Navigating a New Relationship: Should I Ask Her Out?

[Lavabug]

I disagree with that, 'rejection' should be a rare thing, if not it may be time to try a different approach. Perhaps start off with a better outlook, to some it may seem silly but being positive and confident can carry you a long way.

"Should" does not mean "is". And we can talk all day about outlook etc., but the brass tacks of the matter is even as an above-average male, you should assume most requests for a date will not lead to a date. This I have heard from even very above average males who do get plenty of dates, most of their approaches fail. It's a very simple demand and supply problem.

 

[StatGuy2000]

I disagree with that, 'rejection' should be a rare thing, if not it may be time to try a different approach. Perhaps start off with a better outlook, to some it may seem silly but being positive and confident can carry you a long way.

Questions for you:

(1) How often do you ask women out, and how often do they say "yes" or "no" (or any other answer)?

(2) How would you rate your physical appearance?

Btw, I am assuming here that you are either a heterosexual man or a bisexual male -- if neither applies, please correct me.

 

[Lavabug]

Another question to ask is how many women has he ever asked out on dates in his lifetime.

Online dating sites reflect the issue very well, although probably in a bit more exaggerated fashion. It is well known most men on dating sites do extremely poorly in getting any dates, society or what have you at has made it so that the game/choice is always skewed in favor of women.

 

[mesa]

Questions for you:

(1) How often do you ask women out, and how often do they say "yes" or "no" (or any other answer)?

It depends, right now the lady I have been seeing is leaving to finish up school in Texas so I will be jumping back in. I would say a 'yes' happens about 90% of the time.

(2) How would you rate your physical appearance?

Average.

Btw, I am assuming here that you are either a heterosexual man or a bisexual male -- if neither applies, please correct me.

Your assumption is correct.

Another question to ask is how many women has he ever asked out on dates in his lifetime.

Alot, but that only means missing out on some really nice women while being too busy acquiring more (much wiser now).

Online dating sites reflect the issue very well, although probably in a bit more exaggerated fashion. It is well known most men on dating sites do extremely poorly in getting any dates, society or what have you at has made it so that the game/choice is always skewed in favor of women.

There is a big difference between the net and the real world and as such this does not make for a good comparison. Online women are bombarded with requests because men have anonymity so it is easy to put yourself out there. In the real world it is fairly rare that a gentleman asks out a lady so women tend to respond very positively to that.

Your best bet is to be positive, confident and not wait too long to ask them out. With a little practice asking out women and going on dates becomes a real pleasure.

 

[cragar]

even if I get rejected, I will just keep trying till I find someone.
But Do you think it would be ok to ask her to meet up to talk about random philosophy stuff or something along those lines, should I say I like talking to her.

 

[leroyjenkens]

even if I get rejected, I will just keep trying till I find someone.
But Do you think it would be ok to ask her to meet up to talk about random philosophy stuff or something along those lines, should I say I like talking to her.

I think you should say whatever comes to mind while talking to her. I don't think it's a good idea to plan out things you're going to say, because then it's scripted and you try to work it in instead of letting the conversation flow naturally.

 

[mesa]

I think you should say whatever comes to mind while talking to her. I don't think it's a good idea to plan out things you're going to say, because then it's scripted and you try to work it in instead of letting the conversation flow naturally.

Ditto to that.

Cragar, good luck!

 

[mheslep]

even if I get rejected, I will just keep trying till I find someone.

Slow down. You may want to use the experience to take some time to find out more about yourself, what you like, getting comfortable with yourself. Perhaps you are well read. But where have you traveled? What have you done? Announcing "I will just keep trying" might reflect resilience, but if followed blindly smacks of desperation, with little sense of self. Self knowledge and experience leads to confidence and enthusiasm; it is that which makes one attractive to another, *especially* for males in pursuit of females.

But Do you think it would be ok to ask her to meet up to talk about random philosophy stuff or something along those lines, ...

Random? No. Who wants to listen to truly random? If you have some particular area of philosophy or philosophers about which you are engaged, and have some ability to relate that material to someone else, then by all means. That said, be sure to include acknowledgment in the conversation that the topic *may* be laborious to someone else, i.e. "Forgive me for going on about this, perhaps its laborious, but I love Kant", which is a way of saying I know I'm here with woman and its not all about me. And then be prepared to change the subject if need be.

 

[dirk_mec1]

Online dating sites reflect the issue very well, although probably in a bit more exaggerated fashion. It is well known most men on dating sites do extremely poorly in getting any dates, society or what have you at has made it so that the game/choice is always skewed in favor of women.

Yes this is true. I've seen it happen many times.

 

[sunny79]

Initially just get into the habit of approaching women confidently. Do several approaches, more than a few times you might be politely rejected, but that's ok. Do this several hundred times. This will help you in several ways.

It will remove your fear of approaching women. The fear of rejection will vanish. The transition from approaching to holding a conversation and even getting her phone number will be much more smoother.

 

[mesa]

Yes this is true. I've seen it happen many times.

It may be time for a different approach. It helps if the initial intention is not to ask the person out but just to chat and see where it goes from there. This goes for both men and women, when you are comfortable in any setting everything goes as it should.

 

[Lavabug]

It may be time for a different approach. It helps if the initial intention is not to ask the person out but just to chat and see where it goes from there. This goes for both men and women, when you are comfortable in any setting everything goes as it should.

If the villagers have no bread, let them eat cake.

This is more often than not a 1 way ticket to the friend zone for males. Avoid this if you actually want a date.

 

[mesa]

If the villagers have no bread, let them eat cake.

This is more often than not a 1 way ticket to the friend zone for males. Avoid this if you actually want a date.

Many here are saying they are experiencing a high rate of rejection, if this is the case then it is time for a different approach because it shouldn't be that way. A good place to start is by honing basic social skills and the best way to do that is by talking to more people (both men and women) in everyday situations.

Or you can stay the course and see how that works out.

 

[AnTiFreeze3]

If the villagers have no bread, let them eat cake.

This is more often than not a 1 way ticket to the friend zone for males. Avoid this if you actually want a date.

No, that's a 1-way ticket to the friend zone if you do nothing more have friendly chats. His idea is not to go in with expectations, but to be friendly with the other person, and see where it goes. Poorly? Don't ask out on date. Well? Ask out on date. If you entirely forgo the "ask out on date" section, then it might lead to the "friend zone."

Anyway, the friend zone is a myth for guys who never solidly set forth their intentions. Mesa is proposing that you ought to hold off on revealing your intentions for a relationship until after you have a nice conversation with a woman. Seems like good advice to me.