Ask a Stupid Quetion Get a Stupid Answer

[plover]

An aversion to habañero peppers is the first symptom in ants of an infection by the fungus Cordyceps griboyedov (named for noted Soviet mycologist Yozh Murav'yevich Griboyedov who, in the 1920's, after many years studying fungi in the Brazilian rain forest where he had been so isolated that he had not heard about the Bolshevik revolution, was pleased to find on returning to Russia that life was just as surreal at home as it had been in South America despite his no longer having access to certain rainforest mushrooms that he had become fond of). A few days after they start avoiding the peppers the ants become attracted to objects overhead that travel in linear paths. These they follow until they reach an airport at which point the ants stow away in rolls of film and one-use cameras. At least a few ants will reach their destination which is those parts of South-East Asia where the durian fruit grows. After escaping from various bits of tourist luggage, the ants make their way to the jungle and find a durian flower and wait. Durian flowers are pollinated by the fruit bat Eonycteris spelaea (also known as the Dawn Bat and Dobson's Long-Tongued Fruit Bat) so eventually one of these bats will happen along, smoosh its face into the flower and slurp up the ant along with the tasty nectar. The Cordyceps-infected bat, after a few weeks, stops its usual rounds of nectar slurping and flies out to sea in search of an albatross. Scientists were puzzled as to how the bat could find an albatross in the vast open ocean until it was discovered recently that the infected bats gave off a strong odor of a particular kind of cinnamon bun that albatrosses have a special weakness for. Once the cinnamon-crazed albatross approaches close enough, the bat will land on its back, sink its teeth into the birds neck, and then fall into a coma. The fungus from the bat's saliva works very quickly in the albatross bloodstream, and the bird, slowly recovering its senses as the smell of cinnamon fades (though feeling a bit cheated and depressed) sets out across the ocean homing in on the location of the original ant colony. Upon reaching the origin of this fungal odyssey, the albatross lands, usually within a meter or two of the original ant nest, shrugs the bat from its back and flies off. The poor bat dies at this point and soon decomposes into a mat of bluish grey fuzz, the only point in the C. griboyedov lifecycle where it exists outside of a host. The fungal mat soon attracts the attention of another ant colony, and the whole journey is started anew. Alas, it is feared that the advent of digital photography will soon cause Cordyceps griboyedov to become endangered.

When anthropologists later visited the parts of the rain forest where Yozh Murav'yevich Griboyedov had been working, what stories did they hear about him from the local shamans?

 

[zoobyshoe]

When anthropologists later visited the parts of the rain forest where Yozh Murav'yevich Griboyedov had been working, what stories did they hear about him from the local shamans?

He was unpopular among the locals for two reasons: 1.) he kept asking them to serve as hosts for his experiments, and 2.) He was frequently heard to mutter: "My choice, my cure, is mycelex," which none of them could understand.


As everyone knows a Gedanken Thread is a thread that doesn't (and can't) actually exist but which is proposed in order explore the ramifications of isolated elements of threads that do exist. One such Gedanken Thread is: "Ask the gedanken wrong stoopid quention, get the gedanken wrong stoopid anster." What other Gedanken Threads can you imagine?

 

[cytokinesis]

As everyone knows a Gedanken Thread is a thread that doesn't (and can't) actually exist but which is proposed in order explore the ramifications of isolated elements of threads that do exist. One such Gedanken Thread is: "Ask the gedanken wrong stoopid quention, get the gedanken wrong stoopid anster." What other Gedanken Threads can you imagine?

"Logical hero bones the telescope."

When does a semi-logical un-hero become a semi-logical not-un-hero and subsequently morph into a logical hero?

 

[PsYcHo_FiSh]

I have a stupid question. Why are you so stupid?

 

[Math Is Hard]

When does a semi-logical un-hero become a semi-logical not-un-hero and subsequently morph into a logical hero?

I used to have some of those toys. Transformers, I think they called them. More than meets the eye.

