on the dry skin on the outside of the penis? :smile: Where do you morons come up with this stuff?

- Warren
 
  • #60
chroot said:
In before Moonbear's scorn and a flurry of journal references.

Sperm living for seven days on the dry skin on the outside of the penis? :smile: Where do you morons come up with this stuff?

- Warren

Yah I am waiting for the smackdown as well :biggrin: He picked the wrooooooong members to argue over a biological question!
 
  • #61
It might be true for anyone living near the arctic circle. :rolleyes:
 
  • #62
Also, in Pengwuino's case, I am definitely against premarital sex... or, well, really, anything that creates an opportunity for reproduction.
 
  • #63
Ivan Seeking said:
Also, in Pengwuino's case, I am definitely against premarital sex... or, well, really, anything that creates an opportunity for reproduction.

Always with the little cheap shots

I wonder if penguins can mate with aliens and infect the population :biggrin:
 
  • #64
pallidin said:
Pre-marital sex is as natural as masturbation. That is, it is Nature's way of eventual pro-creation.

Sex, where available, is an organism's main evolutionary line of defense against environmental hardship.

Want to combat climate change? Have sex, the more babies the better, and some of them might find a way to get by, especially if they have lots of sex too. Water shortage? Sex. New predators in the region? Huge lots of sex. End of the world? Total and absolutely unrelenting sex.

Sex is only considered dangerous now because we're much less dependent on using it to combat other dangers, so the risks aren't worth it. Rampant sex was our evolutionary safety net. But in the last few millennia or so, that role has been increasingly replaced by ever more sophisticated systems of social organization (economics, government, religion, etc.) and technology.

More people are conceived in a laboratory today than ever before, and there will be more tomorrow and more the next day. More single mothers choose a visit to the sperm bank, where good genes are a premium, than ever before. I think it's a good chance that by the time I'd be interested in having a baby, in a couple decades or so, there will be some genetic modification.

Everyone who's saying that sex is natural isn't realizing that it's becoming an evolutionary relic. (We select against it. People generally don't want to reproduce with others who can't control their sexual urges). The creation of marriage itself was one of the first steps to getting rid of our biological dependence on sex, the pill was another step, and in vitro was yet another.

If you want to do what's natural and follow the direction evolution is taking, use that cerebral cortex to abstain from sex, get a vasectomy, and join a sophisticated swinger's club. :blushing:
 
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  • #65
Biology prof. or not, bad information is just that.

http://www.springerlink.com/(agx14x...l,36,182;linkingpublicationresults,1:104689,1

"Conclusions: Preejaculatory fluid secreted at the tip of the urethra from Cowper's gland during sexual stimulation did not contain sperm and therefore cannot be responsible for pregnancies during coitus interruptus."

Although reading up, it seems I have mis-spoken (its been a while since health class)... sperm may survive inside the tip of the penis for several days, and up to seven days inside a female body.
 
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  • #66
chroot said:
In before Moonbear's scorn and a flurry of journal references.

Sperm living for seven days on the dry skin on the outside of the penis? :smile: Where do you morons come up with this stuff?

- Warren
Thanks, I think you've already addressed the point of sperm living externally, but I'm afraid there's no flurry of journal references on this one.

There seems to be a grand total of 3 references, two recent enough to actually be accessed, and you'll quickly see why none is conclusive. The first is an old study (before or near the turn of the century) that's the original basis of the information, in which someone basically had a few male volunteers collect "pre-orgasmic" fluids, and found that some of them contained sperm while others did not. That's all I know on that. A more recent study in the Lancet 1992 (the relevant pages are missing from the online version, so I'm not sure if it's just a letter, so will have to locate the paper copy to verify) apparently was examining pre-ejaculatory fluids for presence of HIV in HIV-infected men, and found no sperm. I need to verify this, but from other sources that cite it, it sounded like it too only included a very small population, and of course, they had HIV, so were not necessarily healthy and producing normal sperm in the first place. A third paper is a short communication, also with only a handful of subjects (12), and only 4 of them were normal, healthy volunteers. The other 8 were reporting due to other reproductive abnormalities (excessive fluid secretion during foreplay and premature ejaculation). The subjects were asked to collect a drop of pre-ejaculatory fluid on a slide and allow it to dry. Nothing is indicated about when they collected (my guess is it would be the first drop, because after that, they'd be too busy with intercourse to stop to collect a specimen on a slide, but this is not described, so I guess nobody thought to ask that question). This third paper makes it clear it is only preliminary data, and far from conclusive (4 normal subjects with a drop of fluid each is not really representative of much, especially if it was collected very early during intercourse).
Journal of Assisted Reproduction and Genetics, Vol. 20, No. 4, April 2003

