Pleasing Trouble: Navigating a Difficult Choice

[heartless]

Suppose that X is a person who strongly cares for you, and you also care for X. One day X asks you to do something for him, but you refuse to do it because the result won't be pleasurable to yourself. X keeps on asking you to do something but you refuse each time, you don't want to please X and at the same time unplease yourself. Seeing every refusal, X becomes very sad, and doesn't want to listen to your reason of refusal. You see that the old relationship between you and X is decaying. Would you do what X asks you for, bringing him into happiness and bringing yourself into uncomfortable situation?

Rather a formal question - yes or no and why. Let X's request be undefined.

 

[moose]

Depends on what the thing really is. You seem to ask a lot of personal questions, heartless.

 

[theCandyman]

X would really owe me if it hurts, as I see it. I would not do it if it hurt someone else as well though. I tend to help my friends without thinking about it - and even just regular acquaintances sometimes, too.

 

[Hurkyl]

The details, of course matter.

But just from this abstract sketch, I would say that X is way out of line for trying to pressure you into doing something you really don't want to do.

Of course, you owe it to X to evaluate your feelings and be sure that this is something you really don't want to do.

For example, there's a rather limited selection of foods that tastes acceptable to me, and I generally steadfastly refuse to eat at more exotic places. But when it means a lot to a good friend of mine, I am quite willing to go somewhere more exotic.

 

[Gale]

it does depend on the situation. sound like if you're just 'uncomfortable' its not that big of a deal. why not make someone else happier for just a bit of discomfort? seeing them happy cheers you up anyway except that you've already made a big deal out of it, so maybe you'll be resentful no matter what. its not a straightforward question, and its silly to think it could be.

 

[heartless]

Thanks for responses,

You seem to ask a lot of personal questions, heartless.

I think by personal questions you can learn more about your surrounding, other people and how other people tend to think. It helps me realize something, but I'm not going to tell you what.

For example, there's a rather limited selection of foods that tastes acceptable to me, and I generally steadfastly refuse to eat at more exotic places. But when it means a lot to a good friend of mine, I am quite willing to go somewhere more exotic.

But now suppose, your friends ask you to eat with them in exotic places, everyday, for quite a long time. Would you still do it for them if that makes them joyful?

it does depend on the situation. sound like if you're just 'uncomfortable' its not that big of a deal. why not make someone else happier for just a bit of discomfort? seeing them happy cheers you up anyway except that you've already made a big deal out of it, so maybe you'll be resentful no matter what. its not a straightforward question, and its silly to think it could be.

Thanks gale. If the undefined request belongs to the set of 'normal' things, something not vulgar, not violent, not 'stupid' would the question still be not straightforward? Let me add another variable to the above situation.
X's position is much higher than yours, something like a lowest position worker and a boss. How would you behave then?

The request is undefined because I'd like to have an ultimate solution for the problem, no matter of situation. It must apply to various situations (which like above, are "normal"). When I think deeper about it, it really looks that the answer is straightforward. It's simply yes or no.

Thanks,

 

[Kazza_765]

The request is undefined because I'd like to have an ultimate solution for the problem, no matter of situation. It must apply to various situations (which like above, are "normal"). When I think deeper about it, it really looks that the answer is straightforward. It's simply yes or no.

Thanks,

You sound as if your defining a maths problem, not a social issue. There is no ultimate solution to the issue, hell, relationships would be a whole lot easier if there was. Every situation is different, it depends on your relationship with X, how much it will please them and how much it will displease you.

What would displease you more, losing your relationship with X, or doing what X is asking of you?

Is it worth keeping a relationship with X if they don't understand your reasons for refusing?

Does X have a valid reason for asking this of you? Perhpas you need to understand why they want it.

Issues like this don't usually have 'solutions'. I suppose a better way to put it would be 'outcomes'. If you have tried explaining your situation to X and they absolutely refuse to understand, then either you can do it at your displeasure, or not do it and risk loosing your relationship. Often there is no easy way out. That's life, and it happens often.

 

[moose]

There is usually an alternative solution to everything. Try to find one :)

 

[wolram]

He is not a good friend if he keeps nagging you to do something and you have already said no, if you have explained to him why you do not want to do it that should be enough, i used to do some spare time work for a wealthy, so called friend, in the end his demands on my time became to much and i told him so, i have only seen him a couple of times since.

 

[Emieno]

I think by personal questions you can learn more about your surrounding, other people and how other people tend to think. It helps me realize something, but I'm not going to tell you what.

Personal questions in your culture might be irritations to people in others, which I advise not to further think about it
None of other lifeforms or organisms on Earth possesses an extremely dynamical thinking process like man. Learning like the way you are thinking and surely current society you are living in can eliminate the cost of self-discoveries but won't benefit in the long run especially your own fitness in worldwide community.

But now suppose, your friends ask you to eat with them in exotic places, everyday, for quite a long time. Would you still do it for them if that makes them joyful?

That's an oddity from you. You said X cared for you, and you too cared for X ?
You may try to answer yourself what "care" is, especially what you care about X.

X's position is much higher than yours, something like a lowest position worker and a boss...I'd like to have an ultimate solution for the problem, no matter of situation

Well, you are lucky because X is the highest and you are the lowest but you are well-cared for the reasons no one knows!

Man-to-man, man-to-nature are inter-related via cause-and-effect's. Utimate solutions to any problems are directly from you, which are results of your own cumulative decisions during each time of your interaction in society, not from your interactive partners.