Ask a Stupid Quetion Get a Stupid Answer

[AnTiFreeze3]

Who wishes there were more IT Crowd series?

Read the first post to get a general idea to see how you should be responding to posts in this thread.

 

[Monsterboy]

What's a Stupid question?

 

[Jimmy Snyder]

What's a Stupid question?

Yes it is. Where's not so much. Why do you ask?

 

[AnTiFreeze3]

What's a Stupid question?

You're getting the hang of it!

 

[Monsterboy]

1^0 = 1^1 then 1=0 ?

1^0 = 1^1 = 1^2 = 1^3 = 1^4 ... then 0=1=2=3=4=5...?

 

[rhythm42]

1^0 = 1^1 then 1=0 ?

1^0 = 1^1 = 1^2 = 1^3 = 1^4 ... then 0=1=2=3=4=5...?

well, if you're French, you drowned at 5.

Is that why the French can only count to 4? They're afraid of drowning?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Is that why the French can only count to 4? They're afraid of drowning?

The famous rhetorical quetion, "And the French can only count to four?" is not to be understood as a statement about the French. It's specifically a statement about penguin skinning techniques of the natives of Tierra del Fuego, and generally a statement about reverse engineering. Both of which lead to an implied meta-statement about historical revisionism.

The first reverse engineer was, as we all know, the celebrated Tierra del Fuegan, Ooorge. Ooorge was the first human to set himself the task of reversing the act of fire-making. Instead of making fire he decided to unlock the secret of putting fires out. Before Ooorge everyone in Tierra del Fuego was preoccupied with starting fires with the result that the whole southern tip of South America was on fire. Hence the name, "Tierra del Fuego", which means, "Kangaroo".

Ooorge soon determined that neither water nor dirt burned very well. That being the case, he undertook the obvious course, which was to heap baskets full of mud onto statues of the Fire God, Hottssooo, to quench his fiery spirit. Soon the fires of Tierra del Fuego were nearly all put out, and Ooorge was stoned to death by his fellows. His story lives on in Tierra del Fuegan history as that of, "The Idiot Who Brought Near-Antarctic Freezing Cold Back to Kangaroo".

Why is it so many innovators are not appreciated by penguin skinners?

 

[Evo]

It's open!

 

[AnTiFreeze3]

It's open!

Which brings forth the stupid quetion,

What is 'it'?

 

[mal4mac]

Ingratiating Tyrants

Why did Nero need to be ingratiating?

 

[AnTiFreeze3]

Ingratiating Tyrants

Why did Nero need to be ingratiating?

Ah, Nero. Most typically a reference to the matricidal Roman Emperor who burned down most of Rome to build his own palace, but in this case it obviously refers to the acronym N.E.R.O, meaning North Eastern Ribs Organization.

Their story is a tragic one. Founded by James Whogimmy, a distant 13th cousin of Bono, the organization was created as a means to bring together in harmony the meat-eating lovers of downtown Minneapolis. In a jarring coincidence, the organization's opening in 1964 was temporally equal to all of Minneapolis becoming vegan, after an unprecedented migration of hippies flocked to, and acculturated Minneapolis to their will, primarily employing the tactic of setting loose "free-spirited" young women roaming the streets topless.

James Whogimmy became desparate. He was a tough, meat-eating man, and the one thing he loved was being taken from him. Unsure of any other course of action, James Whogimmy became... ingratiating, much to his dismay. He was friendly to the hippies, and in a very non-pedantic way, outlined the benefits of a good meal of meat, especially to the particularly skinny hippies. Membership skyrocketed, and to this day NERO remains ingratiating, in remembrance of James Whogimmy's realization that kindness makes people like you.

Many historians, however, still battle this quetion: What caused all of those hippies to migrate to Minneapolis?

definitely not my best work in this thread, but I'm rusty

 

[zoobyshoe]

What caused all of those hippies to migrate to Minneapolis?

The Great Hippie Migration of 1964, as it's now called, was not a migration at all, it was a purgative drive, and it was not intended to end in Minneapolis. The east to west hippie drive was intended to cross the whole country, scooping up all hippies along the way, and finally deposit them into the Pacific ocean. Things got confused when it was realized too late, that "hippies" as such, didn't quite exist yet in 1964, and the people being driven across the country were actually just people whose extreme hair length was due to political arguments with their barbers. Some were "on strike" against their barbers, some barbers were "on strike" against them.

It's interesting to note that a full 37.874% of the "hippies" were collected in Pennsylvania, which has more obnoxious barbers per capita than any other state. Another fact of note is that Pennsylvania had more Barbershop/Meatmarket combos than any other state at the time, which explains these Pennsylvania "hippies" aversion to meat. The other "hippies" had adopted this secondary form of protest to demonstrate solidarity.

Anyway, once the organizers of the drive realized they had no authentic "hippies," they released their captives in the vicinity of the Twin Cities one night, and slunk back home, never to be heard from again.

The "topless, free spirited, loose" women mentioned were also not actually hippies, mere "camp followers". They eventually reorganized themselves into the Minneapolis City Council.

This is definitely not my best work in this thread, but I'm rusty. That raises the quetion:

How can a non-ferrous entity become rusty?

 

[mal4mac]

Rub it against an old bulwark.

Is that a real wormhole I see above this edit box?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Is that a real wormhole I see above this edit box?

No, that wormhole is a replica carved from a gummy bear by master carver, George D. Wellbung, the "Living Treasure" of the little village of Montana, Kansas, U.S.A., who created such masterpieces as a bust of Will Smith carved from a green M&M, and a complete set of chess pieces carved out of Prozac tablets. Asked the secret of his long life, the 37 year old replied, "I suppose I've made it this far because of my skates." When asked what he meant by that he said, "You know...my skates. Hehe."

