Your wish is granted: You now know all the answers, but nobody believes you.

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SUMMARY

This forum discussion revolves around a humorous game where participants make wishes and receive ironic or twisted responses. Each wish is granted in a way that leads to an undesirable outcome, highlighting the absurdity of the wishes. Examples include wishing for a million dollars only to receive Confederate currency and wishing for world peace, resulting in a catastrophic event. The discussion showcases creativity and wit in crafting these ironic scenarios.

PREREQUISITES
  • Understanding of irony and humor in language
  • Familiarity with common wish fulfillment tropes
  • Ability to recognize absurdity in hypothetical scenarios
  • Knowledge of cultural references, such as Oscar Mayer and Teddy Ruxpin
NEXT STEPS
  • Explore the concept of irony in literature and its applications
  • Research the psychological effects of humor and absurdity on human behavior
  • Study the role of wish fulfillment in folklore and mythology
  • Investigate creative writing techniques for crafting humorous narratives
USEFUL FOR

Writers, comedians, and anyone interested in the mechanics of humor and irony in storytelling will benefit from this discussion. It provides insights into how wishes can be transformed into comedic scenarios, enhancing creative expression.

  • #121
turbo-1 said:
Your wish is granted. You are now a blood-hound, and your biggest joy (when not working) is humping someone's leg.

I wish my truck would get 100 mpg instead of 24.

Granted. Every time, you go 24 miles your truck breaks down and you tow it to the service station which is 64 miles away ...


I wish I had a flying car which could be programmed to go where ever I want
 
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  • #122
rootX said:
I wish I had a flying car which could be programmed to go where ever I want

Granted... unfortunately you have no airspace clearence and may be shot down if you try to fly anywhere.



I wish potatoes tasted of chocolate.
 
  • #123
TheStatutoryApe said:
Granted... unfortunately you have no airspace clearence and may be shot down if you try to fly anywhere.



I wish potatoes tasted of chocolate.

Granted, but they have the same sugar content and all your teeth go bad and you gain 100lbs

I wish i had a Vincent black shadow.
 
  • #124
wolram said:
Granted, but they have the same sugar content and all your teeth go bad and you gain 100lbs

I wish i had a Vincent black shadow.
Granted, but the price of oil will hit $140 a barrel. I wish I lived in the best of all possible worlds.
 
  • #125
jimmysnyder said:
I wish I lived in the best of all possible worlds.

Granted, but it is only theoretically possible based on the Other Worlds hypothesis in mathematics, so you're confined to living a computer.

I wish I had something better than Ramen noodles for lunch today.
 
  • #126
Moonbear said:
I wish I had something better than Ramen noodles for lunch today.

EDIT

Your wish is granted-----you can now have Ramen noodles WITH salt (but NO water though).


I wish for something better than Ramen noodles with water for lunch today.


(hmmm--jimmysnyder--you want to edit your 'wish granted' to reflect the NEW improved 'wish granted' for MB)
 
Last edited:
  • #127
rewebster said:
Your wish is granted-----you can now have Ramen noodles WITH water.


I wish for something better than Ramen noodles with water for lunch today.
You can have Ramen noodles with H[/color]O[/color]T[/color] water. I wish I knew what the 'other worlds hypothesis' was.

If you're in my neck of the woods, look me up and my wife and I will take you to Santoku in Edgewater, NJ for a bowl of Ramen noodles. You can't wish for anything better.
 
  • #128
jimmysnyder said:
I wish I knew what the 'other worlds hypothesis' was.

Granted. http://plato.stanford.edu/entries/qm-manyworlds/"

I wish I could have been friends with Carl Sagan.
 
Last edited by a moderator:
  • #129
robertm said:
I wish I could have been friends with Carl Sagan.

Granted.. but your friend is now dead.


I wish I were a god.
 
  • #130
TheStatutoryApe said:
I wish I were a god.

Granted, but everyone is atheist

Granted... unfortunately you have no airspace clearance and may be shot down if you try to fly anywhere.

I wish those guys weren't that jerks and I had airspace clearance.
 
  • #131
rootX said:
I wish those guys weren't that jerks and I had airspace clearance.

Granted. You have clearance, but no plane, no license, no money, and no job; they would really like to help, but unfortunately you're stuck on the ground.

I wish that I could taste and/or see sounds.
 
  • #132
Math Is Hard wished that she had someone to go to the Mall with.

This is a fun thread, thought I'd bump it up.
 
  • #133
Evo said:
Math Is Hard wished that she had someone to go to the Mall with.

This is a fun thread, thought I'd bump it up.

I went to the mall with MIH, but, alas, Sarah Pallin was doing book signings in the book store on the exact same day we chose to go to the mall. There were lines and cordoned off areas making it practically impossible to get through to the books and we were accosted by security as possible assassins when we finally broke through the lines. Strangely, the security personnel were shocked someone might actually enter a book store to shop and were totally stumped as to how that might be accomplished. (This actually happened to me at the mall bookstore right in the middle of Christmas shopping season, no less!)

