About to take out my first loan for college

[Cyrus]

Yes, charging your kids to pay rent is wrong. Asking them to help pay the rent because they can't make ends meet is a different story.

I said if you can live at home. Everything following the if was conditional.

Now, I don't have any loans to pay off. But if someone does have loans and they get into a grad school for their masters, why can't they use THAT money ~40k to pay off their undergraduate loans?? Then they will have a small loan to deal with after school and a higher paying job b/c they have a masters.

 

[cristo]

But if someone does have loans and they get into a grad school for their masters, why can't they use THAT money ~40k to pay off their undergraduate loans?? Then they will have a small loan to deal with after school and a higher paying job b/c they have a masters.

What do you think someone will live on though, if they use their income to pay off their loans? I don't know many people who's parents will let them live at home, rent free, after their undergraduate degree. I know that my parents would kick me out, or at least charge rent, not that I would still want to live at home at this age anyway. Then there's the fact that one would be tied into going to one university, so that one can stay at home. It all doesn't seem practical to me.

 

[Cyrus]

I am middle eastern. In the middle east, you're parents don't kick you out of the house. This is a western thing I have noticed. Asians live at home, my greek friends live at home, all my ME friends live at home. None of their parents would dare dream of kicking their kids out the home. Living at home is very common among these cultures because they are centered around the family.

What kind of family values do you have to kick your kids outside your house as soon as possible or charge them rent?

If I was living at home and my parents were having trouble making ends meet, I would help them with the bills. They would not have to ask for help though, I would help them without hesitation. In most other cultures, your parents pay for your upbringing/college but you help them when they become older. My parents both send money to my grandparents each month. Similarly, I will take care of my parents.

My grandparents busted their asses for my parents, and likewise my parents busted their ass for me. What you describe seems very self centered and not much of a caring family.

Its probably very hard to go anywhere in life when your family does not do things together to better the whole.

 

[Astronuc]

What kind of family values do you have to kick your kids outside your house as soon as possible or charge them rent?

I think there is some expectation in the US that once one's children become adults, they take off on their own, i.e. leave home and become self-sufficient.

In my case, I left home at 17 and came back during brief periods during two summers to work and save money. I also helped my father re-roof the house during those times. Otherwise, I lived on my own or with room-mates.

I think that has changed in the last two decades. There are a lot of 20- and 30- somethings living at home, particularly after the internet bubble burst.

As for the OP, read the terms of the loan, look at the interest rate, and shop around. Educational loans are really unsecured. I co-signed for two loans for a foreign student so she could get lower interest rate. She didn't realize that the loans charged interest during her undergrad, so when she left school, the principal on two loans had increased about 20%. Don't take out big loans - and calculate how much must be payed back ($200/mo, $350/mo, $500/mo . . . and over what time (e.g. 10 years, 15 years, . . . after graduation). Loans can be a significant burden.

Instead of loans, I worked to pay my way through school.

 

[Beeza]

I am middle eastern. In the middle east, you're parents don't kick you out of the house. This is a western thing I have noticed. Asians live at home, my greek friends live at home, all my ME friends live at home. None of their parents would dare dream of kicking their kids out the home. Living at home is very common among these cultures because they are centered around the family.

What kind of family values do you have to kick your kids outside your house as soon as possible or charge them rent?

If I was living at home and my parents were having trouble making ends meet, I would help them with the bills. They would not have to ask for help though, I would help them without hesitation. In most other cultures, your parents pay for your upbringing/college but you help them when they become older. My parents both send money to my grandparents each month. Similarly, I will take care of my parents.

My grandparents busted their asses for my parents, and likewise my parents busted their ass for me. What you describe seems very self centered and not much of a caring family.

Its probably very hard to go anywhere in life when your family does not do things together to better the whole.

I think our differences essentially come down to different "upbringings".

I believe that I cannot really depend on anyone but myself, and when it really comes to hard times, I have to look to myself to struggle through them.

 

[ice109]

I think our differences essentially come down to different "upbringings".

I believe that I cannot really depend on anyone but myself, and when it really comes to hard times, I have to look to myself to struggle through them.

you're better off than the other dude trust me. wait till he has to deal with something severe and no can help him. i bet his sanctimonious head will explode

 

[Cyrus]

you're better off than the other dude trust me. wait till he has to deal with something severe and no can help him. i bet his sanctimonious head will explode

So now no one can help me? Where did this assumption come from, your ass? I don't spend money like it grows on trees, so I don't put myself in a "severe" situation to begin with. I saved my money for 4 years through college while working a high paying job. If you have a brain, get good grades, get a scholarship, get a good paying job/internships, get into grad school, and get out debt free. Its THAT simple.

