Ask a Stupid Quetion Get a Stupid Answer

[AnTiFreeze3]

Because the rocks were too busy being serious and not monkeying around to evolve.

How many pancakes does it take to satisfy a dog house?

You can never satisfy the insatiable thirst for pancakes, no matter how hard you try.

Why u no read questoin rite cu mah gramur purfect?

 

[Whovian]

Cuz u spel gud.

Doctor who?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Doctor who?

Dr. Smerl X. Fronggersmilsch, specialist in external medicine and pre-medical ambushes. His motto is "Don't even THINK about doing anything unhealthy or I'll kill you."

Recently when I was crawling on all fours through a sunny park hoping to escape from several ground squirrels who were conspiring to corner me and infect me with Bubonic Plague, I noticed a copy of Dr. Fronggersmilsch's great treatise External Diseases of the Sound Tract, their Causes and Treatment. Opening it to page 24, I happened upon the following poem by Johannes Lennonus, translated from the original Liverpudlian by the good Dr. Himself.

Dr. Himself's translation ran thusly:

"Ever to the sky you gaze
Never to the fry you haze
Alway to the cry you raze
Clever are the spy's blue rays"

That wasn't bad, but I though this would have been a more accurate rendering:

"The night time scalps our whimpering ashes
Annie tries on purple glasses
Green goats graze atomic grasses
Those two chicks have real big assets."

That's alright, though, because both translations carry the same clear message: nothing rhymes with "orange".

But my quetion is: how low can you go?

 

[Andre]

But my quetion is: how low can you go?

Lower than one wing span.

What is a nalponarke?

 

[zoobyshoe]

What is a nalponarke?

A nalponarke is a species of freshwater fish which, when confronted by a lengthy, surreal, amazingly entertaining stupid quetion/anser suffers the delusion that the person who wrote it is not playing the game correctly and tries to push the thread back to the dark ages of incredibly dull and almost invariably unfunny one liners that are intended to be brief and witty, but which are, in fact only brief.

Recently, when I was roasting a nalponarke I'd just pulled out of a river in Zambibia, over a nice bed of embers, a Zambibian gentleman carrying two AK47's and a beltload of grenades approached me and politely said "Give me fish or I kill you."

"Certainly", I replied, "but first you must answer the magic quetion: how many nalponarkes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?"

"What is 'lightbulb'?"

"Correct!" I cried, and threw the hot fish in his face.

Dashing to my canoe, I jumped in and began paddling away. Due to the lucky fact I am the protagonist of this story, none of the dozens of rounds he blasted at me was able to hit me, despite the fact I departed the shore with excruciating slowness. Many innocent nalponarkes, however, suffered terrible wounds and soon the water around me was filled with their cries for help. "Good God, man!," I cried to the Zambibian Bandito, look what you're doing!"

"WHAT IS LIGHTBULB?," he shrieked back at me.

"I don't have time to explain two centuries of electromagnetic discovery and engineering to you," I said, "Innocent fish are dying here!"

"My village will eat them. And I think that crocodile there will eat you."

Turning, I was confronted by the gaping maw of a very large reptile, about to clamp down on my head.

But my quetion is: does she or doesn't she?

 

[Whovian]

Does she feel like running of with the Doctor? Yep!

What does the following do:

class anything
{
    public static void main(String[]args)
    {
        System.out.println("Hello world!");
    }
}

 

[zoobyshoe]

What does the following do:

That's code, nalponarke code to be precise. What it does is render the nalponarke language unintelligible to anyone who doesn't know the code. What is of interest is that most nalponarke, themselves, do not know their own code. That's because the textbook for the course to learn the code costs in excess of 75,000 nalponarke money units (they only have one, equivalent to about 3.75 British pounds). Nalponarke universally agree there's something fishy about that. Since they're fish, they know what's fishy and what isn't.

Why is the book so expensive?

 

[AnTiFreeze3]

The book is so expensive because, several millenia ago, the nalponarke's opted to use shark skin instead of paper, which is quite unfeasible due to the nalponarkes being a strictly freshwater species. Legend has it that there are only 50 textbooks currently in circulation.Why do nalponarkes use shark skin instead of paper?

