Your wish is granted: You now know all the answers, but nobody believes you.

[moose]

I wish all women were irrestibly attracted to me and my every whim!

Granted. The surge of women coming to your door has caused a MAJOR shortage of nurses, secretaries, acountants, weather anchors, cafeteria workers, bakers at grocery stores, florists, flight attendants, waitresses, you name it! Oh, and you were killed instantly by the huge mass of women flying into you. On top of that, all the husbands became angry and now there is a nationwide riot against ME for granting your wish.

I wish that this Cola was colder...

 

[Moonbear]

I wish that this Cola was colder...

Granted. It's now -125 C, and you just got instant frostbite on your hands, lips, tongue and most of your internal organs from picking it up and taking a sip.

I wish the malls wouldn't be so crowded today so I could get a little shopping done on my day off (I hate crowds).

 

[twisting_edge]

I wish the malls wouldn't be so crowded today so I could get a little shopping done on my day off (I hate crowds).

Your wish is granted. You arrive at the mall to find it empty with large crowds milling around outside. There's been specific intelligence that terrorists plan to blow up the mall, and it has been evacuated. The police forgot to cordon off the door you entered through until after you were inside. During their sweep of the now-sealed mall, they pick you up as a person of interest. Coupled with your recent grant from Abu Dhabi...

I wish my camera were better able to capture the subtleties of light.

 

[turbo]

I wish my camera were better able to capture the subtleties of light.

Your wish is granted. Unfortunately, the very large S/N ratio makes your images very harsh and unrealistic, and they are impossible to repair even with extensive Photoshopping. I have flattened the color response as well to mimic the performance of a spectroscope instead of mimicing the color sensitivities of the human eye. Your photographs are technical wonders and everybody thinks they are ugly.

I wish I had a digital equivalent of my trusty old Bronica ETRS with its wonderful Zenzanon lenses.

 

[Neohaven]

You have one, but the card type is so weird you can't find a reader to print out or see the pictures.

I wish I didn't like those threads as much as I do...

 

[mbrmbrg]

Your wish is granted: now you're obsessed with mind-numbingly idiotic threads by toothpick lovers.

I wish I would do my homework instead of procrastinating.

 

[~christina~]

I wish I would do my homework instead of procrastinating.

Your wish is granted but never finish your homework.

I wish that my cat would stop shedding.

 

[Moonbear]

I wish that my cat would stop shedding.

Your wish is granted, your cat drops dead, no more shedding.

I wish someone would prepare and serve me dinner tonight so I don't have to do it myself.

 

[turbo]

Your wish is granted - you are confined to bed in a nursing home. The aide will wipe the drool from your chin after feeding you.

I wish the weather would turn nice so my garden would take off.

 

[Moonbear]

I wish the weather would turn nice so my garden would take off.

Your wish is granted. As the weather changes from bad to nice, a thunderstorm with tornadoes runs through and your garden takes off with the tornado.

I wish I had some of turbo's salsa to go with tortilla chips to snack on while waiting for dinner. (Can you tell I'm hungry?)

 

[turbo]

I wish I had some of turbo's salsa to go with tortilla chips to snack on while waiting for dinner. (Can you tell I'm hungry?)

Your wish is granted - habanero relish. Unfortunately, the Department of Homeland Security arrests you for accepting shipments of dangerous biological materials without proper Haz-Mat permits and you are locked up with no access to legal assistance while federal district attorneys make a terrorism case against you.

I wish I could get large blocks of observing time on big 'scopes to fill in missing spectroscopy on M51-type galaxy associations.

 

[~christina~]

I wish I could get large blocks of observing time on big 'scopes to fill in missing spectroscopy on M51-type galaxy associations.

Well assuming your talking about a telescope:
You get the time to use a big telescope, but it breaks while you are using it and you are required to pay for the repairs.

I wish that it would stop raining all of the time.

 

[rootX]

I wish that it would stop raining all of the time.

Wish granted. It never rained after, some aliens came and took all our water with them. Without any water and rain, you died

I wish I could rule over those aliens

edit: actually, those are Mars inhabitants. We brought them to our planet and they really liked water.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

I wish I could rule over those aliens

Granted.. You are now the ruler of a race of intergalactic sponges.


