Your wish is granted: You now know all the answers, but nobody believes you.

  • Thread starter Thread starter twisting_edge
  • Start date Start date
AI Thread Summary
The discussion revolves around a playful and humorous game where participants grant wishes in a twisted manner, leading to ironic and often disastrous outcomes. Each wish is followed by a response that grants it in the worst possible way, highlighting the absurdity of the requests. For example, wishing for less spam results in the deletion of an email server, and wishing for a job leads to becoming a suicide bomber. The game showcases creativity and wit, with participants crafting increasingly elaborate and ridiculous scenarios. The tone remains light-hearted, emphasizing the humorous consequences of seemingly innocent wishes. Overall, the thread serves as a comedic exploration of the classic "be careful what you wish for" trope.
  • #101
Moonbear said:
I wish the impending thunderstorm would hold off until Monday so we can enjoy a rain-free weekend.

Granted. Enjoy your weekend, because from now on it will rain EVERY weekend and on EVERY day you have off for the rest of your life.

I wish the human race would develop larger pre-frontal lobes and smaller adrenal glands.
 
Physics news on Phys.org
  • #102
Moonbear said:
I wish the impending thunderstorm would hold off until Monday so we can enjoy a rain-free weekend.

Granted.. when the thunder storm comes in it will hold it's rain over the area until monday when there will be a torrential downpour. Watch out for lightning in the mean time.

edit: oops...

edit again: and I forgot s wish too...

I wish I could sleep.

robertm said:
I wish the human race would develop larger pre-frontal lobes and smaller adrenal glands.
Granted... the world shall now be populated by boring thoughful people who tear down all of the rollercoasters.
 
  • #103
robertm said:
I wish my eyes and brain could register and process a large portion of the EM spectrum.
Your wish is granted - the supercomputer-like power required to process the information renders you incapable of doing anything else, like thinking, talking, etc. Non-control of your bodily functions make the nursing home staff reluctant to tend you and you die with painful bed-sores.

I wish Beck's and Heineken were as inexpensive as cheap US swill like Coors.

Edit: Claim-jumped by the moon-bear! I see we were thinking along similar lines.
 
  • #104
robertm said:
Granted. Enjoy your weekend, because from now on it will rain EVERY weekend and on EVERY day you have off for the rest of your life.

So pretty much back to normal, huh? :rolleyes:
 
  • #105
turbo-1 said:
I wish Beck's and Heineken were as inexpensive as cheap US swill like Coors.


TheStatutoryApe said:
I wish I could sleep.

Your wishes are both granted ---Beck's and Heineken are now cheaper than water, and you both drink enough to sleep (pass out) for 20 hours a day for the rest of your lives.


I wish that the squirrels wouldn't eat my nectarines this year.
 
  • #106
rewebster said:
I wish that the squirrels wouldn't eat my nectarines this year.

Granted: They eat EVERYTHING except your nectarines this year, and when the last tree standing are the nectarines next year, they finish that off then.

I wish I had pomegranate vodka to make a pomegranate martini.
 
  • #107
Moonbear said:
Granted: They eat EVERYTHING except your nectarines this year, and when the last tree standing are the nectarines next year, they finish that off then.

I wish I had pomegranate vodka to make a pomegranate martini.

I will grant that one, unfortunately you become addicted to them and will do any thing for another.
I wish i was the fastest man alive
 
  • #108
wolram said:
I wish i was the fastest man alive
Your wish is granted, but you are not fastest with respect to velocity. Your love life takes a horrible tumble.

I wish to win the Powerball lottery.
 
  • #109
turbo-1 said:
I wish to win the Powerball lottery.

Granted... you won a http://www.thinkgeek.com/interests/giftsunder50/6a4b/ in a lottery.

I wish i had a pizza pie.
 
  • #110
TheStatutoryApe said:
I wish i had a pizza pie.

Granted. Now the moon in the sky is a big pizza pie. The orbit soon deteriorates and subseqent collisions and lack of title forces destroys the human species.

I wish I had more efficient lung function.
 
