Write a Limerick: Join the Thread!

[zoobyshoe]

As her hands grow unsteady,
We can't explain this malady,

Moonbear, please go to the board and write "I will not try to rhyme "unsteady" and "malady" ever again," 100 times.

 

[Moonbear]

As her hands grow unsteady,
We can't explain this malady,

Moonbear, please go to the board and write "I will not try to rhyme "unsteady" and "malady" ever again," 100 times.

Yep, I checked, they revoked my poetic license back in 1997.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Yep, I checked, they revoked my poetic license back in 1997.

I'm sorry, but in that case you may have to do time.

 

[zoobyshoe]

lates,
cotarded.
edit: didn't see zoobyshoe's since I spent like 15 minutes trying to write my own limerick, which was a total failure.

Hmmmm. Hard to believe you're not a natural wordsmith.

By the way, what does "lates" mean?

 

[hypnagogue]

I think lim'ricks should never be nasty,
Or insult those who need rhinoplasty,
But once in a while,
I do get a smile,
From a poke at a golfer's brass tee

OK, lame whiff at that one. I like this one better.Them home brews should never taste nasty,
Or insult a nose needin' 'plasty,
But once in a while
I do broach a smile
From a sip of me pungent gas-tea.

 

[Lisa!]

The boy rented a room
he was a new groom
his wife was not so nice
their dinner was always rice
they were afrai of gloom!

 

[zoobyshoe]

Folks, people aren't getting the rhythm thing. The first, second and last line should all have the same number of syllables as each other. The second and third line match each other in syllables as well. Now, beyond that, you want to strive such that the stresses also are in the same place in each of the three, and each of the two.

Here is THE classic limerick:

There once was a lad from Nantucket
Whose ____ was so long he could ___ it.
He said with a grin,
As he licked off his chin,
If my ear was a ____ I could ___ it.

Now the rhythm in that is clear, definite, and unmistakable. It's easy to recite: just rolls of the tongue, and the reader doesn't have to do any gymnastics to make it work.

 

[hypnagogue]

The boy rented a room
he was a new groom
his wife was not so nice
their dinner was always rice
they were afrai of gloom!

There once was a man from Nantucket
Who vomited blood in a bucket.
The reason, you see,
He loved lim'ricks, did he,
But witnessed this one and then chucked it.

 

[zoobyshoe]

When Hypnagogue started critiquin'
The blood everywhere began leakin'
Our fear of his pen,
Made mice out of men,
And our underwear's started a reekin'.

 

[Jelfish]

These lim'ricks are quite entertaining.
This statement I swear I'm not feigning.
Though some are quite yucky
Their authors are lucky
that Zooby provides proper training

 

[Jelfish]

My apartment is falling to pieces
And it seems my rent only increases
The walls are bright orange
I'm missing a door-hinge
And so I'll be through when my lease is.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Excellent work, Oh young, gelatinous sea-creature! You found a rhyme for "orange"!

 

[matthyaouw]

and the reader doesn't have to do any gymnastics to make it work.

These words took me quite by surpise.
I couldn't believe my eyes.
one's ___ in one's ear
needs 'gymnastics' my dear.
Your statement was nothing but lies.

It turns out you spoke of the prose,
not the subject the author chose.
I felt quite a tit
when i realized it.
but yes, the rhyme certainly flows.

 

[zoobyshoe]

That Nantucket tale is not "prose".
It's a poem about a long hose.
So while mildly gymnastic
He was not that fantastic,
As a maker of leg knots and bows.

 

[mattmns]

Are my rhymes really that bad?
Cause if they are i'll be sad.
I guess it's time to hand over the throne,
and where is greg with that smilie, the moan?
Don't worry I'm not too mad.

-- If I do suck, then I blame this whole limmerick thing, I don't like having to throw in that last sentence. Damn mykeybard is srewing up!

 

[El Hombre Invisible]

-- If I do suck, then I blame this whole limmerick thing, I don't like having to throw in that last sentence. Damn mykeybard is srewing up!

My kyboard is als erratic
It mkes me type lke a spastic
Nowthespacebar'sstppedspacing
andican'tdouppercasing
whatameaninglesswasteofplastic

 

[Enuma_Elish]

Here is THE classic limerick:
There once was a lad from Nantucket
Whose ____ was so long he could ___ it.
He said with a grin,
As he licked off his chin,
If my ear was a ____ I could ___ it.

There once was a lad from Nantucket
Whose tongue? was so long he could not cluck? it.
He said with a grin,
As he licked off his chin,
If my ear was a candy? I could lick? it.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Are my rhymes really that bad?
Cause if they are i'll be sad.
I guess it's time to hand over the throne,
and where is greg with that smilie, the moan?
Don't worry I'm not too mad.

-- If I do suck, then I blame this whole limmerick thing, I don't like having to throw in that last sentence. Damn mykeybard is srewing up!