But, based on those two more recent papers with very limited subjects, there's a flurry of sites now saying that the pre-ejaculatory emissions don't contain sperm, and the withdrawal method is safe. Do you really want to gamble your future based on just 2 limited studies with a grand total of 4 normal, healthy subjects when nobody has said that every male will have sperm in every drop of their pre-ejaculatory emissions every time they have intercourse?

The further problem with extrapolating anything from those couple of studies is that the withdrawal method doesn't rely on stopping when that first drop from the bulbo-urethral gland is secreted, indeed, you'd never notice those few drops during intercourse. Instead, withdrawal is done just prior to ejaculation. Prior to ejaculation is an emission phase in men, where the sperm are released into the vas deferens in preparation for ejaculation, and it is probably this emission phase that provides the sensation warning of the impending ejaculation that is used for timing withdrawal. Usually, the emission and ejaculation phase follow one another very rapidly, but that does not preclude some emission starting sufficiently early for sperm to escape before the sensation of impending ejaculation becomes evident.
 
  • #67
slugcountry said:
Biology prof. or not, bad information is just that.

http://www.springerlink.com/(agx14x...l,36,182;linkingpublicationresults,1:104689,1

"Conclusions: Preejaculatory fluid secreted at the tip of the urethra from Cowper's gland during sexual stimulation did not contain sperm and therefore cannot be responsible for pregnancies during coitus interruptus."

Although reading up, it seems I have mis-spoken (its been a while since health class)... sperm may survive inside the tip of the penis for several days, and up to seven days inside a female body.
That's the article I just cited...they had FOUR healthy subjects in the study. By the way, it's not just biology professor, it's REPRODUCTIVE biology. This is my area of specialization. Always read the full article before accepting the conclusion of an abstract. I've already explained the rest of the problems with that paper. Those few drops of secretion from the bulbourethral glands (also known as the Cowper's glands) are secreted pretty early during arousal and plateau phases of sexual activity...pretty much around the time when the erection is sufficient to permit intercourse to start, it's not the same as the fluids present closer to ejaculation, when sperm are being released in preparation for ejaculation. The risk of sperm being present in very early secretions would be from those lingering within the urethra from a prior ejaculation, as I think you were trying to get at in your earlier post. That's not really the big risk in using the withdrawal method, but what's being secreted very close to ejaculation, when some sperm are able to start "escaping."
 
  • #68
Moonbear said:
That's the article I just cited...they had FOUR healthy subjects in the study. By the way, it's not just biology professor, it's REPRODUCTIVE biology. This is my area of specialization. Always read the full article before accepting the conclusion of an abstract. I've already explained the rest of the problems with that paper. Those few drops of secretion from the bulbourethral glands (also known as the Cowper's glands) are secreted pretty early during arousal and plateau phases of sexual activity...pretty much around the time when the erection is sufficient to permit intercourse to start, it's not the same as the fluids present closer to ejaculation, when sperm are being released in preparation for ejaculation. The risk of sperm being present in very early secretions would be from those lingering within the urethra from a prior ejaculation, as I think you were trying to get at in your earlier post. That's not really the big risk in using the withdrawal method, but what's being secreted very close to ejaculation, when some sperm are able to start "escaping."

Pulling out isn't guaranteed, but if you're girlfriend or partner is taking birth control than you have higher sucess for safe sex in regards to pregnancy.

The point is that very safe measures can be taken. Too many people think a condom is good enough or birth control is good enough. What if the condom break or the girl misses a pill. Why not use both and if you're super concerned pull out on top of that. That's like 3 weapons of choice.

I have a friend who slept with another friend who takes the pill. He decided to let it go inside her. I wanted to crack him in the head for doing that. If you really want to do that, wear a condom. The girl should have her safety net and the guy should have his.
 
  • #69
Ivan Seeking said:
It might be true for anyone living near the arctic circle. :rolleyes:

nope, tried and tested, I'm assuming chauff damage = cell damage. But you can piss ice cubes near after if you're a real man, and then who needs kids? You can always throw her down the stairs or punch her in the stomach.

