- #1
TheStatutoryApe
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Since it is an interesting topic for a relationship forum which is derailing another thread I figured I would create one for it.
I posted a thread a while back regarding how I had made a decision about how to deal with someone who had cheated on my via a bit of game theory.
The logic I used was something like this.
I could break up with her as the consequence of her actions. I could forgive her completely and continue our relationship with no consequences. I could withhold forgiveness as a consequence and continue our relationship.
Now if I forgave her for cheating with no consequence she could not respect me for allowing her to get away with abusing my trust in such a fashion. This may lead to further abuse of my trust and will result in the eventual deterioration of the relationship beyond the poor state it already stood in. And forgiveness must be complete or it is only an emotional bait and switch where I reserve the right to throw her indiscretions in her face when ever I feel it appropriate which is no sort of forgiveness.
If I withhold forgiveness but stay in the relationship then I am only abusing her and myself. If I can not forgive her and trust her than I will only be suspicious of her. It does not seem possible to maintain a healthy and stable relationship without trust. To string her along with the prospect of a trusting relationship in the future if she allows me to punish her by being indefinitely paranoid and suspicious of her seems worse even than cheating on someone.
If I break up with her it is all over. I do not need to worry about being abused or being abusive myself. If we have time apart and my ability to trust her with other men and women is irrelevant than I may be able to have a stable and worthwhile friendship with her again someday.
So this is my reasoning for believing it best (in most if not all cases) to not continue a relationship with a person who has cheated on you. What do you all think?
edit: I almost forgot. I invite DanP to have his discussion on ethics and infidelity here in this thread too if he so chooses.
I posted a thread a while back regarding how I had made a decision about how to deal with someone who had cheated on my via a bit of game theory.
The logic I used was something like this.
I could break up with her as the consequence of her actions. I could forgive her completely and continue our relationship with no consequences. I could withhold forgiveness as a consequence and continue our relationship.
Now if I forgave her for cheating with no consequence she could not respect me for allowing her to get away with abusing my trust in such a fashion. This may lead to further abuse of my trust and will result in the eventual deterioration of the relationship beyond the poor state it already stood in. And forgiveness must be complete or it is only an emotional bait and switch where I reserve the right to throw her indiscretions in her face when ever I feel it appropriate which is no sort of forgiveness.
If I withhold forgiveness but stay in the relationship then I am only abusing her and myself. If I can not forgive her and trust her than I will only be suspicious of her. It does not seem possible to maintain a healthy and stable relationship without trust. To string her along with the prospect of a trusting relationship in the future if she allows me to punish her by being indefinitely paranoid and suspicious of her seems worse even than cheating on someone.
If I break up with her it is all over. I do not need to worry about being abused or being abusive myself. If we have time apart and my ability to trust her with other men and women is irrelevant than I may be able to have a stable and worthwhile friendship with her again someday.
So this is my reasoning for believing it best (in most if not all cases) to not continue a relationship with a person who has cheated on you. What do you all think?
edit: I almost forgot. I invite DanP to have his discussion on ethics and infidelity here in this thread too if he so chooses.