My friend can't find her cat - I know what happened to it - It's not good

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A friend is uncertain about whether to inform another friend that her missing cat has been killed and disposed of by city workers. The consensus among participants is that honesty is crucial, as not knowing prolongs grief and worry. Some argue that revealing the truth may lead to feelings of guilt or distress, while others believe it could allow for closure and the possibility of adopting another pet. The discussion highlights the emotional complexities of delivering bad news and the potential consequences of withholding information. Ultimately, it is suggested that the friend should share what she knows to provide clarity and peace of mind.
  • #31
On the OP subject, I don't know what the heck he was doing for one month when her mom was going out to find the cat. There is a right time to disclose what you know and the right time was when they were looking for the cat.
 
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  • #32
rootX said:
On the OP subject, I don't know what the heck he was doing for one month when her mom was going out to find the cat. There is a right time to disclose what you know and the right time was when they were looking for the cat.

:approve:

Well said.
 
  • #33
rootX said:
On the OP subject, I don't know what the heck he was doing for one month when her mom was going out to find the cat. There is a right time to disclose what you know and the right time was when they were looking for the cat.

At the time, I didn't know what was going on. I didn't know they were looking after her cat. I didn't know who's cat it was.
 
  • #34
rootX said:
On the OP subject, I don't know what the heck he was doing for one month when her mom was going out to find the cat. There is a right time to disclose what you know and the right time was when they were looking for the cat.

Sometimes you have to appreciate the moment for what it is. And, sometimes, a person just can't help standing back and vicariously living out a sad moment. Telling her would have brought those moments to an end.

Even so, I would have had to tell the mom the second time I saw her standing out there... or at least by the third time ... or fourth time ...
 
  • #35
BobG said:
Sometimes you have to appreciate the moment for what it is. And, sometimes, a person just can't help standing back and vicariously living out a sad moment. Telling her would have brought those moments to an end.

Even so, I would have had to tell the mom the second time I saw her standing out there... or at least by the third time ... or fourth time ...

But I didn't know at that time. The city worker told me it was her cat, and he actually took care of it for a few years because he was her stepfather.

A can of worms.
 
  • #36
Newai said:
But I didn't know at that time. The city worker told me it was her cat, and he actually took care of it for a few years because he was her stepfather.

A can of worms.
OK, how many of these people have amnesia or have unknowingly consorted with siblings?

Sorry. Seems like a lot going on. Please disregard the soap-opera comparison.
 
  • #37
Just tell her you heard from someone causally that they saw a cat dead that looked kinda like that one. Just make sure not to tell her who it was or that you didnt know who it was they just brought it up when you where talking about it or something. That way you can tell her the cat died without having to bring up issues.
 
  • #38
Containment said:
Just tell her you heard from someone causally that they saw a cat dead that looked kinda like that one.
As in "the person who killed the cat?" :-p
 
  • #39
Newai said:
But I didn't know at that time. The city worker told me it was her cat, and he actually took care of it for a few years because he was her stepfather.

A can of worms.

Nonetheless, you can leave similar impression on them. It's quite hard to tell the things the way you want to tell. I disagree with all who think simply being honest and transparent now is the best thing here.

Personally, I have sometimes found that being clear and transparent not always lead to good outcomes.
 
  • #40
My kids are all adults, now, and they still don't know that Old Yeller died at the end of that movie. :frown:
 
  • #41
BobG said:
My kids are all adults, now, and they still don't know that Old Yeller died at the end of that movie. :frown:

How did you manage that? Distract them with ice cream and discreetly turn off the VCR?
 
  • #42
nismaratwork said:
If she hates you, she hates you... that's the price of waiting. Tell.

more and more, I'm getting the feeling i know you from somewhere else
 
  • #43
Just get her a new kitten. Say nothing. Make sure you can return the kitten.
 
  • #44
Evo said:
Just get her a new kitten. Say nothing. Make sure you can return the kitten.

I loved this idea! :!)

(Don't forget to make a new thread in Relationships forum if you ever need to :smile:)
 
  • #45
Newai said:
This is such a huge can of worms. The city worker who disposed of the carcass had a huge fallout with her. Led to jail time, in fact.

All this over a dead cat. Part of me thinks it might be better to let it die.

wait, she was dating the guy that disposed of the cat? she'll think he killed it.
 