 

[Pkruse]

This seems a good place to post this, which was overheard of two elderly veterans at the funeral of one of their comrades.

They were talking about global warming, which they seemed to think was a problem with our ozone layer. One says to the other, "We would not be having this global warming problem with the ozone layer if NASA did not keep punching holes in it with their rockets."

 

[zoobyshoe]

This seems a good place to post this, which was overheard of two elderly veterans at the funeral of one of their comrades.

They were talking about global warming, which they seemed to think was a problem with our ozone layer. One says to the other, "We would not be having this global warming problem with the ozone layer if NASA did not keep punching holes in it with their rockets."

This thread has rules: anser the stupid quetion in the previous post, then post your own new stupid quetion.

 

[zoobyshoe]

Why do nalponarkes use shark skin instead of paper?

Naturally you'd think it was because of paper's tendency to swell and then come apart when submerged. That's certainly what I used to think, especially when that misconception was bolstered by the proclamations of generations of "experts" in every book on nalponarke culture written between 1787 and 1979. In that latter year, though, researcher Hironymoose B. Belcher discovered it just wasn't the case. Nalponarkes use shark skin, not because it is water proof, but because their mother told them to. That discovery shattered the longstanding misconception about the fish, and human understanding of the nalponarke was freed to progress to heights no one had imagined.

But the proof of nalponarke pudding is in how fishy it tastes. Let's test our understanding of nalponarke culture:

How much wood could a nalponarke cause to fall over in the woods if a nalponarke could screw in a lightbulb?

 

[Andre]

How much wood could a nalponarke cause to fall over in the woods if a nalponarke could screw in a lightbulb?

Hypothetically if we consider a spherical nalponarke as a point mass, in vacuum, we need an infinite amount of nalponarkes to enclose the lightbulb. Obviously when an infinite amount of nalponarkes fly to the lightbulb, they will tear down all the wood.

Can a nalponarke fly backwards?

 

[AnTiFreeze3]

Can a nalponarke fly backwards?

When underwater, the nalponarkes are a strictly forward-faring species.

Despite this limitation whilst traveling underwater, the nalponarkes (through several minutes of evolution after looking at an airplane above water and thinking "that looks cool") have developed the capability of flying for brief periods of time above water through the implementation of water as fuel. The water is consumed by the nalponarkes, who then form two separate lines (one horizontal and one all askew). The two separate lines of nalponarkes then simultaneously un-submerge themselves from the watery depths of the water, and spit out their water as hard as they can at the water, which moves them away from the water in a sense which one ill-informed forum user may consider "flying".

Now comes the age old question of whether or not they can use this supposed super power to move backwards. Some say "no", some say "yes". Those who say "no" are incorrect. In fact, the nalponarkes can ONLY fly backwards, because their evolutionary trait of flying (which was developed mainly to just be cool and to allow the nalponarkes to be the envy of their water-breathing-brethren) is also used as a defense mechanism.

When the nalponarkes are being chased by fresh water sharks, they slow down to allow the sharks to come closer, and right as the sharks are about the strike, the nalponarkes form their aforementioned lines and fly backwards, confusing the sharks so much that the confusion results in death, and ultimately more paper for the nalponarkes to write on.


Now, it is no secret that the nalponarkes are the 2nd most intelligent species of flying freshwater fish. What is holding them back from being the 1st'est smart?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Now, it is no secret that the nalponarkes are the 2nd most intelligent species of flying freshwater fish. What is holding them back from being the 1st'est smart?

The Piscatorial Non-Proliferation of Intelligence Treaty they signed in the 1960's. It was observed that the more intelligent flying freshwater fish became, the more intelligent flying freshwater fishermen became. Something had to be done to stop this inadvertent creation of more and more intelligent fishermen, so it was agreed all flying freshwater fish would halt at their current level thus removing the need for the fishermen to become more intellectually clever in devising ways to catch them. Nalponarke's just happened to be in second place at the time, (though they had occupied 1st'est place in many previous years).

