Ooooooooops! Obviously not enough!Originally posted/asked by the Male of Females that is known as zoobyshoe
What do you do if, while cleaning the toilet, the lid on the water tank slides back and what appears to be a very small Native American pokes his head up and says: "Hey! What did I tell you about vasectomies!?"
Unbolt the toilet from the floor, pack it in a crate and send it to the U.S. Bureau Of Diminutive Native Management.What do you do if, while you're innocently playing with squirting water into your ears and sending a voltage through your head from electrodes hooked to a common automotive battery you suddenly realize that if Arnold Schwarzenegger is elected governor of California there will be no more Terminator movies?Originally pondered during some kind of incapacitating brain fog by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if, a short native tells you about vasectomies, and not enough, such that, when you finish the job you started, you figure out, "Oooops tooooo much!"?
Cheer? Um, No ,um, I mean, wait! I didn't go yet, seeing as there is not enough voltage in a car battery to do anything to you (amperage Yes, but you cannot access it) the idea of sticking electrodes into your ear while wet sounds appetizing, especially if it can cause the arousal of such thoughts, so it would be recomended that you make certain that both of your feet are in something like a bathtub, while performing this feat of stupidity, just to ensure that you become aware of the differences 'tween "voltage" and "amperage", but make certain that you do NOT tip the battery over as that will result in a very serious acid burn, perhaps resulting in you asking a really really dumb question, like this...Originally quired by a slightly electric zoobyshoe
What do you do if, while you're innocently playing with squirting water into your ears and sending a voltage through your head from electrodes hooked to a common automotive battery you suddenly realize that if Arnold Schwarzenegger is elected governor of California there will be no more Terminator movies?
I feel it will be of interest to interpolate some real history here since my quetion was born of reading the following:Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
...the idea of sticking electrodes into your ear while wet sounds appetizing...
It's funny you should ask that question because recently, while crawling on all fours to answer the doorbell, I spilled the beaker of H2SO4 I was carrying and some really interesting fumes began to drift up from the carpet. The same thought occurred to me that would occur to anyone under these circumtances, which is that it might be interesting to call my versatile brother, Wilhelm and use him to soak up the spill. But since he is in a padded cell somewhere repeating the phrase "like a light going right over my head!' over and over, I proceeded toward the door intending to achieve the same goal using whoever might be out there ringing the bell.What do you do if while attempting to cause the arousal of the thoughts of Arnie no longer performing in "Terminator" movies, (he really was good in those wasn't he!) you slip, with the electrodes attached to your gonads, and fall into a bathtub of Battery Acid, losing your 'sucker' on the floor underneath the Tub?
Use them as a central rod inside the carpeting as you roll it up into a tube, Then take the tube of carpeting outside, and attempt to sell it to the very next passerby, as a very large, (smuggled) Cuban cigar, pre-lit! (hence the smoke)Originally posted by an educating/educational zoobyshoe (with child)
It's funny you should ask that question because recently, while crawling on all fours to answer the doorbell, I spilled the beaker of H2SO4 I was carrying and some really interesting fumes began to drift up from the carpet. The same thought occurred to me that would occur to anyone under these circumtances, which is that it might be interesting to call my versatile brother, Wilhelm and use him to soak up the spill. But since he is in a padded cell somewhere repeating the phrase "like a light going right over my head!' over and over, I proceeded toward the door intending to achieve the same goal using whoever might be out there ringing the bell.
What do you do if, in the above situation, the person at the door turns out to have no spongiform properties whatsoever?
What do you do if you find yourself writting out longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer and longer questions, but making even more sense, then ever before? [/B]
Ditto zoobyshoe...Originally posted by zoobyshoe
And yet, Phoenix, you forgot something.
What do you do if you accuse someone of doing somehting, then find that you have done exactly the same thing?
Go back to school and, once again. learn the New math's! (been there, done that, got the T-shirt, wore it out through use and washing, replaced it with a new one, wore that one out too, cheese this is long...Hee hee...)Originally posted by Zargawee
What do you do if poeple changed Maths to make the result of (3 + 3) to equal 9 ?
Invent a new fashion ... Get nakedWhat do you do if you've been there, done that, got the T-shirt, wore it out through use and washing, replaced it with a new one, wore that one out too, and on, and on, and on?
Dress accordingly!Originally posted by Zargawee
What do you do if being naked become the newest fashion
Originally posted by Zargawee
Invent a new fashion ... Get naked
What do you do if being naked become the newest fashion ?
Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
Dress accordingly!
What doyou do if you observe zoobyshoe giving birth to his alien child, you have NO boiled water, the "baby" is crieing out for it's "mommie", zoobyshoe is passing out from the pain of childbirth, 911 has refused to assist, as they don't believe you when you tell them you have a man giving birth to an alien child, and all 'hades' is breaking out around you, literally, looking for their lost child??