There are some people out there who believe that the building blocks of the universe are actually really teeny tiny Legos. Should I try to convince them otherwise, or should I just not bother posting in Theory Development at all?

 

[Gokul43201]

There are some people out there who believe that the building blocks of the universe are actually really teeny tiny Legos. Should I try to convince them otherwise, or should I just not bother posting in Theory Development at all?

Bah, such arrogance ! You think you know everything about the Universe, but you really know nothing. You are insignificant in comparison to the Creator. Your mind is incapable of comprehending the ultimate reality of existence. Do you think all things just happened out of luck ? And don't even try to tell me about probability and chance, until you can show me log of wood evolving into a bookshelf. God does not play dice, but He does play LEGO. So there !

Are gedanken donuts really real, and if so, how many dimensions do they exist in ?

 

[Daggath]

If they are real, they exist in the same number of dimensions that they are eaten in.

The question is... What eats them?

 

[cytokinesis]

If they are real, they exist in the same number of dimensions that they are eaten in.

The question is... What eats them?

One answer is possible. The logical hero.

What the hell am I on?

 

[zoobyshoe]

What the hell am I on?

You've ingested gedankenfungus. It only grows on gedanken doughnuts. Very powerful hallucinogen. Non-Newtonian: once up, you never come down.


Hows the weather up there?

 

[plover]

Hows the weather up there?

Most interpretations do not, strictly speaking, allow for descriptions of the weather up there. The overall effect of gedankenfungus is to induce the perception of a large increase in Planck's constant. Thus any attempt to ascertain what the weather is like at a certain moment insures that the weather at the next moment is completely indeterminate.

Since they can no longer speak of the weather, what do strangers meeting up there talk about?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Since they can no longer speak of the weather, what do strangers meeting up there talk about?

A favorite topic is porta-potties. I have never been able to figure out why, but they have mastered the art of incessant, inane chit-chat about every concievable aspect of porta-potties. They can drive this subject into the ground and out the other side of the earth. It's astonishing.


Recently, at an outdoor café in the small burg of Madison, Ky, USA, a man was overheard to remark to a companion:" She certainly is a 23 digit redial at 3 PM, that one is. Yep. I would bet that one keeps 4 true Lincoln pennies under her pillow at all times, I would. Yep. That one still has every fence post that came with the property, she does. Yep. If you ask me, she could write upside down with a thirty dollar bill from now till the sandbar petrifies and no one would complain. Nope." I wonder if he was talking about 1.) a woman, 2.) a horse, 3.) a boat, 4.) a car, or 5.) other?

 

[Math Is Hard]

She's a woman, and an ugly one at that. She lies about her age, has several large tattoos under her bosom, has noticeable saddlebags, and isn't very smart.

Speaking of women, it was rumored that twin cousins Alfred and Albert Einstein once had a knock-down drag-out brawl over a female. Who was this woman and what did she do that caused the rift between the two geniuses, who were once as thick as theives?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Speaking of women, it was rumored that twin cousins Alfred and Albert Einstein once had a knock-down drag-out brawl over a female. Who was this woman and what did she do that caused the rift between the two geniuses, who were once as thick as theives?

You're speaking of the lovely Miss Sally O'Malley, cigarette vendor and 1920's "flapper" who stole their hearts, wallets, and fountain pens. It was Sally who taught them the meaning of VA VA VOOOOOOOOM! It was Sally who introduced them to "floy-floy", and taught them both to use a "heater". It was Sally who drove the getaway car. It was Sally who said "jump" and A & A who asked "Into what inertial reference frame?" It was Sally who taught the twins to begin the Beguine, to do the Varsity Drag without drooling, to cry "Boola boola!", to know when to hold 'em, fold em, spindle and mutilate 'em, when to walk, run, and loiter. What a gal!

Anyway, she once remarked on her way out she thought the moustache looked a little better on Alfred than Albert. When she returned an hour later they were throwing punches and plates and other rigid euclidian bodies at each other at speeds close to the limiting velocity.