But which flying freshwater fish has enjoyed 1st'est place since the 1960's?

 

[phylotree]

When I am older, I realize that only immature kids will use the word "stupid" to talk with anyone. Older people do have better ways to state that someone didn't make a smart/good decision.

 

[AnTiFreeze3]

But which flying freshwater fish has enjoyed 1st'est place since the 1960's?

The gweeds, of course.

Of course, were I a gweed writing this response, I would notify you of your usage of the word "enjoy". The gweeds view their everlasting position of superior intelligence as a curse, rather than something that they would "enjoy".

For you see, the gweeds are an extremely competitive species. They relied upon competition from other flying freshwater fish (FFF) species in order to keep their "A" game (or in the gweed's language: their "д" game...... they have bad handwriting).

The sudden halt of their increase in intelligence, and subsequently, their competition, left the gweeds as a sad, pathetic FFF, with an uncannily high suicide rate among young adults.

In the gweeds' "Above Water History: Cold War" textbook, the gweeds' plight for knowledge, fueled by the competition with the nalponarkes in the pre-treaty era, is often juxtaposed to the ravishing success of the space programs of the United States (mainly them) and the Soviet Union. Their competition created their accomplishments, but when the threat of nuclear destruction ceased to exist, so did the mind-blowing advancements of the space programs.

My quetion is: Why is the United States so easily comparable to fish?

 

[zoobyshoe]

My quetion is: Why is the United States so easily comparable to fish?

Because, like a fish, the United States cannot ride a bicycle.

I read the news today, oh boy. It seems a school teacher in Trailsend, New Mexico, U.S.A. was held hostage for 30 minutes in a gas station by a large crowd of ground squirrels who cornered her inside and were planning on infecting her with Bubonic Plague. Apparently the FBI arrived just in time to rescue her. They'd been tracking this group of squirrels for weeks because they fit the profile. The squirrels refused to surrender, however, and tried shooting their way out. All were killed in the return fire. The federal agents escaped with only one casualty: an agent pinched his finger while inserting a bullet clip into his 9mm.

I'm outraged that our wonderful G-Men are sent out against Bubonic Squirrels armed only with light handguns. I think they deserve RPG's or even flamethrowers. There's no good reason a G-Man should have to risk pinching his finger. The F.B.I. has gone to hell since J.Edgar Hoover went to hell.

Anyway, the dying words of the lead Bubonic Squirrel were, "Tell the Gweeds to eat their tweeds and fill the swedes with orange weeds."

What do you suppose that meant?

 

[AnTiFreeze3]

What do you suppose that meant?

Besides the Bubonic Squirrels obvious lack of poetry skills, it appears to be some sort of coded message to their underwater counterpart.

A tweed, or a garment made of cloth (often made in Sweden, mind you), is something that would be difficult to swallow. Now, when you think about it, the cloth would be underwater when the Gweeds consumed it, thus meaning that it would be easier to swallow, so the idea of the Gweeds eating their clothing seems plausible.

Now, the reasoning behind eating their clothing could either mean that the Squirrels have forseen a mass starvation in the underwater world, and are recommending to the Gweeds that they eat their own clothing to stay alive, or that the Bubonic plague had destroyed the minds of the Squirrels, leaving their last words to be nothing more than incomprehensible nonsense.

Now, fill the Swedes. This is where it gets tricky. While the Gweeds are primarily located in freshwater rivers and lakes in North America, there are a select few that were stuffed into plastic bags filled with water, flown over to Sweden, and then dumped into their lakes. Now, unfortunately, all of these fish were male, so the Gweeds, in order to keep their intercontinental genes flourishing, were forced to breed with the Swedish Herring, which squandered their ability to fly, but also made the Gweeds far more tasty.

Ultimately, the Squirrels could once again be predicting, this time, an above water mass starvation, in which the Squirrels are advising the Swedish Gweed/Herring hybrids to accept their fate as the food of the Swedes, or, as stated before, they were completely off their rockers.