It's not the rhymes, they're fine. Your rhythms are all cranky and clunky. Learn from the Nantucket limerick. In Limerick terms, it's like the force. "Feel the Nantucket Limerick, Luke! Sense it all around you!"

 

[El Hombre Invisible]

It's not the rhymes, they're fine. Your rhythms are all cranky and clunky. Learn from the Nantucket limerick. In Limerick terms, it's like the force. "Feel the Nantucket Limerick, Luke! Sence it all around you!"

I tried that and I got tickled in my ear. Scared the bejesus out of me.

While you're perfectly able to rhyme
You should learn from Zoobie's paradigm
Of how verses scan
So the lines therein can
Last equal durations of time

 

[Enuma_Elish]

Gnome sent a pic pos'd as a pasha
Said he was staying with Natasha
First I could not know
Until I guess'd how
He must have travel'd on to Russia!

 

[Lisa!]

My name is Lisa!
I always eat pizza.
Whenever I feel sad,
your words make me mad
Lisa pizza Lisa pizza!

<zoobie isn't around here, is he? >

 

[El Hombre Invisible]

My name is Lisa!
I always eat pizza.
Whenever I feel sad,
your words make me mad
Lisa pizza Lisa pizza!
<zoobie isn't around here, is he? >

There was a young lady named Lisa!
Who fell from the tower of Pisa
Landed on her head
Henceforth all that she said
Was nothing but nonsense to me, sir!

Of course, I jest.

 

[Enuma_Elish]

A young lady was nam'd Lisa!
She might have spew'd like a geysa!
That's lotsa hot water
Which rise from a crater
'Tho she is a good advisa!

 

[___]

there was a guy
totally hi-fi
the ultimate man
dont mess with him, else "BAHM!"
cos he's totally hi-fi

 

[zoobyshoe]

When Newton observed a red fruit
Smash apart on the ground near his boot,
He looked at the moon,
And he started to swoon,
Cause if that fell then he would be moot.

 

[___]

When Newton observed a red fruit
Smash apart on the ground near his boot,
He looked at the moon,
And he started to swoon,
Cause if that fell then he would be moot.

that was the ultimate one, i think.

 

[Lisa!]

There was a young lady named Lisa!
Who fell from the tower of Pisa
Landed on her head
Henceforth all that she said
Was nothing but nonsense to me, sir!
Of course, I jest.

There was an invisible man,
who was very deadpan.
His jokes were so awful
He treated me like a fool.
He liked to get a suntan!

Of cours, I jest too!

 

[Jelfish]

For any of of you who are still unsure of the rhythm:

A limerick is in 4/4 time (EDIT: I guess since it's in triplets it should be 12/8 or something). The strong accents go on the first and third beat and the weak accents go on the second and fourth beat. In a limerick, there is always some sort of rest at the end of each line. Also in a limerick there is often an eighth-note long pickup before the first beat. In addition, the first, second, and fifth line rhyme.

-----1st beat                3rd beat
--------|                      |
there ONCE was a Man from nanTUCKet
--|              |                    |
pickup         2nd beat            rest (4th beat)

in music notation, it would look like

-----|                                             |
-|\  |  |--|--|   |--|--|   |\  |                  |
-|   |  |  |  |   |  |  |   |   |  (rest & pickup) |
x|   | x| x| x|  x| x| x|  x|  x|                  |
-----|                                             |

Now, the rhythm doesn't have to be exactly like that, but the accents must be in the right spot.
The next important thing is that the rhythm pattern that you establish from line one must be the same in lines 2 and 5.

There once was a man from Nantucket.
Whos ____ was so ____ he could pluck it.

la LA la la La la la LA la (rest)
la LA la la La la la LA la (rest)

Now the 4th and 5th line are halved (which some of you aren't getting). They also rhyme with each other, but do not rhyme with the first, second, and fifth. The time switches to 2/2 (or if you prefer, each line gets two beats in 4/4). The accent still goes on the first beat of the measure (and the 3rd if you're in 4/4)

he SAID with a Grin
and WIPED off his Shin

Those two lines should take as long to say together as one of the longer lines plus its rest.

la LA la la La (quick rest)
la LA la la La (quick rest)

(I don't feel like writing the music again)

And the last line is rhythmically the same as the first and second and rhyme with them as well.
__ ___ ___ ___ ___ Peking duck-it.

You should be able to feel the stresses even though most of the line is blank.

Now, in practice, these rules can be stretched just a bit for the sake of fitting better words. But what makes a great limerick is the choosing of the best fitting words for the context and staying within the prescribed rhythm.

Good luck

 

[Enuma_Elish]

Another card sent by the Gnome
Had a postmark that said "from Rome"
It pictur'd th'Pope
And gave me hope
That the Gnome is still on a roam

(I can't play the piano, either.)

 

[matthyaouw]

Limericks have a triplet feel.
You might say hey no big deal,
but bend the time rules,
and you'll all sound like fools,
and your rhymes will sound quite surreal.