Why do girl play these stupid games? (kind of long)

[Cyrus]

I'm still missing the part where she did something wrong to him?

Could someone please explain that to me. All I see is him being nieve about dating, and handling it very poorly.

A girl came up to him and likes him. He found out she is also with someone else (possibly). He throws a fit about it. Why? I have no damn clue.

I think he's the one who played it alllllll wrong.

Sorry folks, Jason is 100% correct here in what he said.

 

[Evo]

My 2 cents? She doesn't want offtheleft, she is just toying with him either to try to get this other guy jealous and pay more attention to her, or to hurt him (the other guy).

I know exactly what she's up to, I've seen this scenario played out hundreds of times and the girl is using him.

My advice? She's a loser, dump her. Of course no one ever listens to me. Then later they come back saying "you were right, why didn't I listen to you?"

 

[Cyrus]

My 2 cents? She doesn't want offtheleft, she is just toying with him either to try to get this other guy jealous and pay more attention to her, or to hurt him (the other guy).

I know exactly what she's up to, I've seen this scenario played out hundreds of times and the girl is using him.

My advice? She's a loser, dump her. Of course no one ever listens to me. Then later they come back saying "you were right, why didn't I listen to you?"

Yes, the girl is using him. And he's throwing an insecure tantrum about it. How is he going to 'dump her'? He's not even dating her.

Running around like a chicken with its head cut off is never a good way to handle a situation.

I'm sorry, but he pretty much did everything you don't want to do. Get all emotional over absolutely nothing.

 

[Moonbear]

The problem is that she is acting ambivalent. She acts like she's interested, but then he asks her to get together and she turns him down.
She also lies and says she has too much homework to go out - and then he finds out that she did go out.

I agree with this. I don't know. Maybe, as MIH said, you're the rebound guy. Or, maybe she's still making up her mind and getting skittish. Whatever is going on, she's sending all sorts of mixed signals. I'm all for the blunt approach here, just tell her that she's sending mixed signals, one day she seems to be all over you and the next it seems like you're about as interesting to her as last week's newspaper, and you don't have the patience for it. Tell her to come back when she's made up her mind if she's still interested.

Just for a complete shift in perspective... you ask why girls play these games... why not ask why you are playing along?

I was thinking that too. It seems this is a game both are playing right now. Afterall, he's doing the same thing to her that she's doing to him. When she's around and flirting, he's flirting back, kissing her, talking to her, etc., but then ignores her calls and messages and doesn't tell her why. Games really only work when two people are playing them.

 

[offtheleft]

cyrus in a way you're right. I am VERY insecure and a reason why it upsets me is because I would never do somethng like this to someone. I follow the golden rule to treat people how I'd like to be treated.

But as an update I cut her off. I'll explain more later. I'm out to eat and my friend is gtting mad tHat I'm paying more attention to my phone LOL

 

[Cyrus]

cyrus in a way you're right. I am VERY insecure and a reason why it upsets me is because I would never do somethng like this to someone. I follow the golden rule to treat people how I'd like to be treated.

But as an update I cut her off. I'll explain more later. I'm out to eat and my friend is gtting mad tHat I'm paying more attention to my phone LOL

Exactly how did she 'mistreat' you?

You over-reacted when you found out she was still seeing someone. I mean, she told you she was busy and then there she is at dunkin donuts! Holy cow, end the world!

Do you see what I'm getting at? She said she was busy - she lied. She didn't want spend time with you that day. Big deal, I hope you have enough going in your life than to sit idly by waiting for some girl to share her time with you. Do you really think it was worth the big fuss you made just because you ran into her at dunkin donuts? From your reaction, you'd think she was having sex with her boyfriend on the table you guys were sitting at eating your food.

Just learn from your mistakes and try not to repeat them. You could have just had a nice time with her that night. Instead you acted childish. Were all human, it happens.

 

[Borek]

Exactly how did she 'mistreat' you?

She said she was busy - she lied.

So lying is not mistreating? It is just a legitimate way of dealing with world around?

 

[qspeechc]

I think you're over-thinking the whole thing. Try to be less serious about it. If you don't like the girl, leave her. Get another girlfriend.

 

[Moonbear]

If you don't like the girl, leave her.

I suspect that the real problem is that he DOES like her, otherwise we wouldn't be hearing about it.

 

[JasonRox]

yeah, until the boyfriend finds out and beats the Sh!t out of you...i hate people who would do something like...esp. if you KNOW if the girl has a b/f...don't step on other peoples toes, becuase what goes around comes around. There may be your dream girl one day, and then some guy does the same sh!t to you..JasonRox, if you keep that habit of chasing other people's girlfriends, one day someone will find you all fukked up in an ally...

