Ask a Stupid Quetion Get a Stupid Answer

[Math Is Hard]

Damn! I knew the day would come when we would have to have this talk with Jimmy P. Our little Chopnik is growing up.

OK, who wants to explain it to him?

 

[BoulderHead]

Not me!
Ok, ok, the truth is that entire lot is illiterate and Santa’s simply been winging it all these years, hoping nobody would notice…


What’s up with the tooth fairy these days?

 

[Moonbear]

The Tooth Fairy ran off with one of Santa's helpers, and rumor has it they've taken over the whole syndicate. Apparently they've been extorting the Easter Bunny to buy chocolate eggs from only their supplier or risk having some compromising photos of him and Cupid released onto the internet.

Where did the shape of Valentine's hearts come from, since that certainly isn't what a real heart looks like?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Where did the shape of Valentine's hearts come from, since that certainly isn't what a real heart looks like?

I have grave, grave doubts about the stupidity of this quetion. I wonder if "quetion" is really the accurate term for it? Is it not actually a perfectly logical question is stupid quetion's clothing? I am afraid to touch it, since I might, inadvertantly, not give a stupid anser.


Speaking of the Whitehouse, is it not true that the plot of the film Casablanca was inspired by that incident in Special Relativity where the guy on the train and the guy on the embankment compare notes about the timing of the lightning flashes, disagree, and one says to the other "I think this is the start of a long argument," merely twisted into a happy Hollywood ending?

 

[Math Is Hard]

I'll never forget the original version. It was so touching the way the two scientists parted and then eventually re-united in the end after their disagreements on space-time geometry. "Here's looking at Euclid." he told her.

What fundamental things actually apply as time goes by?

 

[franznietzsche]

Aging.

Where did all the samurai go?

 

[BoulderHead]

Where did all the samurai go?

They became consultants;
http://www.samurai.com/


Would you buy a computer from a man wielding a large sword?

 

[Gokul43201]

Yes, an Apple. And I'd ask him to throw it in the air and chop it in half. Then I'd pay him and go away.

When franznietzsche asked " Where did all the samurai go ?" did he mean "Where have all the samurai gone" in a Kurosawa-Cole-esque manner ?

 

[Moonbear]

Would you buy a computer from a man wielding a large sword?

You bet I would! :blush: Um, well, depending on how he was planning on using it if I didn't buy the computer.

Why wasn't my last question dumb enough?

***
You can ignore my dumb question and try answering the one before mine. Apparently I took too long playing with smilies and someone beat me to the answer.

 

[Math Is Hard]

When franznietzsche asked " Where did all the samurai go ?" did he mean "Where have all the samurai gone" in a Kurosawa-Cole-esque manner ?

I don't think he thought quite that hard about it. He was probably reminiscing about old Saturday Night Live episodes.

Moonbear: the problem is that your question wasn't truly a quetion, because it wasn't truly stupid. I am afraid there's a legitimate answer for your ponderance:
http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a2_146.html

Nice try, though! Keep hanging out with us, and you'll get stupider, I promise

Today while wandering down the sidewalk I pondered the children's rhyme "Step on a crack, break your mama's back".

What would happen to your mama if you accidentally stepped on a singularity?

 

[FZ+]

Her back would be broken on the quantum scale, for a time period of below one Planck unit. Hard to tell, really.

Why do the Ancient Greeks have a near-monopoly in algebraic symbols?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Why do the Ancient Greeks have a near-monopoly in algebraic symbols?

It was the most inscrutable alphabet available in the ancient Western world, at the time. Had the West discovered China a couple milenia earlier, things would be different.


Is it true that in exchange for fireworks technology from the Chinese, Marco Polo traded a mere eight cartons of Chef Boyardee Spagetti-Os?

 

[Moonbear]

Moonbear: the problem is that your question wasn't truly a quetion, because it wasn't truly stupid. I am afraid there's a legitimate answer for your ponderance:
http://www.straightdope.com/classics/a2_146.html

Nice try, though! Keep hanging out with us, and you'll get stupider, I promise

LOL! Now I get it. Does it count if I didn't know it wasn't a quetion when I asked it? As long as I haven't been disqualified from playing, I'll try harder to get it right...or is that not try nearly so hard?

Anyway, back to the game:

Is it true that in exchange for fireworks technology from the Chinese, Marco Polo traded a mere eight cartons of Chef Boyardee Spagetti-Os?

Absolutely not! O's were just not nearly so fashionable back then, and it was Chef Boyardee's predecessor, Chef Girlarwee who prepared the eight carton's of Spaghetti-Z's.

Why does it always rain on holiday weekends?

