Bad Math Jokes

[benorin]

I loved that @jack action

 

[jack action]

 

[jack action]

 

[benorin]

 

[256bits]

New Math
To keep them occupied, the teacher asked the class to draw three pictures of their favourite numbers.
Next day, after class, she motioned Johnny to come to her desk and explain his nice pictures.

The first picture was of 9. How is that 9 she asked.
"It's tree + tree + tree", Johnny replied as if a matter of fact.

And the next one, of 99, was of some dusty looking trees.
"Gee teacher, that's dirty tree + dirty tree + dirty tree", replied Johnny, somewhat annoyed.

The third picture was of the dusty trees and some pigeons flying overhead.
"And this one is of a 100?", she quizzed.
"Don't you know anything teacher?", totally exasperated.
"Anyone knows that 100 is dirty tree and a turd + dirty tree and a turd + dirty tree and a turd!"

 

[Keith_McClary]

SMBC

 

[BWV]

 

[etotheipi]

$$2x = \frac{d}{dx}(x^2) = \frac{d}{dx} (\underbrace{x + \dots + x}_{x \, \mathrm{times}}) = \underbrace{1 + \dots + 1}_{x \, \mathrm{times}} = x$$Hence, $2=1$.

 

[DrGreg]

All numbers are equal! Let $a$ and $b$ be any two numbers and define$$
c = a + b.
$$Multiply both sides by $a-b$:$$
(a - b)c = (a - b)(a+b).
$$Expand:$$
ac - bc = a^2 - b^2.
$$Rearrange:$$
b^2 - bc = a^2 - ac.
$$Add $ab$ to both sides:$$
ab + b^2 - bc = a^2 + ab - ac.
$$Factorise:$$
(a+b-c)b = (a+b-c)a.
$$Cancel:$$
b=a
$$QED.

 

[etotheipi]

"You see officer, whilst it's true that I was going 80 mph on that dual carriageway, Dr Greg proved that in fact 80 = 70 and so, mathematically, this fine is unjustified..."

(...and if that fails, we can always change tack and assert that [to my knowledge] the highway code never specified the reference frame in which the speed is to be measured...)

 

[nuuskur]

Spoiler

$$2x = \frac{d}{dx}(x^2) = \frac{d}{dx} (\underbrace{x + \dots + x}_{x \, \mathrm{times}}) = \underbrace{1 + \dots + 1}_{x \, \mathrm{times}} = x$$Hence, $2=1$.

Hah, that made me chuckle. That's a cute attempt, though :D A lot of people might sleep on the $x$ times business.

 

[Ibix]

"You see officer, whilst it's true that I was going 80 mph on that dual carriageway, Dr Greg proved that in fact 80 = 70 and so, mathematically, this fine is unjustified..."

Judge: Excellent point, Mr Pi. So you will find it no greater hardship that I have doubled the fine.

 

[DrGreg]

$$2x = \frac{d}{dx}(x^2) = \frac{d}{dx} (\underbrace{x + \dots + x}_{x \, \mathrm{times}}) = \underbrace{1 + \dots + 1}_{x \, \mathrm{times}} = x$$Hence, $2=1$.

Corollary: All numbers are equal.

Proof: $$\begin{align*}
2 &= 1 \\
\implies 2(b-a) &= b-a \\
\implies b-a &= 0 \\
\implies a &= b \\
\end{align*}$$

 

[mfb]

If all numbers are equal then the Riemann hypothesis is both true and false.

* Every point is a root as every function value is equal to zero.
* There is no root outside the critical strip as every point of the domain is equal to the critical strip.

This might sound like a contradiction, but it just extends the original point by showing that also true=false.

 

[benorin]

All numbers are equal! Let $a$ and $b$ be any two numbers and define$$
c = a + b.
$$Multiply both sides by $a-b$:$$
(a - b)c = (a - b)(a+b).
$$Expand:$$
ac - bc = a^2 - b^2.
$$Rearrange:$$
b^2 - bc = a^2 - ac.
$$Add $ab$ to both sides:$$
ab + b^2 - bc = a^2 + ab - ac.
$$Factorise:$$
(a+b-c)b = (a+b-c)a.
$$Cancel:$$
b=a
$$QED.

One cannot cancel a zero factor

Spoiler: Can't think of it? I got you...

since c=a+b => a+b-c=0

 

[waternohitter]

 

[Fred Wright]

A passenger jet takes off from Warsaw. Suddenly both pilot and copilot suffer heart attacks. The stewardess panics and announces to the passengers, "Is there a doctor on board?" A man stands and says, "I know some first aid." She rushes him to the pilot's cabin where he discovers both pilot and copilot have died. She desperately cries, "You have to land the plane!" The man looks around and says, "I can't do that! I'm just a simple Pole on a complex plane."

 

[mfb]

It wouldn't help anyway. There is no path that leaves the complex plane!

 

[DrClaude]

 

[BWV]

 

[jack action]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Lie algebras? Now I've heard everything. We only studied truth algebras.

