Some witty replys to things like, what goes up must come down

[herpamad]

Hi

Sorry for such a random and Off-topic post.

I am doing an aerospace project, and i am looking for a selection of witty replys to simple science statements, just to add a little humour/fun to an otherwise boring presentation.

Statements like: what goes up, must come down... Not if it goes out of orbit... i am looking for something a little more witty, but maybe you get what i mean.

What does this have to do with Aerospace?

I find Aero Engineers have more of a laugh than others on the whole... thus thought here may be a good place to post.

 

[Ophiolite]

This isn't quite the same thing, but it might be of service.

In the 1970s I was on a crew change to a drill ship in the South China Sea. The first leg involved a DC3 charter flight to Kuantan in Malaysia. I was seated next to a very drunk rig hand. (In those days turning up for work sober was not seen as an HSE necessity.) After gazing at the propeller on his side of the aircraft for some time he turned to me very seriously and said, "You see those big fans?"
I nodded.
"They've got to use those big fans to keep the wings cool. If they didn't, they would melt and drop off."

 

[minger]

Many times someone says that something will work in theory, I quote the great Homer Simpson

Oh sure, even communism works. In theory.

 

[FredGarvin]

My witty reply repitore consists of insults for co-workers. I'll have to see if I can dig anything else up.

 

[DaveC426913]

I'm sure you've come across these out there on the intertubes:

TRUE STORIES FROM QUANTAS AIRLINES:

After every flight, pilots fill out a form called a gripe sheet, which conveys to the mechanics problems encountered with the aircraft during the flight that need repair or correction.The mechanics read and correct the problem, and then respond in writing on the lower half of the form what remedial action was taken.

Never let it be said that ground crews and engineers lack a sense of humor. Here are some actual logged maintenance complaints and problems as submitted by Qantas pilots, and the solution recorded by maintenance engineers. By the way, Qantas is the only major airline that has never had an accident.

Pilot Report: Left inside main tyre almost needs replacement.

Solution Recorded: Almost replaced left inside main tyre.



Pilot Report: Test flight OK, except auto-land very rough.

Solution Recorded: Auto-land not installed on this aircraft.



Pilot Report: Something loose in cockpit.

Solution Recorded: Something tightened in cockpit.



Pilot Report: Dead bugs on windshield.

Solution Recorded: Live bugs on back-order.


Pilot Report: Autopilot in altitude-hold mode produces a 200 feet per minute descent.

Solution Recorded: Cannot reproduce problem on ground.


Pilot Report: Evidence of leak on right main landing gear.

Solution Recorded: Evidence removed.


Pilot Report: DME volume unbelievably loud.

Solution Recorded: DME volume set to more believable level.



Pilot Report: Friction locks cause throttle levers to stick.

Solution Recorded: That's what they're there for.



Pilot Report: IFF inoperative.

Solution Recorded: IFF always inoperative in OFF mode.



Pilot Report: Suspected crack in windshield.

Solution Recorded: Suspect you're right.



Pilot Report: Number 3 engine missing.

Solution Recorded: Engine found on right wing after brief search.



Pilot Report: Aircraft handles funny.

Solution Recorded: Aircraft warned to straighten up, fly right, and be serious.



Pilot Report: Target radar hums.

Solution Recorded: Reprogrammed target radar with lyrics.



Pilot Report: Mouse in cockpit.

Solution Recorded: Cat installed.



Pilot Report: Noise coming from under instrument panel. Sounds like a midget pounding on something with a hammer.

Solution Recorded: Took hammer away from midget.

 

[minger]

Great stuff dave. I would think anyone who has seen Rainman knows that Quantas is the only airline with a major accident.

 

[DaveC426913]

Great stuff dave. I would think anyone who has seen Rainman knows that Quantas is the only airline with a major accident.

Without?

 

[Danger]

I'd forgotten about that list, Dave. Thanks for bringing it back.
Someone here (Russ?) once posted: "Why is the sky blue?" "Because if it was green, it would be a lawn."
I'll try to think up some more of my own and post them later. In the meantime, I'm going to repeat myself here just because the Quantas list prompted me:

"[URL=http://img258.imageshack.us/my.php?image=pf9br.jpg[/URL]

 

[FredGarvin]

Danger...nice drawing...but...

 

[Danger]

Danger...nice drawing...but...

Yeah, I know... the flap's at the wrong angle for a bungie jump. Call it artistic license...

 

[FredGarvin]

Yeah, I know... the flap's at the wrong angle for a bungie jump. Call it artistic license...

Actually, I was thinking more along the lines of how could the bungee cord possibly go forward when the aircraft is always moving forward? I guess if it pulls them back up...

Still... good enough for the Sunday comics in my book.

 

[Danger]

I didn't actually put any thought into it. My basic reasoning was that the jumper would end up trailing the plane, then get snapped forward. This is part of my '5th Dimentia' comic strip that I did a few years ago when I was temporarily unemployed. Although I think like a PFer, the comics were aimed toward a more general audience. (And before someone mentions it, I deliberately spelled 'Dimentia' that way. It's a combination of 'dimension' and 'dementia'.)
I've posted a few other examples on PF, but that was actually a stupid thing to do. Now that they're on this site, Greg owns the copyrights to them.