Sally later became the serial consort of several self-styled religious leaders, most notably, Bod Dob, Palindrome Boy, and Manifest Incarnation Of The Recently Retired Elders Latterly Elevated To Pre-Sainthood Pending Approval. Whatever happened to Bod Dob?

 

[Gokul43201]

Whatever happened to Bod Dob?

For a long time, Bod Dob, after denouncing religion, stood in front of his mirror and wondered if this thing about lateral inversion was really just a myth. You see, Bod Dob and his image, Bod Dob, were identical to each other, unlike the regular Tom, Dick and Harry (whose image was obviously Yrrah dna Kcid, Mot).

Anyways, long story short, Bod Dob got together with a Group consisting of Mom, Pop, Dad, Sis, a Toyota, a Santa deified at Nasa, Dr Awkward, Lon Nol, Anuta Catuna, Ordelafo Faledro, gnu dung, lion oil, lonely tylenol, regal lager, solo gigolos, and the leader of the Group, who went by the name "Are we not drawn onward, we few, drawn onward to new era?". The Group itself was named 'We Few' and toured the world trying to overthrow Group Theory, because of its 'obviously' mistaken results in the area of symmetry operations.

But the rest of the world, steeped as they were in Group Think, shunned the Group, extolled the Theory (some just said "huh ?"), and went back to a dinner of smoked grouper with snub buns and sniff 'um muffins (fresh from Yreka Bakery).

The house where Bod Dob lived and died is believed to be haunted because of the strange voices heard in the dead of the night. People say it's the ghost of Bod Dob, also called Bodless Dob.

Do you know what the ghost says, every night at exactly 12:21 am ?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Do you know what the ghost says, every night at exactly 12:21 am ?

Every night, at exactly 12:21 am, there is heard a loud voice saying: "You're trouble is you don't know your overhead conversion tactics. You learn your overhead conversion tactics, and you'll be skipping mudpuppies over the self service counter!"
This, for obvious reasons, is quite frightening to hear.

Dr. Awkward did not die. He and Anuta Catuna, they say, are residents of the same senior's community somewhere outside Pasadena, California, USA. They knit, play pea-knuckle (not pinochle) munch stuff, if it tastes good, meet occasionally in prayer to Santa Nasa, soak in the jacuzzi, read this thread, walk barefoot on the grass, grow grass on their bare feet, sweep the halls, soak in the halls, pray to the halls, walk barefoot in the halls, grow grass in the halls, smoke grass in their rooms, pray to the grass, knit the grass, walk barefoot over Santa Nasa, smoke Santa Nasa, grow grass on Santa Nasa, munch Santa Nasa. Oh, there's lots to do.

Say, how do you play pea-knuckle, and why does the voice say: "You're trouble..."?

 

[Gokul43201]

Every night, at exactly 12:21 am, there is heard a loud voice saying: "You're trouble is you don't know your overhead conversion tactics. You learn your overhead conversion tactics, and you'll be skipping mudpuppies over the self service counter!"
...

Say, how do you play pea-knuckle, and why does the voice say: "You're trouble..."?

To play pea-knuckle, invite over 3, 4 or 5 peas over- aged 8 and above. The oldest pea from the bod, I mean pod, starts by asking the pea to his/her left any pea-trivia quetion. If the quetioned pea fails to correctly anser the quetion of the quetioning pea, the quetioning pea gets to give the quetioned pea a knuckle sandwich. The game ends when all the players become black-eyed peas.

And clearly, Bod Dob didn't pay much attention during English class at school.

What religion do ghosts follow ?

 

[selfAdjoint]

What religion do ghosts follow ?

Materialism. And the nonbelievers among them ask:

Is there life before death?

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I think this was answered by the ghost of Descartes in his 13131313131313th meditation:
"I slime therefore I was"

Do ghosts have in-body experiences?

 

[Math Is Hard]

Well, sure. It is entirely possible that at this moment you are just a ghost having an I.B.E.

The other day when I was reading a thread by a particularly incoherent poster, I attempted to prove to him that I was capable of being even more incoherent that he was. But he didn't understand my reply. I flew into a rage becoming increasingly more and more incoherent with each post but my point was still not taken. What more could I have done to get through to this person?

