Chuck Norris Counts to Infinity Twice

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The discussion centers around humorous and exaggerated "Chuck Norris facts," showcasing the legendary toughness and absurd abilities attributed to him. Participants share various jokes, such as Chuck Norris being able to count to infinity, destroy the periodic table, and even have a roundhouse kick that defies physics. The tone is light-hearted, with many finding humor in the absurdity of these claims, which are often delivered in a serious manner for comedic effect. The conversation also touches on the cultural impact of Chuck Norris jokes, suggesting they represent a unique form of humor that transcends traditional joke formats. References to pop culture, such as Family Guy and the show Survivor, further illustrate the widespread recognition of these jokes. Overall, the thread celebrates the iconic status of Chuck Norris in popular culture through a series of entertaining and outlandish anecdotes.
  • #51
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.

Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at Burger King, and got one.

When Chuck Norris plays Monopoly, it effects the economy.

Chuck Norris can set ants on fire with a magnifying glass. At night.

Chuck Norris once ate an entire bottle of sleeping pills. They made him blink.

Chuck Norris does not “style” his hair. It lays perfectly in place out of sheer terror.

Chuck Norris can drown a fish.

When Chuck Norris does push ups he doesn't go up the Earth goes down.

Chuck Norris can pop a wheelie, on a unicycle.
 
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  • #52
Chuck Norris understands QFT.
 
  • #53
Chuck Norris paints like Rembrandt but uses his eyebrows to challenge himself.

Chuck Norris played golf and got two holes in one - with the same tee shot.

Chuck Norris can reach through the internet to hit people.

If you have a dream of Chuck Norris hitting you, the injuries are real.

Chuck Norris can play Darts using a toothpick.

There are two states of matter in the universe - things that have been hit by Chuck Norris and things that will be hit by Chuck Norris.

Someone foolishly tried to rob Chuck Norris and told him to "reach for the sky". Chuck beat him with it.
 
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  • #54
Chuck Norris can win an internet troll in a debate.
 
  • #55
chuck Norris was born in a palace..., which he built by his own hands.
 
  • #56
If you have five dollars, and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.
 
  • #57
Chuck Norris has a prehensile penis, which he uses to deliver the 'Dim Mak' to his most loathed opponants. He invented PCP to level the playing field, and he has ichor for blood. His gaze is capable of impregnating or steralizing someone, male or female, at up to 50 yards. He can stare down a Siberian Tiger, and he is known as, "Rowr-Squack-Cheep", or, "Lord Of The Wild" in 'animal'.

Chuck Norris drinks bourbon from a Klein Bottle that is always full. He can spit fire, and eat nails, and his beard is also prehensile.
 
  • #58
chuck Norris received his driving license at 12 seconds of age
 
  • #59
FizixFreak said:
chuck Norris received his driving license at 12 seconds of age

...And prompty purchased a Ford F-350!

I think he can only die at the hands of Stephen Seagal, or a Highlander!
 
  • #60
nismaratwork said:
...And prompty purchased a Ford F-350!

I think he can only die at the hands of Stephen Seagal, or a Highlander!

How dare you say that he cannot be killed by anyone if chuck Norris has heard you then you will not be alive tomorrow:rolleyes:
 
  • #61
chuck Norris can actually impress GSP!
 
  • #62
FizixFreak said:
How dare you say that he cannot be killed by anyone if chuck Norris has heard you then you will not be alive tomorrow:rolleyes:


"Insha'Allah", he'll forgive me. :wink:

On the other hand...

Chuck Norris can kill at a distance with his mind... it's called, "Psychopunch!" I am afraid! :biggrin:

Chuck Norris is the avatar of Elvis.

Chuck Norris high-kicked is way out of the womb.

Chuck Norris smells like freshly baked cinnamon buns... always.

Chuck Norris poops platinum... he thinks gold is cheap.
 
  • #63
nismaratwork said:
"Insha'Allah", he'll forgive me. :wink:

On the other hand...

Chuck Norris can kill at a distance with his mind... it's called, "Psychopunch!" I am afraid! :biggrin:

Chuck Norris is the avatar of Elvis.

