Personal case - why do I have this thought process?

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Main Question or Discussion Point

Let's identify a point of view:

I think she thinks poorly of me because I'm not a certain way. I then think, I'm not that certain way because I'm like this. I then spend ways reaffirming this. She now thinks well of me because I'm the person I perpetuate. I'm bothered when people challenge my made up affirmation. People believe my affirmations, I become successful. I stop believing my affirmations, I become point one -> People think poorly of me, because I am a certain way - a slob, procrastinating, etc. When I constantly re-assess my affirmations, I'm counterproductive.

Have I identified a fallacy in my thinking? Or is it a fundamental part of human nature? Either way, I'm compulsive with this sort of thinking. I'd prefer it if I were happy and successful without the use of this type of mindset.

I think this is a fundamental way I think. Am I psychopathic?
 

Answers and Replies

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Ryan_m_b
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No one is going to be able to diagnose you of psychopathy, not over the internet. It seems like your "real" personality has socially unacceptable/undesirable characteristics. To some extent everyone has this, when someone confronts you with this you can either try to change something about yourself, act like yourself and ignore them or act differently around them. We all do all of these things at some point for different reasons.
 
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Let's identify a point of view:

I think she thinks poorly of me because I'm not a certain way.
Why do you think she thinks this? (In other words, this isn't a statement about what she thinks, it's a statement about what you think.)
I then think, I'm not that certain way because I'm like this.
The reasoning "I'm not that because I'm this" is not very insightful. Define exactly what doesn't appeal to you about the first thing. For example, you might realize "I'm not a meat eater because I don't like the way they raise animals in the meat industry." That's a much more meaningful analysis than saying "I'm not a meat eater because I'm a vegetarian," which doesn't really explain anything.
I then spend ways reaffirming this.
Why? If your analysis of who you are, what you like, etc were accurate it doesn't need "affirmation". It's just a fact.
She now thinks well of me because I'm the person I perpetuate. I'm bothered when people challenge my made up affirmation. People believe my affirmations, I become successful. I stop believing my affirmations, I become point one -> People think poorly of me, because I am a certain way - a slob, procrastinating, etc. When I constantly re-assess my affirmations, I'm counterproductive.

Have I identified a fallacy in my thinking? Or is it a fundamental part of human nature? Either way, I'm compulsive with this sort of thinking. I'd prefer it if I were happy and successful without the use of this type of mindset.
Yeah, all this points to you not really knowing who you are, what you actually believe and think and like, and trying to create, and live inside, a mask.

To the extent people criticize one quality about you and praise another, it might seem a good strategy to create a sort of false identity that caters to what they seem to want. As you've seen, though, that doesn't work: you eventually get tired of inhabiting the mask. Even if the mask works, it's unfulfilling because it's not you.

The world is full of disparate people all with different values and tastes. Avoiding conflict often requires finesse, diplomacy, compromise. Finesse, diplomacy, and compromise take effort, and represent a certain degree of putting yourself on hold a bit, learning to delay gratification, being patient, that sort of thing. The whole while, though, you should keep taking the pulse of who you actually are, what you want and like. Rather than trying to make people think you're what they want you to be, it's about being who you are in a non-confrontational, respectful way.

I can't answer the question posed in your title, but that doesn't matter because it's probably not important to find the answer. What's important is for you to realize there are a million good alternatives to any repetitive habit of thinking. To find an alternative you have only to examine your train of thought more closely and start identifying and questioning assumptions you didn't realize you were making.
 

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