Is it time to end my high school relationship?

  • Thread starter Nathew
  • Start date
In summary, the conversation discusses the dilemma of a high school senior dating a junior girl and their mutual decision to end the relationship due to the impending long distance separation. The speaker expresses doubts about the relationship and their feelings for the girl, as well as concerns about hurting her. The conversation also touches on the complexities of love and the idea of remaining friends after a breakup. The summary concludes with the advice to enjoy the relationship for what it is and to handle the situation maturely.
  • #1
Nathew
I am currently a high school senior dating a junior girl. We have been dating for almost a year and a half now and I just don't know what to do anymore. We have talked about when I leave and we are thinking we should end it. Long distance is something that is not really appealing to either of us. So with this expiration date, I almost don't see the point to continue dating. We barely get to hang out and we mostly only see each other in school which isn't super fun. I think I still like her but not as much a I used to. Also, there are some things that she does that just annoy me. And if I really loved her shouldn't I love those things too? But I don't. I don't know what to do.
I don't want to hurt her obviously because she is still awesome and want to have her as a friend.
Advice?
 
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  • #2
First off you are allowed to enjoy the relationship for what it is right now. Just because it's not likely to end in a perfectly blissful marriage it doesn't mean that you can't enjoy being teenagers in love together. If that were true there wouldn't be much point in starting any relationship until you had a stable career and strong sense of self.

Next, everyone has things about them that will annoy their partners regardless of how much in love they are. The real question is how important these issues are to you.

All of that said, based on the tone in your post it sounds to me like you're trying to rationalize the fact that you don't want to be in a committed romantic relationship with this person. That's perfectly fine. You can still try to be friends, but you have to remember that means you're likely to see her with someone else or vice versa and that can be tough.

I would avoid dragging it out once you're sure of your feelings. Putting it off will only make it harder. That also makes it easier for that cave man part of your brain to do stupid things to sabotage the relationship and that's never good for anyone.

Talk to her. Tell her how you're feeling. Dealing with stuff like this in a mature manner is that "life experience" stuff that adults are always going on about.
 
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  • #3
I agree with everything Choppy says.
 
  • #4
Drakkith said:
I agree with everything Choppy says.
I agree with everythinjg drakkith says.

It sounds like you both are in agreement that the relationship is over, it's now facing the awkwardness of actually making it official. Good luck to you both. You sound like you are mature and have a good head on your shoulders.
 
  • #5
Nathew said:
there are some things that she does that just annoy me. And if I really loved her shouldn't I love those things too?
Nooooo, but if you're sufficiently infatuated you might overlook them -- for a while.

A proper "relationship" is where you progressively find out lots more annoying things the other person does and are gradually driven stark raving mad thereby.
 
  • #6
Nathew said:
I don't want to hurt her obviously because she is still awesome and want to have her as a friend.
Advice?

Why are you so much concerned about her feelings?
Just breakup with her.
 
  • #7
You're both still growing and changing.


Scott Peck wrote a good book about growing older, "The Road Less Travelled" .
It is popular among people a decade or two older than you, but chapter two on "Love" would be worth a look for the two of you together. It's about how relationships mature.
https://www.amazon.com/dp/0743243153/?tag=pfamazon01-20


My Pretty Rose Tree

A flower was offered to me,
Such a flower as May never bore;
But I said 'I've a pretty rose tree,'
And I passed the sweet flower o'er.

Then I went to my pretty rose tree,
To tend her by day and by night;
But my rose turned away with jealousy,
And her thorns were my only delight.


William Blake
 
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  • #8
In case anyone was wondering, we broke up. I told her how I felt and she kind of agreed we should break up. I don't think that it was her first choice but I just wasn't as into her as I used to be. Anyway, it's done.
 
  • #9
Nathew said:
In case anyone was wondering, we broke up. I told her how I felt and she kind of agreed we should break up. I don't think that it was her first choice but I just wasn't as into her as I used to be. Anyway, it's done.

I applaud your courage and I completely understand not wanting to hurt someone. It is unfortunate that love can lead to some of the worst emotions and pain ever known. But you can't have the good without risking the bad I suppose.
 
  • #10
Don't be afraid of "just staying friends".
 
  • #11
I was living in Canada for a 10 month period for work. I met a girl there in my first month and we started to see each other pretty frequently. It got somewhat serious, and we both had strong feelings for each other. We were both well aware throughout the relationship that, practically speaking, the relationship had an expiration date. But we enjoyed each other's company and lived in the moment.

I was eventually put on a project in another country, and we had to say our goodbyes. It was a bummer, but neither of us regretted starting the relationship. We still talk every once in a while to catch up and keep in touch.

If you like spending time with one another, don't be afraid to keep the relationship going, even if it has an (quote/unquote) expiration date. These situations will help you mature emotionally precisely because they are difficult and confusing. "What's the point?" is the wrong question to ask.
What would be the point of ending the relationship? What would either of you gain?
Were you sure you were going to be spending the rest of your lives together before? Well, if not, what was the point in dating in the first place?

The point is to spend time with people you care about. Who knows what'll happen in the future.
 
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  • #12
Nathew said:
In case anyone was wondering, we broke up. I told her how I felt and she kind of agreed we should break up. I don't think that it was her first choice but I just wasn't as into her as I used to be. Anyway, it's done.

I sort of thought she would agree too. Don't worry you never know what time will bring for the both of you :approve:
 

Related to Is it time to end my high school relationship?

1. Should I end my high school relationship?

This is a personal decision that only you can make. Consider the reasons why you are considering ending the relationship and weigh them against the positive aspects of the relationship. Ultimately, you need to do what is best for your own well-being and happiness.

2. How do I know if my high school relationship is worth continuing?

Think about the aspects of the relationship that bring you joy and fulfillment. Is the communication open and honest? Do you have common values and goals? Are you both willing to work through challenges? If you can answer yes to these questions, then your relationship may be worth continuing.

3. Will ending my high school relationship affect my future?

It is impossible to say for sure how ending a high school relationship will affect your future. However, it is important to remember that high school relationships are often short-lived and many people go on to have successful and fulfilling relationships with other people later in life.

4. How do I end a high school relationship?

If you have decided to end your high school relationship, it is important to have an honest and respectful conversation with your partner. Choose a private and calm setting to talk and be clear and direct about your feelings. It is also important to listen to your partner's perspective and be prepared for a range of emotions.

5. Is it better to end a high school relationship before or after graduation?

There is no right answer to this question as it depends on the individual circumstances. Some people may choose to end the relationship before graduation in order to avoid any potential drama during the final months of high school. Others may want to wait until after graduation to end the relationship in order to avoid any awkwardness during school events. Consider what will be best for you and your partner, and communicate openly with each other about your decision.

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