What Do You Do If You Were a Rock Star?

[Astrophysics]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you're buying
a bag of pistachios and you are
shocked to see your own face
plastered on the cover of all
the tabloids around the register?

Eat the pistachios and if they were good I'd go to a store and buy some more. If my face was still on the cover I'd know that they have finally cloned men and I'm either the clone or the original one.

What do you do if you find out that you're a clone and that the original person is really annoying and is nothing like you and people think that you're the original one?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by Astrophysics
Eat the pistachios and if they were good I'd go to a store and buy some more.

Buy a copy of the "rag" trade paper, as well, to have a photo of myself, that is to be used in the pending lawsuit for the invasion of privacy that has clearly occured...all the while, eating the pistachios...naturally!

What do you do if you "Ask a stupid quention..." in the "What do you do if..." forum??

 

[Astrophysics]

Delete the message...

What do you do if your message wasn't finished and you accidently post it and then post the complete one, while someone is reacting on you first post and your question remains unanwsered...and you can't delete your first message...?

 

[Astrophysics]

Originally posted by Astrophysics
Delete the message...

What do you do if your message wasn't finished and you accidently post it and then post the complete one, while someone is reacting on you first post and your question remains unanwsered...and you can't delete your first message...?

You post a message, tell everyone what you did in a what do you do if...question, reply to your own post and ask the question anyway.

What do you do if you found out that you're a clone and that the original person is really annoying and is nothing like you and people think that you're the original one?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you "Ask a stupid quention..." in the "What do you do if..." forum??

Put yourself in an envelope and
mail it to Graceland: Elvis made
this very mistake numerous times.

What do you do if, when using a
vacuum cleaner to remove a song
that's been stuck in your head
for a month, you accidently suck
out every Christmas carol you know
and people start teasing you by
calling you "The Grinch Who Sucked
Christmas"?

 

[Astrophysics]

You'd try to act more like Jim Carry.

What do you do if no one anwsered your question which you asked twice and you're getting confused because everything you thought was true is actually wrong...?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Astrophysics What do you do if you found out that you're a clone and that the original person is really annoying and is nothing like you and people think that you're the original one?

It's funny you should ask because
just the other day when I was
trying to delete a post that someone was in the process of responding to my answering machine started blinking and when I played
the message it said: "E.T. Phone
Clone!" What do you do if you're sitting
there on a bench with a shotgun,
minding your own business, when
a CPA comes along and starts
hinting that the rocky road ice
cream you bought the night before
was some sort of gross extravag-
ance?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Astrophysics
What do you do if no one anwsered your question which you asked twice and you're getting confused because everything you thought was true is actually
wrong...?

You just suck that depressing
thought out of your head with a
vacuum cleaner.

What do you do if when you are
digging around in a rotten log
for grubs you break through into
an alternate universe by accident?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Astrophysics
What do you do if your message wasn't finished and you accidently post it and then post the complete one, while someone is reacting on you first post and your question remains unanwsered...and you can't delete your first message...?

What I usually do in this case is
crawl away on all fours to one of
my favorite gutters, lie down and
think about Bernouli's principle.What do you do if you're about to
get on the Ferris wheel at the
state fair and a particularly
intense man comes up and starts
lecturing you on the spiritual
deliverance available only from
worship of the B-Flat Black Hole?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Astrophysics
What do you do if your message wasn't finished and you accidently post it and then post the complete one, while someone is reacting on you first post and your question remains unanwsered...and you can't delete your first message...?

With your left hand hold down the
Ctrl and Alt keys. With your right
hand push the mouse firmly into
whichever of your nostrils you
deem to be largest. With your
middle hand knock sharply on your
scull twice over the anterior
parietal lobe, left side. In about
45 seconds all hell will break
loose.

What do you do if you are crawling
on all fours to your favorite gut-
ter for a nap and you suddenly
notice there is a large Wildebeast
laying in your spot?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you are crawling on all fours to your favorite gutter for a nap and you suddenly notice there is a large Wildebeast laying in your spot?

You Answer your own question...

You Answer your own question...

You Answer your own question...

You Answer your own question...

You Answer your own question...

You Answer your own question...

You Answer your own question...

You Answer your own question...

You Answer your own question...

You Answer your own question...

You Answer your own question...

You Answer your own question... You Answer your own question...
You Answer your own question...
You Answer your own question...
You Answer your own question...
You Answer your own question...

What do you do if you cannot answer your own question??

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you cannot answer your own question??

Wake up and smell the sound of
one hand clapping.What do you do if a lazy UPS
driver delivers a sperm whale
carcass to your home when you're
out and forges your signature to
the delivery invoice to avoid
having to pick it up again and
deliver it to the proper, but more
remote, adress?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if a lazy UPS driver delivers a sperm whale carcass to your home when you're out and forges your signature to the delivery invoice to avoid having to pick it up again and deliver it to the proper, but more remote, adress?

Call all of your friends over for the Bar'B'Q!

What do you do if, you have only 9 Metric tonnes of food, and thousands, upon thousands, of friends to feed?