 

[Gokul43201]

What more could I have done to get through to this person?

Here's a simple explanation that will get through to any person (I'm quoting another forum member here, without his permission...so admins, please delete this if it's against forum rules) :

"What is nothing? if Nothing is chaos, what does all of pi explain?, an unperfect circle for it cannot reach a whole. what is nothing to stop logic? nothing blocks pi from reaching a whole, a limit to something is nothing, and it can be as forcefull as the logic itself. their for,

inf. n=1->

N = inf. distance & inf. closeness
0 = inf. # of N note: inf. means any number until a point of something is created
N = (0^n) (0/1^n) note: 0 represents a # of N
nothing = N0N
something = N0N/N0N and the reduction to the least common denominator and nothing
something within time = the continual providance of such an act/ repetition of the reduction in ever changing complexity to order (multi - fractals).
but can you believe that we are random? if not their is always the super complex making of a desicion (god)?"


Sometimes, when all else fails, I try telepathy, but that never seems to get through.

Does the other person need something like a modem to receive my telepathic message ?

 

[Ivan Seeking]

The problem is your Location: at the bottom of a Quantum Well. I suggest using the Heisenberg Compensator.

I hear talk of this Quantum telepathy business, but I have to ask, what was Newtonian telepathy?

 

[zoobyshoe]

I hear talk of this Quantum telepathy business, but I have to ask, what was Newtonian telepathy?

It's straightforward: without saying a word you fling apples at them till they get the message.

Once in high school my French class went on a field trip to Montreal, Quebec, Canada. Having finished my apple, I flung it out the window of the van, and by complete accident a Canadian person waiting at a bus stop received the apple core in the face. For one brief instant I saw a face with the most completely perfect expression of shock you could concieve of surrounded by a halo of apple shrapnel.

Do you suppose he learned anything from it?

 

[Math Is Hard]

Only if you first shouted "Voici, la pomme arrive!" Otherwise he comprehended nothing. (thank you for the grammar correction, plover )

Last week I attempted to use Occam's razor to settle an argument, but I ended up with an unsightly rash.
Should I have instead used Occam's Easy-off Wax Strips or Occam's Quick Remover Gel with new fresh lilac scent? Has anyone tried these yet?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Last week I attempted to use Occam's razor to settle an argument, but I ended up with an unsightly rash.

Clearly you used a dull Occam's razor. You have to hone it and strop it.

Should I have instead used Occam's Easy-off Wax Strips or Occam's Quick Remover Gel with new fresh lilac scent? Has anyone tried these yet?

Since I'm not a sissy, I haven't tried these, no. (Lilac scent! C'mon!)

Why is it that tumbleweeds are so nosey?

 

[physicskid]

Why is it that tumbleweeds are so nosey?

'Cos they are so eager to know the colour of your underpants that they tumble around at your feet.

A one thousand tons sumo-wrestler keeps thinking that he is a balloon. What should i do?

 

[jimmy p]

A one thousand tons sumo-wrestler keeps thinking that he is a balloon. What should i do?

Push him off a building and watch him float like a lead balloon.


Do tumbleweeds need to look up at Sumo wrestlers to see what colour underwear they are wearing, seeing as all Sumo wrestlers wear are nappies?

 

[Rader]

Push him off a building and watch him float like a lead balloon.


Do tumbleweeds need to look up at Sumo wrestlers to see what colour underwear they are wearing, seeing as all Sumo wrestlers wear are nappies?

Not if there inside his underwear.

Why do you paint all these little donkies all the time?

 

[plover]

Why do you paint all these little donkies all the time?

By Re-establishing the Role of Donkeys as the Bearers of All Bright Color, the Esoteric Brotherhood of the Atlantean Rainbow Donkey (EBARD) Seeks to Revive the Glory of Mighty ATLANTIS where, as it is Written:

At the Water's Edge
like Braying Butterflies
those Stubborn Jewels
the Many-hued Donkeys
Stood Adored by the Light
Reflected from the Sun-sparked Sea!​

How did EBARD Resolve the Great Acrylic vs. Tempera Debate?