Start a new religion that circumvents that Law!Originally posted by Mentat
What do you do if clothes become outlawed?
Ride your bicycle to Canada and hide out there, rescuing rabbits and frequenting libraries.What do you do if your homemade helicopter breaks down while you're hovering over area 51 taking photos of classified installations to send to Ivan Seeking and they confiscate the craft and start to reverse engineer it?Originally posted by rdn98
What would you do if the RIAA sued you for sharing music online and you're dirt poor?
Ask them if they liked the way I made itWhat do you do if your homemade helicopter breaks down while you're hovering over area 51 taking photos of classified installations to send to Ivan Seeking and they confiscate the craft and start to reverse engineer it?
There would be no one operating the power stations so my first concern would be to eat as much ice cream as possible before the coming ice cream famine took hold.What do you do if you are standing on a street corner ringing a bell with a bucket trying to collect donations to buy famed British neurologist, Oliver Sacks a pet cuttlefish and a colorblind, autistic boy with tourettes syndrome who is in the throes of a migraine aura tosses a wet ball of chewed up cardboard into your bucket?Originally posted by Zargawee
What do you do if you were on Earth alone ?
Thank him deeply, and humbly, and then ask him if he would like to visit the laboratory of the Famed Neurologist, you know, just to "test it out" (wink Wink, nudge nudge)Originally pondered, then written out, and asked, by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you are standing on a street corner ringing a bell with a bucket trying to collect donations to buy famed British neurologist, Oliver Sacks a pet cuttlefish and a colorblind, autistic boy with tourettes syndrome who is in the throes of a migraine aura tosses a wet ball of chewed up cardboard into your bucket?
...and you realize that this is NOT really the truth about zoobyshoe, but that IT IS really the Truth about Mr. Robin Parsons...HUH?Originally asked by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you observe zoobyshoe giving birth to his alien child, you have NO boiled water, the "baby" is crieing out for it's "mommie", zoobyshoe is passing out from the pain of childbirth, 911 has refused to assist, as they don't believe you when you tell them you have a man giving birth to an alien child, and all 'hades' is breaking out around you, literally, looking for their lost child??
I thank you most humbly. Could I interest you in a tour of the Famed Neurologist's lab? Ya know. Just to "test it out"?When Mr. Robin Parsons goes completely off his rocker from participation in this thread will I be charged with criminal incitement of a nervous breakdown or will they realize I'm a half step behind him myself?Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
B]...and you realize that this is NOT really the truth about zoobyshoe, but that IT IS really the Truth about Mr. Robin Parsons...HUH?[/B]
Didn't you know?? "they" are waiting outside your door, right now!Originally oral'isted in an exhaust of warm moist bacterial outflow from the orifacial of a one (1) -zoobyshoe
When Mr. Robin Parsons goes completely off his rocker from participation in this thread will I be charged with criminal incitement of a nervous breakdown or will they realize I'm a half step behind him myself?
Recent win? Recent win? Ah! I think you must be referring to the facsimile of a check for $10,000.00 that was non-negotiable until such time as I sent them $350.00 to cover the taxes on my winnings. Perhaps in your extreme poverty and lack of experience with this kind of scam you were erroneously conclusion-jumping. The scam has two major signs to watch out for: the first is that you receive an announcement of having won without having entered any contest. This does not happen in nature. The second, very stinky clue is that even though they claim you have won something it somehow is required that you must send them money to claim your prize. Here again, this does not actually happen in nature. Any taxes you might owe on your winnings is between you and the government. Likewise with delivery fees or whatever else they claim you must give them before you get your new cadillac, or computor, or $10,000.00.Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons What do you do if while you were out, there had been a knocking at your door, and it was the lottery corporation "rapping in on you" to tell you that the recent "Win" of yours, was a factual mi$take, and you had to give it all back! right this second!?
Well zoobyshoes, you asked about being real close behind me once, so I'll let you in on a little secret in life, If the guy behind you is three feet away, turn around and run backwards cause then you will ALWAYS be in FRONT, of the guy, BEHIND you!...the answer to your question is..."out front"Originally flown in on a zoobyshoe H'airliner (Get it?? Hair/Hare/O'Hare?)
(SNIP)[/color] In light of the facts of the above anecdote, was he coming or going?
(What do you do if...? of course, is what I meant to say.) (SNoP)[/color]
It's funny you should ask that question because I once new an old lady who swallowed a fly...Originally posted by Mr. Robin Parsons
What do you do if you forget to post a question, so you come back, on EDIT, to rectify the problemo, and that's the problemo?
Not an uncommon problem, and I think the answer could be found in an adaptation of one or another of the means for repelling squirrelsOriginally posted by sandinmyears Q: What do you do if you have a purple alien in your refrigerator trying to turn on the lightbulb?
