Your wish is granted: You now know all the answers, but nobody believes you.

[robertm]

I wish my garden was bigger

Granted. Your plants cover the entire surface of the earth. I'll let you imagine the outcome...

 

[rewebster]

Granted. Your plants cover the entire surface of the earth. I'll let you imagine the outcome...

someone who wishes for nothing? <hint!--hint!>

 

[robertm]

Granted. Now the psycho poop flinging green community declares war on the world and destroys human society with massive out breaks of various feces born disease.

I wish religion was a bad memory.

See above!

 

[moose]

Granted. Now the psycho poop flinging green community declares war on the world and destroys human society with massive out breaks of various feces born disease.

I wish religion was a bad memory.

Your wish is granted. Everyone in the world died from some disease except for you. Sooooo, religion and everything else is just a memory...


I wish my iron maiden cd would stop skipping.

 

[robertm]

I wish my iron maiden cd would stop skipping.

Granted. Now it will play perfectly forever in your permanent headphones. Also I'm am feeling generous, you now have eternal life and hyper-sensitive hearing. MUWAH HAHA!

I wish I had a lifetime supply of .8 mm archival quality ink pens.

 

[rewebster]

I wish I had a lifetime supply of .8 mm archival quality ink pens.

Your wish is granted---but everything you try to write on is ink resistant.


I wish I could go back and talk to Einstein for a day back in 1952 or 53.

 

[robertm]

I wish I could go back and talk to Einstein for a day back in 1952 or 53.

Granted. But he hates you, kicks you out, and destroys your time machine.

I wish my eyes and brain could register and process a large portion of the EM spectrum.

 

[~christina~]

I wish I could go back and talk to Einstein for a day back in 1952 or 53.

Your wish is granted but 1min into the conversation he says that he's busy and has to go.

I wish I had a bicycle.

 

[robertm]

I wish I had a bicycle.

Granted. It's a walmart special made for ages 4-8. I'll throw in the training wheels and streamers if you say please!

Anything yet??
I wish my eyes and brain could register and process a large portion of the EM spectrum.

 

[Moonbear]

I wish my eyes and brain could register and process a large portion of the EM spectrum.

Your wish is granted. Of course, this means you're blinded to the visible spectrum and keep bumping into things, and for your brain to process all the information, you have been reduced to a drooling idiot and everyone thinks you're referring to hallucinations when you try to describe what you're seeing to them.

I wish the impending thunderstorm would hold off until Monday so we can enjoy a rain-free weekend.

 

[robertm]

I wish the impending thunderstorm would hold off until Monday so we can enjoy a rain-free weekend.

Granted. Enjoy your weekend, because from now on it will rain EVERY weekend and on EVERY day you have off for the rest of your life.

I wish the human race would develop larger pre-frontal lobes and smaller adrenal glands.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

I wish the impending thunderstorm would hold off until Monday so we can enjoy a rain-free weekend.

Granted.. when the thunder storm comes in it will hold it's rain over the area until monday when there will be a torrential downpour. Watch out for lightning in the mean time.

edit: oops...

edit again: and I forgot s wish too...

I wish I could sleep.

I wish the human race would develop larger pre-frontal lobes and smaller adrenal glands.

Granted... the world shall now be populated by boring thoughful people who tear down all of the rollercoasters.

 

[turbo]

I wish my eyes and brain could register and process a large portion of the EM spectrum.

Your wish is granted - the supercomputer-like power required to process the information renders you incapable of doing anything else, like thinking, talking, etc. Non-control of your bodily functions make the nursing home staff reluctant to tend you and you die with painful bed-sores.

I wish Beck's and Heineken were as inexpensive as cheap US swill like Coors.

Edit: Claim-jumped by the moon-bear! I see we were thinking along similar lines.

 

[Moonbear]

Granted. Enjoy your weekend, because from now on it will rain EVERY weekend and on EVERY day you have off for the rest of your life.

So pretty much back to normal, huh?

 

[rewebster]

I wish Beck's and Heineken were as inexpensive as cheap US swill like Coors.

