I think your wife is quite satisfied at how you've turned out..Astronuc said:I have never think that a woman would wish to have a man under her thumb - at least, I have never felt I was under any woman's thumb.
The first step is to realize it yourself and ease up. Don't act desperate as if you need her to give some meaning to your life (that signifies you haven't got anything to give her back), be confident in that you, exactly you, have more than enough to give her, be generous in giving of yourself towards her.Clausius2 said:Thanks man . But you should let them know it. It seems they haven't realised of that yet.
:rofl: My wife is a psychology major, so that probably helps. :rofl:arildno said:I think your wife is quite satisfied at how you've turned out..
Anyhow, yes, what I describe ARE nuances rather than complete and total opposites; however I do think that some features will spread out more prevalently in one part of the population than in the other. That does not mean there won't be any individuals on the other side of the fence who haven't had rather similar experiences.
Human psychology is damned tough..
I shrivel at the thought of her..Astronuc said::rofl: My wife is a psychology major, so that probably helps. :rofl:
Probably. In my experience, it was nothing strange. Actually, I think being straight, you're surrounded by a lot more straight influences. You know some things about sex and stuff like that before you actually go through puberty, so the change doesn't really seem like a distinct change. We're probably conditioned to want to have sex with girls before we actually feel the instinctual desire, so when we do, it's not as shocking.arildno said:Okay, I'll continue, and here's the first point which I believe is quite differently experienced between straights and gays:
When a gay's feelings starts "awakening, then these are practically always regarded as "other", not parts of your self; they are not regarded as signs that you yourself is changing in any fundamental or frightening way.
You yourself doesn't change a bit by this new mental content.
(That is how it felt for me)
This is I believe, quite different from how the pubescent straight feels, as if she (or he) doesn't know herself anymore, she knows she's changing into someone else than who she was before.
It is, however, she who has these feelings, they are her.
Have a totally misperceived straights here?
My point was that you were never in doubt that your feelings were YOUR feelings, however much they changed (or possibly, didn't change) you. (Were you in doubt?)AKG said:Probably. In my experience, it was nothing strange. Actually, I think being straight, you're surrounded by a lot more straight influences. You know some things about sex and stuff like that before you actually go through puberty, so the change doesn't really seem like a distinct change. We're probably conditioned to want to have sex with girls before we actually feel the instinctual desire, so when we do, it's not as shocking.
OK, now I understand the point clearly. My feelings have always been my feelings - although I certainly questioned whether my feelings where right or appropriate (well I question everything anyway - Asperger's perhaps - busy mind) - they were nevertheless my feelings.arildno said:My point was that you were never in doubt that your feelings were YOUR feelings, however much they changed (or possibly, didn't change) you. (Were you in doubt?)
I thought mine weren't mine, and that's the basic point I was trying to convey.
I was shocked to read this post. arildno just didn't seem like the person to have that um...lifestyle.arildno said:INTRODUCTION:
As a gay man, I've often wondered why it seems so difficult for straights to understand what we mean by having a "gay identity" that to me is a perfectly natural, keen sense of being; an abiding tune if you like, a humming in me at all times.
The almost universal reaction from straights is that we mean something like having explicit sexual fantasies about members of our own sex, i.e, that we are referring to our specific mode of arousal.
By this reaction, straights have totally missed the mark, or at least, deeply misconstrued the whole issue.
Another typical reaction is that perhaps we gays go about with a sense of being different, i.e, that we have a sort of perpetual outcast feeling within us that drives us into each others arms to huddle together for some time and gain respite from a hostile world around us.
This last attempt from (usually sympathetic, but pitying) straights to understand us is however, utterly false:
Rather than being an ever-present sense of inadequacy, my "gayness" is a sense akin to that of achieved wholeness and self-sufficiency, that is, intimately and irrevocably entwined with my sense of independent adulthood, and yes, pride and self-confidence.
I am as utterly and totally gay when I inhale a fresh batch of cool morning air as when I am deeply intimate with another man.
Such a statement will most usually be met with headshakes and stares of blank incomprehension from straights.