Orange weeds? I have absolutely no clue what the Bubonic Squirrels meant by that.

Ultimately, the Bubonic Squirrels are predicting, in the not so distant future, a mass starvation in both the underwater and above water worlds.
How do the squirrels know of this future starvation?

 

[Andre]

How do the squirrels know of this future starvation?

After ample research the Squirrel Merlin discovered that https://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?p=3932194#post3932194 can actually exceed the speed of light, so he sent one to the next galaxy and back hence it traveled to the future, discovered what was going on

If a Nalponarke flies backwards as an Ekranoplan at over the speed of light can it go backwards in time?

 

[AnTiFreeze3]

If a Nalponarke flies backwards as an Ekranoplan at over the speed of light can it go backwards in time?

Yes, although the nalponarkes have entirely stopped going back in time for this very reason:

Every time a nalponarke travels back in time, it is to stop the signing of the treaty that permanently places them as the 2nd most intelligent FFF specie. They always succeed, but due to fish time traveling limitations, they are always branched off into a different timeline, so word of their success never reaches the nalponarkes in our own, true timeline.

This is sad news for the nalponarkes, seeing as how the vast majority of their people believe that they are stuck as the 2nd smartest FFF in the land. Despite this widespread belief, the great elder council of nalponarkes knows of a secret so powerful, that it can break the nalponarkes free from their intellectual constraints, and place them back on top.

What is this powerful secret?

 

[Whovian]

42

Solve for X: £8 =$x

 

[AnTiFreeze3]

42

Solve for X: £8 =$x

WHAT HAVE YOU DONE??! YOU'VE MANAGED TO KILL AN AWESOME CONVERSATION WITH ONE, GOD-FORSAKEN, OVERLY USED JOKE FROM A MEDIOCRE MOVIE!

Nevertheless, I can solve this using words:

If you divide by 8 and multiply it all by 'Q', then what you are left with is a typed out code, which says, "Ejsy od yjod [pergi; drvtryZ".

Now, using my minor detective skills that I picked up from reading several Hardy Boys books, I recognize that this "code" is merely a question that has been typed incorrectly. Each key has been typed one letter to the right of the standard hand placement.

Using this, the code now says, "What is this powerful secret?" Now, going back several posts, I see that this same question has been posted before. Seeing how it has appeared TWICE now, it must be important. So, I ask of you all:

What is this powerful secret?

 

[zoobyshoe]

What is this powerful secret?

This powerful secret is intellectual, restraint breaking, powerful, and secret. Therefore, I hesitate to blurt it out, but since you asked, it is this: part your hair on a different side every day.

Which brings us to the case of Nalponarke-X, A.K.A The Neoprene Boy, A.K.A. He of the Dark Scales, A.K.A The Thing With The Band Aid Eyebrows.

I last encountered him while trekking up a hiking trail on the discount side of last Tuesday. Cloaked in his Veil of Disparagement, he glared at me as we passed, as if daring me to pugilistically challenge him, and when I did not, he grabbed me by the arm and exclaimed, "Ha HA! YES! I see your point! Excellent. Maybe. Well, O.K. Well it could be worse. Well, it could be better." Pulling my arm free, I drew my Roman Gladius from its sheath and made to stab, not slash. He quickly countered with a flourish of his veil and with that evaporated from my sight leaving only a scattering of dark metallic scales tinkling on the gravelly path. Quoth I, "Quite the magic trick," and proceeded to the summit with no further interruptions.

How'd he do that?

 

[Whovian]

Here's my absolutely lame attempt at not using 42 as an answer.

You see, certain studies have shown that people whose names start with N can scan their immediate vicinity for photons and calculate the minimum velocity to move back to their house before getting hit by any of them, being able to escape without being seen. This is known as the Nathan Nugget Nab effect, after the person who discovered it.

It's quite a well-known fact that any and all photons emit Tachyons as the force carrier for the Eddy Arc Force. These people have particles in their skin which are Eddy Arc charged, allowng them to detect the Tachyons and locate the Photons.