 

[FZ+]

Learn to be less popular.

What do you do if you find you can walk on water?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by FZ+
What do you do if you find you can walk on water?

It's funny you should ask, because
that actually happened to a Polish
Aviator of my acquaintence, at
least, that's how he tells it.
Normally, though, when he mentions
his various superpowers, it is an
indication his Delerium Tremmens
has kicked in, and the best thing
I can do for him is to provide the
hair of the dog that bit him. I
have to get him back to the air-
port, into the cockpit of whatever
commercial airliner is about to
take off where he will receive all
the free martinis he needs.

What do you do if you're in the
lobby of the airport and are
approached by a trio of intense
bald men wearing sheets or blankets or something, who begin to tell you about the personal and
professional salvation available
in this and all perpendicular
dimensions through the teachings
of guru Dob Bod, The Palindrome
Boy and Manager of the shipping
department at Sears?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally asked by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you're in the lobby of the airport and are approached by a trio of intense bald men wearing sheets or blankets or something, who begin to tell you about the personal and professional salvation available in this and all perpendicular dimensions through the teachings of guru Dob Bod, The Palindrome Boy and Manager of the shipping department at Sears?

Ascribe within!

What do you do if you learn how to Ascribe Within, only to find out that the "palidromer" (Dob Bod) is realistically a reversal of the mirror image of the duplicates, replication of, it's own image, and you see a cat (Feline) jumping over the Moon, in the background? Tell me, Just what do you do?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you learn how to Ascribe Within, only to find out that the "palidromer" (Dob Bod) is realistically a reversal of the mirror image of the duplicates, replication of, it's own image, and you see a cat (Feline) jumping over the Moon, in the background? Tell me, Just what do you do?

With practice persons can learn
to resemble photographs of them-
selves. The cat in the background
is a disturbing image, leaping
over the moon like that. Try
elevating it's height above the
horizon so that next time it won't
be able to get over it. There is
also a big problem with cats and
christmas trees, but I haven't
foud a solution yet.

What do you do if you log onto
PhysicsForums one morning and
suddenly realize you have entered
a perpendicular universe where
things are classified and arranged
very differently from the way they
are in your universe, but the same
usernames seem to be represent-
ational of the same personalities
as they are in your universe?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you log onto PhysicsForums one morning and suddenly realize you have entered a perpendicular universe where things are classified and arranged very differently from the way they are in your universe, but the same usernames seem to be representational of the same personalities as they are in your universe?

Quick, first call a mentor, (Use the "" System!) and ask them if, in this universe, deleting your posts actually arises in creating entirely new works, with your name on them, that you never ever bothered to type!

What do you do if, every time you 'post' a 'post', it is 'deposted' by a 'deposter'(er)??

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if, every time you 'post' a 'post', it is 'deposted' by a 'deposter'(er)??

Depose the deposter and deposit
his deposition at the depot.

What do you do if, when you're
crawling on all fours toward the
Gugenheim Museum for the opening
of their new exhibit of your
paintings, it suddenly occurs to
you that you're not sure that
event has been copied over from
the last perpendicular universe
you were in where it had original-
ly been arranged?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if, when you're crawling on all fours toward the
Gugenheim Museum for the opening of their new exhibit of your paintings, it suddenly occurs to you that you're not sure that
event has been copied over from the last perpendicular universe
you were in where it had originally been arranged?

You take a transverse viewpoint in opposition to the tangential reflection of the inverted trans^cis^dis spatialzation of the morphic, to see if it really was your painting(s) that were displayed, (given the temporallities of perpendicular universes, they may have already morphed) rather then simply an isomorphic interpretation of the events histologically historic result...or look under the rug, one or the other.

What do you do if zoobyshoe writes out one of those "Amazing but True" stories, and you suddenly realize that "The Zoob" is actually plagerising your life in "fractured" fiction??

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if zoobyshoe writes out one of those "Amazing but True" stories, and you suddenly realize that "The Zoob" is actually plagerising your life in "fractured" fiction??

I can only speculate. Chimpanzees and the works of Shakespeare? Read
also what I posted in the thread
in "physics" I think it is called
in this perpendcular universe
about the idiosynchratic percept-
ion of order. (Thread started by
Ivan-can't remember the name). Is
there some kind of "Sync" develop-
ing here, resulting from the un-
conscious gathering of bits and
pieces of info unconsciously put
into posts? "The Zoob" has no
conscious knowledge that any "Ama-
zing but True" shaggy dog story
he has posted is anything but the
creation of his general dementia
and imaginative twisting of
stories in the public domain,
(such as the film "Shine" in which
the main character collapses
onstage at the end of his thesis
performance of the Rachmaninov 2).
Therefore "The Zoob" himself would
be more startled than anyone else
to discover any more-than-coinci-
dental resemblence between his
byzantine meanderings and the real
life of any actual living person,
(unless the actual subject of that
film who is a real person residing
on the continent of Australia,
happened to decide to pretend he
was a Canadian gentleman, which
would be his prerogative, but I
very much doubt it because that
person would be unlikely to have
an interest in physics).
Private communication?
Close enough to seem like
plagarism? I can't account for it.
Don't have a clue.