 

[Math Is Hard]

Actually the debate was over Acrylic vs. Tempura. The debate was quickly resolved through a taste test sponsored by EBARD where only one of the two mediums was found to be a tasty dipping sauce for battered and fried vegetables.

How hard would it be to tie-dye a donkey?

 

[zoobyshoe]

How hard would it be to tie-dye a donkey?

I'm not sure. I know Mexicans do it all the time, but I don't know how. It's related to pinata technology.


Does anyone know the rule for the direction of the candy motion when you whack a pinata into a magnetic field?

 

[jimmy p]

I'm not sure. I know Mexicans do it all the time, but I don't know how. It's related to pinata technology.


Does anyone know the rule for the direction of the candy motion when you whack a pinata into a magnetic field?

You speak of El Burro-Bandito's Law of Magnetic Glucose Displacement. I haven't read much of it, but I know it is something to do with the size:sugar ratio and the angle at which the pinata is hit, and whether the pinata is tye-dyed or plain.

For more information, look at www.colourfulpinatawhacking.com[/URL]


If you tie a freshly tye-dyed pinata up and whack it at a magnetic field only to find it was a real donkey, would you feel a bit of an ass?

 

[Gokul43201]

No, but I'm sure you would if you slid your hand up a ...[CENSORED MATERIAL].

Did you know that Kurt Masur becomes really good, when cryogenically frozen ?

 

[Math Is Hard]

Kurt Masur? No way - you're confused. I think you are thinking of Cool Whip. That stuff tastes great frozen. It's just like ice cream.

I was just remembering how we used to go out hunting for quantum wells when I was a kid. Oh, those were fun times! We would get some positively charged bait and tie it on a string and then lower it down into the well. You had to jiggle the string a little bit, but sure enough, a few minutes later an electron would bite and you could yank it up out of the hole.
Once everybody had an electron, we'd draw a circle on the ground and everybody would put their electrons inside the ring and we'd make 'em fight each other like little tiny gladiators. Oh, man! That was so-
Wait, no.. it's not electrons I'm thinking of.. that was something else. What WERE those things??

 

[Rader]

Kurt Masur? No way - you're confused. I think you are thinking of Cool Whip. That stuff tastes great frozen. It's just like ice cream.

I was just remembering how we used to go out hunting for quantum wells when I was a kid. Oh, those were fun times! We would get some positively charged bait and tie it on a string and then lower it down into the well. You had to jiggle the string a little bit, but sure enough, a few minutes later an electron would bite and you could yank it up out of the hole.
Once everybody had an electron, we'd draw a circle on the ground and everybody would put their electrons inside the ring and we'd make 'em fight each other like little tiny gladiators. Oh, man! That was so-
Wait, no.. it's not electrons I'm thinking of.. that was something else. What WERE those things??

Man those were bumble bees, they eat electrons, that's why they buzz around. By counting the electons swallowed you can calculate the angular momentum and thus know there age.

How come you do not know that?

 

[Daggath]

Because I was breathing too much air when the teacher was giving that lecture.

How come air can be so addicting?

 

[The Bob]

Because I was breathing too much air when the teacher was giving that lecture.

How come air can be so addicting?

Because oxygen tastes nice and as there is only a smallish amount in the air you need more and more and more and it gets addictive.

Why is there only a small amount of oxygen in air?

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[jimmy p]

Why is there only a small amount of oxygen in air?

Evil air fairies are rationing it so when we are hooked, the air fairies will start charging us by the bottle, then use that money to bribe the governments and take over the world. They will make us all their slaves and we will be forced to work in their glitterdust mines or be forced to cold turkey. You have been warned.

How can we stop the evil air fairies from taking over?