That raises, from the dead, the quetion:

Why is it so many innovators are not appreciated by penguin skinners?

 

[Bandersnatch]

The answer to that question is buried in the etymology of the word innovator. As documented by Martha Chomsky, the scandalous mother of Noam, from whom the famous linguist is rumoured to have first learned the mysteries of language, innovator comes from PIE word for egg yolk. "inn-" being the geminated operative prefix denoting the insides, and "ovator" standing for an egg(hence "ovation" - an act of throwing eggs at a performer). Thus, the clique of innovators reveals itself as a cabal of egg producers, naturally at odds with penguin skinners, whose practices are known to reduce birds' propensity for laying eggs. After centuries of bloody antagonism, the two groups appear beyond reconciliation.

A question of cosmology, pertinent to the topic at hand, that has been bothering me for a while is: in the time before time, when the universe had no time, how much time did it take for it to acquire enough time to start having time?

 

[Enigman]

A question of cosmology, pertinent to the topic at hand, that has been bothering me for a while is: in the time before time, when the universe had no time, how much time did it take for it to acquire enough time to start having time?

$$42 -i \pi$$

Why can't I be bothered to write a longer reply?

 

[mal4mac]

Why can't I be bothered to write a longer reply?

Because he's frumious.

Why were the borogoves mimsy?

 

[Enigman]

The Bandersnatch trampled over their nests.

What's the difference between a diamond and a tea tray?

 

[mal4mac]

The mentor with the lowest help score, 'cause he's a 'dim don'.

Are you a hate watcher?

 

[AnTiFreeze3]

Are you a hate watcher?

Ah, the hate watcher. Hugh Gomptin, self-ascribed cynic and misanthrope, made his watches devoid of any emotion sans hatred. This meant that 95% of his product wound up broken, and those watches that could be loosely described as functional were rumored, in lieu of sea shells, to whisper loathsome vitriol into the ear of any who held there.

Appropriately, his primary purchasers were masochists, looking for a subtle way to reach arousal in public, merely by placing a watch next to one's ear, in a most subtle maneuver reminiscent of handheld bluetooth devices: cellphones.

The beauty of the hate watcher is that, while his name is often whispered with reverence around campfires or within the comfortable confines of one's home, his true identity and appearance remain unknown. Truthfully, in our own convoluted ways, we're all hate watchers, living in the odious shadow cast by his unrivaled watchmaking existence. I am a hate watcher. You are a hate watcher. We are all hate watchers.

Thus begs the eternal and possibly preternatural quetion: What is the true identity of Hugh Gomptin, the pinnacle of hate watchers?

 

[zoobyshoe]

What is the true identity of Hugh Gomptin, the pinnacle of hate watchers?

Good quetion! The anser can probably best be obfuscated by first considering the history of his family. Let's go back to the Sino-Grecian conflict of 1798, when a Chinese Junk loaded with tea trays and diamonds collided with a Grecian oil tanker loaded with a bunch of Chinese junk, off the coast of Bolivia. It just so happens the captain of the ship was named Gomptin. The previous day his crew had mutinied and had thrown him overboard.

By coincidence the captain of the other boat had mutinied against his crew the day before and had thrown them overboard. Its easy to see that the discarded men would get together and retake one or another of the boats under the captaincy of the discarded captain. However, all those personages drowned.

Fast forward to B.C. 321 when obscure Greek mathematician, Herkemander was defenestrated for failing to provide proof. Herkemander had asserted that there existed a mathematical space, Oily Tea Tray Space, in which the difference between any object and a tea tray could be determined by subtracting the appropriate fraction of the crew of a Chinese junk from any individual named Gomptin. His followers were enraptured for a time, but he continually failed to provide proof, so one day they defenestrated him. But when they looked down from the window his body was nowhere to be seen. Instead they saw a pile of oily tea trays, part of the crew of a Chinese junk, a diamond, and a sea captain named Gomptin.

Gomptin proceeded to raise himself up off the plaza, but when he tried to walk, he slipped on wet soles and fell, cracking his head open on a sundial. He was heard to utter, "A pox on all timepieces!" and he collapsed, never to rise again.

But whatever happened to the coast of Bolivia?

 

[Beelzebub]

But whatever happened to the coast of Bolivia?

The aliens brought a gigantic vacuum cleaner and sucked it into another dimension.

Who is Homer Simpson?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Who is Homer Simpson?

No, this was settled many years ago: Who, is on first.

Speaking of whom, didn't Dr. Who have a run-in with Hugh?

 

[Bandersnatch]

Speaking of whom, didn't Dr. Who have a run-in with Hugh?

Huh?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Huh?

You can't ask a quetion until you have ansered the previously posted quetion.

 

[Beelzebub]

No, this was settled many years ago: Who, is on first.

Speaking of whom, didn't Dr. Who have a run-in with Hugh?

Yeah, they fought over marshmallows in Mongolian parliament.

So Dr Who is Dr Who?

 

[Bandersnatch]

That quetion was simultaneously a phonetically congruent answer to the previous one. It was super clever!

Don't you see?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Yeah, they fought over marshmallows in Mongolian parliament.

So Dr Who is Dr Who?

In most cases, yes. Exceptions to the rule are when Who's on first, or when Horton hears a Who.

When is who?

 

[Beelzebub]

That quetion was simultaneously a phonetically congruent answer to the previous one. It was super clever!

Don't you see?

I do see that quetion, even though that quetion was not aimed at me.

Who are you?

 

[Beelzebub]

In most cases, yes. Exceptions to the rule are when Who's on first, or when Horton hears a Who.

When is who?

Who is when, when when is who.

Is it syntactically correct to say that queen needs shaving?