What Do You Do If You Were a Rock Star?

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The discussion centers around a creative game where users pose hypothetical "What do you do if..." questions, and others respond with humorous or imaginative answers. Participants explore various scenarios, ranging from being a rock star to encountering aliens or facing absurd situations like having a pinecone stuck in their nose. The thread showcases a mix of whimsical, comedic, and surreal responses, with users often building on each other's ideas. Topics include personal dilemmas, fantastical situations, and playful interactions, reflecting a light-hearted and engaging community atmosphere. The conversation flows freely, with users frequently introducing new questions, maintaining a lively exchange throughout the thread.
  • #401
i'd start creating a universe.

what do you do if you create a universe but there is a lot of suffering in it?

(inspired by this thread, i now have a similar one on my discussion forum: http://207.70.190.98/scgi-bin/ikonboard.cgi?;act=ST;f=1;t=47 )
 
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  • #402
Originally posted by phoenixthoth
what do you do if you create a universe but there is a lot of suffering in it?
Consult the Programmers Bible

What do you do if you cannot find your programmers Bible?
(and the code is running nuts)
 
  • #403
start hacking your way back into the system to take control again and return things to an orderly state.

what do you do if the encryption you set up is preventing you from getting in until someone invents the quantum computer and all you can do is watch the amokness helplessly?
 
  • #404
Originally posted by phoenixthoth what do you do if the encryption you set up is preventing you from getting in until someone invents the quantum computer and all you can do is watch the amokness helplessly?
Amokness? Sudivision of chaos theory? Just be sure you document for insurance purposes.What do you do if on Halloween nght the doorbell rings and you open it to find several small children in malevolent God costumes chanting "Kill the goat bi*ch! Kill the goat bi*ch!" ?
 
  • #405
i'd be sure to keep my malevolent God costume on so that they can't see that I'm the goat biatch.

what do you do if those aren't costumes?
 
  • #406
Originally posted by phoenixthoth what do you do if those aren't costumes?
Kiss your goat bi*ch a$$ goodbye!What do you do if it turns out all the little malevolent Gds really wanted was to make you change your underwear?
 
  • #407
that is indeed quite malevolent for i would have to take off my malevolent God costume. i'd tell them they forgot to say "trick or treat" and slam the door.

what do you do if once you slam the door, you find yourself outside and the "kids" can be heard from within your house, killing all your goats?
 
  • #408
Originally posted by phoenixthoth
what do you do if once you slam the door, you find yourself outside and the "kids" can be heard from within your house, killing all your goats?
Light the Bar B'Q, and toss the Salad...

What do you do if you missed that episode of Oprah® and you don't really know the meaning of "Tossing your cOOkies"?
 
  • #409
i'd do an internet search which would lead to something to do with my browser 12% of the time and porn 88% of the time. having no idea what it means, i'd just stick to tossing the salad even though i'd get porn if i searched for that.

what do you do if the unwelcome gets meant the other "tossing the salad?"
 
  • #410
Originally posted by phoenixthoth
what do you do if the unwelcome gets meant the other "tossing the salad?"
Make an addendum to your programmers Bible, and a password.

What do you do if your password is "password"?
 
  • #411
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if your password is "password"?
I can only imagine the sheer terror that would inspire in the bravest of persons and so I recommend you just block it out of your mind and forget it ever existed.What do you do if you're ambling down the street minding your own business and the window of the store you are passing disintegrates into shards simultaneous with the sound of a rifle shot from the other side of the street?
 
  • #412
i'd find it curious that the pellets went all the way through me and quickly return fire with my glock unless the assailant was wearing a malevolent God uniform, in which case, i'd use my death ray spell.

what do you do if you accidentally loaded the ammo for the death ray spell into the glock and the ammo for the glock into the death ray spell?
 
  • #413
Originally posted by phoenixthoth
what do you do if you accidentally loaded the ammo for the death ray spell into the glock and the ammo for the glock into the death ray spell?
Use the Death Ray spell to fire the Glock.

