What Do You Do If You Were a Rock Star?

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you think you have an answer (or two) to Fermat's last theorem, only to find out it actually
isn't??

Go down to skid row and join the club. This is what drove them all
to drink.

What do you do if you wake up one
morning with binocular vision?

 

[Mentat]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Go down to skid row and join the club. This is what drove them all
to drink.

What do you do if you wake up one
morning with binocular vision?

Rejoice that nothing has changed.

What do you if wake up one morning without binocular vision?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mentat
What do you if wake up one morning without binocular vision?

By a parrot and go to sea.

What do you do if you meant to
say telescopic vision but said
binocular instead?

 

[Mentat]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
By a parrot and go to sea.

What do you do if you meant to
say telescopic vision but said
binocular instead?

You post the question as your next "what do you do".

What do you do if you wake up with telescopic vision? (sorry, couldn't help it.)

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by Mentat
What do you do if you wake up with telescopic vision?

Bi a pair/2 of binoculars, so you can see in Binocular vision!

What do you do if you cannot afford the binocluars offered on e-bay?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you cannot afford the binocluars offered on e-bay?

Duct tape and old telescopes.

What do you do if you wake up
one morning with eyes on the back
of your head?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you wake up
one morning with eyes on the back
of your head?

Look Aroooound!

What do you do if you find yourself, lost, inside your own head?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you find yourself, lost, inside your own head?

There's one of those "you are
here" kiosks on every sulcus
of the brain. Piece o' cake.

What do you do if you wake up in
the morning, look in the mirror
and see that you bear a certain
resemblance to the face on mars?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally asked by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you wake up in the morning, look in the mirror and see that you bear a certain resemblance to the face on mars?

Definetly "M-O-I-S-T-U-R-I-Z-E" then, go back to sleep!

What do you do if, when you have fallen asleep, with your moisturizer on, you awake to find that you now have the collapsed waveforms of several goldfish, swimming on your facial expression, busily chasing, and eating, grey babies?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if, when you have fallen asleep, with your moisturizer on, you awake to find that you now have the collapsed waveforms of several goldfish, swimming on your facial expression, busily chasing, and eating, grey babies?

I wouldn't worry about it too
much. These things happen.

What do you do if you've been
there, but you haven't
done that?

 

[hypnagogue]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
I wouldn't worry about it too
much. These things happen.

What do you do if you've been
there, but you haven't
done that?

Just do it.

What do you do if you can't think of a more clever response to a 'what do you do if' question than spit out a sneaker slogan?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by hypnagogue
What do you do if you can't think of a more clever response to a 'what do you do if' question than spit out a sneaker slogan?

Do the math and find out if you've
got milk.

What do you do if, while doing the
math you accidently discover it
is worth it to cry over
spilt milk?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if, while doing the
math you accidently discover it
is worth it to cry over
spilt milk?

Get the math checked by a second to ensure it's veracity, then accept your Nobel Prize in Mathematics!

What do you do if, when you get the 'Nobel' in Math, you discover that, on the medallion, it has had the word "Physics" rubbed out! and Math skeeeeratched into it??

 

[hypnagogue]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if, when you get the 'Nobel' in Math, you discover that, on the medallion, it has had the word "Physics" rubbed out! and Math skeeeeratched into it??

You boast to all your friends about how your legendary proof conclusively shows that all of physics is reducible to the fundamental fluid dynamics of milk and its famous 'tear entanglement,' and indeed how this 'milk' is nothing more than a mathematical abstraction describing a probability wave of pouty sadness.

What do you do if your friends try to prove you wrong by showing you a physical demonstration of the pouring of supposedly 'physical' milk?

 

[Astrophysics]

Well them they're wrong, since my proof is E = m*c^2, they wouldn't understand it anyway.

What do you do if you suddenly find out your friends turned out to be geniuses and know that you were trying to convince them with a not related to the subject formula?

 

[hypnagogue]

Originally posted by Astrophysics
What do you do if you suddenly find out your friends turned out to be geniuses and know that you were trying to convince with a not related to the subject formula?

You run man, you run, no sentimental good-byes, no time for packing your stuff, you just run out the door in the jackknife flashbang instant and don't even take the time to slam it behind you and just keep going, don't look back, never look back, if your socks don't match then you just stop looking, it don't matter anyhow-- just get out man, just get the hell out of there.

What do you do if you're running like the wind and you can't stop, oh God don't stop now they'll find you, and your shoelaces come untied?

 

[Astrophysics]

Trip over and fall down, when I step on my shoelaces and try to run.
Maybe then my friends will feel sorry for me, because I can't tie my shoelaces correctly like a 5 year old.

What do you do if you turned out to be a 5 year old, while all the time u thought you were past that age.

 

[hypnagogue]

Originally posted by Astrophysics
Trip over and fall down, when I step on my shoelaces and try to run.
Maybe then my friends will feel sorry for me, because I can't tie my shoelaces correctly like a 5 year old.

