My problems with math began at a very young age. The school I went to was very small and situated next to farmland, and the teachers didn't really have a firm grasp on the subject themselves, nor were very enthusiastic about it. My frustrations with the subject, and being unable to understand what the greater picture was behind it, contributed greatly to rebelling against it. My parents were also terrible with the subject, and were no real help. I would be put on the spot with a question, and laughed at when I attempted to take the time to think it over. I remember one occasion, I had even broke down crying in frustration. And I was video taped. So I began to value quickness of thinking-- Unfortunately, this required not being very thorough with that thinking, and so much of my answers would always be wrong. My peers would also make fun of me for my difficulties. I turned away from math in disgust. I would jot down fake answers to homework, and I'd barely pass maths, getting by on the skin of my teeth. My parents would tell me, ''You're just not a 'math person'. Don't worry about it. You're a great writer.'' ... But, to me, this has always been a challenge to meet, and figure out. It doesn't make sense to me that we categorize people by what they know, when they haven't been given the opportunity to really show what they know. I know that with enough time spent, and practice, anything can be learned. Anything is achievable. Going into high school, and then later, college, of course it makes sense that without a strong foundation, newer and newer concepts became increasingly elusive. And then, when I more recently have begun going through the basics, I realize I know much more than I thought. As I look at math and physics now, I see it quite broadly as a beautiful language and way to interpret the world that I'm unable to grasp. I feel as if there is this huge part of me that is missing, a logical, reasoning and rational part. People would always tell me that there wasn't a logical, or rational bone in my body. This serves to fuel my current ambitions. Though I'm frustrated and old fears come back to haunt me when I'm faced with problems, I feel exhilarated when I'm able to solve them. I think that, if I'm able to become brilliant at this subject, and quickly grasp these concepts and ideas, that I will become a better person because of it, and be able to understand so much more about the world around me. I don't feel as if I can be smart without a thorough understanding of maths, and to a certain extent, science. Although I never really had any trouble with science. But, I have no idea where to start with math, or what steps to take. I'm going at this completely from a self-study perspective, and have no means to go to any classes or find tutors. I go back to the basics and find that I know something, and then I try to take a step forward and get confused. But, if I know where to start, and what steps to take, I'm sure that I can achieve an understanding. I'm ultimately working my way up to Einstein-level, but really, who isn't? I know this is a broad generalization, but really, my only ambition for math is to learn it. Just to learn math for the sake of learning it. So that I don't feel as if my brain, or mind is gimped. So that I can say that I'm smart, and mean it, because there's nothing I can't grasp if I have math. Can someone please help me find the steps needed?