But why have they evolved this?

 

[zoobyshoe]

But why have they evolved this?

Nathan Nugget Nab himself, ansered this quetion, himself, concommitant with his, himselves, discovery of the NNN effect. They evolved this for a good reason, he maintained, and he, himself, presented proof of a good reason: himself. That is: he offered himself as proof, himself as a good reason, himself as the name of the effect, and he, himself as an example of himself. In this fashion, the evolutionary puzzle was solved before it had been ansered, freeing me from ansering the quetion, having, instead, only to present the solution, the NNN Solution, to Evolution.

Was this solution really a contribution?

 

[AnTiFreeze3]

Was this solution really a contribution?

It led not to any major contributions in the study of the NNN effect, but merely was offered as proof that the NNN effect was in fact real and not the parlor games of mediocre magicians. Consequently, mediocre magicians throughout the world rebelled against this solution (many of them have names starting with N, and thus allowing them to disappear, possibly grab a rabbit or two, and return to the stage) claiming that it is rubbish, and to remember that "the hand is quicker than the eye".

Interestingly enough, this can be easily related to fish. As part of a long tradition, every nalponarke's first name is a slight variation of "nalponarke". All are unique, yet all start in "N". This results in names such as 'Nalpy', 'Nalpoon', and 'Narky'. Some idiot even named their kid 'Nathan', but hey, even that works.

Due to this effect, the nalponarkes, along with the ability to fly backwards and travel backwards in time, also possesses the ability to seemingly teleport at will. This was observed, and ultimately confirmed through studying Nalpark Neopold Noonooney.


What is the relation between Nathan Nugget Nab and Nalpark Neopold Noonooney?

 

[zoobyshoe]

What is the relation between Nathan Nugget Nab and Nalpark Neopold Noonooney?

I'm shocked you would bring this up, but since you have I am powerless to withhold this embarrassing history:

It seems that, through a postal error, a love letter addressed to Nalpark N.N. ended up at the address of Nathan N.N. instead, who tore it open and read it. In this love letter many of Nalpark's, shall we say, amatory deviations from the norm, were mentioned by the lover, thus informing Nathan of too many private details of the other's life. Being mortified by this discovery of Nalpark's extreme and highly unusual tastes, Nathan was in a quandary. After much internal debate, he decided to destroy the letter and let Nalpark and his lover suppose it was lost in the mail. In the dead of night he crept down to the cellar and incinerated the damning missive in his furnace.

The next day, however, there was a knock at his door. He put on his William Shatner mask and fetched a knife from the kitchen, and answered it.

"Hello," said the nalponarke now confronting him, "My name is Nalpark Neopold Noonooney, and I think the mailman may have inadvertently delivered a letter for me to this address."

"That's utterly rediculus," Nathan replied, so nervous he couldn't spell properly.

"Well, I hate to bother you, but he actually outright told me he delivered a letter for me to this address."

"He did NOT! That's inpossabull! Why would a mailman do such a thing?"

"He hates me and does things like this to mess with my head. Long story, but it goes back to the time I sprayed him with the lawn hose."

"Well...well... I don't have any letter here for you!" Nathan slammed the door, shaking with fear.

Nalpark, of course, knew. He sensed the truth. He knew who was behind the William Shatner mask. He knew the voice of Nathan Nugget Nab, his mailman.

Why, specifically, a William Shatner mask?

 

[AnTiFreeze3]

Why, specifically, a William Shatner mask?

Oddly enough, unlike nearly everything else in Nathan Nugget Nab's life, it was left entirely to chance. Other than the fact that it was the most easily accessible celebrity look-a-like mask on hand, Nathan's subconscious may have always, deep down, wanted to be William Shatner.

Your revealing of this story does lead me to conclude something beyond the question asked: The NNN effect is not without consequences.

Exhibit A: Nathan Nugget Nab stills owns a furnace. Also, he not only owns, but seemingly prepares for the usage of, a William Shatner mask. Then, we need to examine his occupation as a mailman. He wishes to keep it a secret that he was mistakenly delivered Nalpark's letter (as apparent by burning it in the furnace), yet if he is the mailman, then he told Nalpark (albeit without the William Shatner disguise) of the postal error.