What do you do if you turned out to be a 5 year old, while all the time u thought you were past that age.

Having already received an education, you fingerpaint and play video games for the next 15 years while being financially supported by your parents-- who expects a 5 year old to work anyway?

What do you do if you're actually 25 years old but still all you do is fingerpaint and play video games while being financially supported by your parents?

 

[Astrophysics]

Originally posted by hypnagogue
Having already received an education, you fingerpaint and play video games for the next 15 years while being financially supported by your parents-- who expects a 5 year old to work anyway?

What do you do if you're actually 25 years old but still all you do is fingerpaint and play video games while being financially supported by your parents?

You call yourself lucky and lazy...what a great life .

What do you do if your parents told you it was time to get a life?

 

[selfAdjoint]

Go to the librry and get them the magazine. (only if this happened back when LIFE was still publishing).

What do you do if you went and got a life, and it sucks?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by selfAdjoint
What do you do if you went and got a life, and it sucks?

You become a Vacuum cleaner salesperson who makes the BIG[/size] money by selling the best Sucker in the World, to the biggest sucker in the World, that, and that Bridge in New York!

What do you do if, you buy a bridge, in New York, and you find out that it's just a little bit[/size] to BIG[/size] for the Back Seat of your Pinto?

 

[hypnagogue]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if, you buy a bridge, in New York, and you find out that it's just a little bit[/size] to BIG[/size] for the Back Seat of your Pinto?

You sell your Pinto and buy an SUV. Nothing's too big for the back seat of an SUV!

What do you do if you're driving on the freeway and your SUV spontaneously tumbles over and your prized bridge breaks in half?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by hypnagogue
What do you do if you're driving on the freeway and your SUV spontaneously tumbles over and your prized bridge breaks in half?

Reconfigure the bridge as an
enormous trebouche' and charge
people to fling them to the
location of their choice.

What do you do if your foot gets
caught in the sling of your treb-
ouche' and while you're flying
over Manhatten you are suddenly
aware of a military jet on your
port side whose pilot is signaling
that you should follow him back
to his base or he'll blast you
to pieces?

 

[hypnagogue]

Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if your foot gets
caught in the sling of your treb-
ouche' and while you're flying
over Manhatten you are suddenly
aware of a military jet on your
port side whose pilot is signaling
that you should follow him back
to his base or he'll blast you
to pieces?

Whip out your pocket physics book and politely explain to the pilot with recourse to simple diagrams that the laws of physics strictly dictate the trajectory of your flight, so you can't comply. Failing that, toss out your Foo Fighters CD like a frisbee and hope it makes the pilot curious or frightened (works especially well if the pilot is a cat or government agent).

What do you do if in your spare time you calculate your landing point and figure out that you're going to wind up in the Bermuda Triangle?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by hypnagogue
What do you do if in your spare time you calculate your landing point and figure out that you're going to wind up in the Bermuda Triangle?

This would be an excellent time to
recall that you have a good sized
chunk of element 126, Zoobinium,
in your pocket, which is the one
thing preventing you from using
your superpowers, and to discard
it.What do you do if, after making a
safe landing in Baltimore, Mary-
land, you realize your left shoe
is still back in the sling of your
trebouche'?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally asked by Zoobyshoe
What do you do if, after making a safe landing in Baltimore, Maryland, you realize your left shoe is still back in the sling of your trebouche'?

Start Hopping!

What do you do if, on your way hopping back to NYC, to retrive your lost left shoe, you wear out the right one?

 

[hypnagogue]

Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if, on your way hopping back to NYC, to retrive your lost left shoe, you wear out the right one?

You lift your other foot and just levitate all the way back.

What do you do if you're levitating above the East River when all of a sudden you realize that it's impossible to levitate?

 

[Mr. Robin Parsons]

Originally posted by hypnagogue
What do you do if you're levitating above the East River when all of a sudden you realize that it's impossible to levitate?

From the rumors that I've heard, you simply start walking.

What do you do if you cannot figure out how far it is from Queens, to back to Queens?

 

[Astrophysics]

Simply use my super-hyper-modern navigation system that I always carry with me in my pocket.

What do you do if your super-hyper-modern navigation system turnes out to have AI and starts giving you false information just because it likes to tease you?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Originally posted by Astrophysics
What do you do if your super-hyper-modern navigation system turnes out to have AI and starts giving you false information just because it likes to tease you?

Get out your soldering gun and
your little baggies of spare
components and reconfigure it
into a laptop. Pawn the laptop,
buy bread and feed it to the ducks
in the pond at the park. Catch a
duck, take it to Chinatown, sell
it to a restaurant. Take the
Chinese money to the bank and
exchange it for Ruples. Go to a
Russian bookstore, buy a Russian
copy of Dr. Zhivago, sign the
name Boris Pasternak inside
in cyrilic script. Take it to the
Smithsonian and pass it off on
them as authentic. Then call it a
day.

What do you do if you're buying
a bag of pistachios and you are
shocked to see your own face
plastered on the cover of all
the tabloids around the register?