  • #111
robertm said:
Granted. Now the moon in the sky is a big pizza pie. The orbit soon deteriorates and subseqent collisions and lack of title forces destroys the human species.

I wish I had more efficient lung function.

Granted, but now you are a fish and have to live in the ocean

I wish i didn't have to wish for any thing.
 
  • #112
Granted: you are officially the first ambition-less person on the planet Earth.

I wish I was taller.
 
  • #113
AhmedEzz said:
Granted: you are officially the first ambition-less person on the planet Earth.

I wish I was taller.

You are now 8 foot tall, plus all of the extra body height is in your legs.

I wish to be the happiest person to have ever lived throughout my entire life.
 
  • #114
moose said:
You are now 8 foot tall, plus all of the extra body height is in your legs.

I wish to be the happiest person to have ever lived throughout my entire life.

Granted, but you live in hell where every one lives in depression for their whole life. So, relative to them, you are the happiest person but you get depression every second month.

I wish I didn't have to work on the weekend :(.
 
  • #115
Your boss is fired and the new one won't require you to work on the weekend. However, since you won't work on the weekend, you are given double the regular work, which forces you to work on weekends to complete.

I wish I am as smart as the smartest member on PF.
 
  • #116
AhmedEzz said:
I wish I am as smart as the smartest member on PF.

Your wish is granted---however 'PF' is the abbreviation for Pire Friet, a planet in a distant system of which you are the only inhabitant.

I wish I had a three egg omelet for breakfast instead of just coffee.
 
  • #117
rewebster said:
I wish I had a three egg omelet for breakfast instead of just coffee.

Granted. 'Three Frog's Eggs Omelet' coming right up.

I wish humans were partly sustained by a layer of photosynthetic skin cells to supplement normal metabolism.
 
  • #118
robertm said:
I wish humans were partly sustained by a layer of photosynthetic skin cells to supplement normal metabolism.

Your wish is granted--and to obtain the nutrients for the photosyntheses, human feet grow roots and humans must stay in one spot.

I wish I had six fingers on both hands so that I could type faster.
 
  • #119
Granted. And you can type faster, but a scientist has just made a huge breakthrough in mind operated computers and your talent is no longer useful, yet the extra fingers remain.

I wish my olfactory senses were hyper sensitive, and I had the brain power to handle it.
 
  • #120
robertm said:
I wish my olfactory senses were hyper sensitive, and I had the brain power to handle it.
Your wish is granted. You are now a blood-hound, and your biggest joy (when not working) is humping someone's leg.

I wish my truck would get 100 mpg instead of 24.
 
  • #121
turbo-1 said:
Your wish is granted. You are now a blood-hound, and your biggest joy (when not working) is humping someone's leg.

I wish my truck would get 100 mpg instead of 24.

Granted. Every time, you go 24 miles your truck breaks down and you tow it to the service station which is 64 miles away ...


I wish I had a flying car which could be programmed to go where ever I want
 
  • #122
rootX said:
I wish I had a flying car which could be programmed to go where ever I want

Granted... unfortunately you have no airspace clearence and may be shot down if you try to fly anywhere.



I wish potatoes tasted of chocolate.
 
  • #123
TheStatutoryApe said:
Granted... unfortunately you have no airspace clearence and may be shot down if you try to fly anywhere.



I wish potatoes tasted of chocolate.

Granted, but they have the same sugar content and all your teeth go bad and you gain 100lbs

I wish i had a Vincent black shadow.
 
  • #124
wolram said:
Granted, but they have the same sugar content and all your teeth go bad and you gain 100lbs

I wish i had a Vincent black shadow.
Granted, but the price of oil will hit $140 a barrel. I wish I lived in the best of all possible worlds.
 
  • #125
jimmysnyder said:
I wish I lived in the best of all possible worlds.

Granted, but it is only theoretically possible based on the Other Worlds hypothesis in mathematics, so you're confined to living a computer.

I wish I had something better than Ramen noodles for lunch today.
 
  • #126
Moonbear said:
I wish I had something better than Ramen noodles for lunch today.

EDIT

Your wish is granted-----you can now have Ramen noodles WITH salt (but NO water though).