What do you do if, having wired your refrigerator with high voltage squirrel repellers you can't sleep due to the constant interruption of the sound of gray space aliens being zapped?
Clearly it is the tickling they are attracted by, therefore try throwing the teletubbies through the torture transponder to thoroughly trivialize their troublesome tittering.What do you do if you happen to glance out the back window and see several burley geophysicists taking measurments without your permission?Originally posted by sandinmyears
Q: What do you do if you titillate the tickle bones of all the tiny tellytubbies, but they still keep coming on TV?
Having encountered this very situation on numerous occasions I can only tell you that no preconcieved strategy will work and that you must rely on whatever wits are at your disposal.What do you do if if you begin to suspect the Halloween pumpkin you brought home may not be a pumpkin at all, but a gray space alien trojan horse?Originally posted by phoenixthoth
what do you do if you are greeted by a hilbert cube containing a collective of infinitely evolved beings, of which God is a part, and they want to assimilate you not unlike the borg in the borg cube?
If God ever became malevolent that would be a stuation where you had, like, TWO bad guys trying to rule the universe: the devil, and the super devil formerly known as God and there is no doubt there'd be a rumble over turf, so I think you personally wouldn't have much to worry about since they'd both be quite distracted by other things.What do you do if one of the astronauts who once walked on the moon send you an E-Mail on day saying he's been trying to find you for years because when he was strolling around the lunar landscape he happened to find your address book and has wanted to return it ever since?Originally posted by phoenixthoth what do you do if you make a mistake that will directly result in God becoming malevolent but any attempt to fix the mistake will indirectly result in God becoming malevolent?
Oh! YOU got that roll of film!Originally posted by phoenixthoth what do you do if you take a roll full of pictures and when you get the film developed, they all have the phrase "don't make me destroy you" in black letters on a white background?
Where do you think I'm posting from?What do you do if you go out on your way to work and notice that the members of the 1980s band, The B-52s seem to have crashed in the bed of your truck?Originally posted by phoenixthoth what do you do if the government starts randomly testing you on that penile maching they'll test on kobe bryant and locks you up for 25-life for your deviant thoughts?
Hand them the Bill!Originally posted by zoobyshoe
What do you do if you go out on your way to work and notice that the members of the 1980s band, The B-52s seem to have crashed in the bed of your truck?
What do you do if you haven't seen a "what do you do if" like all of this in a "what did I" NOT "do if" amount of time?
Shoot them before they "shoot" on you, then apply for a government grant (couldn't hurt.)Originally posted by sandinmyears
Q: What do you do if you find 2 robins flying around you in stereo?
A harlequin is a very specific kind of clown, and like all clowns, they tend to talk too much. This has been a problem for some time. Witness Hamlet's advise to the players:"And let those that play your clowns speak no more than is set down for them: for there be of them that will themselves laugh, to set on some quantity of barren spectators to laugh too; though in the mean time some necessary question of the play be then to be consider'd; that's villainous and shows a most pitious ambition in the fool that uses it." So the next time your harlequin babbles like this take a baseball bat to it.What do you do if you wake up in the dead of the dark night to find the Halloween pumpkin you brought home sitting at the foot of your bed just staring at you?Originally posted by phoenixthoth what do you do if the harlequin you have sitting on your wardrobe starts talking to you saying, "NOTHING is the key to the universe; a FOOL sees NOTHING?"
Put that old song by the Police, Every breath you Take, on the stereo, see if he takes the hint and leaves you in privacy.What do you do if you're rummaging through some old boxes at a flea market and suddenly find an original edtion of Special Relativity with the following inscription in Einstein's hand: "Fur mein guter Freund, Max. Es macht kein Sinn, aber es macht viel spass zu lesen! Erfreut dich daran!"Originally posted by phoenixthoth what do you do if you realize that God has always been at the corner of your bed, just staring at you?
What do you do if you're rummaging through some old boxes at a flea market and suddenly find an original edtion of Special Relativity with the following inscription in Einstein's hand: "Fur mein guter Freund, Max. Es macht kein Sinn, aber es macht viel spass zu lesen! Erfreut dich daran!"
Report to the Skepticism and Debunking forum immediately for a personal debriefing by Ivan Seeking.What do you do if Ivan determines that what you believed to be a flying horse turns out to be a run-of-the-mill extra terrestrial space craft?Originally posted by sandinmyears Q: What do you do if you really see a horse fly? [/B]
What do you do if Ivan determines that what you believed to be a flying horse turns out to be a run-of-the-mill extra terrestrial space craft?
Buy him a mirror, and show him what he just found!Originally posted by phoenixthoth
what do you do if Freud publishes his analysis of God and determines that God is a paranoid schizophrenic with delusions of grandeur?
