Struggling in College: How Do I Cope and Move Forward?

[seycyrus]

therapy for myself , but my psychologist advised me not to; I probably will see the psychiatrist but I just don't think it will help and I feel like I will be wasting my time and money on drugs that could make me suicidal

You don't HAVE to take the drugs, and not ALL drugs make you suicidal.

You indicated that you would like an MRI, a psychiatrist can provide you with that opportunity. A psychologist cannot, unless she refers you to someone else (which is what she did btw)

I created this thread not just to confess my personal problems to a bunch of stranger; Moreover, to asked people who also have personal problems how do they cope with their personal problems and do you go on any creative endeavors you partake on to deal with your undesirable predicaments;

Sounds like you are asking for more magical "strategies" that you will scrutinize and dismiss out of hand.

The real "strategy" is to stop looking for a wonder plan. it'll take some hard work.

Go talk to your old mentor. You must have had something of merit for him to have had an interest in taking you on. Do what I advised earlier.

 

[MissSilvy]

I second seycyrus. No offense dude, but I have seen people who have it ten times worse than you take responsibility and make their own way and turn into something amazing. You are sitting around looking for more tips and tricks instead of getting out and making changes.

YES, the changes are hard; they are emotionally draining, they're not always fun, they're not always easy but you do them because you want to change. You're looking for some magical way and coping strategies that'll solve all your problems for you without you having to conquer yourself. You won't find it.

The last two pages of this thread have been excuses about how your professors don't care, your advisor doesn't care, your psychiatrist doesn't care. I don't give a whoop-de-doo who cares or not, you have to MAKE them care. They don't get paid to care and it's not a prefect reality but that's how it is. I hated my freshman advisor because all she gave me was stilted advice and refused to let me try to do things she considered difficult. I didn't whine and pout that she didn't care; I went and I got a new, unofficial advisor by emailing a wonderful professor I had known and I have someone who believes in me. Be polite, be interested, and don't act like it's their job to help you. It's not, but plenty of professors are willing to help a hardworking student who is willing to help themselves.

Friends are a powerful influence on you these years and it's important to find them. I have three great, motivated and hardworking people with similar interests and similar goals and we spend a lot of time together. It sounds like you need to find a group you fit in with. At the same time, no one likes a wanker who just takes and takes without giving anything back. Plenty of people in your situation lose any friends they might have potentially made by making the friendship all about them and their problems. A true friend will help you with your problems but it goes both ways. You're on a campus with a zillion kids your age, there must be one or two in the thousands that you can click with.

I know this is a preachy-type post but I'm not trying to rip you down for fun. It's just sad to see a lot of people in this type of a hole when they see no real way to get out of it. What most people don't realize is that the people who do make giant changes to their lives, who are amazing at what they do and who accomplish a lot of stuff aren't superhuman. Everyone has bad days where they think "Oh god, how can I go on?" and they feel like crap. The difference between what they're doing and what you're doing is that they know they can change it and they go out on their bad days and work to make it better. Do you think Olympic swimmers always want to go to three-hour long practices everyday? They didn't have bad days where their friends ticked them off, or they got a bad grade on some test, or when they felt like they were worthless? It happens to everyone, but the key is to go out and try anyways, not to give up.

 

[noblegas]

I second seycyrus. No offense dude, but I have seen people who have it ten times worse than you take responsibility and make their own way and turn into something amazing. You are sitting around looking for more tips and tricks instead of getting out and making changes.

YES, the changes are hard; they are emotionally draining, they're not always fun, they're not always easy but you do them because you want to change. You're looking for some magical way and coping strategies that'll solve all your problems for you without you having to conquer yourself. You won't find it.

The last two pages of this thread have been excuses about how your professors don't care, your advisor doesn't care, your psychiatrist doesn't care. I don't give a whoop-de-doo who cares or not, you have to MAKE them care. They don't get paid to care and it's not a prefect reality but that's how it is. I hated my freshman advisor because all she gave me was stilted advice and refused to let me try to do things she considered difficult. I didn't whine and pout that she didn't care; I went and I got a new, unofficial advisor by emailing a wonderful professor I had known and I have someone who believes in me. Be polite, be interested, and don't act like it's their job to help you. It's not, but plenty of professors are willing to help a hardworking student who is willing to help themselves.

Friends are a powerful influence on you these years and it's important to find them. I have three great, motivated and hardworking people with similar interests and similar goals and we spend a lot of time together. It sounds like you need to find a group you fit in with. At the same time, no one likes a wanker who just takes and takes without giving anything back. Plenty of people in your situation lose any friends they might have potentially made by making the friendship all about them and their problems. A true friend will help you with your problems but it goes both ways. You're on a campus with a zillion kids your age, there must be one or two in the thousands that you can click with.