I wish for something better than Ramen noodles with water for lunch today.


(hmmm--jimmysnyder--you want to edit your 'wish granted' to reflect the NEW improved 'wish granted' for MB)
 
Last edited:
  • #127
rewebster said:
Your wish is granted-----you can now have Ramen noodles WITH water.


I wish for something better than Ramen noodles with water for lunch today.
You can have Ramen noodles with H[/color]O[/color]T[/color] water. I wish I knew what the 'other worlds hypothesis' was.

If you're in my neck of the woods, look me up and my wife and I will take you to Santoku in Edgewater, NJ for a bowl of Ramen noodles. You can't wish for anything better.
 
  • #128
jimmysnyder said:
I wish I knew what the 'other worlds hypothesis' was.

Granted. http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/qm-manyworlds/"

I wish I could have been friends with Carl Sagan.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
  • #129
robertm said:
I wish I could have been friends with Carl Sagan.

Granted.. but your friend is now dead.


I wish I were a god.
 
  • #130
TheStatutoryApe said:
I wish I were a god.

Granted, but everyone is atheist

Granted... unfortunately you have no airspace clearance and may be shot down if you try to fly anywhere.

I wish those guys weren't that jerks and I had airspace clearance.
 
  • #131
rootX said:
I wish those guys weren't that jerks and I had airspace clearance.

Granted. You have clearance, but no plane, no license, no money, and no job; they would really like to help, but unfortunately you're stuck on the ground.

I wish that I could taste and/or see sounds.
 
  • #132
Math Is Hard wished that she had someone to go to the Mall with.

This is a fun thread, thought I'd bump it up.
 
  • #133
Evo said:
Math Is Hard wished that she had someone to go to the Mall with.

This is a fun thread, thought I'd bump it up.

I went to the mall with MIH, but, alas, Sarah Pallin was doing book signings in the book store on the exact same day we chose to go to the mall. There were lines and cordoned off areas making it practically impossible to get through to the books and we were accosted by security as possible assassins when we finally broke through the lines. Strangely, the security personnel were shocked someone might actually enter a book store to shop and were totally stumped as to how that might be accomplished. (This actually happened to me at the mall bookstore right in the middle of Christmas shopping season, no less!)

I wish I had a wench that appreciated my winch.
 
  • #134
robertm said:
Granted. You have clearance, but no plane, no license, no money, and no job; they would really like to help, but unfortunately you're stuck on the ground.

I wish that I could taste and/or see sounds.

Granted. You have been transported to a room full of six year olds who like to scrap their fingers on the chalkboards that line the walls.

BobG said:
I wish I had a wench that appreciated my winch.

Granted. She's using it to reel in your wallet.I wish that I could safely and instantly travel to anywhere in the universe any time I wanted.
 
  • #135
Borg said:
I wish that I could safely and instantly travel to anywhere in the universe any time I wanted.

Granted, you safely travel to the event horizon of a black hole and are instantly spaghettified.

I wish I didn't have an army of micro-organisms invading my pharygotympanic tubes, pharynx, and trachea.
 
  • #136
robertm said:
Granted, you safely travel to the event horizon of a black hole and are instantly spaghettified.

I wish I didn't have an army of micro-organisms invading my pharygotympanic tubes, pharynx, and trachea.

granted, you now have a neck that is long as a Giraffes.


I wish I had my own private mountain.
 
  • #137
MotoH said:
granted, you now have a neck that is long as a Giraffes.


I wish I had my own private mountain.

Granted; it is in the Pacific Ocean and nearly reaches the surface.

I wish I could think of something to wish for.
 
  • #138
Jonathan Scott said:
I wish I could think of something to wish for.

Granted, but now I've twisted it.

I wish I had a new pair of shoes.
 
  • #139
robertm said:
Granted, but now I've twisted it.

I wish I had a new pair of shoes.

Granted. But you are now Dean Moriarty's girlfriend and the two of you are riding in a car, but you don't know whose.

I wish I were a Jimmy Cliff 8-track tape sitting at the curb and that a person with an 8-track tape player found me and took me home.
 