I wish I didn't have such a boring job.

 

[Phlogistonian]

I wish I didn't have such a boring job.

Your wish is granted. Your new job is suicide bomber.

I wish I had every book ever published.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

I wish I had every book ever published.

Wish Granted.. we've republished them for you in esperanto.



I wish the moon were made of cheese.

 

[~christina~]

I wish the moon were made of cheese.

Your wish is granted but the cheese is rotten.

I wish that I was as rich as Bill Gates.

 

[Cyrus]

Your wish is granted but the cheese is rotten.

I wish that I was as rich as Bill Gates.

Your wish is granted.

Bill gates donates all his money to charity.

I wish I had my own airplane!

 

[Math Is Hard]

I wish I had my own airplane!

your wish is granted:
http://www.cynical-c.com/archives/bloggraphics/stealth.jpg

I wish I looked like Gisele Bundchen.

 

[rewebster]

I wish I looked like Gisele Bundchen.

your wish is granted--you get to look like her (when she's 84 years old)

I'd like an Appleby's Margarita right now

 

[Cyrus]

your wish is granted:
http://www.cynical-c.com/archives/bloggraphics/stealth.jpg

I wish I looked like Gisele Bundchen.

Damn you woman!

 

[Daniel Y.]

I'd like an Appleby's Margarita right now

Granted; Appleby punches you in the face for taking one of her margaritas.

I wish they would find cute, danger free life forms on Mars.

 

[Cyrus]

your wish is granted--you get to look like her (when she's 84 years old)

I'd like an Appleby's Margarita right now

Your wish is granted. You have to sit there and listen to a guy with flair say, "someones got a case of the MUNDAYS".


I wish for unlimited untwisted wishes!

 

[Phlogistonian]

I wish they would find cute, danger free life forms on Mars.

Granted. Tribbles are discovered on Mars and brought back to Earth. Two weeks later, there is nothing to eat but tribbles.

I wish for unlimited untwisted wishes!

Granted. You are now a genie. You are imprisoned in a little lamp that is resting at the bottom of the ocean. You can only grant wishes for other people, and you must wait for someone to find the lamp and rub it.


I wish I had some ice cream.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

I wish I had some ice cream.

Granted.. One bacon icecream with pickle relish topping coming up.





I wish I had a job doing nothing making lots of money with a big office, a pretty secretary, a company car, a company phone, medical and dental, a pension, a month of vacation per year, a personal jet, an assistant, stock options, an office billiard table, an office wetbar, my own parking space, offshore accounts, an island, a rocketship, a small military... am I going a bit overboard?

 

[rewebster]

I wish I had a job doing nothing making lots of money with a big office, a pretty secretary, a company car, a company phone, medical and dental, a pension, a month of vacation per year, a personal jet, an assistant, stock options, an office billiard table, an office wetbar, my own parking space, offshore accounts, an island, a rocketship, a small military... am I going a bit overboard?

Your wish is granted. You become Bush and/or Cheney, your 'job' is almost over, and you live the rest of your life in infamy with 100's of books written about your greed.


I would like to get a new computer.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

Your wish is granted. You become Bush and/or Cheney, your 'job' is almost over, and you live the rest of your life in infamy with 100's of books written about your greed.

I was wondering if someone would go for that response.

I would like to get a new computer.

Is this supposed to be a wish? I suppose you can have one if you want.

 

[turbo]

I would like to get a new computer.

Your wish is granted - you now have a brand-new, never-out-of-the-box IBM PS2 Model 50 with a 286 processor, a whole meg of RAM and a 10 meg HD.

I wish we would find huge new oil reserves and put OPEC out of business.

 

[rewebster]

I wish we would find huge new oil reserves and put OPEC out of business.

Your wish is granted ---but they are all still in the middle east and are owned by very greedy people who end up buying OPEC.

I wish my garden was bigger

 

[robertm]

I wish we would find huge new oil reserves and put OPEC out of business.

Granted. Now the psycho poop flinging green community declares war on the world and destroys human society with massive out breaks of various feces born disease.

I wish religion was a bad memory.