Mom Thinks I'm Arguing with her when I'm trying to explain

[Gozaru]

Every time I try to explain something to my mom she thinks I'm arguing. She is like this all the time. If I don't stop arguing(actually trying to explain something) she threatens me with something. Is she just a dumb parent or what? Please help

 

[Evo]

Every time I try to explain something to my mom she thinks I'm arguing. She is like this all the time. If I don't stop arguing(actually trying to explain something) she threatens me with something. Is she just a dumb parent or what? Please help

Maybe you're a dumb kid?

It could be the tone you use or your body language. What/why are you explaining? Had she told you not to do something and you're trying to tell her she's wrong?

 

[Gozaru]

I get straight A's. Almost anything. I try to explain to her why I'm right about something and she thinks I'm arguing. She says, "You want to be right all the time" and then I'll say something like
"I'm just trying to explain" and she'll keep saying I want to be right all the time. Anytime I try to explain to her that I'm right about something(even though I know I might not be) she'll think I'm arguing with her

 

[symbolipoint]

A family counselor who would meet with you'all would be best. Otherwise only guesses could be senility, or envy.

 

[micromass]

Every time I try to explain something to my mom she thinks I'm arguing. She is like this all the time. If I don't stop arguing(actually trying to explain something) she threatens me with something. Is she just a dumb parent or what? Please help

Calling your mother a dumb parent in front of a forum with strangers indicates to me that the problem is not only with her.

 

[Bandersnatch]

Otherwise only guesses could be senility, or envy.

What, no room for a kid with a bloated ego?

 

[phinds]

A family counselor who would meet with you'all would be best. Otherwise only guesses could be senility, or envy.

I completely disagree about your second part. It could very well be just an extreme case of differences in type A and type B communication with absolutely no senility or envy involved. Likely, it's that combined with what Evo suggested; gozaru is unwittingly using communication methodology that is perceived as hostile when it is not at all intended to be.

EDIT: this is in agreement with micromass's suggestion. gozaru probably has a very poor realization of how he comes across to others.

 

[micromass]

I get straight A's.

Irrelevant. And yeah, if this is your discussion style, then I agree with your mother.

Almost anything. I try to explain to her why I'm right about something and she thinks I'm arguing. She says, "You want to be right all the time" and then I'll say something like
"I'm just trying to explain" and she'll keep saying I want to be right all the time.

Well, are you actually right? What topic are you arguing about mostly? Why do you think she's wrong?

And really, if she says stuff like this, then this should be an indication that she does not want to talk about it any further. So do the right thing and stop arguing. Not everybody is interested in having a lot of discussions.

 

[phinds]

And by the way gozaru, whether you admit it to yourself or not, I'm fairly confident that you DO want to be right all the time. That is very common for many people who are Type A and STEM oriented. It's possible I'm wrong, but unlikely. You should examine that possibility very carefully because if I'm right and you don't get a handle on it, you're in for a lot of unnecessary problems in life.

It's not something to be embarrassed by or ashamed of, it's just a condition that some of us have but it's one that it is good to be aware of if you DO have it (as I do).

 

[zoobyshoe]

...I'm fairly confident that you DO want to be right all the time.

Yeah, why can't people just put their big egos aside and pursue the path of being wrong all the time?

 

[phinds]

Yeah, why can't people just put their big egos aside and pursue the path of being wrong all the time?

Sarcasm aside, there ARE those of us who, unfortunately, have an unhealthy need to be right all the time. Sure, nobody wants to be wrong all the time but Type B folks in particular tend to be much more tolerant of being wrong or at least not needing to be right all the time.

 

[Vanadium 50]

“When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.” – Mark Twain

 

[zoobyshoe]

Sarcasm aside, there ARE those of us who, unfortunately, have an unhealthy need to be right all the time. Sure, nobody wants to be wrong all the time but Type B folks in particular tend to be much more tolerant of being wrong or at least not needing to be right all the time.

