Percentage of Married people down-why?

[rewebster]

Percentage of Married people down---why?

"The American Community Survey, released this month by the Census Bureau, found that 49.7 percent, or 55.2 million, of the nation's 111.1 million households in 2005 were made up of married couples - with and without children - just shy of a majority and down from more than 52 percent five years earlier."

http://www.nytimes.com/2006/10/15/world/americas/15iht-web.1015wed.3163579.html


I heard this last year on the news, and was curious why this is happening.

"I would say the increase is due to people feeling more comfortable disclosing that they are gay or lesbian and living with a partner," he said.

was in the article for one reason. I don't think its the major reason though.


Are people getting too particular for themselves? Growing unsure about making a commitment? Do they like their independence too much? Is it more of the man's fault or the woman's?

People may have specific reasons, but even though the article is a couple of years old, I would guess things haven't changed that much since the article was written.

(I was thinking about this from just the high percentage of people I know living in my neighborhood.)

(and-since was not about a specific relationship, I put it in GD----if one of you mentors want to move it to 'relationships'--that's fine with me)

 

[Evo]

After 2 marriages, I probably would not get married again unless there was a large legal benefit. With laws becomming more lax to extend benefits to a "significant other", I think fewer people are willing to tie the knot afer being burned.

I also know many women that decided not to get married because they had also decided not to have children, so didn't see the point. Many of them live with the man they love and have great relationships.

 

[rewebster]

burned?

emotionally? physically? socially? financially?

(or, all of the above?)

--not specifically 'you' if you don't want to answer---which of those is used for the 'reason' that you have heard most often?


More often than not, I hear the answer--'I just haven't found the right person'



something of recent:

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=<object width="425" height="344"><param name="movie" value="http://www.youtube.com/v/C2FMdOLyRcA&hl=en_US&fs=1&"></param><param name="allowFullScreen" value="true"></param><param name="allowscriptaccess" value="always"></param><embed src="http://www.youtube.com/v/C2FMdOLyRcA&hl=en_US&fs=1&" type="application/x-shockwave-flash" allowscriptaccess="always" allowfullscreen="true" width="425" height="344"></embed></object>

 

[Evo]

burned?

emotionally? physically? socially? financially?

Financially, at least for me.

 

[Proton Soup]

there is less stigma now to people "shacking up".

 

[rewebster]

I wonder how much correlation there is also with the 'media'---and ease of transportation. Seeing what else is 'out there' with movies, TV, etc. and mobility of leaving one area to 'see what's available' (cars, trains, and planes). "The grass is greener" idea is strong in a lot of people.

 

[russ_watters]

I would think that a large fraction of the change is due to the increase in the average marriage age.

 

[techmologist]

I would think that a large fraction of the change is due to the increase in the average marriage age.

That's got to be a large part of it. But that doesn't sound as good at the Values Voters' Summit.

 

[edpell]

Moynihan Report The name conventionally given to the volume on The Negro Family: The Case for National Action, published by the US Department of Labor in 1965, and authored by the American social scientist and politician Daniel P. Moynihan.

The reasons given by Moynihan in 1965 for the deterioration of black families now applies to U.S. families of all races.

 

[qedprigmosyno]

My guess is pretty much a move in the feminist movement, an inspiration for individuality.
With these morals, its not difficult to reason why marriages do not hold together.
A little history of marriages will reveal that marriages were maintained because male and female depended on each other for survival. This in turn evolves into a tradition and for the sake of tradition, we had maintained the ideal marriage. In fact, I would argue this is how the concept of love for husband and wife evolved from the necessity for survival.
In korea, wives had to deal with husbands; to divorce is to bring upon shame upon their family.
In a summary, cultures break, when the reasoning no longer exists. Although I will not attribute the feminist movement to the marriage divorces or less marriages, I will say that it did revolutionize the concept that woman does not need man to survive.

 

[Moonbear]

I think it's a combination of what Russ said, that the average age people get married is increasing, along with less stigma to getting divorced and living together unmarried...or even keeping separate households and thus not driving each other mad so quickly.

 

[Jack21222]

Is it more of the man's fault or the woman's? [/B]

Why do you use the term "fault?" That word implies that being unmarried is wrong, and you're looking to blame somebody for it. Is being married a somehow more "correct" than being unmarried? If so, why?

 

[rewebster]

Why do you use the term "fault?" That word implies that being unmarried is wrong, and you're looking to blame somebody for it. Is being married a somehow more "correct" than being unmarried? If so, why?

don't make too much out of it...

I included it as a 'generality view on social behaviors'. If, for example, you can just look at TV shows, a lot of them deal with the 'abnormal' / wrong lifestyle and behaviors of singles, and those that are married trying to get/correct their friends into marriage.

