Where I Am Now: Life After Major Turns and Loss of Closest Friend

[Dougggggg]

Oh, a positive note, going to the Joint Mathematics Meeting in Boston here in a few days. Normally our school will pay for upperclassmen to go but the professor in charge of it invited me to come along as well since they had enough funding for one more. I'm prioritizing enjoying that over all this mess going on. It can bother me when I get back.

 

[netgypsy]

Change your email addy
You do not need this
If you two are really right for each other you will still be right in five years

Leave it alone and get your life back

No woman you would want a long term relationship with would string you along like this

Cut the strings and move forward

One other thing - you will discover that at times what you think is love is more wanting to find the right person than actually finding the right person. You have to be whole and no longer needy to be really ready when that person comes into your life. At that time you can partner because you both make each other better not because you can't manage alone just fine

Have fun on you trip and tell us about it when you get back

 

[Dougggggg]

Thanks, I can`t actually change that email, it`s my school email. I ignored even my own wisdom. I went ahead and asked why are you sending this and what did you mean by this. Explained how this is making it harder on me and causing me agony. She apologized and said it was a poorly worded apology for a fight we had on the phone before I said my goodbye. She then said she still needs space and if I ever want to be friends again it is vital for her to get that space. Another email that is just giving me what is mostly false hope. I`m pretty certain she wants enough time and space so that she doesn`t feel at risk for wanting to be with me. Well, she actually said that herself. It is frustrating to no end. In spite of all of this, I can`t imagine anything happier than being with her again. I know I will be fine with her but I still want to be with her. I would be estatic just to be friends again.

 

[netgypsy]

Shame on her. She's keeping you as backup. That is NOT nice. And what WERE you thinking when you answered her?? Oh well - I did the same thing once too. I knew better but still did it. Luckily for me the person I was was agonizing over got married fairly soon after that. I got over it and moved on and found someone 1000 times better.

You're saying you can't set up a yahoo or gmail or hotmail email addy?

Well hang in there. Here's something to think about - suppose she came back to you tomorrow. You were overjoyed. She's back. You think you're back in heaven until you start thinking - WHAT IF SHE Does THE SAME THING AGAIN? Leaves again. You'll start agonizing over the possibility and it will drive you crazy because she did it once. Who is to stop her from doing it again and again? Can you ever trust her not to break your heart a second and third and fourth time? NO you can't.

 

[Dougggggg]

I think she just honestly think that on paper things can`t work because I would perfer living in the states and she would rather live overseas doing mission work. I would live overseas with her before I would choose to be without her but she will not let me change my plans for her. The reasons for the hostility have been post breakup arguments. Now she is fighting against any desire to be with me and trying to protect herself from being wooed by me again. I could make another email but my school email is the ones my teachers will use. I disagree with your last point, trust can be rebuilt. This is what is going to happen, calling it now. Either we will never speak again or we will be back together within the year. She will not be friends because she does not trust herself it appears.

 

[Jasongreat]

Here is a video of a philosophical genius, pay particular attention to his #1 thing to remember towards the end, very stoical. :)

He also has a couple videos on other pressing subjects, they can be found here: Moms and Dads. These last two are off topic but it seems like you need a reason to smile, enjoy.

 

[netgypsy]

Just learn to be whole without her. If you can do that you will be ready for a relationship whether with or without her.

And NEVER try to figure out why women (or men) do something - particularly when it comes to relationships. Neither really end a relationship for esoteric reasons despite what movies show. They end them because of their gut feeling that it won't work. It took me two years to finally make the break after I knew it was useless so you're not alone in trying to hang on. Just don't sacrifice yourself or your future in the process.

Keep us updated so we know you're OK. This sort of thing is physically painful and actually bad for your health so take care of yourself. Concentrate on things that make you laugh. Laughter is very healing.

 

[Evo]

Dougggg, trust me on this, assume it's completely over and she will never talk to you again. Give up and move on. That might sound harsh but the "I just need to be alone, maybe someday we can be friends" is just another way of saying it's over. Yes, it's cowardly, but that's the way many people break things off thinking it's easier for the person they're dumping than just telling the truth, that they don't want you. I've made the same mistake when breaking up with men many times, I thought it was a nice way of dumping them.

Maybe she'll change her mind, but I wouldn't count on it.

At this point, I would recommend that you seek professional help as you can't seem to handle the breakup on your own.

 

[micromass]

At this point, I would recommend that you seek professional help as you can't seem to handle the breakup on your own.

VERY good advice! Professionals can really help you with this. Please consider it.

 

[Dougggggg]

My counselor is currently out of town for the holidays... That would be part of the plan. I really felt like I was turning the corner before she messaged me again. That has just sort of reopened the wounds. I can recover again, I would just rather not have had to do that. For now, I'm going to start thinking strictly about this trip and my excitement of that. I can ignore pain for a short time if there is something I really focus on.

 

[Evo]

My counselor is currently out of town for the holidays... That would be part of the plan. I really felt like I was turning the corner before she messaged me again. That has just sort of reopened the wounds. I can recover again, I would just rather not have had to do that. For now, I'm going to start thinking strictly about this trip and my excitement of that. I can ignore pain for a short time if there is something I really focus on.

That sounds like a great plan. Stay focused on good things. A broken heart takes time to heal, but you will heal.