Piano: Playing the Right Hand an Octave Lower

[bomba923]

(Remember to play the right hand an octave lower)

So, which sounds better on the piano?
(see the attached image file)

 

[Hurkyl]

Just looking at the music, I would think the first one sounds better... but I worry about that low Bb in the 4-th measure.

All I have handy is my trusty recorder, and the first one does, indeed, sound better. But I'm not playing the low Bb along with it.

That chord in the second line just plain looks weird in this sequence. Eb-minor? It might look better written as a Gb instead of F#, but that doesn't change the sound. In any case, the diminished chord looks like it fits in a lot better.

The major problem with the second line, at least in my rendition on recorder, is that the third and fourth measures just sound too similar.

 

[JamesU]

Hey hurkyl, want to let us see the attachment?

 

[dav2008]

They look identical to me...

Edit: Oh I see it now.

 

[rachmaninoff2]

M. 3-4 transition in the second example is nonsense. The diminshed triad in the first example is merely awkward, and painful, much more so with the unnecessary Bb suspension. If this is a theory exercise (as I hope), lots of things to things to be improved might be

-mobile bass
-use readable notation (bass clef for RH)
-look up, in your text, a half-decent transition from IV(64) to I, there are many
-figure out what your rests mean, and why they make everything more awkward
(hint: 1st downbeat is the strongest beat)

 

[bomba923]

M. 3-4 transition in the second example is nonsense. The diminshed triad in the first example is merely awkward, and painful, much more so with the unnecessary Bb suspension. If this is a theory exercise (as I hope), lots of things to things to be improved might be

-mobile bass
-use readable notation (bass clef for RH)
-look up, in your text, a half-decent transition from IV(64) to I, there are many
-figure out what your rests mean, and why they make everything more awkward
(hint: 1st downbeat is the strongest beat)

Well, this is not really a theory exercise--->just two versions of a piece I've just received from my buddies, and I'm trying to find out which version is better. As clarity seems to be an issue, I post a clearer image soon...

(Well...I'll change their F# to a Gb...and those "toted quarter rests" will be replaced with separate quarter and eighth rests. Also, I'll transpose the RH to work with a bass clef)

 

[rachmaninoff2]

(Well...I'll change their F# to a Gb...

That still doesn't work; IV-iv is very questionable harmonically... and in this case the notes are exactly repeated.

and those "toted quarter rests" will be replaced with separate quarter and eighth rests. Also, I'll transpose the RH to work with a bass clef)

The dotted rests are correct as they are - changing that would decrease readability. The questionable rests are in the upper staff, looking at the apparent melodic structure - apparently the strong beats are all silent! :zzz: If they're looking at the Bb as melodic, even worse - you have a melodic structure that looks like "Bb - Bb - Bb - Bb - Bb".

 

[bomba923]

Actually--
the first version is from Carl Fischer's "Let Us Have Music for Piano", from last few lines of Maxwell Eckstein's arrangement of "Ave Maria" in Bb major.

(The second version is how a buddy of mine wanted to revise it )

(The original idea was to stick Maxwell Eckstein's arrangement, but just changed one/two notes slightly in that one measure. Though, I don't think this piece was part of the original "Ave Maria", as composed by Schubert; rather, it's probably just an addition in Eckstein's arrangement)

 

[rachmaninoff2]

Arrangments are no better than the arranger.