I understand the issue you're raising, but the way you phrase it suggests it's wrong to want to be right, leading to the absurd conclusion it must be right to want to be wrong. The problem actually is people who have an unhealthy inability to admit when they happen to be wrong. That could well be this poster's mother. It strikes me she avoids admitting when he has demonstrated she's wrong by misdirecting the focus to his alleged need to be right.

“When I was a boy of fourteen, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be twenty-one, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years.” – Mark Twain

In 1847, when Twain was 11, his father, by then an attorney and judge, died of pneumonia.[16]

-Wiki

 

[Evo]

The problem actually is people who have an unhealthy inability to admit when they happen to be wrong. That could well be this poster's mother. It strikes me she avoids admitting when he has demonstrated she's wrong by misdirecting the focus to his alleged need to be right.

The OP admits that he will argue he is right even when he knows he's wrong, I will have to side with the mother on this one.

Anytime I try to explain to her that I'm right about something(even though I know I might not be) she'll think I'm arguing with her

 

[Dr. Courtney]

Here's the key to getting along with women. Recite these words:

You're right.
I'm wrong.
I'm Sorry.
How can I make it up to you?
Dinner?The last line is flexible. (The others are not!) Chocolate? Wine? Flowers?

 

[jedishrfu]

Its too bad we don't know the actual discussion here. However, I can recall movie scenes where a teen would argue the virtues of taking marijuana or some other drug citing all the attendant health benefits yada yada yada... and the parent saying you're wrong its not as healthy as you think... you'll be arrested with an ensuing impasse in the conversation. It could even be other subjects from girlfriends to cars to musical instruments to big concerts using teen vs parent arguments of too much money, too fast or too dangerous.

The most recent movie with this kind of stuff in it is The Descendants.

Kids are always near-sighted and parents are always far-sighted and therein lies the difference.

At home, I remember my son asking me to convince another parent to allow his daughter to come over for a teen birthday party. Realtime during the phone call, my son and his daughter were critiquing the conversation using AOL chat which later I thought was hilarious. The daughter was reading her father's body language and what he was saying, relaying it to my son who wanted me to keeping convincing him. He eventually said yes when he realized that we would be present and in the background, watching things and that it wasn't just all teens party with no adult supervision.

 

[DaveC426913]

As a parent with a son who Must Be Right All The Time But Calls It 'Explaining', I'm afraid I know exactly how your mother feels.

My son has built up a whole world that he thinks makes sense, but he is so inexperienced he doesn't even know that his world is so small. He has not discovered humility. (This may not be your sitch, but the result is the same.)

 

[strangerep]

The OP admits that he will argue he is right even when he knows he's wrong, [...]

That's not quite what he said. Having a debate with someone, but being open to the possibility that one might be wrong, is not a bad thing. There's also nothing wrong with wanting to be correct. The underlying issue is what criteria are being used to verify correctness, but we don't know whether that's even possible here because the OP still hasn't given any concrete examples.

I know plenty of people, especially ministers of religion, who are highly intelligent and can construct sophisticated (theoretical) arguments in support of their preferred position. So the crucial thing here is: can correctness be resolved by appeal to reality (i.e., empirical science), or is it just a philosophical debate and an ego/dominance thing?

 

[symbolipoint]

Eighteen posts on this now. Has ANYONE resolved the original posted problems?

I DID say that a family counselor who could meet in person with the two people involved would be best.

 

[DaveC426913]

We can close this thread now. symbolipoint has fixed it for us.

 

[zoobyshoe]

The OP admits that he will argue he is right even when he knows he's wrong, I will have to side with the mother on this one.

You misread that. He did not say he knows he's wrong. "Even though I know I might not be," means he's allowing that he might be wrong, i.e. that someone might find a better argument, or better facts, but until that's demonstrated, he wants to explain it as he understands it. A person should be allowed to explain something as they understand it and be listened to attentively while doing so. Only then can some error on their part, if there is one, be rebutted."You just always want to be right," is a cheap berzerker tactic; it's changing the subject.