What do you do if you are not walking down any particular street, and a young girl kisses your knee, just when you are about to as that really nice looking woman, at the candy counter, out on a date, and you realize that she is now going to turn you down because she saw the lipstick, from the young girl, on your knee?
 
  • #414
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if you are not walking down any particular street, and a young girl kisses your knee, just when you are about to as that really nice looking woman, at the candy counter, out on a date, and you realize that she is now going to turn you down because she saw the lipstick, from the young girl, on your knee?
Do your best tobring attention to the lipstick rather than hide it, and if you see she notices it, use this to tell her the amusing story of how you were just accosted by the kissing munchkin queen. Believe me, it will win her heart.What do you do if a glance at your Lorenz attractor clock reveals that the expected flip of the polarity of the magnetic poles of the Earth is almost three hours overdue, and you're impatient to reset all the compasses in the house?
 
  • #415
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if a glance at your Lorenz attractor clock reveals that the expected flip of the polarity of the magnetic poles of the Earth is almost three hours overdue, and you're impatient to reset all the compasses in the house?
Give your Foccault pendulum a great big push as to get it over the edge, then reset your compasses, clocks, mind, health, happiness, life, cat, dog, rest of the beasts, planetary surface, kitchen floor (and hallways too) and hope that the next reversal happens on time!

What do you do if The next reversal is also late, you call the Bureau of Reversal Managment (@ 1-800-555-switchback) and they tell you that the tax department cut the bugdet, so the reversal is underfunded, and might only happens if the election results get rigged, (again) which is actually your job to do, but you forgot to, as the reversal was needed for you to keep your wavefunction occurring in this end of that universe, and it's now dissapating, due to the waveform, that is writing this, action's?
 
  • #416
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if The next reversal is also late, you call the Bureau of Reversal Managment (@ 1-800-555-switchback) and they tell you that the tax department cut the bugdet, so the reversal is underfunded, and might only happens if the election results get rigged, (again) which is actually your job to do, but you forgot to, as the reversal was needed for you to keep your wavefunction occurring in this end of that universe, and it's now dissapating, due to the waveform, that is writing this, action's?
No worries. Since chotic systems re stble no mttr homework mch thy dsntgt pty sn thy stat to reintegrate and dis order will be fully restored in no time.

What do you do if the fine Halloween pumpkin you recently freed from its freedom in a large, military/industrial Pumpkin Patch in Camp Pendleton, Ca. USA turns out to be one of the reverse engineered extraterrestrial aircraft created at Area 51 crossed with vegetable DNA and also, strangest of all, liverwurst?
 
  • #417
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if the fine Halloween pumpkin you recently freed from its freedom in a large, military/industrial Pumpkin Patch in Camp Pendleton, Ca. USA turns out to be one of the reverse engineered extraterrestrial aircraft created at Area 51 crossed with vegetable DNA and also, strangest of all, liverwurst?
Call a friend, and EAT!

What do you do if you find that you would have known what to do, but that, somehow, went past your own head, in the rectified limelight that has now submerged the entire space, you are in, in a bathing glow of 'foxgloved' light, that is eminating a subtle, but unmistakable, reflection of the mirror that just went up in front of your face, as to explain to you why you can't do, what you would have done, if?
 
  • #418
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if you find that you would have known what to do, but that, somehow, went past your own head, in the rectified limelight that has now submerged the entire space, you are in, in a bathing glow of 'foxgloved' light, that is eminating a subtle, but unmistakable, reflection of the mirror that just went up in front of your face, as to explain to you why you can't do, what you would have done, if?
The past, a check already cashed and spent, a meal digested, a can recycled, is no longer available for editing your colored bold improvements into, no longer accessible for the insertion of parenthesis or quotaion marks, the excision of the odd extra letter, is not graspable by fat human fingers for appending superfluous clauses unto. So if the foxglove fits you must wear it or quit.


