Masters degree letter of motivation feedback.

[zivo]

This is my motivation letter for the university of Regensburg (Masters). The bad thing is that my grades are above average, not great. And I have little to no research experience due to my BSc school. I avoided useless mumbo-jumbo and flatter so it's going to be short and to the point. I pushed the stengths which were strongly mentioned in my recommendation letters. Feedback greatly appreciated.

I am confident that my background will be a valuable addition to your graduate program. Throughout my second year, I taught myself algorithmics and programming and completed my first major project that allowed my to solve a wide variety of problems encountered in my waves and quanta course. In addition, I also got intrigued by solid state physics and started learning it through Ashcroft and Mermin's excellent book. During my final year, I learned computational physics on the side, and used to to complete my second major project, a group project for simulating ideal gases using the HPP model in a high performance implementation and presented it in a poster session. I believe this experience has taught me about working in groups and self-study, and prepared me for the academic challenges that lie ahead.

After attaining my Masters degree, I plan on pursuing a Ph.D in condensed matter. Particularly in emergent phenomena, a field which I grew to like during my Bachelor degree.

 

[CivilSigma]

I don't think this is a good structure for a letter.

You need at least 3 paragraphs : intro, body and conclusion with a salutation and signature block.

 

[symbolipoint]

A few adjustments to language USAGE but that itself will not be enough.

I am confident that my background will be a valuable addition to your graduate program.

A reasonable main sentence or main idea sentence for the paragraph.

Then came the discussion of the main idea:

Throughout my second year, I taught myself algorithmics and programming and completed my first major project that allowed my to solve a wide variety of problems encountered in my waves and quanta course. In addition, I also got intrigued by solid state physics and started learning it through Ashcroft and Mermin's excellent book. During my final year, I learned computational physics on the side, and used to to complete my second major project, a group project for simulating ideal gases using the HPP model in a high performance implementation and presented it in a poster session. I believe this experience has taught me about working in groups and self-study, and prepared me for the academic challenges that lie ahead.

Nice ideas but NOT CLEAR OR SPECIFIC ENOUGH.

 

[zivo]

I don't think this is a good structure for a letter.

You need at least 3 paragraphs : intro, body and conclusion with a salutation and signature block.

I deliberate left out the intro, salutation and signature block due to personal info.

Nice ideas but NOT CLEAR OR SPECIFIC ENOUGH.

I thought that was clear, I was giving practical, specific experiences. Instead of willy-nilly. What do you mean by clear and specific, do you have an example?