 

[Math Is Hard]

This is one way Native American tribes have conspired to wreak vengeance against the white man. All religious rain-making ceremonies are now held on holiday weekends.

True story: Today I was up in our human resources office which is populated by understimulated civil servants when I noticed something peculiar. It is not unusual for one of the staff up there to decorate the office with shapes he cuts out of colored construction paper. He suspends these from the ceiling with strings.

Normally these are holiday-themed decorations, but today for some reason, he had fashioned fish and seaweed and long-tentacled paper jellyfish and dangled these from the rafters.

I was very concerned that one of these weird paper jellyfish was dangling a bit too close to my shoulder and might have resulted in a severe paper cut had I come any closer.
Were my fears unfounded?

 

[franznietzsche]

I was very concerned that one of these weird paper jellyfish was dangling a bit too close to my shoulder and might have resulted in a severe paper cut had I come any closer.
Were my fears unfounded?

Yes, origami is only lethal when dry.


Is it possible for me to ask a truly stupid question?

 

[plover]

What would happen to your mama if you accidentally stepped on a singularity?

"Steppin' on a singularity, sends your momma to a world of non-linearity"?

Can asking a truly stupid question cause someone's answer to tunnel back several posts and thus merge two of the realities predicted by the Many Stupidities hypothesis?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Is it possible for me to ask a truly stupid question?

All questions are, in fact, the tip of a truly stupid iceberg of immense proportions.

Can asking a truly stupid question cause someone's answer to tunnel back several posts and thus merge two of the realities predicted by the Many Stupidities hypothesis?

All questions are, in fact, the tip of a truly stupid iceberg of immense proportions.


How is it that the ability to recognise and intentionally repeat a misspelling has suddenly become an indicator of I.Q.?

 

[Gokul43201]

Since nobody spells words correctly anymore, it's hard to discern misspellings. Very, very hard.

Hwoeevr bdaly a clloection of wodrs be spelllt, their meainngs aer not dffiuclt to indetify.

Its definitely acceptible to write a lot of words like 'embarass', 'exhilerate', 'existance', 'manouvre', 'momento', 'restaurent, and 'reciept', without people notising that their spellt incorrectly.

Does it matter how you spell a word, so long as the other person gets your drift ?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Does it matter how you spell a word, so long as the other person gets your drift ?

No. But when people don't misspell things properly it can sometimes speak volumes.


Quetion: Having turned left at the first three corners I came to hoping to find the right left corner at which to turn by process of trial and error it occurred to me that seeking the right left corner was a logical error that could lead to beilderment, even if I found it. Should I turn right, seek the wrong left turn, or turn at the "left" corner (meaning, which ever one is left)?

 

[Tsu]

Yes. And use your buzzsaw.

Why?

 

[selfAdjoint]

Yes. And use your buzzsaw.

Why?

The North Pole.

If you left the right left turn between the left right turn and the right right turn, would you ever reach closure?

 

[zoobyshoe]

If you left the right left turn between the left right turn and the right right turn, would you ever reach closure?

I am unfortunately not at an advanced enough stage in my studies to be able to factor right right turns and wrong right turns into my navigation. All that leaves me with to select from are right left turns, wrong left turns, or left turns (meaning, which ever turns are left).

Which calls to mind the events of a summer evening in 1936 in the city of Strasbourg, Germany, or Strasbourg, France, when, as a lad of 27 I found myself to be in the highest state of inebriation, crawling on all fours toward the train station where I was to meet a Polish aviator of my acquaintance, and from which train station we were to depart together for the coast, changing trains here and there, until we'd made it to the town of Brest, curious, as we naturally were, to discover what it was like to stand in the center of that town, surrounded by Brest, Brest everywhere the eye could see, nothing but Brest.

At any rate, I crawled left in ever widening circles, determined to find the train station with this meticulous method of searching, since none of the locals seemed to understand a word I said to them in their own language, or mine. However, I became distracted when I noticed an outdoor café I used to frequent, passing by me each time the whirling city brought it round into my field of vision, and I decided to pull my increasingly uncooperative body toward it a little more each time it passed. I thought it would be a good place to reconoitre. I could not, at that time, have defined the word reconoitre to you, or myself, but instinct told me that café was the place to do it.

About an hour later I had just succeeded in pulling myself into one of the chairs on the terrace when the garçon came and handed me a note. I couldn't make out a word of it, so I resorted to the technique of the illiterate and held it up to my ear. It said: "All that is gold, glitters, but not all that glitters is gold."

"Hmmm," I thought," Not necessarily.

For twenty points, what five situations can you think of in which gold does not glitter?

