Whoa, Mom, it was so cool! After the car went over the cliff in that ball of flame, I jumped out the open window and dove into the water below. Wow, it was like, messed up, y'know? So, I was in the water, and noticed I cut my leg somewhere, probably the rock I scraped on the way in. And then, dude, you wouldn't believe the size of the sharks that started showing up, and I thought I was done for. And then, out of nowhere, this killer whale shows up, I mean a real killer whale, like Shamoo dude, not like cool killer...well, that too. A killer killer whale! Ha! So, the sharks just booked it out of there. And the whale was all cool, like, "Wanna ride?" And I was like, "Yeah, cool." So, I like climbed on its back and we headed out to sea. Then I was like, "Dude, I'm thirsty," and the whale was like, "Dude, we're in the ocean," and I was like, "Dude, it's all salt water." So, Zeke...oh, yeah, that was the whale's name, Zeke...so, Zeke takes me to this really cool island. And, I get there, and there's all these like WAAAAYYY HOT babes all over, and they see the cut on my leg, and their all like, "So, what happened," and I was so like, "Oh, nothin' much, just jumped out of a flaming car off a cliff and into the ocean," and I was all totally cool about it, and they were like, so turned on by it, and all fighting over who would bandage my leg. So, I like hung out there for a while. There was this way cool bar, and the drinking age was only 17.6, so I hung out there playing pool and darts, and they had this way cool drink called a Moonbeast, and I got sooooo pissed. I passed out on the beach, and when I woke up, man, I had this killer hangover, and all the hot babes were gone and there were these way hotter babe pirates! So, they were like, "Yaaarrr, ye be comin' wit' us ye scurvy cur!" And I was like, "I hope so, dudettes!" But, then we were way out at sea again, an' this sub just shows up, like outta nowhere, an' all these ninjas just came flying out, and they busted up the pirate ship pretty bad, and took some of the babes as hostages, and whoa, it was just, like, so cool! And then, there was like this huge battle outta nowhere, 'cause these helicopters all showed up, and they were, like, taking me up on a rope ladder they hung out of one of the choppers, and then this other pirate ship shows up, the Galenog, and they start shootin' their cannons at the choppers and shoot a fireball at the rope ladder and the whole ladder, like just suddenly burns through, and I go falling. But, then I landed in this other ship that seemed to just show up outta nowhere, and it had all this zombies and zoobies on it. Wow, they were just sooo cool. The zoobies are, like, all hairy, and they try and act tough, but they're not really, but the zombies are kinda mean, and they, like, made me into one of them. So, then we came into shore to get supplies, and I was like, whoa, dude, I know this place. It was the dock I used to play around as a kid, and some of the sailors, they saw me, and they asked me how my mom was doing, and I was like, "I dunno, I haven't seen her in a while." And they were like all, "Dude, you got to do right by your Mom." And I was like, "Yeah, maybe you're right." And so I got a cab and came home.
That was great! 
Hag?! Hag!? HAG? 