I'd like to thank everyone who contributed to the thread. I have read all your replies, but I cannot respond to every one without turning my post into an unreadable mess.
@bahamagreen is right about some of the things that puzzle me.
One is the mentioned disconnect between the coordinates plus their first derivative (which seem relative and therefore suspicious - like those projections of the same fish on the different walls of the aquarium - an effect sometimes used to speculate about the nature of quantum entanglement) and higher-order derivatives like acceleration, change in acceleration, etc. (which seem objective and linked to physical forces). For example, it feels non-intuitive how photons, traveling at the speed of light, allegedly "experience zero time" and, from their perspective, "instantly" connect the emitter (cause) with the absorber (effect) - as if both were directly adjacent on some deeper dimension (unlike their observer-specific spacetime "projections").
The other puzzle is whether the Universe is an emergent phenomenon so the properties of spacetime, such as the speed of light limit, have local, quantum origins (such as the abovementioned relationship between the Planck units). I admit I find geometric explanations of motion to be utterly boring, since they only seem to describe
how objects move, not explain
why they do - which is very practical, but seems like a problem already solved 100 years ago, with not much potential for surprising discoveries.
(Peter is right - let me read up on QFT).
Thanks again everyone!