 

[Gokul43201]

For twenty points, what five situations can you think of in which gold does not glitter?

If you paint the piece of gold with some nasty, brown paint, it will not glitter. Also, I think that if you dump the gold in some acid and take it out, it won't glitter. Not sure about the last one - I'm not very good with Chemystery. Also not great with numbers, but I don't think that's a big deal.

Now do I get my twenty points (if you don't have them all now, I can take 3 payments of 5 points, and I promise to give you change) ?

 

[zoobyshoe]

If you paint the piece of gold with some nasty, brown paint, it will not glitter.

Correct, of course.

Also, I think that if you dump the gold in some acid and take it out, it won't glitter.

I'm not sure about this, either, so it clearly constitutes the four remaining cases you need to get your twenty points.

Now do I get my twenty points (if you don't have them all now, I can take 3 payments of 5 points, and I promise to give you change) ?

Your points are in the mail. If they don't arrive soon, please don't disturb me about it.


Once, when I was busily painting my collection of gold nuggets with some nasty, brown paint, so they wouldn't glitter, it occurred to me I might work some interesting mischief by locating some dog droppings and spray painting them with gold paint so they would glitter. (This was in my callous, youth, incidently. I was 38 at the time.) I set to work.

A policeman passing by in his cruiser took an inexplicable interest in my efforts and asked what I thought I was doing. I explained my plan to him, barely able to contain my mirth. "Oh," he responded, "I thought maybe you were writing graffiti." and he cruised away.

And, now, having created this peculiar little set up, what would be the best stupid quetion for me to pose?

 

[Gokul43201]

And, now, having created this peculiar little set up, what would be the best stupid quetion for me to pose?

The obvious quetion : "Having now made the dog poop glitter, how do I go about convincing people that all that glitters (especially the glittery things I'm carrying about for everyone to see) IS gold ?"

Alternate quetion : "Should I have just told the cop that I found gold, but it really belongs to the goverment, so he should have it ?"

I'm not sure which of the two I would pick for 'best stupid quetion' because I don't know if this means 'best quetion that is also stupid', or ' quetion that is most stupid.'

So, what exactly (to an accuracy of four significant figures, or better) does 'best stupid quetion' mean ?

 

[zoobyshoe]

So, what exactly (to an accuracy of four significant figures, or better) does 'best stupid quetion' mean ?

That, grasshoppah, will be revealed to you when you have mastered the second belt of the Way of the Stupid Quetion.

A clue: the alternate anser was "best".


Will Grasshoppah Gokul not get ahead of himself with his progress in leaps and bounds toward ascendent mastery of the Stupid Quetion?

 

[Moonbear]

So, what exactly (to an accuracy of four significant figures, or better) does 'best stupid quetion' mean ?

5.9732 x 10^1929477790300889

It's the quetion constant.

What symbol should be used to represent the quetion constant in an equation?

 

[franznietzsche]

What symbol should be used to represent the quetion constant in an equation?

\pi

What are the units of \pi?

 

[plover]

The appropriate quetion constant symbol should take a long time to write as this slows the impetuous Grasshopper enough to see the True Path of Stupid Quetioning and not equate it to the myriad misleading Paths of Truly Questionable Stupidity.

Why is the True Path of Stupid Quetioning known as the Sheepfold Way?

 

[selfAdjoint]

\pi

What are the units of \pi?

Slices.

If \pi is the question constant, and zooby was going around in circles, is this whole part of the thread just circular reasoning?

 

[Moonbear]

If \pi is the question constant, and zooby was going around in circles, is this whole part of the thread just circular reasoning?

Indeed, which is why the True Path of Stupid Quetioning is known as the Sheepfold Way. If you run around sheep in a circle, they'll move exactly as you wouldn't expect. This is clearly demonstrated here: http://www.david-lewis.com/sheepgame/

So, if you want to follow the sheepfold way, just how do you go about folding the sheep?

 

[Gokul43201]

So, if you want to follow the sheepfold way, just how do you go about folding the sheep?

Grab two hooves on one hand and two hooves in the other. Now move your hands towards each other. Press the back down to form a nice crease. You have now successfully folded the sheep.

Did you know that a sheep can not be folded in half, more than seven consecutive times ?

(PS : Some people will show you that they can do more, but this usually involves pulling the wool over your eyes.)

 

[zoobyshoe]

Did you know that a sheep can not be folded in half, more than seven consecutive times?

I did not know this and it constitutes the most interesting news about livestock I've heard all week.