I don't know how you lower 48'ers do things, but up here we don't have time to post on the internet about how badass we are. Attention whores!
 
  • #70
Mickey said:
absolutely unrelenting sex
I'm not a bashful guy but this made me laugh. It's on the same level as when my friend referred to his 3 hour sex session as "epic".

That thing about pushing a prego down stairs or punching her gut is pure BS. That baby is more protected than you think. I would expect the pregnant woman to die before her baby does.

With this whole pull-out and precum discussion - stop being retarded. If you don't want to get somebody pregnant, you wear a condom. If you do want to get somebody pregnant, do whatever you want. Either way it doesn't matter if precum has sperm since you should be using as many protective measures as possible. Planning on pulling out is about as stupid as saying you don't need to wear a seatbelt because you simply won't get in any car accidents.
 
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  • #71
Wear A Jonny!
 
  • #72
Moonbear said:
That's the article I just cited...they had FOUR healthy subjects in the study. By the way, it's not just biology professor, it's REPRODUCTIVE biology. This is my area of specialization. Always read the full article before accepting the conclusion of an abstract. I've already explained the rest of the problems with that paper. Those few drops of secretion from the bulbourethral glands (also known as the Cowper's glands) are secreted pretty early during arousal and plateau phases of sexual activity...pretty much around the time when the erection is sufficient to permit intercourse to start, it's not the same as the fluids present closer to ejaculation, when sperm are being released in preparation for ejaculation. The risk of sperm being present in very early secretions would be from those lingering within the urethra from a prior ejaculation, as I think you were trying to get at in your earlier post. That's not really the big risk in using the withdrawal method, but what's being secreted very close to ejaculation, when some sperm are able to start "escaping."

I wasn't basing my argument on that abstract, it was just the first citation i could find - I'm just reciting what I learned in my college health class last semester (the reproductive section was the first chapter, so I'm afraid I don't remember it so well :-p ) Anyhow, I was told by my prof. that the most current information said pre-ejaculatory fluid did not contain sperm.
 
  • #73
ShawnD said:
That thing about pushing a prego down stairs or punching her gut is pure BS. That baby is more protected than you think. I would expect the pregnant woman to die before her baby does.

My mom got hit by a car when she was pregnant with me - so I tend to agree with you =)
 
  • #74
Has anyone of you thought of that the simplest way to avoid pregnancy is not to engage in sex acts that may lead to conception? :smile:
 
  • #75
slugcountry said:
My mom got hit by a car when she was pregnant with me - so I tend to agree with you =)
OK then, that explains some things!





It was a JOKE! How could you not expect it? It was served up on a platter!:-p
 
  • #76
arildno said:
Has anyone of you thought of that the simplest way to avoid pregnancy is not to engage in sex acts that may lead to conception? :smile:
I think that's the point of the thread. Unwanted pregnancy was proposed as a reason to not engage in premarital sex.

I just wanted to mention that when my wife and I decided to have kids, we went off contraception and would just "see what happens." What happened was three kids in four years. Unwanted pregnacy is not "bad luck," getting pregnant is just what happens. And don't depend on "pulling out." If you are thinking clearly at that moment, you're missing something.
 
  • #77
Well, you can of course engage in sex acts that cannot lead to pregnancy in the first place. :smile:
But that's just my view.
 
  • #78
arildno said:
Well, you can of course engage in sex acts that cannot lead to pregnancy in the first place. :smile:
But that's just my view.

Also sinful. See spreading your seed on fallow ground for more info :smile:
 
  • #79
By the way...when I made this thread at first, I wasn't worried about pregnancy or STD's at all. I was just going to use a condom..:rolleyes:
 
  • #80
Smart idea.

My father always told me that proper protection was a stab vest.
 
  • #81
Buy a fleshlight instead; no worry of std's or pregnancy :smile:
 
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  • #82
HA,

im kinda embarresed to know what your talking about without the need to look it up.
 
  • #83
Schrodinger's Dog said:
Also sinful. See spreading your seed on fallow ground for more info :smile:

Lots of controversy over that passage. Lot of sincere Christians believe Onan's sin wasn't spilling per se, but outright disobeying the direct command of God.

Jus retailing interpretations of an old story folks.
 