Otherwise, stop your waaa-waaa-waaa and work at McDonalds.

 

[ranger]

you're better off than the other dude trust me. wait till he has to deal with something severe and no can help him. i bet his sanctimonious head will explode

You're words are rather harsh and is purely out of context with cyrusabdollahi's response.

 

[ice109]

You're words are rather harsh and is purely out of context with cyrusabdollahi's response.

maybe sanctimonious isn't the right word but i read the entire thread and on several occassions he's been very insulting and presumptive.

So now no one can help me? Where did this assumption come from, your ass? I don't spend money like it grows on trees, so I don't put myself in a "severe" situation to begin with. I saved my money for 4 years through college while working a high paying job. If you have a brain, get good grades, get a scholarship, get a good paying job/internships, get into grad school, and get out debt free. Its THAT simple.

Otherwise, stop your waaa-waaa-waaa and work at McDonalds.

at some point you will be unable to call for help and what are you going to do then? though you were insulting and i was likewise all i meant was that someone who has is comfortable with dealing with hardship will be better off than you in a hard situation.

don't bolster your own ego by presuming to be unique in your intelligence.your financial success is probably largely due to assistance. a lot of people are very smart and very hard working and are not able to eave college debt free because they are poor. honestly what can you say about something you haven't done.

edit

you're not special , you're lucky. if you think that's not fitting then consider the tons of people who have achieved way more than you with way less and don't presume themselves to be special.

 

[Cyrus]

at some point you will be unable to call for help and what are you going to do then? though you were insulting and i was likewise all i meant was that someone who has is comfortable with dealing with hardship will be better off than you in a hard situation.

Who said I "call for help"?? I never said anything insluting to you ice.

don't bolster your own ego by presuming to be unique in your intelligence.your financial success is probably largely due to assistance. a lot of people are very smart and very hard working and are not able to eave college debt free because they are poor. honestly what can you say about something you haven't done.

When did I ever say anything about bolstering my intellegence?

you're not special , you're lucky. if you think that's not fitting then consider the tons of people who have achieved way more than you with way less and don't presume themselves to be special.

Did I say I was special?


You need to grow up. You're response is quite pathetic. You can ignore what I told you, that's fine by me. Like InbredDummy said, I know someone on scholarship that was getting paid to attend school from scholarships. But hey, continue to ignore what I said.


Go buy a box of tissues... and give me a large order of fries.

 

[ice109]

Who said I "call for help"?? I never said anything insluting to you ice.
When did I ever say anything about bolstering my intellegence?
Did I say I was special?You need to grow up. You're response is quite pathetic. You can ignore what I told you, that's fine by me. Like InbredDummy said, I know someone on scholarship that was getting paid to attend school from scholarships. But hey, continue to ignore what I said.Go buy a box of tissues... and give me a large order of fries.

there are several examples of you being insulting, i don't need to cite them. i said bolster your ego not your intelligence. all of your posts are narcissistic. I'm not ignoring anything you've said cause all you've said is some people do this and some people do that blah blah blah and hence it should quite simple for everyone to do it. and that last comment, that was just you being friendly right.

edit

you remind me of that guy from good will hunting, "you'll be serving fries to my kids..."

 

[Cyrus]

Ok, ignore what I told you. Dont get good grades, Dont apply for a scholarship, do live in a dorm if money is an issue and you can commute instead.

that was just you being friendly right

No, that was me not liking you. Yeah, I gave you examples of "some people that do this", by "this", I said get paid to attend school. But if you want to put your fingers in your ears and ignore me, you can try sticking them up your you know what.

 

[cristo]

I am middle eastern. In the middle east, you're parents don't kick you out of the house. This is a western thing I have noticed. Asians live at home, my greek friends live at home, all my ME friends live at home. None of their parents would dare dream of kicking their kids out the home. Living at home is very common among these cultures because they are centered around the family.

What kind of family values do you have to kick your kids outside your house as soon as possible or charge them rent?

Ok... perhaps "kick out" was too strong a phrase-- obviously, as soon as you graduate, your parents aren't going to kick you out. On the other hand, if you're twenty something, and you've got yourself a job, or are in grad school, then the parents' job is pretty much done, and so it's about time to move out.