I wish I could sleep.

Your wishes are both granted ---Beck's and Heineken are now cheaper than water, and you both drink enough to sleep (pass out) for 20 hours a day for the rest of your lives.


I wish that the squirrels wouldn't eat my nectarines this year.

 

[Moonbear]

I wish that the squirrels wouldn't eat my nectarines this year.

Granted: They eat EVERYTHING except your nectarines this year, and when the last tree standing are the nectarines next year, they finish that off then.

I wish I had pomegranate vodka to make a pomegranate martini.

 

[wolram]

Granted: They eat EVERYTHING except your nectarines this year, and when the last tree standing are the nectarines next year, they finish that off then.

I wish I had pomegranate vodka to make a pomegranate martini.

I will grant that one, unfortunately you become addicted to them and will do any thing for another.
I wish i was the fastest man alive

 

[turbo]

I wish i was the fastest man alive

Your wish is granted, but you are not fastest with respect to velocity. Your love life takes a horrible tumble.

I wish to win the Powerball lottery.

 

[TheStatutoryApe]

I wish to win the Powerball lottery.

Granted... you won a http://www.thinkgeek.com/interests/giftsunder50/6a4b/ in a lottery.

I wish i had a pizza pie.

 

[robertm]

I wish i had a pizza pie.

Granted. Now the moon in the sky is a big pizza pie. The orbit soon deteriorates and subseqent collisions and lack of title forces destroys the human species.

I wish I had more efficient lung function.

 

[wolram]

Granted. Now the moon in the sky is a big pizza pie. The orbit soon deteriorates and subseqent collisions and lack of title forces destroys the human species.

I wish I had more efficient lung function.

Granted, but now you are a fish and have to live in the ocean

I wish i didn't have to wish for any thing.

 

[AhmedEzz]

Granted: you are officially the first ambition-less person on the planet Earth.

I wish I was taller.

 

[moose]

Granted: you are officially the first ambition-less person on the planet Earth.

I wish I was taller.

You are now 8 foot tall, plus all of the extra body height is in your legs.

I wish to be the happiest person to have ever lived throughout my entire life.

 

[rootX]

You are now 8 foot tall, plus all of the extra body height is in your legs.

I wish to be the happiest person to have ever lived throughout my entire life.

Granted, but you live in hell where every one lives in depression for their whole life. So, relative to them, you are the happiest person but you get depression every second month.

I wish I didn't have to work on the weekend :(.

 

[AhmedEzz]

Your boss is fired and the new one won't require you to work on the weekend. However, since you won't work on the weekend, you are given double the regular work, which forces you to work on weekends to complete.

I wish I am as smart as the smartest member on PF.

 

[rewebster]

I wish I am as smart as the smartest member on PF.

Your wish is granted---however 'PF' is the abbreviation for Pire Friet, a planet in a distant system of which you are the only inhabitant.

I wish I had a three egg omelet for breakfast instead of just coffee.

 

[robertm]

I wish I had a three egg omelet for breakfast instead of just coffee.

Granted. 'Three Frog's Eggs Omelet' coming right up.

I wish humans were partly sustained by a layer of photosynthetic skin cells to supplement normal metabolism.

 

[rewebster]

I wish humans were partly sustained by a layer of photosynthetic skin cells to supplement normal metabolism.

Your wish is granted--and to obtain the nutrients for the photosyntheses, human feet grow roots and humans must stay in one spot.

I wish I had six fingers on both hands so that I could type faster.

 

[robertm]

Granted. And you can type faster, but a scientist has just made a huge breakthrough in mind operated computers and your talent is no longer useful, yet the extra fingers remain.

I wish my olfactory senses were hyper sensitive, and I had the brain power to handle it.

 

[turbo]

I wish my olfactory senses were hyper sensitive, and I had the brain power to handle it.

Your wish is granted. You are now a blood-hound, and your biggest joy (when not working) is humping someone's leg.

I wish my truck would get 100 mpg instead of 24.