  • #84
Andy said:
HA,

im kinda embarresed to know what your talking about without the need to look it up.
Do you own one? If not, you should definitely consider getting one. Quite simply, if you have a penis, you should get one :smile: I would say it is the best 50 bucks I ever spent in my life!
 
  • #85
Are you being serious? I do have a willing girlfriend and don't have to travel away very often so seems abit of a waste to me.
 
  • #86
Yes, I am being serious. Given your situation, I will agree with you, you probably don't need one. For others, however, I think it is a great option.
 
  • #87
ShawnD said:
That thing about pushing a prego down stairs or punching her gut is pure BS. That baby is more protected than you think. I would expect the pregnant woman to die before her baby does.

I was totally kidding!
 
  • #88
arildno said:
Has anyone of you thought of that the simplest way to avoid pregnancy is not to engage in sex acts that may lead to conception? :smile:

Interesting program, how does it work? Do you zap yourself everytime you think of sex with a woman or do you just try and hold it in until your scrotum's the size of a watermelon?

One the other hand, girls do take a lot of time and energy, I must admit.
 
  • #89
Pythagorean said:
Interesting program, how does it work? Do you zap yourself everytime you think of sex with a woman ..QUOTE]
A WOMAN?
How gross..
 
  • #90
For those of you unfamiliar with Arildno, fatherhood is not something that he needs to be concerned about. :biggrin:
 
  • #91
arildno said:
Has anyone of you thought of that the simplest way to avoid pregnancy is not to engage in sex acts that may lead to conception? :smile:
Danger said:
For those of you unfamiliar with Arildno, fatherhood is not something that he needs to be concerned about.
? ? ? ? ? .... !
 
  • #92
arildno said:
A WOMAN?
How gross..

Are you calling me a breeder?!?
 
  • #93
I would posit that pre-marital expressions of sexuality are not only important, but also an inherently valued aspect of species survival.
 
  • #94
Chi Meson said:
? ? ? ? ? .... !
Reproduction requires (disallowing laboratory conditions) partners of opposite sex. If Arildno were not so irreplaceable in his job as a particle physicist, he could most certainly be snapped up to replace Freddy Mercury as the lead singer of 'Queen'.

And as a side-note: if I didn't agree with pre-marital and/or extra-marital sex, I would be the world's only 50-year-old virgin !
 
  • #95
selfAdjoint said:
Lots of controversy over that passage. Lot of sincere Christians believe Onan's sin wasn't spilling per se, but outright disobeying the direct command of God.

Jus retailing interpretations of an old story folks.

I was fooling of course but thanks for the info, not being religous myself it's sometimes hard to tell what that story is suposed to be saying :smile:
 
  • #96
Danger said:
Reproduction requires (disallowing laboratory conditions) partners of opposite sex. If Arildno were not so irreplaceable in his job as a particle physicist, he could most certainly be snapped up to replace Freddy Mercury as the lead singer of 'Queen'.

Oh, I got it. That's what the "!" was (read it again, it's FUNNNY. LAUGH DAMMIT!)
 
  • #97
Schrodinger's Dog said:
I was fooling of course but thanks for the info, not being religous myself it's sometimes hard to tell what that story is suposed to be saying :smile:
(Singing):
"Let the heathen spill theirs
on the dusty ground.
God will make them pay for every
sperm that can't be found.

Every sperm is sacred...etc."
 
  • #98
Well here's something I thought about. If whoever I had sex with for the first time was my wife, would it help me be more attached to her? How much would it help?
 
  • #99
Physics_wiz said:
Well here's something I thought about. If whoever I had sex with for the first time was my wife, would it help me be more attached to her? How much would it help?


Well I did this. One thing it brings to a marriage is improved trust. I could honestly tell my bride I was a vrigin as she was. And since I had never built up an expectation of multiple partners by catting around while I was single, I didn't have any real problem staying single. I knew a couple where the man cheated on his wife and it just about destroyed her. It wasn't just that she felt betrayed, which she did; it was that her self worth just plummeted because in effect he had told he she wasn't worth his full attention.
 
  • #100
Chi Meson said:
Oh, I got it. That's what the "!" was (read it again, it's FUNNNY. LAUGH DAMMIT!)
Sorry, Chi. I have enough trouble with the acronyms and home-made smilies [ :0 , :) , etc.]. That one went right over my head. :redface:
 

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