Haha, they can go out take my girl. That's ok with me, and my girl is AWARE that I'm fine with it.

He'll beat the **** out of me alright.

Note: One time someone was suppose too. He failed.

 

[JasonRox]

Yes, the girl is using him. And he's throwing an insecure tantrum about it. How is he going to 'dump her'? He's not even dating her.

Running around like a chicken with its head cut off is never a good way to handle a situation.

I'm sorry, but he pretty much did everything you don't want to do. Get all emotional over absolutely nothing.

LOL!

Gold.

 

[Cyrus]

So lying is not mistreating? It is just a legitimate way of dealing with world around?

Maybe she was busy, and her time got freed up: maybe she wasn't because she wanted to be alone that day. Who knows, who cares. If you are not able to handle someone saying they are busy and act like an adult, you should not be dating.

Do you seriously think the lie she told was 'mistreating' him? If so...wow.

 

[Moonbear]

Maybe she was busy, and her time got freed up: maybe she wasn't because she wanted to be alone that day. Who knows, who cares. If you are not able to handle someone saying they are busy and act like an adult, you should not be dating.

Do you seriously think the lie she told was 'mistreating' him? If so...wow.

Actually, it wasn't a lie. If she was heading to Dunkin Donuts to meet up with other friends she already had plans to meet, that's busy, as in, not free to make a different set of plans with someone else. She's under no obligation to explain what she means by "busy." Busy could have meant she was staying home reading a good book.

 

[Borek]

one night I am texting her asking to hang out and i get as a reply "no, i cant. I am working late and i have so much homework. I am already tired so I am just going to stay in tonight"

Actually, it wasn't a lie. If she was heading to Dunkin Donuts to meet up with other friends she already had plans to meet, that's busy, as in, not free to make a different set of plans with someone else. She's under no obligation to explain what she means by "busy." Busy could have meant she was staying home reading a good book.

Lets stick to the facts. It was a damned lie. "Heading to Dunkin Donuts" is not "working late and i have so much homework".

Maybe she was busy, and her time got freed up: maybe she wasn't because she wanted to be alone that day. Who knows, who cares. If you are not able to handle someone saying they are busy and act like an adult, you should not be dating.

Do you seriously think the lie she told was 'mistreating' him? If so...wow.

It is dishonest. If you don't want to meet with me - say so, but don't lie. That's what my Mom told me when I was about 3.

 

[Cyrus]

Lets stick to the facts. It was a damned lie. "Heading to Dunkin Donuts" is not "working late and i have so much homework".



It is dishonest. If you don't want to meet with me - say so, but don't lie. That's what my Mom told me when I was about 3.

Those are pretty strong words there Borek. Sounds like you want to blow things out of proportion as well. She was busy. As moonbear said, she doesn't have to explain jack-squat to him about what that means. When she saw him she ran up to him and tried to kiss him. Then he huffed and puffed and blew the house down.

 

[JasonRox]

Actually, it wasn't a lie. If she was heading to Dunkin Donuts to meet up with other friends she already had plans to meet, that's busy, as in, not free to make a different set of plans with someone else. She's under no obligation to explain what she means by "busy." Busy could have meant she was staying home reading a good book.

I know.

It's just so funny that no one can just be up to something and not have to be related to emotions. He's connecting her life and activity to how she "may" feel about him. There could be a girl I want to date and she can ask me out friday night, but if I have something going on, I will say friday night is booked or I'm busy. This not in anyway say I'm playing games or I'm not interested.

What I do after that or what she chooses to do after is where it counts? If I'm interested, I can re-ask, and say "How about Saturday afternoon?", or she can respond, "We should definitely get together sometime." Either one of the cases is fine. Even if it doesn't happen, it's ok too. Don't start thinking she doesn't like you because she's not responding like I said she can respond. Everybody is different. But if you're so insecure about things this trivial, it's pointless.

 

[rootX]

Those are pretty strong words there Borek. Sounds like you want to blow things out of proportion as well. She was busy. As moonbear said, she doesn't have to explain jack-squat to him about what that means. When she saw him she ran up to him and tried to kiss him. Then he huffed and puffed and blew the house down.

She is not being honest and fair. She has no respect for him so she is wrong and need to be fixed.

But, I think he should have avoided her if he wanted a good relationship, and he knew from the beginning that it's not going to happen.

as we all were leaving she just came up to me and made a move. still, I am very lost. i get into my friends car and ask... doesn't she have a boyfriend? they both said, yeah she does...so I am quite aggravated at this point.