What you describe seems very self centered and not much of a caring family.

I'm not sure which part of my post you're referring to, or who's being self-centred. I can't see that the parents can be being self-centred, since, after all, they have brought you up for 18 or so years, and provided for you.

Its probably very hard to go anywhere in life when your family does not do things together to better the whole.

Now, I never said that family don't support each other-- obviously, if something happens like you lose your job, then parents will be there to move back in with for a short while until you settle yourselves (c.f astronuc's post re the "internet bubble").

 

[ice109]

Now, I never said that family don't support each other-- obviously, if something happens like you lose your job, then parents will be there to move back in with for a short while until you settle yourselves (c.f astronuc's post re the "internet bubble").

is the expectation that if such a thing happens and one's parents aren't capable of doing this then one is expected to what? die?

 

[cristo]

is the expectation that if such a thing happens and one's parents aren't capable of doing this then one is expected to what? die?

Don't be stupid. Obviously if one's parent's aren't able to help, then one would find someone else to help, i.e. friends, or other family, unless they wanted to struggle through on their own. I'm just saying that, although I support the notion of parent's "kicking out" their kids at a given age, I never said that the parents kick their kids out and then forget about them. That's just wrong!

 

[Cyrus]

Ok... perhaps "kick out" was too strong a phrase-- obviously, as soon as you graduate, your parents aren't going to kick you out. On the other hand, if you're twenty something, and you've got yourself a job, or are in grad school, then the parents' job is pretty much done, and so it's about time to move out.

I know you did not mean "kicked-out", but there are people whose parents will literally "kick out" their kids once they turn 18. Its sad.

I'm not sure which part of my post you're referring to, or who's being self-centred. I can't see that the parents can be being self-centred, since, after all, they have brought you up for 18 or so years, and provided for you.

Your parents job is not to just bring you up and toss you out. Again, this is probably a cultural difference, but many countries around the world is it quite normal to live with your parents and take care of them. These, IMO are much better cultural values than "ok, your 23 and have a job, now get out". When I have kids, they are not going to pay a dime for their education, and I won't kick them out the house once they graduate. I mean, let's be real here. Once you graduate, your not a kid anymore. You go to work, come home and eat dinner, and go out at night. Are you really at home all that often anyways? Its not like your 5 years old and your parents have to babysit you constantly.

Now, I never said that family don't support each other-- obviously, if something happens like you lose your job, then parents will be there to move back in with for a short while until you settle yourselves (c.f astronuc's post re the "internet bubble").

I know you didnt mean that.

 

[ice109]

Don't be stupid. Obviously if one's parent's aren't able to help, then one would find someone else to help, i.e. friends, or other family, unless they wanted to struggle through on their own. I'm just saying that, although I support the notion of parent's "kicking out" their kids at a given age, I never said that the parents kick their kids out and then forget about them. That's just wrong!

i think that most people are completely unprepared to do just that

 

[cristo]

I know you did not mean "kicked-out", but there are people whose parents will literally "kick out" their kids once they turn 18. Its sad.

Tell me about it-- although the people I know who were in this situation became incredibly grown up, very quickly. Then again, there are the people whose parents allow them to live at home and sponge off them, without making an attempt to get a job. This is pretty sad, also.

Your parents job is not to just bring you up and toss you out. Again, this is probably a cultural difference, but many countries around the world is it quite normal to live with your parents and take care of them. These, IMO are much better cultural values than "ok, your 23 and have a job, now get out". When I have kids, they are not going to pay a dime for their education, and I won't kick them out the house once they graduate. I mean, let's be real here. Once you graduate, your not a kid anymore. You go to work, come home and eat dinner, and go out at night. Are you really at home all that often anyways? Its not like your 5 years old and your parents have to babysit you constantly.

It's true, but then again, I don't know many parents who'd really want their "kids" kicking around the house when they've grown up and got a job. However, equally so, I don't know that many people who would want to live with their parents when they've grown up and moved out; especially if they've already experienced life away from home. I imagine, as you said though, that this is a culture difference. It is admirable the people who stay at home to look after their parents. This is not all that common with the people that I know, but it is more common of one's parents moving back in with them, when getting more elderly, or needy.

I know you didnt mean that.

Good.