 

[fresh_42]

Lie algebras? Now I've heard everything. We only studied truth algebras.

That's a real bad one, especially as Lie is pronounced Lee.

 

[Ivan Seeking]

That's a real bad one, especially as Lie is pronounced Lee.

Lie! Lie! Lie! And the thread didn't ask for good math jokes.

 

[fresh_42]

Lie! Lie! Lie! And the thread didn't ask for good math jokes.

Yes, but it took me quite a while to understand it at all. I read Lee algebras and didn't get the pun.

 

[fresh_42]

I probably told it before, but it is a really bad one:

A professor held his lectures and there were only three students in the auditorium. To make it even worse, after fifteen minutes five of them stood up and left the room. "D...", thought the professor, "I hope there will be coming another two so I can leave as well."

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Yes, but it took me quite a while to understand it at all. I read Lee algebras and didn't get the pun.

Yes, and it works both ways. A few of my best puns don't work in text.

 

[DrGreg]

I probably told it before, but it is a really bad one:

A professor held his lectures and there were only three students in the auditorium. To make it even worse, after fifteen minutes five of them stood up and left the room. "D...", thought the professor, "I hope there will be coming another two so I can leave as well."

There's a similar joke (don't try to analyse this too much, it's full of logical holes):

A biologist, a physicist and a mathematician are in a coffee shop watching another shop across the street. For a long time nothing happens, then two people enter the other shop and shortly after three people leave. They ask each other, how is it possible for two to enter and three to leave?

The biologist says it's an example of reproduction.

The physicist says it's experimental error.

The mathematician says, if another person enters the shop there'll be nobody in there.

 

[fresh_42]

My favorite of all times remains:
Let $\varepsilon <0.$

 

[Ivan Seeking]

My favorite of all times remains:
Let $\varepsilon <0.$

So is that from a Deceptive Calculus based on one of those Lying Algebras?

 

[fresh_42]

So is that from a Deceptive Calculus based on one of those Lying Algebras?

Maybe a leftover from a poolean algebra.

 

[DrGreg]

Imagine a joke involving a distance $t$ and a time $r$ !

Spoiler: Oh, hang on, I can think of a real (non-joke) example of this.

Schwartzschild coordinates inside the event horizon.

 

[BWV]

Guy is flying over the Grand Canyon sitting next to an accountant. Looks over to the accountant and says ‘that sure is impressive’.
Accountant says ‘yes, it’s one hundred million and three years old’
Guy says ‘hundred million and three? How do you know that?’
Accountant says ‘three years ago I was on this same flight sitting next to a geologist and he told me’

 

[DrGreg]

Guy is flying over the Grand Canyon sitting next to an accountant. Looks over to the accountant and says ‘that sure is impressive’.
Accountant says ‘yes, it’s one hundred and three million years old’
Guy says ‘hundred and three million? How do you know that’
Accountant says ‘three years ago I was on this same flight sitting next to a geologist and he told me’

Nice joke, but you really meant to say "one hundred million and three", not "one hundred and three million".

 

[jack action]

 

[mfb]

flnow, order the factors by alphabet.

 

[jack action]

log() =log()

 

[Keith_McClary]

https://xkcd.com/2509/

The Horrors of log(log(log(t)))​

Math with Bad Drawings

 

[mfb]

The Horrors of log(log(log(t)))​

It's fitting how all the logs make a campfire.

 

[jedishrfu]

versus row(row(row(the_boat))) =gently(down(the_stream))

In APL the had a $\rho$ operator for array shape:

$\rho\rho\rho$BOAT

https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/APL_syntax_and_symbols

 

[Ivan Seeking]

I was a pretty good student, But I never understood why some of my math grades had both a real and an imaginary part.

 

[jedishrfu]

It may be because you imagined yourself to be the one negative square rooting for more complexity in your grades.

 

[mfb]

I was trying to make a joke about commuting math grades, but I was not Abel.

 

[BWV]

 

[Ivan Seeking]

Turns out the average student in the US has very advanced math skills. They learn Stochastic Math.

 

[jedishrfu]

View attachment 288598

This reminds me of the time in a Physics Lab when calculators were first being used mid-70s. We saw a student measuring some circuit and using the calculator to compute the voltage. We knew it to be 1.5V but the student got 1,500V so much for calculator math and user error. When asked how he got the answer, he said that what the calculator said.

 

[Ibix]

I was trying to make a joke about commuting math grades, but I was not Abel.

What's purple and commutes? An Abelian grape.
What lives at the bottom of the sea and commutes? An Abelian grouper.
What makes up a circus and commutes? An Abelian troupe.
What's in the army and commutes? An Abelian troop.
What looks like a tree and commutes? An Abelian Groot.

Any more for any more?

 

[Eclair_de_XII]

View attachment 284338

That's got to be one of the more depressing aspects of my life.

 

[benorin]

This one’s about sorting algorithms of course lol

 

[Hornbein]

The elementary school I went to had like 20 ft high ceilings, they planned ahead.

People have been getting taller over the decades.