What do you do if you haven't the slightest idea what you just wrote means?
 
  • #419
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you haven't the slightest idea what you just wrote means?
Consult with an expert in the field of "Unknowns, and Unknowable things" cause they will likely know!

What do you do if someone advises you to quit your day job so you can take up your hobby, as a full time job, but you have never-ever, even so little, as had a job, (so's you haven't a clue what that means) and the paycheques had stopped coming, years back, so your rent is in arrears up to, well, your rear, and the person with whom you would be wishing to communicate this with is an irrelevant irrespectable ignorant slob who just happens to be the current occupant of the Office of Prime Minster of Canada, so the phone never gets answered, and in all of this, you suddenly realize that zoobyshoe hasn't a clue what is being asked, by these very intuitively instinctive questions that eminate from within the sphere of these realms?
 
  • #420
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if someone advises you to quit your day job so you can take up your hobby, as a full time job, but you have never-ever, even so little, as had a job, (so's you haven't a clue what that means) and the paycheques had stopped coming, years back, so your rent is in arrears up to, well, your rear, and the person with whom you would be wishing to communicate this with is an irrelevant irrespectable ignorant slob who just happens to be the current occupant of the Office of Prime Minster of Canada, so the phone never gets answered, and in all of this, you suddenly realize that zoobyshoe hasn't a clue what is being asked, by these very intuitively instinctive questions that eminate from within the sphere of these realms?
Clearly your only hope of paying your rent is to gather an army of henchmen about you, storm the Government Offices, accomplish a swift, decisive coup d'etat, award yourself a salary sufficient to pay the rent and begin paying off the back rent, and lead Canada forward to its manifest destiny! Under the Maple Leaf and Parsons! What do you do if your coup d'etat fails and you are arrested and put into a situation such that you now resemble your former avatar?
 
  • #421
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if your coup d'etat fails and you are arrested and put into a situation such that you now resemble your former avatar?
Apparently the manner of operation is to gather an army of wrenchman about you, storm the office of the prime steak of Kant'a Government Offices, accomplish a leisurely, indecisive slice up of the state and it's bOOties, cup'us, award yourself a salary sufficient to pay the National debt of the United States of America and BUY GAS FOR THE SUV! begin paying off the rent on Canada, leasing forward to its debtiny! Under the Maple cLeafer and Parsin's!

What do you do if the plagerizer of your work(s), phones you up, and tells you they want the 'accreditation cheques' sent out, in the mail, again, right NOW!??
 
  • #422
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if the plagerizer of your work(s), phones you up, and tells you they want the 'accreditation cheques' sent out, in the mail, again, right NOW!?? [/B]
YOU think YOU"VE been PLAGARIZED!? YOU[/color] don't know the MeAnInG[/color] of PLAGERISM[/color]!
How would you like[/size] it if you had been CLONED[/size] against your will, like SOME people I know have been[/color]??!?
What do you do if, while dozing in your chair at a table outside Le Lapin Dormant,(an establishment which you own, by the way) with a petite glass of sherry and a demi-tasse de cafe, two extremely beautiful young Francaises pass the Cafe, walking leisurely in their loose summer dresses, and you overhear one whisper o the other:"Oh! Comme ce lapin a les yeux malins!" ?
 
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  • #423
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
YOU think YOU"VE been PLAGARIZED!? YOU[/color] don't know the MeAnInG[/color] of PLAGERISM[/color]!
How would you like[/size] it if you had been CLONED[/size] against your will, like SOME people I know have been[/color]??!?



What do you do if, while dozing in your chair at a table outside Le Lapin Dormant,(an establishment which you own, by the way) with a petite glass of sherry and a demi-tasse de cafe, two extremely beautiful young Francaises pass the Cafe, walking leisurely in their loose summer dresses, and you overhear one whisper o the other:"Oh! Comme ce lapin a les yeux malins!" ?

in a voice slightly above a whisper, i might say (excuse the bad grammer), "excusez-moi, mes dames, je suis un loup, pas un lapin."

what do you do if your attempts to scare them off backfire and they turn into half women, half wolf creatures and they say, "nous vous prendrons maintenant à notre tanière de werewolf?"
 