Once, when I was dangling upside down from a rope attached to my left leg over an icy river in upstate N.Y. USA wearing a straightjacket with a live polecat inside as part of my initiation into the Church of the Previous Deviation and Charmed Hebetude Accompli, it occurred to me that I was too young to give up eating Taco Bell food (the only abstention the church required) and that I should, perhaps, call the baptism off. What on Earth do you suppose happened next?

 

[BoulderHead]

Once, when I was dangling upside down from a rope attached to my left leg over an icy river in upstate N.Y. USA wearing a straightjacket with a live polecat inside as part of my initiation into the Church of the Previous Deviation and Charmed Hebetude Accompli, it occurred to me that I was too young to give up eating Taco Bell food (the only abstention the church required) and that I should, perhaps, call the baptism off. What on Earth do you suppose happened next?

You opted for Taco-X and became Grand Master of the Order !


What became of the polecat, did it pay Ivan a visit recently?

 

[the number 42]

Hey, why haven't I seen this thread before?

 

[Gokul43201]

What became of the polecat, did it pay Ivan a visit recently?

Not recently. It paid him a visit some years ago, and since then, he's been seeking it. I recall hearing him say something about the "galaxy" being on the polecat's collar.

Did you know that Ivan is really a trans-galactic hitchhiker, originally from Eroticon 6 ?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Did you know that Ivan is really a trans-galactic hitchhiker, originally from Eroticon 6 ?

I didn't know that, but it makes perfect sense given his penchant for raising the subject of the shape of animal penises in otherwise innocuous threads.


I wonder if it could really be true, though, since it is unlikely that anyone would give a ride to an Eroticonian with his thumb out. How do you suppose he got ships to stop for him?

 

[franznietzsche]

I wonder if it could really be true, though, since it is unlikely that anyone would give a ride to an Eroticonian with his thumb out. How do you suppose he got ships to stop for him?

Raising the subject of the shape of animal penises.


More importantly, how did he get the ships to let him off?

 

[Gokul43201]

More importantly, how did he get the ships to let him off?

Oh, that was simple - at least, mostly. He simulated the (planet Earth's) billy goat mating ritual, when he knew he was close to somewhere he wouldn't mind being. The startled hosts almost always threw him out immediately.

https://www.physicsforums.com/showthread.php?t=33062&page=1&pp=15

The ploy backfired (literally !) the one time that he hitched a ride with the grass traders from Lushmeadowia. You see, the Lushmeadowians are bovine, and they quite took to Ivan. Finally, the spent Lushmeadowians dropped Ivan off at Desertia - not a place he would have picked, before the mating began.

Considering that the only ships that ever go to Desertia are manned (or hooved) by the Lushmeadowians, how did Ivan ever find his way from there to Earth ?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Considering that the only ships that ever go to Desertia are manned (or hooved) by the Lushmeadowians, how did Ivan ever find his way from there to Earth ?

As an Eroticonian he is intimately familiar with the mating calls of a vast number of extraterrestrial species. It was, therefore, a simple matter of rigging up a transmitter and deciding which specie he wanted to attract to effect his rescue.



After their initial successes with ruby crystals, the early laser experimenters went wild trying everything in lasers from gasses to chicken soup. It was not till as late as 1977, however, that anyone thought to try "lasing" a weird, purple jellyfish. Having stuffed a little jellyfish into the tube between the two mirrors and "pumping" it full of energy, physicist Seymore T. Photodoodle was horrified to discover that the weird, purple light that resulted was neither coherent, nor uniform, but that it emerged from the device as a mass of wriggling tentacles that left a trail of molten, purple proto-jelly on every surface they touched. Unable to account for this, he decided to suppress all knowledge of the event, burning his notes, and hiding the laser in a hole under the tool shed in his back yard. According to Hollywood legend, though, he did take it out and demonstrate it once for commedian/screenwriter Dan Ackroyd, who, being Photodoodle's wife's great uncle's godchild, visited the Photodoodle home along with the Godfather during a large, extended family get together on Thanksgiving of that year. If there is any truth to this Hollywood legend about the origin of the idea for the ray guns in Ghostbusters why didn't they emit weird, purple light in the film, instead of green?

 

[Gokul43201]

If there is any truth to this Hollywood legend about the origin of the idea for the ray guns in Ghostbusters why didn't they emit weird, purple light in the film, instead of green?

Because of yet another unresolved property of the tentacular plasma ( what you crudely described as "a mass of wriggling tentacles" ). It is true that the tentacular plasma is indeed what emerges from the proton pack (obviously named to cover up the identity of the true energy source) of the Ghostbusters. When the editing crew was looking at negatives of the shots, they found to their amazement, that while white showed up as black and and blue became orange (or whatever), the purple from the tentacular plasma (TP) still looked purple. When the negatives were developed, all other things got back their original colors, but the TP looked green. The film-makers decided to leave things that way.