To me, at least, it has been very puzzling that there doesn't seem to exist a similar sense of "straightness".
Lately, however, as I've pondered these various issues again, I think I've found a way to describe this, and I hope you'll join me and read on since I think I've also figured out a few bits about you straights which might be of interest to yourselves.
I have headed the thread with a reference to the moment when you REALIZE you're gay, perhaps the most defining moment in a gay man's life, and that should not be confused with the moments you start having sexual fantasies about or encounters with boys/men, nor about coming out as gay.
As I see it now, gays and straights go through totally different maturation processes towards adulthood leading to quite strongly divergent mentalities, which makes "understanding" very hard, and probably can't ever be achieved fully.
So, in the spirit of attempting the impossible anyway, my next post will involve describing these maturation processes as I see it now.
I will, of course, be delighted if someone actually reads this thread and posts intelligent comments, even if it should happen that those comments reduces my beautiful theory about distinct maturation processes to shambles..
(Perhaps this thread ought to be moved from GD to "Social Sciences", or possibly, the philosophy forums)
Well, since I seem to have been unclear, rather than leaving anyone guessing, my friend's gay boyfriend was the "perfect gentleman" in that he was content to hold hands, go shopping, listen to her, go out on all sorts of fun dates, and never once pressured her to have sex. Well, it's pretty obvious why once it was revealed that he's gay, he had no sexual feelings for her, just that deep fondness Arildno talks about.Astronuc said:I think what Moonbear is getting at is the fact that a gay man does not behave aggressively toward a woman, in general, but rather behaves in a gentlemanly way. On the other hand, I get the impression that far too many heterosexual men behave in a more aggressive manner.
At the risk of generalizing, I think single women are looking for that 'perfect gentleman' with whom they can develop a 'secure' relationship in which they can release that primal scream (I'm using arildno's words here). This is the basic mating pattern. If a woman is going to invest in a relationship in which she will bear children, I expect that she will want the man to be around for a long time - i.e. lifetime.
Ah, that's the way I behaved with women when I was single. I never pressured any woman to have sex, actually it was the other way around for me - the girls/women were the ones who initiated physical contact or mentioned anything sexual.Moonbear said:Well, since I seem to have been unclear, rather than leaving anyone guessing, my friend's gay boyfriend was the "perfect gentleman" in that he was content to hold hands, go shopping, listen to her, go out on all sorts of fun dates, and never once pressured her to have sex.
When I was in my early teens (actually pre-teens as well), the girls were the ones who initiated 'making out', and that was as far as it went. However, in my late teenage years and early 20's, I was always careful not to encourage any woman - well, that is, until I met the woman I married.Moonbear said:With heterosexual men, even when they are being gentlemen and not pressuring a woman into anything, there is still a sort of sexual tension present, something in the flirtation, the way they hold hands, etc, that is apparent to a woman once she gets to know him (it's not apparent immediately, at least not to me). For example, when you hold hands, a straight man might give a woman a little squeeze or caress her palm, or entwine his fingers with hers, but if a woman holds hands with a gay man, it's like holding hands with another woman or your brother or father, you may playfully swing your arms, but your hands are just there, no squeezes or tickles or rubbing.
What the heck do you think you know about my "lifestyle"??yomamma said:I was shocked to read this post. arildno just didn't seem like the person to have that um...lifestyle.
Give me a sharp, jagged, angled body not quite fitting together due to all that ferocity straining to get free. What should I do with a soft, curved pillow-body seamlessly joined together?Ron_Damon said:that you have very bad taste? Frankly, I'm surprised even women find men attractive
Oh, I've known I've been DIFFERENT from other boys all my remembered life (say from the age of 4-5).hypatia said:Most of my friends who are gay, have known they were gay from the time they were small children. I know for some it was a struggle to conform to hetero society, tho they gave it there best shot. I can only imagine how hard life was for them at that time. Today they move around society with relative ease, but sill keep in mind, of the places they must avoid.
We have a gay couple who moved onto my block a few years ago. And my other neighbor was so stupid as to say to me, " As long as they stay away form my children, I'm fine with it". I had to laugh, her children are female.