  • #424
Originally posted by phoenixthoth
what do you do if your attempts to scare them off backfire and they turn into half women, half wolf creatures and they say, "nous vous prendrons maintenant à notre tanière de werewolf?"
Ululate!

What do you do if you try to "get out", and you keep finding that all you have succeeded at doing, is getting in?
 
  • #425
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you try to "get out", and you keep finding that all you have succeeded at doing, is getting in?
Welcome to the Hotel California.
If Albert Einstein and Albert Schweizer got into a fistfight who would win?
 
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  • #426
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
If Albert Einstein and Albert Schweizer got into a fistfight who would win?

Einstein, (Schweitzer would "turn the other cheek"), but the argument is relative as Einstein was a wimp and Schweitzer was a theologian.
 
  • #427
Originally posted by sandinmyears
Einstein, (Schweitzer would "turn the other cheek"), but the argument is relative as Einstein was a wimp and Schweitzer was a theologian.
Uhmm, well the answer to this question is so obvious that I'm not even a going to bother typin it out as that would be a total waste of the time it takes me to type, in the first place, not as if I can't do it, but that well, you know typing's hard, and it takes soooooo long that well, I'd just as soon spend the time doing something else productive you know somehting other then typing out lots and lots of endless words.... Yadda, and so on, Yakkity-Yak, ad infinitum...

What do you do if your a comedy writer, you are supposed to answer the dumbest of questions, asked of you, and then you are suppose to ask an even stupider question, in responce, and you can only think of nothing but brilliant questions today?
 
  • #428
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if your a comedy writer, you are supposed to answer the dumbest of questions, asked of you, and then you are suppose to ask an even stupider question, in responce, and you can only think of nothing but brilliant questions today?
You have just described my life for the past two months, plagarist.[/color]What's the best defence against the poison-spitting sand critters of the Mongolian desert?
 
  • #429
What's the best defence against the poison-spitting sand critters of the Mongolian desert?

A: Purple paint, ofcourse!

Q: What if you (pessimistically) run out of purple paint in the midst of a perilous plague of poison-spitting critters?
 
  • #430
Originally posted by sandinmyears
A: Purple paint, ofcourse!

Q: What if you (pessimistically) run out of purple paint in the midst of a perilous plague of poison-spitting critters?

Punt!

What if punting the purple paint pot at the perilous plague of poinson-spitting critters palls?
 
  • #431
Originally posted by selfAdjoint
What if punting the purple paint pot at the perilous plague of poinson-spitting critters palls?
Pole-vault, post-haste, past pesky poison projectiles.What is a person supposed to do when they get a head stuck in their song?
 
  • #432
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Pole-vault, post-haste, past pesky poison projectiles.


What is a person supposed to do when they get a head stuck in their song?

drum solo

What do you do if your get up and go has got up and went?
 
  • #433
Originally posted by tribdog
What do you do if your get up and go has got up and went?
Got cocaine?What do you do if you suddenly realize that "Shakespeare" spelled backwards doesn't really mean much of anything?
 
  • #434
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
Got cocaine?


What do you do if you suddenly realize that "Shakespeare" spelled backwards doesn't really mean much of anything?

Start reading books by Kramer (remark)


What do you do if you suddenly find your index finger has switch position with your pinkie?
 
  • #435
What do you do if you suddenly realize that "Shakespeare" spelled backwards doesn't really mean much of anything?

A: Drink some OOSHY BOOZE (Pronounce it backwards) :D

Q: What do you do if you travel all the way to Japan only to find that they are all out of Ooshy Booze?
 
  • #436
Oops. Sorry Tribdog. Didn't see your post.
 