Maybe, he should learn to reject people.

 

[Monique]

Those are pretty strong words there Borek. Sounds like you want to blow things out of proportion as well. She was busy. As moonbear said, she doesn't have to explain jack-squat to him about what that means. When she saw him she ran up to him and tried to kiss him. Then he huffed and puffed and blew the house down.

Maybe you should re-read the paragraph where he described the situation.

 

[JasonRox]

It is dishonest. If you don't want to meet with me - say so, but don't lie. That's what my Mom told me when I was about 3.

The problem with being straight up is because people are SO DAMNED INSECURE.

You can tell me straight up, "I don't want to hang out with you tonight". And I will barely think I thing. But when I do it to someone else, they whine and complain and sob, and conclude I don't like them or something messed up. Liking someone does not imply wanting to hang out with them every darn free moment you have.

Sorry, but no one recipricates those values.

Note: One time I was with a girl, had a really good time and all that. Then she was like, I don't think we will hang out again... you knw the just friends thing, and ended with bad you know (starts with s) etc..., and so on. I was like that's ok, but I knew she liked me. The next day I send her message that we should go dance at some Latino night thing, and she comes out... And another fun night.

If I was a big baby like everyone else, than I would have been like... ah she doesn't like me because the s was bad the first time, and she said we won't hang out, then we would have never hung out again and pretty sure I'll see her again. Grow up, or spend your life crying. You choose.

Yeah, your mom says to be honest at 3, but then you still have to GROW UP.

 

[Cyrus]

She is not being honest and fair. She has no respect for him so she is wrong and need to be fixed.

But, I think he should have avoided her if he wanted a good relationship, and he knew from the beginning that it's not going to happen.



Maybe, he should learn to reject people.

......yea okay...<Rolls my eyes>

 

[JasonRox]

Maybe, he should learn to reject people.

I'll rephrase that for you.

He should learn to get rejected by people.

 

[offtheleft]

im sure there is a lot of things i need to learn, I am still young and dumb. the main problem was the fact that i liked the girl. and when in description i said i was "mad," "irritated," "livid," etc.. don't think i was going home and hitting my pillow because i was mad, not in that sense anyway.

im okay with rejection, especially when its flat out. like i said, i don't like to play games. if you reject me, just fuxking do it. why do i have to play a game for two weeks just to find out youre not interested? that's the thing that irritates me. young i am, immature i am not. so when someone acts like a high school sophomore, especially someone close to a year older than me it legitimately pisses me off.

 

[Pyrrhus]

I agree with JasonRox and Cyrus. He needs to learn to be rejected, forget about the boyfriend thing (some girls are so insecure they won't finish a relationship until they find another guy), and understand most people are insecure (assume it until unproven).

The solution to all these "problems" is abundance of women in your romantic life. If one girl is busy one day, you have others to ask.

Good Luck.

 

[Moonbear]

Maybe you should re-read the paragraph where he described the situation.

Yeah, she said she was busy with homework and was going to stay in...then decided to run out for a donut, or maybe coffee (that's what Dunkin Donuts sells). So what? Maybe she needed a little more caffeine and sugar to get through her late night of working and studying. He's assuming that because she took a short break for a snack that she had the time to spend the whole evening with him. He didn't say she showed up with four other friends just coming back from a club or the movies. Even if she likes him, she's allowed to want to spend a night without him doing her own thing.

 

[Cyrus]

im okay with rejection, especially when its flat out. like i said, i don't like to play games. if you reject me, just fuxking do it. why do i have to play a game for two weeks just to find out youre not interested? that's the thing that irritates me. young i am, immature i am not. so when someone acts like a high school sophomore, especially someone close to a year older than me it legitimately pisses me off.

That's ironic, because actually you're the one acting like a high school sophmore here (no offense). (1) You need to be able to take a hint. (2) No where in what I read in your description did I get the feeling she was rejecting you. (3) Never expect anyone to flat out reject you in the future.

Give credit where credit is due. This girl know what she's doing and you fell for it hook line and sinker. She was very sophisticated in how she treated your relationship. You treated it as simple black and white - which it's never going to be.

 

[Evo]

Lighten up on the poor guy. He saw what she was doing, but he liked her. It's not always so easy when your emotions are involved.

 

[Averagesupernova]

My 2 cents: He is going to have to 'grow up' as some of you put it sooner or later. What he is going through is all part of the process. He won't get there by people on this forum sugar coating stuff. I would say that she is better off without him also. If he is having a fit about this in this point of the game what is he going to be like later on if she gives into him? What she does to him may or may not be right but OP, you need some thicker skin. Don't worry, you'll get there.