 

[Evo]

Anytime I try to explain to her that I'm right about something(even though I know I might not be) she'll think I'm arguing with her

Ok, he said that "he knows he might be wrong" yet he continues to argue he's right. I'm on the mother's side. He doesn't say that he thinks he might not be right, he says that he "knows" that he might not be right. Why can't he just admit that? Maybe if he did his mother might be more open to listening. Does he really never admit that he doesn't know?

 

[phinds]

Eighteen posts on this now. Has ANYONE resolved the original posted problems?

Well, no ... we all want to be right so we all insist on continuing to promote our own take on the situation. We're not about to give up just because we haven't resolved anything.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Ok, he said that "he knows he might be wrong" yet he continues to argue he's right. I'm on the mother's side. He doesn't say that he thinks he might not be right, he says that he "knows" that he might not be right. Why can't he just admit that? Maybe if he did his mother might be more open to listening. Does he really never admit that he doesn't know?

There is no point in everyone preceding everything they say with, 'I may be wrong, but ...'. It's understood when anyone opens their mouth they may be wrong.

 

[Evo]

There is nothing for us to resolve.

There is no point in everyone preceding everything they say with, 'I may be wrong, but ...'. It's understood when anyone opens their mouth they may be wrong.

Tell the OP that.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Tell the OP that.

All I need to tell the OP is that you are siding with his mother because you sense she is pure evil, and you like that in a parent.

 

[Evo]

All I need to tell the OP is that you are siding with his mother because you sense she is pure evil, and you like that in a parent.

LOL!

 

[EverGreen1231]

Eighteen posts on this now. Has ANYONE resolved the original posted problems?

I DID say that a family counselor who could meet in person with the two people involved would be best.

I know that when I was a teenager, I was so busy...erm...'discussing,' that I never even considered what my parents were saying. I was only ever focused on how I was clearly right. In fact, I thought my father was the most intolerably ignorant man alive...he's learned a lot since then . Give the OP a reality check and things will improve.

 

[DaveC426913]

“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."
- Mark Twain

 

[zoobyshoe]

“When I was a boy of 14, my father was so ignorant I could hardly stand to have the old man around. But when I got to be 21, I was astonished at how much the old man had learned in seven years."
- Mark Twain

See posts #12 and #13.

 

[DaveC426913]

See posts #12 and #13.

Dagnabit! I knew I remembered seeing that quote recently!

Gozaru: I take it all back - your mom's cheese is slipping off her cracker.

 

[Tobias Funke]

Dagnabit! I knew I remembered seeing that quote recently!

Every single time you see a "Twain quote", think of this one:

I never said that.
-Mark Twain.

It seems to apply here.

 

[Silicon Waffle]

I get straight A's. Almost anything. I try to explain to her why I'm right about something and she thinks I'm arguing. She says, "You want to be right all the time" and then I'll say something like
"I'm just trying to explain" and she'll keep saying I want to be right all the time. Anytime I try to explain to her that I'm right about something(even though I know I might not be) she'll think I'm arguing with her

You come here to complain how bad you feel about your relative's decisions, but you seemingly don't want to learn or understand how bad s/he may be feeling each time you "win" your "dialogue" against him/her. There are things we can't change but it won't stop our little sparks of hope to change them.
Considering the importance of what needs and doesn't need to be explained is more necessary.

 

[newjerseyrunner]

There isn't enough information to explain anything, we need more context to know what the issue is.

Is she religious, are you arguing about science / reality? Someones superstitions tend not to be flexible, regardless of evidence or even the most well put arguments. If you try to explain evolution or the big bang to a creationist, they will always argue with you.

Did she have a bitter divorce with your father? You may remind her of him, or may subconsciously take frustrations out on you.

