TheStatutoryApe said:
From what I have seen it seems that it is likely much easier to get what you want from the average woman if you don't do much for her in the first place. apparently you need to make them feel like you might leave them any time and so they need to work to keep you.
Only if you're into dating insecure psychos. If they're only doing things to cling and keep you from wandering off, do both of you a favor and leave. Relationships formed on a premise of threats of leaving aren't healthy relationships, they're a form of psychological manipulation/abuse, and it only works on the insecure.
I actually had an ex tell me that I should never have told her that she didn't have to worry about me cheating or leaving her because she suddenly felt like there was no longer any point to doing anything for me. Not that she had been doing much to begin with.
First off, good that she's an ex, because by that behavior she should be an ex. Second, I bolded a key sentence there. It's not that she was no longer motivated to do anything for you, it's that she never did anything in the first place, and was just finding excuses for it.
If you're keeping score or waiting for the other person to make a move before you make a move, play chess, don't date. A relationship should be more like the way you interact with best friends, just more so. If you go out with your friends for a meal, do you pull out your calculators and divide up the cost to the penny and keep track of each favor they do for you so you know exactly how many favors to do for them in return? No (or at least I sure hope not). Rather, you have a general sense that there is give and take. My friends will sometimes pick up the tab for a meal for me, and if I offer to pay, the usual response is, "Don't worry about it, you can pick up the tab another time." And I do. I don't go counting pennies and make sure we're dollar-for-dollar matching what tabs we pick up. I do have a sense that over time, it's fairly even (i.e., they aren't just buying cheap sandwiches for lunch while I'm buying the expensive dinners in fancy restaurants)...well, with an exception of some who I know just don't earn so much, so if I want to go to a fancy restaurant, I know they can't really afford it, so I'll pick up their costs there so that I can sometimes eat at the restaurants I most enjoy with their company. In exchange, they might do a favor that doesn't cost anything but time (i.e., watering my plants when I'm away).
If you find yourself constantly keeping track of who pays for what, or what favors are exchanged for what, then consider that there is something wrong...either you're already getting that general sense of imbalance, all take and no give, or there's some lack of trust, or you're just not clicking so you don't feel like doing anything special for that person.
If you're doing things with an expectation of payment with something else done in return, you don't have a relationship either, you have a business arrangement. If you're only helping out with chores when you want sex, don't be surprised if she senses that and finds it aggravating. As someone else mentioned earlier in the thread, it's like sex becomes your allowance, nothing more than a pat on the head for being a good boy. If a marriage has degraded to the point where sex is something exchanged for chores, then there's something very wrong with the relationship. If you're not doing things for one another simply because you appreciate each other being there, then there's a problem. I also have an issue with adults thinking chores should be rewarded with ANYTHING, or that one person is exempt from them unless they get something in return. Chores are necessities. Adults just do them because they need to get done. They aren't tokens to trade for sexual favors. And, if you never do chores if you're not in the mood for sex, more often than not, your "partner" is going to spend a lot more time frustrated and annoyed with you for not pulling your weight. One day of doing the dishes and taking out the trash won't fix that.
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