 

[physics girl phd]

After 2 marriages, I probably would not get married again unless there was a large legal benefit.

In my case... it was a health benefit! I think this is why the Republicans are blocking healthcare reform. They want all of us underemployed (or unemployed) folks without health benefits tucked into heterosexual marriages with a spouse who provides those benefits.

As you all know, might as well take advantage of those heath benefits... Little E, the recession baby, sure is cute.

"Family values" for sure.

 

[story645]

Is being married a somehow more "correct" than being unmarried? If so, why?

It definitely feels that way in some cultures. I have a lot of married acquaintances my age (22) because they're from cultures where there's a strong push for it. My single friends from the same cultures get so much guilt, drama, or pressure; makes for some great snarky comments, but it's also kind of awful. One of the most insulting things I've seen is basically a bounty for finding a match for a girl over 25. It's got tons of really good intentions behind it and all, but it also kind of stamps a sell-by date on girls.

My votes with everyone else, it's a combination of changing cultural values and getting married at an older age. I also wonder if the divorce rate (or seeing parents divorce) is scaring anyone off, but I don't know if there's hard data on that.

 

[f95toli]

But it also varies a LOT from country to country, even in the western world. In Sweden there is really no legal reason to get married anymore (except for a few details,mainly related to inheritance, but they are largely irrelevant as long as you write a will).
As long as you are "cohabitants" (I guess that is the best word it) a number of laws automatically kick in, including some that regulate financial arrangements etc if you break up (if you own a house together and so on); kids are obviously also included.
Most of these laws came into place in the early eighties (and are gender neutral, and so is btw marriage).

Hence, the only reason couples get married in Sweden is because they think it is romantic.

However, you only have to go to Norway (which otherwise culturally is VERY similar to Sweden) and the situation is very different, then there are all sorts of practical reasons to get married, especially if you have kids (I have family in Norway).

 

[Loren Booda]

Because I'm now limiting the number of wives in my harem.:tongue2:

 

[Nebula815]

At another forum I mentioned that I do not want to get married, someone said, "GOOD LUCK with that, 90% of American women today marry up." I think I would prefer cohabitation though.

After 2 marriages, I probably would not get married again unless there was a large legal benefit. With laws becomming more lax to extend benefits to a "significant other", I think fewer people are willing to tie the knot afer being burned.

I also know many women that decided not to get married because they had also decided not to have children, so didn't see the point. Many of them live with the man they love and have great relationships.

Evo just curious/confused, are not you married currently?

 

[Evo]

At another forum I mentioned that I do not want to get married, someone said, "GOOD LUCK with that, 90% of American women today marry up." I think I would prefer cohabitation though.



Evo just curious/confused, are not you married currently?

No, I'm not married.

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

I'm afraid it's my fault. When we wed, 100% of the people in our family were married. That soon dwindled to 66% and now only 50% of the populace in my household are married. Sorry.

 

[rewebster]

I'm afraid it's my fault. When we wed, 100% of the people in our family were married. That soon dwindled to 66% and now only 50% of the populace in my household are married. Sorry.

so, two kids?

 

[BobG]

Like Jimmy, my household started off at 100% married, declined to 67%, 50%, 40%, and 33% increased back to 40%; then decreased to 25%; increased to 33%, then 50%, before decreasing to 0%.

 

[Chi Meson]

I'm afraid it's my fault. When we wed, 100% of the people in our family were married. That soon dwindled to 66% and now only 50% of the populace in my household are married. Sorry.

That's not bad really. It's down to 40% here.

 

[rewebster]

Like Jimmy, my household started off at 100% married, declined to 67%, 50%, 40%, and 33% increased back to 40%; then decreased to 25%; increased to 33%, then 50%, before decreasing to 0%.

let us know if it gets below that level

 

[Nebula815]

No, I'm not married.

I thought you were married to Kurdt...? That's why I was confused.

 

[Evo]

I thought you were married to Kurdt...? That's why I was confused.

That was a joke.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

I think people have very different ideas about relationships now than they used to. The vast majority of people I meet are looking for their perfect mate, which may or may not exist. If they get into a relationship with someone and realize that the person is not the perfect person they thought they were they become unhappy and eventually separate. Most of the married people I have met have cheated or been cheated on and are miserable and figuring on divorce.

Once I was out with a friend and we met up with a female he knew from college. She was out at a bar waiting to meet up with a guy she was cheating on her husband with and wanted friends there so it looked more of a friendly get together than a romantic rendezvous. She brought a friend with her who was married. Apparently the "romance" of her friend cheating on her hubby with another man infected her, she decided she wanted to try it out herself and began trying to get in my pants.

