Why do we smile when looking at babies?

[selfAdjoint]

I don't want to be old!

Beats the alternative!

 

[Tojen]

Beats the alternative!

That's the trouble, there's only one alternative. So far.

 

[arildno]

OK, it's not MY fault babies are boring and stupid That's just nature. Maybe you enjoy spending your time conversing with the pre-intelligent, but for me it's not fun or stimulating.

Neither the pre-or post-intelligent can be engaged in intellectually rewarding conversations.
They can, however, affect you strongly (in a positive sense) in other ways.

 

[Mk]

Post-intelligent?

 

[Moonbear]

So that explains the mysterious teenage girl phenomena in the presence of a baby whereby suddenly an entire group of teenage girls all sighs at the same time and in a unison high-pitched voice, say "Ohh/Ahh how cute!" I've always wondered about that.

Not to pick on your post in particular, yours is just a good example. Let's be careful not to indulge in unfounded stereotypes here. The levels of oxytocin required to form maternal bonding generally don't occur until labor is in progress. So, while one could argue that women who have already given birth would have more maternal responses to other infants, this is not a particularly likely explanation for behavior of anyone who has not given birth. Behavior or teenagers toward infants could be just as much cultural as biological. I certainly don't recall teenagers cooing over babies unless they had been around babies a lot (those that came from big families or did a lot of babysitting)...those who were not around a lot of babies tried to avoid them as much as possible.

(And, in keeping with the anectdotal sharing in the thread...I almost never have an urge to smile at a baby. If one is fussing while sitting in the cart ahead of me in line at the grocery store, I'm more likely to stick my tongue out and go "pbbbbbt" to distract it and keep it quiet while his/her mom or dad is getting the groceries from the cart to the conveyor, or I might make other faces, including cheesy big grins, to get it to mimic those faces, but just smiling...nah. And it wasn't until about 3 years ago when my nephew was born that I even started to look at infants as anything more than gooey, slimey, demanding little aliens.)

 

[Moonbear]

I've definitely softened up on my opinions since I became an Auntie five months ago. I now know at least one baby who isn't boring or stupid. It's very surprising because usually I have no idea how to interact with babies, but this one is very engaging and doesn't require any cooing or babbling from me. She even seems to like being held by me and reaches for me when she sees me. Most babies begin to scream and squirm about 2 seconds after their parents put them in my arms. I have to conclude that this is an exceptional child. The fact that I'm her Auntie has no bearing on this of course.

I had the same experience when my nephew was born. He wasn't so good for everyone, which leaves me wondering if they can somehow distinguish the closer relatives from non-relatives or more distant relatives. Maybe there are things just enough alike about my sister and I that my nephew somehow knew I was "close enough," at least until he was ready to be fed.

I'm not at all into the "cooing and babbling" with babies, and think its counter-productive (and just plain annoying). How are they going to start developing language skills if you babble to them or talk in "cutesy, wootsy wittle words?" If anything, I'm more careful of my words around babies and children, pronouncing things carefully and encouraging toddlers to "use your words" when asking for something.

 

[arildno]

Rather than "cooing and babbling", I like to make faces at babies.
That gets their attention, and usually, they start giggling at my antics.
I think that is a fun sort of "conversation" with them.

 

[selfAdjoint]

Rather than "cooing and babbling", I like to make faces at babies.
That gets their attention, and usually, they start giggling at my antics.
I think that is a fun sort of "conversation" with them.

With my new grandaughter (born last Winter Solstice) I did faces with my fingers wiggling in my ears or thumbing my nose. And I found she was fascinated with that finger play. I tried it agan recently, now that she was six months old, and she was still delighted by it. Suggestion for men who can't bring themselves to coo.

 

[arildno]

With my new grandaughter (born last Winter Solstice) I did faces with my fingers wiggling in my ears or thumbing my nose. And I found she was fascinated with that finger play. I tried it agan recently, now that she was six months old, and she was still delighted by it. Suggestion for men who can't bring themselves to coo.

Besides, it is very fun to act in such an un-adultish manner

Congratulations with your (relatively) new family member!

 

[Lisa!]

I try not to do anything in order to draw child's attention to myself! I think they're fine as long as you just watch them from distance and not to close to them...

 

[vanesch]

Sometimes, babies are cute ; however, most of the time, not so. Nevertheless, I learned socially to smile at babies, and to say things like "oh, how cute", because I have the impression you're somehow expected to do so, and it is bad manners not to. So it became an automatism, like putting your hand out when meeting someone.

 

[Mk]

she was fascinated with that finger play. I tried it again recently... and she was still delighted by it. Suggestion for men who can't

This would be an absolutely completely inappropriate time to make a comment.

 

[Mickey]

Babies make me laugh.

I don't know, people ask, "why are you laughing?" and I have no explanation. They just do silly things. They can have a seriously goofy-looking facial expression and it won't bother them. That's funny! And they're always doing something they haven't experienced or don't know about, finding something interesting that's so trivial and banal normally. It makes you look at it in a new way, and you catch yourself, and just have to laugh it off. My nephews appear to have so much fun with stupid stuff.

Maybe I would not find it so funny if I had to live with them. Then, maybe I would find it too funny. ;)

 

[selfAdjoint]

Just rereading some of the posts on this thread it seems that some people have a serious problem with babies as "other"; a threat, a joke, quaint, stereotyped because they have no internal representation of the babies as real human beings.

Babies are people; they have varied personalities and reactions. Yes they all have their physical needs, which they can't service for themselves and therefore demand service from those around them. None of those needs are anything we ourselves don't need every day! Cut 'em some slack! Try to see what is unique about this baby and different from that baby; it's not hard, it just takes an atitude adjustment.

Why should you bother? Because we are all in this human mess together and it behooves us to "hang together lest we all hang separately".

 

[arildno]

Great post, SA!
I would like to add that the modes of communication between ourselves and a baby are, however, different than those between adults.
If I manage to get eye contact, attention, and some reaction to what I am doing, then this, IMO, is a form of communication with the baby as an individual, in particular if I let the baby have the option to do something active in return.
(For example holding out a finger in case he or she wants to grab it).

 

[selfAdjoint]

Great post, SA!
I would like to add that the modes of communication between ourselves and a baby are, however, different than those between adults.
If I manage to get eye contact, attention, and some reaction to what I am doing, then this, IMO, is a form of communication with the baby as an individual, in particular if I let the baby have the option to do something active in return.
(For example holding out a finger in case he or she wants to grab it).

Thanks for the complement

Your points are very good, and worth pondering. I want to add one point. Although babies don't give the signs we are used to interpret as conscious awareness, they do have memory, apparently almost from birth. If you have taken the trouble to find a successful communications mode with a baby, the baby will remember that. No kidding!

 

[Mickey]

Oh, don't worry, it's an affectionate laugh.

I'm laughing WITH them. :)

(Actually, SA, if you ask me, I think more people have a problem with viewing teenagers and other young people as "other" and fail to consider that they too are human beings with the same basic rights and freedoms... such as, oh, maybe the right to consent to their educational experience? ...what a radical thought that is for some).

 

[Gelsamel Epsilon]

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Image:Baby.jpg
This picture illustrates the irresistible human urge for people to smile when they see an infant of their own kind. It took me about ten tries, seriously, to not smile. Its so hard. I also thinks its works better with females, or maybe they just down hold it back as much.

I didn't smile first time. I guess I'm callous =p

 

[Mickey]

That's not fair, when the baby is already smiling! :P

Maybe we smile because we want to them to smile, is all.