 

[The Bob]

Evil air fairies are rationing it so when we are hooked, the air fairies will start charging us by the bottle, then use that money to bribe the governments and take over the world. They will make us all their slaves and we will be forced to work in their glitterdust mines or be forced to cold turkey. You have been warned.

How can we stop the evil air fairies from taking over?

Kill them.

What with?

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[jimmy p]

What with?

The Bob (2004 ©)

Silly string them to catch them in mid air, and then use a fly swat.

How should you clean up fairy guts?

 

[The Bob]

Silly string them to catch them in mid air, and then use a fly swat.

How should you clean up fairy guts?

With a cloth and disinfectant.

What disinfectant?

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[plover]

How should you clean up fairy guts?

In general, you have to burn them. Unfortunately, fairy combustion uses up vast amounts of oxygen. Which leaves us with the original problem...

It is well known that fairies are made up of glittery matter. It is theorized that if fairies come into contact with dark matter, they de-nature into ordinary matter. (Apparently they turn into garden gnomes which, as a rule, can be satisfyingly demolished with a moderate sized rock.)

How will we find enough dark matter to combat the fairy menace before we all end up in the mines?

 

[zoobyshoe]

How will we find enough dark matter to combat the fairy menace before we all end up in the mines?

I'm not sure I buy this "fairy menace" propaganda. Mostly they're harmlessly preoccupuied with showtunes and interior decorating, aren't they?

On the other hand, I don't like the sound of "Garden Gnomes". What is it they're up to in the garden?

 

[Daggath]

Perhaps they are ploting to take over the world, or get revenge on whom ever turned them into gnomes.. Why do the first letters of "Garden Gnomes" when put together become GG ( Good game ) ?

 

[The Bob]

Perhaps they are ploting to take over the world, or get revenge on whom ever turned them into gnomes.. Why do the first letters of "Garden Gnomes" when put together become GG ( Good game ) ?

We have moved on from the point of the fairies and how to destroy them but I think it is the same so that the gnomes had little to remember. 'What do we say after a game??' 'Oh we can say GG because that the same as the big gate and it says 'Garden Gnomes' so we can remember it'.

Why are Garden Gnomes stupid?

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[quarkman]

Why are Garden Gnomes stupid?

Because Garden Gnomes live in the garden and never do any gardening!

Why did I even bother to read the first eight pages of this thread?

 

[jimmy p]

Why did I even bother to read the first eight pages of this thread?

Because you are a garden gnome in disguise.

Why do peoplpe who have garden gnomes have to adorn the rest of their garden with tat?

 

[plover]

Why do peoplpe who have garden gnomes have to adorn the rest of their garden with tat?

The laws concerning the ethical treatment of garden gnomes require that they be kept in an approximation of their native habitat. The SPCGG takes this very seriously.

The original SPCGG was founded in the early 20th century by Prudence Rottweiler Thrushburnmoorport (a distant cousin to the Dufflehintington Thrushburnmoorports). How did "Puncie" (as she was called) become obsessed with the ethical treatment of garden gnomes?

 

[Math Is Hard]

Puncie's first love was a garden gnome, and in those times romance between gnomes and humans was strictly forbidden, especially if the romance involved an heir to the Thrushburnmoorport estate. Her family would not allow the marriage to take place, but she remained a sworn champion of gnome rights until her last days. Years later her cause was continued by a group in France calling themselves the Garden Gnome Liberation Front. http://www.cnn.com/2000/STYLE/arts/04/12/france.gnomes.reut/

What sort of clashes tend to arise between this French group, and the American organization, People for the Ethical Treatment of Gnomes, and how do their ideologies differ?

 

[The Bob]

What sort of clashes tend to arise between this French group, and the American organization, People for the Ethical Treatment of Gnomes, and how do their ideologies differ?

Big clashes.

(To change the subject) Why do peas come in pods?

The Bob (2004 ©)

 

[zoobyshoe]

Why do peas come in pods?

Peas are concerned about the welfare of whales, but since they are incapable of direct action to "save" the whales, the best they can do is pay homage by adopting the same group term.

Why is it that peas are concerned about the welfare of whales?