  • #140
BobG said:
Granted. But you are now Dean Moriarty's girlfriend and the two of you are riding in a car, but you don't know whose.

I wish I were a Jimmy Cliff 8-track tape sitting at the curb and that a person with an 8-track tape player found me and took me home.

Granted, the person brings you home, puts you in the player misaligned and your casing cracks.

I wish I was dating the pin-up girl from the January 2010 issue of Transworld Motocross
 
  • #141
Granted. Is that her psycho chainsaw wielding ex-boyfriend knocking down your door?

I wish to grow a glorious, bushy mustache some day.
 
  • #142
hamster143 said:
Granted. Is that her psycho chainsaw wielding ex-boyfriend knocking down your door?

I wish to grow a glorious, bushy mustache some day.

Granted, but for 3 years you will be stuck with the pedo-stache


I wish for my microwave to automatically make food!
 
  • #143
MotoH said:
I wish for my microwave to automatically make food!

Granted, but your house has foreclosed and you have to try and sell it to afford rent in your crappy apartment but no one believes so now you're homeless and raving about your magic microwave.

I wish I had a 12" dobsonian.
 
  • #144
robertm said:
Granted, but your house has foreclosed and you have to try and sell it to afford rent in your crappy apartment but no one believes so now you're homeless and raving about your magic microwave.

I wish I had a 12" dobsonian.
Granted, but it is made of solid tungsten, about 1.5 times denser than lead. Have fun lugging that beast around.

I wish I were an Oscar Mey--no, wait, I mean I wish I had an electric car.
 
  • #145
Redbelly98 said:
Granted, but it is made of solid tungsten, about 1.5 times denser than lead. Have fun lugging that beast around.

I wish I were an Oscar Mey--no, wait, I mean I wish I had an electric car.

Granted. But the remote control breaks and it's not much fun after that.

I wish I had a PhD.
 
  • #146
Math Is Hard said:
Granted. But the remote control breaks and it's not much fun after that.

I wish I had a PhD.

Granted, you can find him in Irkutsk (Ирку́тск), Siberia. He still wears his hat.

I wish I had that note from the future what to do.
 
  • #147
Granted. You don't have enough tentacles to repeat the procedure.

I wish it was not that cold.
 
  • #148
Borek said:
Granted. You don't have enough tentacles to repeat the procedure.

I wish it was not that cold.

Granted. It's much warmer here that it was last week. Thanks!

I wish that I didn't have to pay taxes.
 
  • #149
Borg said:
Granted. It's much warmer here that it was last week. Thanks!

I wish that I didn't have to pay taxes.
Granted, but you know the alternative, so you're now dead.

I wish my mink buddy would stick around and kill all the mice and voles on the property next summer.

th_mink.jpg
 
  • #150
turbo-1 said:
I wish my mink buddy would stick around and kill all the mice and voles on the property next summer.

th_mink.jpg

Granted, but every time you see that gorgeous glistening coat, all you can picture are mittens; and soon the mice and voles are back and your hands are sweaty and fashionable.

I wish someone would make a small (100$ minimum people) tax-deductible donation to the Poor Starving robertm Foundation (you can just PM me).
 

Similar threads

Focus all of your ire on me, if you would
Replies
4
Views
2K
Are You A Misfit? Share Your Story and Thoughts on Education
Replies
8
Views
2K
Is it plausible to get the highest grade all the time when your IQ is
Replies
19
Views
3K
Do you ever feel insecure about your intelligence?
Replies
7
Views
7K
Job Skills [Career] - What kind of life does a career in physics entail?
Replies
2
Views
3K
Do you know the face of the physical unit you are using in your calculations?
Replies
0
Views
3K
I'd like to know how you got your research
Replies
9
Views
2K
Photo Contest - You're All Wet (7/2-7/8)
Replies
16
Views
7K
Physics What to do when you feel like you've wasted your potential?
Replies
31
Views
9K
Do You Convict? 1964 Court Case of People v. Collins
Replies
4
Views
4K

Hot Threads

Recent Insights

Back
Top