Exhibit B: Nalpark Neopold Noonooney's abnormal sexual behavior was only something that he became aware of after extensively manipulating photons to become invisible.


The rivalry between NNN and NNN is apparent. The hatred does not hide itself. The sexual tension is off the charts. Yet there is one thing that I cannot figure out:

How are neither of them aware that Nathan Nugget Nab and Nalpark Neopold Noonooney are the same person?

 

[zoobyshoe]

How are neither of them aware that Nathan Nugget Nab and Nalpark Neopold Noonooney are the same person?

Because Nalpark's amusing lover, Nalparkia Nana Nebulimb, does not want Nathan to know that he and Nalpark are the same person. She does not want him showing up suddenly when she and Nalpark are in the middle of an interesting situation. He is boring. She has, therefore, not told either one they are the other one.

Thus far that has worked out, but she is sometimes made nervous when Nalpark starts humming;

"I am he
As you are he
As you are me
And we are all together"

whenever he notices Nathan is outside the house delivering their mail, as if, deep down, Nalpark suspects. Indeed, one day it sounded to Nalparkia as if Nalpark was mumbling:

"I am the mailman
They are the mailmen
I am the Walrus!"

but she couldn't be sure. It made her uneasy, how often he hummed that tune, and she used to try to throw him off by shouting, "MAN! YOU SHOULD HAVE SEEN THEM KICKING EDGAR ALLEN POE!" That usually shut Nalpark up, and he would stare at her in silence, wondering what the hell she was on about.

One day Nalpark said to Nalparkia, "Tell me love, why does our mailman live with us?"

"What the hell are you talking about? Our mailman doesn't live with us!"

"Oh."

"Why would you think such a thing?"

"Well, I ran into him last night. He was coming out of the loo as I went into whizz."

"That wasn't the mailman, love, that was my other lover, Nihlsbin Norad Neez. And why are you calling the bathroom the 'loo' again? You're not British."

"Sorry. I forgot."

Why can Nalpark never remember he's not British?

 

[AnTiFreeze3]

Why can Nalpark never remember he's not British?

Nalpark/Nathan, after recently being fired from his prestigious mailman job, had been spending all of his waking hours watching reruns of Dr. Who. Incidentally, Nalthan (the intermediate, unbiased void consisting of equal parts Nathan and Nalpark) tends to mold his personality to that of the peers around him, which fortuitously tends to be characters from television, movies, the internet, or animals in his backyard that he talks to on occasion.

This explains the William Shatner mask, along with Nalpark's infamous bout where he ran through the streets wholly convinced that he was a transvestite (Nalthan has sketchy internet search habits).

Nalpark's memory, apart from periods of brief sanity, tends to only remember his own actions and occurrences, not those of Nathan. Despite this, Nalthan's memories often leak into both Nalpark's and Nathan's conscience from time to time, causing them to both speak in horrible, horrendously horrid British accents, without knowing that they are not in fact British, but actually German, with a slight Polish background.

Nalparkia, who over the years has become fully aware of Nathan/Nalpark/Nalthan's obvious schizophrenia, is torn as to which personality she fell in love with.

Nathan is quiet, mysterious, intriguing, and his British accent is slightly better than Nalpark's.

Nalpark is fun, wild, and reminds Nalparkia of her zany days back in Flying Fish Academy where she didn't have a care in the world. Those were times where she truly felt free and able to express herself.

Nalthan, while admittedly a borderline pedophile (he doesn't clear his history, and the birth dates of some of those transvestites get awfully close to being seventeen), is the most compassionate of the three personalities, and tends to be more up for social gatherings, which Nalparkia appreciates.

Nalparkia, after peer-editing this post for me, was able to come to a definitive conclusion. Unfortunately, she doesn't have the fish-heart to break it to either of the two left over personalities with whom she just isn't quite compatible with.

Who is Nalparkia's true love?