Who knows why ?

EDIT : (PS to zooby - Quote : "It was, therefore, a simple matter of rigging up a transmitter and deciding which specie he wanted to attract to effect his rescue."
Why does he want to attract currency ? )

I'll repeat my quetion : Who knows why ?

 

[franznietzsche]

Who knows why ?

Tentacular Commercialism.


Why do soap opera actors get paid?

 

[Spabath]

Hmmmm fair enough I guess







http://www.spabath.co.nz/browse.php?category_id=23http://www.spabath.co.nz/browse.php?category_id=32
OR A TOILET?!

 

[zoobyshoe]

Why do soap opera actors get paid?

I know. I have never seen one of them sing a note or blow a soap bubble.


Re: specie. Why is anyone confused about a stranded hitchhiker hoping to attract a little extra pocket money?

 

[Gokul43201]

Because money is illegal in Desertia. The Desertians depend entirely on the barter system, having realized that money is the root of all evil.

Desertia used to be a delicious paradise that had fruit salad growing everywhere until the disastrous Three Cherry Gambling Wars broke out all over the planet...but that's a different story.

If the Desertian Fire Department (for some reason, it was their job) finds you in possession of money, they use a flame-thrower to burn (melt, boil, or disfigure) the money, then they burn your pockets, and then they chuck you in jail.

Do you have any idea what Desertian prisons are like ?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Do you have any idea what Desertian prisons are like ?

Not personally, but I have read that mind blowing exposé by 10 year inmate Alexander Desernitsyn, Deserlag Archipelago, which made me so happy I grew up on Zoobonia, instead of Pinko-Commie Desertia.


Would Chineynman have said "tenticular plasma", or would he have used the more entertaining "mass of wriggling tentacles"?

 

[franznietzsche]

Not personally, but I have read that mind blowing exposé by 10 year inmate Alexander Desernitsyn, Deserlag Archipelago, which made me so happy I grew up on Zoobonia, instead of Pinko-Commie Desertia.


Would Chineynman have said "tenticular plasma", or would he have used the more entertaining "mass of wriggling tentacles"?

The most entertaining: "mass of wriggling tentacular plasma".


In Desertia, does the water freeze before it hits the ground?

 

[plover]

Water in Desertia does many things before it hits the ground in its frantic attempt to desert from its status in the material universe as water. It has been known to boil, freeze, fling electrons at passersby, spontaneously form itself into effigies of Spiro Agnew (not the Earthling politician, but the (on Desertia) much better known used lint magnet of Kanardikwak XII, whose sad fate was chronicled by Garbetiwex Uu in the oft imitated introduction to his manifesto on cantilevered opti-rivet factory management techniques The General Labor Theory of Fasteners, Quitting Time, and Dust Bunnies -- the scene as Agnew is ostracized from the town of A'a'å'a'nx after the ball of used lint which he had attracted grew to such a size as to become a traffic hazard rendered all the more poignant upon reflection on the recent collapse of the cantilevered opti-rivet industry on the introduction of the tiered-cam omni-bolt, and how the suffering of this transition might have been mitigated by a robust interplanetary used lint trade), and in extreme cases, fuse into neon in a spray of energetic photons that goes a long way toward explaining some of the recent mutations of the remaining species of fruit salad.

Is there any truth to the rumor that the Glorious Lemon-Lemon-Bell Revolution (only the current wave of revisionist historians would label it the "Three Cherry Gambling Wars") was engineered by elements in the former Deserterian Tourist Council who had an obsessional hatred of fruit salad?

 

[zoobyshoe]

Is there any truth to the rumor that the Glorious Lemon-Lemon-Bell Revolution (only the current wave of revisionist historians would label it the "Three Cherry Gambling Wars") was caused by elements in the former Deserterian Tourist Council who had an obsessional hatred of fruit salad?

Oh, good luck trying to sort that mass of wriggling historical events out. It was every Desertian for himself, alliances were formed and dissolved within minutes, no one had any idea what anyone else was up to, and soon lost all sense of what they, themselves were up to. A couple of them hunted themselves down and assassinated themselves, so confused were they about who was friend or foe.


Should there be a limit established on how much one is permitted to set between parentheses, or should we give a prize to whomever can fit the most?

 

[Gokul43201]

Let's give points. I love points - they're soooooo much fun. I'm still tingly all over in expectation of my 15 points, for solving the gold quetion.

I wonder why USPS is taking so long to deliver them. Do you think they want to catch me by surprise ?