Is she extremely knowledgeable or ignorant in the field you are arguing about? You may be arguing the same point from different perspectives. I've had arguments over procedural vs OOP code and ended up realizing that we were both describing modulation with slightly different details.

Is she arrogant? Some people would rather continue to argue a wrong point than admit that they are wrong, this tends to increase with age. Sarah Palin was once told by Fox News that she was wrong that Paul Revere rang bells to scare the British, instead of admitting she was wrong she made up a story on live TV to try and make herself right.

Does she have stake in what you are arguing? If you're right will it negatively impact her? Cigarettes don't cause cancer... according to cigarette manufactures.

Are you significantly more intelligent/educated than her? Grades don't matter, I mean real analytical and problem solving abilities? Some people get frustrated with people who are either way more or less intelligent, we think differently so a logical argument to you might not be logical to someone with less intelligence, some people are threatened by those who are more logical and argue just to argue, knowing they are outmatched.

That might not go away, you might have to just learn to present your arguments in a different way. You may explain in a universal way when you have to talk to different people in different ways.

 

[rootone]

If it's just an opinion about something it often works out best to 'agree to disagree'.
There's nothing wrong with people having different opinions and it doesn't have to turn into a bitter feud about 'who is right'.
If the dispute is over actual facts then it's really down who has the evidence to support their claim.
In that situation, if one of the disagreeing parties has irrefutable evidence and the other doesn't, that should be enough to resolve the issue without an argument.

 

[newjerseyrunner]

Remember also that grades may not necessarily mean anything. For example, you're on a physics forum, you know that if you got straight As in physics from grade 1 to grade 8, everything you know about physics is... WRONG. Schools teach everything from the theory of gravity to the structure of an atom completely, 100%, dead wrong. Gravity does not pull matter towards other matter, that's a byproduct, electrons do not float around the nucleus like a planet around a star, it's just easier to teach it that way.

 

[micromass]

Remember also that grades may not necessarily mean anything. For example, you're on a physics forum, you know that if you got straight As in physics from grade 1 to grade 8, everything you know about physics is... WRONG. Schools teach everything from the theory of gravity to the structure of an atom completely, 100%, dead wrong. Gravity does not pull matter towards other matter, that's a byproduct, electrons do not float around the nucleus like a planet around a star, it's just easier to teach it that way.

Wrong is relative. As long as you know the limitations of the theory, I wouldn't say any of the examples you listed is wrong. A theory is supposed to be an approximation of reality, and none of our theories are perfect in that regard. There are always flaws, so in that way all of our theories are wrong. On the other hand, most classical theories are taught today for good reaon: because people still work with it. Nobody is going to apply to GR to build a house. There are theories that fit that framework equally well. So as long as you are aware of the limitations, then saying that gravity pulls matters towards other matter is not 100% dead wrong.

 

[phinds]

We're talking to ourselves folks. The OP posted last Sat, answered one question shortly thereafter, and hasn't been back to the board since.

 

[newjerseyrunner]

Wrong is relative. As long as you know the limitations of the theory, I wouldn't say any of the examples you listed is wrong. A theory is supposed to be an approximation of reality, and none of our theories are perfect in that regard. There are always flaws, so in that way all of our theories are wrong. On the other hand, most classical theories are taught today for good reaon: because people still work with it. Nobody is going to apply to GR to build a house. There are theories that fit that framework equally well. So as long as you are aware of the limitations, then saying that gravity pulls matters towards other matter is not 100% dead wrong.

That's true for things that can be explained mathematically, what about things that aren't?

Schools in some parts of the country teach (I'm not sure if they still do) that the Earth was made 6000 years ago, other schools teach that the Earth was made 4.4 billion years ago. The first group are taught that it was created as it is now by magic. This assumes that magic is real. The second group are taught that it just formed and old things were made the way they are by natural processes. This assumes that the natural laws have remained constant. Neither can be proven right or wrong, which one you think is more logical depends on how you were raised, and they are completely incompatible with each other.