There just seems to be a major disconnect in people's minds between romance and reality. It used to be ignorance, a man and would should get married, fall in love, and stay together (yeah, generally speaking in that same order too). Now its immaturity, a person should not "force" themselves to "settle" for what ever person they happen to wind up with they ought to find their soul mate and have "true love".
Somewhere in the middle is the key. No you will never meet the perfect person nor can you fall in love with just anyone but you can find a person and fall in love with that person. They will not be your ideal mate. They will have flaws. Your life will not be white picket fences perfect. ALL relationships will require compromise and work to maintain them at some point or other. Most people just don't seem to like the reality of it.

 

[Nebula815]

Most of the married people I have met have cheated or been cheated on and are miserable and figuring on divorce.

Wow.

Once I was out with a friend and we met up with a female he knew from college. She was out at a bar waiting to meet up with a guy she was cheating on her husband with and wanted friends there so it looked more of a friendly get together than a romantic rendezvous. She brought a friend with her who was married. Apparently the "romance" of her friend cheating on her hubby with another man infected her, she decided she wanted to try it out herself and began trying to get in my pants.

WOW.

There just seems to be a major disconnect in people's minds between romance and reality. It used to be ignorance, a man and would should get married, fall in love, and stay together (yeah, generally speaking in that same order too). Now its immaturity, a person should not "force" themselves to "settle" for what ever person they happen to wind up with they ought to find their soul mate and have "true love".
Somewhere in the middle is the key. No you will never meet the perfect person nor can you fall in love with just anyone but you can find a person and fall in love with that person. They will not be your ideal mate. They will have flaws. Your life will not be white picket fences perfect. ALL relationships will require compromise and work to maintain them at some point or other. Most people just don't seem to like the reality of it.

What I do not get are the people who just seem to cheat like they have no regard whatsoever for the other person.

Over at another forum I attend, they were discussing Tiger Woods and some were saying about how incredibly difficult it is for a man in that position not to cheat, when surrounded by so many beautiful women throwing themselves at them, and mentioned how Ben Affleck had talked about how when you can be in a casino, and the best-looking woman in the place serves your drink and on the bottom of the glass you find a note saying, "Room XXX, 7:00."

I said if a person truly loves their wife and is loyal, they will not cheat, many people basically told me to shut up and that if you have no experience in such a situation don't talk, but I still could not imagine just cheating, how something like that could be irresistable. Tempting sure, but I'd think any normal person could control themselves and remain loyal.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

Tempting sure, but I'd think any normal person could control themselves and remain loyal.

I know what you mean. I do not understand it either. An old supervisor of mine would tell me all the time about how he had cheated on his wife again. He always seemed upset that he had done so and swore that he never would again but it only took a week or so before he had another story to tell. I've heard it hypothesized that humans are not naturally monogamous animals. Maybe its true. I've actually wondered if we could find out the trend throughout history of the male to female ratio for different areas of the world if there may be some correlation with the incidence, and social acceptability, of infidelity.


By the way I do know a number of people with happy relationships and marriages though they are rare. I think that in most cases one or both had already been divorced or they married later in life (30+).

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

There are a great many centrifugal forces in a marriage. She's always makes him late whenever they go out together, and he doesn't make himself presentable to her family. The slow accumulation of minor annoyances leads to tremendous agravations. Even if you take the perfect couple, my wife still refuses to put the nail-clipper back where she found it. I didn't mind it at first, but after years of it I can't help but remind her that when I was single I knew under exactly which pile of other stuff, my stuff was. She takes issue to my intransigence on this point and besides why didn't I take out the trash last night? And on and on like that all day long, like drops of water torture. It's petty and minor, but it drives people apart. On the other hand, there are centripetal forces at play as well. There is the feeling that we would be lost without each other. There are the kids. There is 'better the devil I know'. Some of the centripetal forces are weaker than they used to be. For one thing, women are no longer as financially dependent on their husbands as in times past and this is an on-going trend. The social pressure to stay married is reduced as more and more of your friends have already done it and won't be looking down on you. Perhaps the legal pressure is reduced, I don't know, by judges who require less separation time, etc. Steadily improving day care for children must have an effect.

 

[WhoWee]

In my case... it was a health benefit! I think this is why the Republicans are blocking healthcare reform. They want all of us underemployed (or unemployed) folks without health benefits tucked into heterosexual marriages with a spouse who provides those benefits.

As you all know, might as well take advantage of those heath benefits... Little E, the recession baby, sure is cute.

"Family values" for sure.

Actually, I've recently observed numerous situations where women have jobs with health care benefits - which are extended to their independent contractor or business owning spouses.