 

[cristo]

i think that most people are completely unprepared to do just that

And why would you think that? I would couple "struggling through on your own" with "getting help from friends," since the latter is a consequence of your life to that point (i.e. you don't get given friends when you're born). I disagree, from my experience of people, that one couldn't get through difficulties on one's own, or with friend's help. Obviously, we must know very different people.

 

[ice109]

And why would you think that? I would couple "struggling through on your own" with "getting help from friends," since the latter is a consequence of your life to that point (i.e. you don't get given friends when you're born). I disagree, from my experience of people, that one couldn't get through difficulties on one's own, or with friend's help. Obviously, we must know very different people.

i don't understand what you said? you think having friend's is part of struggling on your own? the point of my statement is the people aren't independent.

 

[cristo]

i don't understand what you said? you think having friend's is part of struggling on your own? the point of my statement is the people aren't independent.

Of course people aren't completely independent-- we are social creatures. But still, people can get through things without the help of their parents-- you seem to suggest that one needs one's parents for everything, or else one would not cope.

 

[ice109]

Of course people aren't completely independent-- we are social creatures. But still, people can get through things without the help of their parents-- you seem to suggest that one needs one's parents for everything, or else one would not cope.

friends parents same thing. i am suggesting that most people cannot get through anything on their own. being social doesn't being dependent.

 

[cristo]

friends parents same thing. i am suggesting that most people cannot get through anything on their own. being social doesn't being dependent.

How is it the same-- parents "have" to help you, whereas your friends don't! Anyway, this discussion has nothing to do with the original topic.

 

[ice109]

How is it the same-- parents "have" to help you, whereas your friends don't! Anyway, this discussion has nothing to do with the original topic.

no one has to be help you.

 

[InbredDummy]

omg, lock the thread!

 

[TMFKAN64]

Your parents job is not to just bring you up and toss you out.

Again, this is probably a cultural thing, but yes, that's exactly what I think a parent's job is.

If my son needs my help at some point, I will be there for him my entire life. If something catastrophic happens, he will always be welcome in my home. I wish he never had to move away. But if after his mid-20's or so, he is living with me for an extended term, I will feel like I failed as a parent.

 

[TMFKAN64]

is the expectation that if such a thing happens and one's parents aren't capable of doing this then one is expected to what? die?

Welcome to America.

 

[Cyrus]

I think there is some expectation in the US that once one's children become adults, they take off on their own, i.e. leave home and become self-sufficient.

This is the key problem. What is an 'adult'? An 18 year old is an adult by law. That does not mean they are ready to leave the house. A parent should ask their kid to leave the house only once their kid is an a position to start their life. I.e. they are ready emotionally, practically, and financially. To ask (or expect) them to leave otherwise is being a lousy self-centered parent. It would amount to throwing your kids into a lions den, because the world will have no mercy towards a 20-something-year-old in debt.

 

[morphism]

This is the key problem. What is an 'adult'? An 18 year old is an adult by law. That does not mean they are ready to leave the house. A parent should ask their kid to leave the house only once their kid is an a position to start their life. I.e. they are ready emotionally, practically, and financially. To ask (or expect) them to leave otherwise is being a lousy self-centered parent.

Let's not generalize and name-call.

Personally I do not agree with the "kicking them out of the nest quickly" philosophy, but I can understand why some people would adopt it (either willingly or unwillingly).

 

[Cyrus]

Tell me about it-- although the people I know who were in this situation became incredibly grown up, very quickly. Then again, there are the people whose parents allow them to live at home and sponge off them, without making an attempt to get a job. This is pretty sad, also.

There is exactly one reason for this. Work ethic. My parents, and my friends, have very strong work ethics from our parents. I also see lots of ME (hell, any race) kids who have money and no work ethic. They waste money like its water. THOSE are the ones who sponge off their parents, and *those* are the ones that need to be kicked out the house. (See, some kids *DO* need the boot).

It's true, but then again, I don't know many parents who'd really want their "kids" kicking around the house when they've grown up and got a job.

I would. If my kids just finished college and want to stick around for a year or two so they can save up some money and put a big down payment on their home, Id have no problem with that. In fact, I would encourage them to do so. That way they don't have to B-M-C about making ends meet.

However, equally so, I don't know that many people who would want to live with their parents when they've grown up and moved out; especially if they've already experienced life away from home.

I mean, I do whatever I want. I come home at all hours of the night (or don't come home). My parents don't treat me like I am a little child, and I don't see why anyone elses parents would...