 

[micromass]

Neither can be proven right or wrong

That's what a scientific theory is. A scientific theory is a statement about the world that can be proven wrong, but that actually has a lot of evidence.
For example, saying that the Earth is 6000 years old is not a scientific theory, because it doesn't agree with the facts. Saying that the Earth is billions of years old is a scientific theory: it can be proven wrong, but there are a lot of things in its favor.
Saying that magic created the Earth is not a scientific theory since it cannot be proven wrong ever. That doesn't inherently mean that it's incorrect, it's just not something that science deals with.

Inherent to a scientific theory are its limitations. The Newtonion theory has a lot of evidence, but also has limitations. The theory is not valid beyond those limitations, but that doesn't make it wrong, it just makes it inapplicable. A lot of science investigates the exact nature of the limitations.

Note that a scientific theory can only ever be proven wrong, it can never be proven to be correct. The best we can do is to say that it agrees with all the evidence. In the same way, a person in court can never be proven innocent, but he can be proven guilty.

 

[newjerseyrunner]

I'd be willing to bet if you explained that to the OP's mother, she'd argue with you. I don't give any validity to pseudoscience or religion, but I was educated in science. Saying that there exists limitations to a theory to someone who doesn't want to believe the theory will point out the limitations and make the jump to the idea that it's wrong. Here is a good example of what I'm talking about:

Hypothesis: Specific vaccines can predisposition a child to autism
Papers supporting the hypothesis: 1
Papers rejecting the hypothesis: 99
Peer review of the 1 paper supporting it: sample size was too small, not statistically significant.
Headline in the newspaper: VACCINES CAUSE AUTISM SAYS SCIENTISTS

Laymen understand no difference between hypothesis, theory, and scientific theory.

 

[rootone]

Note that a scientific theory can only ever be proven wrong, it can never be proven to be correct. The best we can do is to say that it agrees with all the evidence. In the same way, a person in court can never be proven innocent, but he can be proven guilty.

Hmm, I'm not so sure it's as absolute as that.
Let's say there is a dispute over who is the biological father of a child.
In most cases it should be very easy with modern technology to discover absolutely what the truth is with a zero error margin..

 

[newjerseyrunner]

Hmm, I'm not so sure it's as absolute as that.
Let's say there is a dispute over who is the biological father of a child.
In most cases it should be very easy with modern technology to discover absolutely what the truth is.

Unless you give the father an identical twin and a mother who slept with both. :P

Sorry, just had to point out that even things that seem air tight might have variables we'll miss if we don't really think about it hard.

 

[micromass]

Hmm, I'm not so sure it's as absolute as that.
Let's say there is a dispute over who is the biological father of a child.
In most cases it should be very easy with modern technology to discover absolutely what the truth is with a zero error margin..

First of all, it's a philosophical issue, if you are content with 99.999% certainty then that's fine, but you'll never get 100% certainty. DNA tests don't give 100% certainty.

 

[fireflies]

Here's the key to getting along with women. Recite these words:

You're right.
I'm wrong.
I'm Sorry.
How can I make it up to you?
Dinner?The last line is flexible. (The others are not!) Chocolate? Wine? Flowers?

That doesn't work all the time. I still remember one day my mom was yelling at me on something (honestly I didn't remember what topic was that), then I just said, ya, my mistake- I'm sorry. She got more furious.

though I really don't know if I really sounded that sarcastic :D

 

[fireflies]

But if you really want to get out of this- act as the situation says

 

[newjerseyrunner]

That doesn't work all the time. I still remember one day my mom was yelling at me on something (honestly I didn't remember what topic was that), then I just said, ya, my mistake- I'm sorry. She got more furious.

though I really don't know if I really sounded that sarcastic :D

Some people are also just plain crazy. Get good grades so that you can go to a good college and move away, that's what I did.