  • #46
Evo said:
Just get her a new kitten. Say nothing. Make sure you can return the kitten.

I can do that. Some things are better left unsaid anyway. Because she doesn't need to know. Leave her with happier thoughts.
 
  • #47
Proton Soup said:
wait, she was dating the guy that disposed of the cat? she'll think he killed it.

No no. Her former stepfather disposed of it.
 
  • #48
Newai said:
I can do that. Some things are better left unsaid anyway. Because she doesn't need to know. Leave her with happier thoughts.
She'll love the new kitten, and if for some reason she can't keep it, you can return it to be adopted.
 
  • #49
Evo said:
She'll love the new kitten, and if for some reason she can't keep it, you can return it to be adopted.

please don't suggest this. he'll own the cat. kittens can be very hard to home out. our humane society here would take it, but it only keeps them for 24 hours. we had a stray dump a couple of litters on us before we managed to cage her and get her fixed. some i managed to find homes through craigslist, but the puppy warriors there make it very difficult for you. overall, it was a very unpleasant experience i don't want to repeat any time soon.
 
  • #50
Newai said:
No no. Her former stepfather disposed of it.

well that makes it worse. seems like he'd have a higher responsibility to deliver the news, tho, unless there's some kind of restraining order in place.
 
  • #51
Proton Soup said:
please don't suggest this. he'll own the cat. kittens can be very hard to home out. our humane society here would take it, but it only keeps them for 24 hours. we had a stray dump a couple of litters on us before we managed to cage her and get her fixed. some i managed to find homes through craigslist, but the puppy warriors there make it very difficult for you. overall, it was a very unpleasant experience i don't want to repeat any time soon.
Some shelters let you "trial" an animal to see if it works out. That's what I'm suggesting.
 
  • #52
Proton Soup said:
please don't suggest this. he'll own the cat. kittens can be very hard to home out. our humane society here would take it, but it only keeps them for 24 hours. we had a stray dump a couple of litters on us before we managed to cage her and get her fixed. some i managed to find homes through craigslist, but the puppy warriors there make it very difficult for you. overall, it was a very unpleasant experience i don't want to repeat any time soon.

Nah. In my case, I'd be fine with one if she doesn't take it. Had my own about a decade ago.
 
  • #53
Proton Soup said:
unless there's some kind of restraining order in place.

Pretty much the case. They need to stay away from each other.
 
  • #54
might as well get one you'd like then
 
  • #55
Evo said:
Some shelters let you "trial" an animal to see if it works out. That's what I'm suggesting.

That just seems sad. I suppose its better than animals not being taken care of or "set free" though.
 
  • #56
TheStatutoryApe said:
That just seems sad. I suppose its better than animals not being taken care of or "set free" though.
Consider taking care of it wasn't what you expected, doesn't get along with a current pet, children hurting it. Better to go back to the safety of the shelter for a good adoption.
 
  • #57
Evo said:
Consider taking care of it wasn't what you expected, doesn't get along with a current pet, children hurting it. Better to go back to the safety of the shelter for a good adoption.
Here, it can cost $150 to remove a dog from a public shelter, and $150 more to surrender the dog if things don't work out. I have no idea what the cat fees are, though with the explosive growth in feral cat populations, the Humane Society might wish to pay you to take a cat.
 
  • #58
Consider this, "Three can keep a secret if two are dead." (Benjamin Franklin)

You buy a kitten, and all it takes is someone slipping up, or this other fellow to scuttle it, and now you're left in a worse situation than if you'd told the truth.

It's folly to think that given how many people know about this, it's a secret you can keep.
 
  • #59
turbo-1 said:
Here, it can cost $150 to remove a dog from a public shelter, and $150 more to surrender the dog if things don't work out. I have no idea what the cat fees are, though with the explosive growth in feral cat populations, the Humane Society might wish to pay you to take a cat.

The shelter I was at a few months back had cut the cat fees 50%. It was so sad looking at all those kittens stuffed in their cages, like a prison. Though by scale I think their cages are probably smaller than a jail cell. Moments like that are so depressing, but the staff were very nice and caring.
 
  • #60
Did a Moderator insert this link? What is this for? This doesn't have anything to do with the cat situation.[PLAIN]http://img696.imageshack.us/img696/6097/scratchhead.gif



[PLAIN]http://img822.imageshack.us/img822/2228/whatisthisq.jpg
 
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