What do you do if you're crawling
on all fours back toward the
portal into the perpendicular
dimension from which you came and
you can't remember upon which axis
to rotate to enter the portal?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally asked by Zoobyshoe
What do you do if you're crawling on all fours back toward the
portal into the perpendicular dimension from which you came and
you can't remember upon which axis to rotate to enter the portal?

Stand up! take a measure of your current position, multiply the X axis vector by 42, the y vector by half of that, and then follow the Z axis along the lines projected from the previous measures, (Stop and enjoy a 'Nice Beverage' while doing this, it is refreshing) as long as you have summed all of the vectors properly, you will arrive at the place you departed, within several parsecs of time, and be met by the "greeting" party (careful!) as they endevour to assure you that you have followed the right pathway, to the Stars! (Say "Hi!" to "The Zoob" for me when you get there, will ya?)

What do you do if while exiting the dimensional portal, you fnd that your math was off, and you, instead of meeting "The Zoob" meet "The Booz"??

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons

What do you do if while exiting the dimensional portal, you fnd that your math was off, and you, instead of meeting "The Zoob" meet "The Booz"??

Unlikely. You might, however,
encounter "booZ ehT", although
even that is subject to further,
Vanna White-like flipping.

What do you do if the unlikely
happens, you meet "The Booz",
you remember that part of the
directions provided by a friendly
passerby were to have a drink, you
drink "The Booz", then remember
that You are "The Zoob"
and have just quaffed your own
perpendicular alter ego?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally Asked by zoobyshoe
What do you do if the unlikely happens, you meet "The Booz", you remember that part of the directions provided by a friendly passerby were to have a drink, you drink "The Booz", then remember that You are "The Zoob" and have just quaffed your own perpendicular alter ego?

Quick Run to the bathroom and have a great big **** and hope like Mad that your perpendicular ego survives the passage. If they do, congrats to them and the two of you should have a nice time, if not, Ooooops youse in BIG trouble NOW!

What do you do if you don't know what to do, if??

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you don't know what to do, if??

If "if" happens, (again, not
likely), the main focus of your
concentration should be to recall
what Einstein said to Feynman:
"Young man, where are they serving
tea?" to which Feynman responded.

What do you do if you can't tell
if you have momentum or are inert?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally asked by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you can't tell if you have momentum or are inert

Take a test, spin yourself, interdimensionally, to see if the perpendicular dimension is still obvious to you, if yes, then you are inert, if no, well, have fun! (Cause you is LOST!)

What do you do if you is lost??

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you is lost??

It's funny you should ask that
question because a Polish aviator
of my acquaintence once gave me the following advice to remember
if I should ever be piloting a 747
over the Bermuda Triangle and find
myself sucked into a perpendicular
universe: "Ttthhhizzzhhhh wwwhhhh
yyyy toooo suummpt..suuummmptin
rowwwnd n sssssortaaah...whaaa?
Ohhh tthhuh tss riiite."

What do you do if you're crawling
on all fours toward the 747 you
are scheduled to pilot over the
Bermuda Triangle, just about un-
able to contain your enthusiasm
over the prospects of the non-stop
flow of Martinis you evision to
be in your immediate future, when
all of a sudden you realize you
have been mispronouncing the word
"foliage" for years?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally asked by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you're crawling on all fours toward the 747 you
are scheduled to pilot over the Bermuda Triangle, just about unable to contain your enthusiasm over the prospects of the non-stop flow of Martinis you evision to be in your immediate future, when all of a sudden you realize you have been mispronouncing the word "foliage" for years?

Definately Exfoliate, then Moisturize, then while flying your 747 over the Bermuda triangle, look down, see if you can find my boat, cause I lost it, with all hands, (cept me, naturally...SHHHH!) while I was exploring for that lost wreck's treasure that we fouXXXooops I mean that we were trying to find, that contained all of the silver dollars and gold coins, and that really really nice broach, the *Diamond* one, looks F-A-B-U-L-O-U-S baby, and return it all to me at PO Box # 12345678910 Station XQZ, via interdimensional portal, as I am vacationing in the perpendicular dimension at present...THANKS!

What do you do if your mail doesn't seem to be making it through to you?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if your mail doesn't seem to be making it through to you?

Given the fact the person who
seems most interested in sending
me things is the Unabomber, I
am content.

What do you do if you're repelling
off the side of Mt. Rushmore and
you notice that some vandal has
chipped the words "Do you realize
how far you are from the nearest
toilet?" into the side of Jeffer-
son's forehead?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally asked by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you're repelling off the side of Mt. Rushmore and
you notice that some vandal has chipped the words "Do you realize
how far you are from the nearest toilet?" into the side of Jeffer-
son's forehead?

Haul out your erasor and erase the graffiti, first, then, prove that how far away you are, from any given toilet, is irrelevant. (cleanses the rock I hear)

What do yo do if you are caught "cleansing" the side of Jefferson's forehead?