I wish I had a wench that appreciated my winch.
 
  • #134
robertm said:
Granted. You have clearance, but no plane, no license, no money, and no job; they would really like to help, but unfortunately you're stuck on the ground.

I wish that I could taste and/or see sounds.

Granted. You have been transported to a room full of six year olds who like to scrap their fingers on the chalkboards that line the walls.

BobG said:
I wish I had a wench that appreciated my winch.

Granted. She's using it to reel in your wallet.I wish that I could safely and instantly travel to anywhere in the universe any time I wanted.
 
  • #135
Borg said:
I wish that I could safely and instantly travel to anywhere in the universe any time I wanted.

Granted, you safely travel to the event horizon of a black hole and are instantly spaghettified.

I wish I didn't have an army of micro-organisms invading my pharygotympanic tubes, pharynx, and trachea.
 
  • #136
robertm said:
Granted, you safely travel to the event horizon of a black hole and are instantly spaghettified.

I wish I didn't have an army of micro-organisms invading my pharygotympanic tubes, pharynx, and trachea.

granted, you now have a neck that is long as a Giraffes.


I wish I had my own private mountain.
 
  • #137
MotoH said:
granted, you now have a neck that is long as a Giraffes.


I wish I had my own private mountain.

Granted; it is in the Pacific Ocean and nearly reaches the surface.

I wish I could think of something to wish for.
 
  • #138
Jonathan Scott said:
I wish I could think of something to wish for.

Granted, but now I've twisted it.

I wish I had a new pair of shoes.
 
  • #139
robertm said:
Granted, but now I've twisted it.

I wish I had a new pair of shoes.

Granted. But you are now Dean Moriarty's girlfriend and the two of you are riding in a car, but you don't know whose.

I wish I were a Jimmy Cliff 8-track tape sitting at the curb and that a person with an 8-track tape player found me and took me home.
 
  • #140
BobG said:
Granted. But you are now Dean Moriarty's girlfriend and the two of you are riding in a car, but you don't know whose.

I wish I were a Jimmy Cliff 8-track tape sitting at the curb and that a person with an 8-track tape player found me and took me home.

Granted, the person brings you home, puts you in the player misaligned and your casing cracks.

I wish I was dating the pin-up girl from the January 2010 issue of Transworld Motocross
 
  • #141
Granted. Is that her psycho chainsaw wielding ex-boyfriend knocking down your door?

I wish to grow a glorious, bushy mustache some day.
 
  • #142
hamster143 said:
Granted. Is that her psycho chainsaw wielding ex-boyfriend knocking down your door?

I wish to grow a glorious, bushy mustache some day.

Granted, but for 3 years you will be stuck with the pedo-stache


I wish for my microwave to automatically make food!
 
  • #143
MotoH said:
I wish for my microwave to automatically make food!

Granted, but your house has foreclosed and you have to try and sell it to afford rent in your crappy apartment but no one believes so now you're homeless and raving about your magic microwave.

I wish I had a 12" dobsonian.
 
  • #144
robertm said:
Granted, but your house has foreclosed and you have to try and sell it to afford rent in your crappy apartment but no one believes so now you're homeless and raving about your magic microwave.

I wish I had a 12" dobsonian.
Granted, but it is made of solid tungsten, about 1.5 times denser than lead. Have fun lugging that beast around.

I wish I were an Oscar Mey--no, wait, I mean I wish I had an electric car.
 
  • #145
Redbelly98 said:
Granted, but it is made of solid tungsten, about 1.5 times denser than lead. Have fun lugging that beast around.

I wish I were an Oscar Mey--no, wait, I mean I wish I had an electric car.

Granted. But the remote control breaks and it's not much fun after that.

I wish I had a PhD.
 
  • #146
Math Is Hard said:
Granted. But the remote control breaks and it's not much fun after that.

I wish I had a PhD.

Granted, you can find him in Irkutsk (Ирку́тск), Siberia. He still wears his hat.

I wish I had that note from the future what to do.
 
  • #147
Granted. You don't have enough tentacles to repeat the procedure.

I wish it was not that cold.
 
  • #148
Borek said:
Granted. You don't have enough tentacles to repeat the procedure.

I wish it was not that cold.

Granted. It's much warmer here that it was last week. Thanks!

I wish that I didn't have to pay taxes.
 
  • #149
Borg said:
Granted. It's much warmer here that it was last week. Thanks!

I wish that I didn't have to pay taxes.
Granted, but you know the alternative, so you're now dead.

I wish my mink buddy would stick around and kill all the mice and voles on the property next summer.

th_mink.jpg
 
  • #150
turbo-1 said:
I wish my mink buddy would stick around and kill all the mice and voles on the property next summer.

th_mink.jpg

Granted, but every time you see that gorgeous glistening coat, all you can picture are mittens; and soon the mice and voles are back and your hands are sweaty and fashionable.

I wish someone would make a small (100$ minimum people) tax-deductible donation to the Poor Starving robertm Foundation (you can just PM me).
 

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