I know this is a preachy-type post but I'm not trying to rip you down for fun. It's just sad to see a lot of people in this type of a hole when they see no real way to get out of it. What most people don't realize is that the people who do make giant changes to their lives, who are amazing at what they do and who accomplish a lot of stuff aren't superhuman. Everyone has bad days where they think "Oh god, how can I go on?" and they feel like crap. The difference between what they're doing and what you're doing is that they know they can change it and they go out on their bad days and work to make it better. Do you think Olympic swimmers always want to go to three-hour long practices everyday? They didn't have bad days where their friends ticked them off, or they got a bad grade on some test, or when they felt like they were worthless? It happens to everyone, but the key is to go out and try anyways, not to give up.

perhaps you are right; But I am about to graduate from college(hopefully) within a year and I don't think I can begin on a clean slate again with my low GPA and so my future will start off very bleak with me not having any money in my pockets , unlike most of the college graduates; I am not a wanker; IF I was not trying my darnest to improve my situation, I wouldn't be trying to seek help from a psychologist; nor if I just stopped caring about academic life, I would not have asked my physics professor if I could work as a lab assistant this summer; Sometimes its hard to "pull yourself up by your bootstraps" If you lack the proper support system(i.e. friends, mentors, etc) ; Somedays I feel much older than I really am and feel like I am about to approach the age of 50(I am 21); everyone is graduating and going off to professional schools and I am on a road in a dark forest where everything is pitch black and I've just gone deaf ;

 

[seycyrus]

perhaps you are right; .. and I am on a road in a dark forest where everything is pitch black and I've just gone deaf ;

Have you made an appointment with that psychiatrist yet?

Have you spoken to your mentor yet?

 

[cronxeh]

noblegas, I was going to comment on your lack of command of English language, but what the hell, we've all been there. I think you need friends, I don't personally have any, but someone like you might benefit from the social support group. I have a career that doesn't involve any college education whatsoever, I work 3 days a week, and go to classes full-time the other 4 days. I've been in college for 7 years now. I might graduate next year, I haven't decided yet. College is not about partying, girls, getting laid, or going to war with your professors. It is not about whining, worrying, stressing yourself out, or jumping from the library building of NYU. College is about disciplined approach to a problem. A systematic, methodical, logical analysis of the world around you and ways to make it better, either for yourself or for others.

You need to get a hobby, turn it into a job, and start reading books more often. Forget about women for now, drink modest amount of wine and beer, read Giacomo Casanova's autobiography in 12 volumes called "My Life", and immerse yourself in a lifetime commitment to learning. Now you say you have Asperger's syndrome. Bummer. Perhaps you can overcome this burden and graduate with honors from your University. Then write a book about it and make millions. Or just go silently into the night. Either way, its social Darwinism, evolve or be eaten. It is a harsh world out there, and you have to get stronger. Mentally, Physically, Emotionally, and most importantly Analytically. Start reading philosophy texts by Nietzsche and Epicurus. The meaning of life is PLEASURE. Deriving this pleasure from reading, music, women, wine, boating, sports, drugs, knowledge, work, friends, etc IS your purpose in life. If you are not PLEASED you must change. You need to adjust all of these parameters until you are fully balanced. Seek pleasure in the aforementioned list, find a subject you like, a woman to love, wine to drink, boat to fish from, sport to excel at, legal drugs (try Salvia divinorum, you'll trip balls legally), and so on.

Your life is a collection of your experiences, make them exciting and memorable. Now turn off your computer and go out there. Carpe Diem!

By the way, this is the edit (I thought I sounded a bit dry): listen to Mendelssohn's Concerto for Violin and Orchestra in E minor its on youtube somewhere. It starts off sad (in E minor, obviously) and evolves into a strong homophonic sound towards the end.

 

[qspeechc]

There's a fantastic book I can recommend: Stephen Fry's "Moab Is My Washpot". You have to read it to the end. This book helped me a lot. I was depressed, suicidal even at one point, and bottom of my class in just about everything. It isn't all larks and springtime, and the sunshine isn't bursting through the clouds, but I'm satisfied and much happier with my life. I have friends. I came top of a course last semester. It really is an amazing book. At least it will cheer you up, it's the autobiography of a famous English comedian and actor.

 

[rolerbe]

Noblegas,

I know a bit of where you're coming from, as I went through a similar 'crisis of purpose' during my own undergraduate years. I call it that because you entered college in general, and physics in particular, with certain intents and expectations, and are frustrated by feeling that you are not making the progress you hoped, coupled with questions as to whether or not you even still want the same things.

I won't try a lot of psychology stuff, but just say this having been there and been through it. Your career is not over. You still have any choice of outcomes and careers you may want. Some, that are particularly focused on grades, etc. may be harder than others, but there will be many options that can lead to 'success' by all objective (and most subjective) measures. Computer programming, bioinformatics, and systems engineering come to mind as viable and lucrative professional pathways that match up well with physics undergraduate degrees.

But, the onus will be on you, yourself. You can learn things from others, sometimes, but in the end you have to push through it yourself. You will have do decide to succeed. To get through the courses. To learn how to study, how to learn, and how to test well. There are many learnable techniques, but no magic other than internal willpower. Decide to succeed, decide to graduate, decide to force yourself into more social situations. And trust that your sense of purpose will return and that your motivation will overcome the obstacles that you face.

This is simply part of growing up. The cycle of loss of purpose and search for renewal will be repeated as you go through life. The first time is the hardest and deepest and scariest because you have no prior experience to prove that you will make it through. Later it becomes easier to recognize it for what it is, just a shifting of gears and redirection of where you are headed, not an endless abyss.

Hang in there and PUSH FORWARD. Good luck.

Rolerbe

 

[Loren Booda]

Notice that those offering advice do so in retrospect as survivors.