  • #437
Originally posted by tribdog
What do you do if you suddenly find your index finger has switch position with your pinkie?
Abandon the practise of saying "I know it like the back of my hand."What do you do if the garbage truck deposits garbage instead of picking it up?
 
  • #438
Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if the garbage truck deposits garbage instead of picking it up?

A: Celebrate "Pot Luck" Supper!

Q: What do you do if you go all the way to Japan only to find that they're out of Ooshy Booze?
 
  • #439
I'd drink some cola!

What would you do if you were "doing it" with your girlfriend when your whole family accidentally walked into your room?
 
  • #440
Originally posted by Rockdog
What would you do if you were "doing it" with your girlfriend when your whole family accidentally walked into your room?
Play Incest?? it's a 'family game' I hear.

What do you do if your entire family walks in, on you and your girlfriend, and asks if they can all join in??
 
  • #441
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if your entire family walks in, on you and your girlfriend, and asks if they can all join in??
Realize that someone has inadvertantly accessed a corner of Mr. Robin Parsons' immagination that should be obscured from human perception forever.What do you do if Godzilla and Mothra get into a fight over who gets the recyclables out of your garbage can at 5:30 A.M. when you're still sound asleep?
 
  • #442
What do you do if Godzilla and Mothra get into a fight over who gets the recyclables out of your garbage can at 5:30 A.M. when you're still sound asleep?

A: (My 9yo dd came up with this answer): You poop on a plate and throw it out the window and it lands on their heads.

Q: (My 9yo dd came up with this question): What do you do if you're hopping and skipping to school and you fall in a mud puddle and you find Count Dracula trying to suck your head off?
 
  • #443
perform the group action given by the following:
{(self, dracula), (dracula, self)}.

then, keep drinking until you get full.

what do you do if you forgot your group activitator at home and you have misplaced your lightsaber?
 
  • #444
Originally posted by phoenixthoth
perform the group action given by the following:
{(self, dracula), (dracula, self)}.

then, keep drinking until you get full.

what do you do if you forgot your group activitator at home and you have misplaced your lightsaber?

Shoot yourself in the foot with your laser gun and beg mercy on the basis of stupidity.

What do you do if you wake up in a white room with no doors, and nothing inside of it - where the light doesn't come from any particular direction, and it's so perfectly white that you can't tell there's a wall there until you run into it?
 
  • #445
Originally posted by Mentat What do you do if you wake up in a white room with no doors, and nothing inside of it - where the light doesn't come from any particular direction, and it's so perfectly white that you can't tell there's a wall there until you run into it?
Realize that you've ended up in that old rohrshack test about your attitude toward death.What do you do if, on your way to work in the morning, you look down and notice there is a small ugly gremlin trying to comandeer the cars pedals?
 
  • #446
Then I'd change it.
What would you do if you woke up to find that your insane wife had cut off your 'member'?
 
  • #447
Originally posted by Rockdog
What would you do if you woke up to find that your insane wife had cut off your 'member'?
Realize that you'd ended up in that old rohrshack test about your attitude toward women.

What do you do if you find your cat out in the back yard fighting with the neighbor's pet squid?
 
  • #448
What do you do if you find your cat out in the back yard fighting with the neighbor's pet squid?

Ask the neighbor to give me his squid so that my cat don't have to get out when it wants to fight with the squid .


What do you do if your cat requested to get a cigarette from you ?
 
  • #449
Originally posted by Zargawee
What do you do if your cat requested to get a cigarette from you ?

A: Explain to him how smoking can shorten the life of a cat to only 8 years...9 at most.

Q: What do you do if your 10-year-old cat requests to start smoking?
 
  • #450
Originally posted by sandinmyears
What do you do if your 10-year-old cat requests to start smoking?
Seek professional help, your cat seems to be talking...

What do you do if in seeking professional help, your psychiatrist tells you that, at ten years of age, it is normal for a cat to begin talking??
 

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