Chuck Norris high-kicked is way out of the womb.

Chuck Norris smells like freshly baked cinnamon buns... always.

Chuck Norris poops platinum... he thinks gold is cheap.

well we don't use INSHALLAH for these type of things but it is alright and by the way your facts are not that funny

chuck Norris lost his virginity 10 seconds after his birth(poor nurse)
 
  • #64
FizixFreak said:
well we don't use INSHALLAH for these type of things but it is alright and by the way your facts are not that funny

chuck Norris lost his virginity 10 seconds after his birth(poor nurse)


Chuck Norris was never a virgin, he was born, "a playah". :biggrin:

Chuck Norris breaks blocks of titanium... wood and brick is no challenge anymore.

Chuck Norris breathes fire, but his beard remains untouched.

If Chuck Norris Shaves is beard, like Samson, he loses his power.
 
  • #65
nismaratwork said:
Chuck Norris was never a virgin, he was born, "a playah". :biggrin:

Chuck Norris breaks blocks of titanium... wood and brick is no challenge anymore.

Chuck Norris breathes fire, but his beard remains untouched.

If Chuck Norris Shaves is beard, like Samson, he loses his power.

I don't know what playah means but

Chuck norris can punch people in their souls

Chuck Norris can teach this guy how to spell
images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR0_ydHpJ8sMWUeNjc7TBD_ndHonEmL9LXOpjqZXg35jJnN1n3l.jpg
 
  • #66
FizixFreak said:
I don't know what playah means but

Chuck norris can punch people in their souls
Chuck Norris can teach this guy how to spell
images?q=tbn:ANd9GcR0_ydHpJ8sMWUeNjc7TBD_ndHonEmL9LXOpjqZXg35jJnN1n3l.jpg


re: bold: :smile: That's good... maybe he can punch the soul out of your body, leaving a mindless husk behind? *shiver*

OH, and "Player" is slang for a 'ladies man', one who plays the game of picking up ladies.
 
  • #67
nismaratwork said:
re: bold: :smile: That's good... maybe he can punch the soul out of your body, leaving a mindless husk behind? *shiver*

OH, and "Player" is slang for a 'ladies man', one who plays the game of picking up ladies.

Well are you a playah:rolleyes: any ways

Chuck Norris can force noble gasses to react at STP!

chuck Norris can understand quantum mechanics!

 
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  • #68
FizixFreak said:
Well are you a playah:rolleyes:

Chuck Norris can force noble gassed to react at STP!


I'm no player... I think by your standards you'd consider me to be a bit of a wimp, but you'd appreciate my respect for owmen.

Chuck Norris can reach absolute zero.

Chuck Norris' fists emit Cherenkov radiation when his punches land.

Chuck Norris poops fuel-grade plutonium, and donates it to science.

Chuck Norris wrestled, and then befriended a Grizzly Bear.
 
  • #69
nismaratwork said:
I'm no player... I think by your standards you'd consider me to be a bit of a wimp, but you'd appreciate my respect for owmen.

Chuck Norris can reach absolute zero.

Chuck Norris' fists emit Cherenkov radiation when his punches land.

Chuck Norris poops fuel-grade plutonium, and donates it to science.

Chuck Norris wrestled, and then befriended a Grizzly Bear.

I assume wimp means something bad but no i consider you to be a very decent person in fact my own standards in this case are not so high:biggrin: any ways

Chuck Norris can use a diode in reverse biased!

Chuck Norris doesn't have con troll button on his computer cause he is always in control!

When chuck Norris was born the lions tried to abduct him and raise him as their own kid!

Chuck norris farts create more energy then a fission chain reaction!

chuck norris can make women pregnant just by staring at them!

If chuck Norris was polish the Hitler would never have invaded Poland!

Chuck norris can actually motivate me for stop being so lazy!

ALRIGHT I CANT THINK OF ANY MORE
 
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  • #70
Dembadon said:
If you have five dollars, and Chuck Norris has five dollars, Chuck Norris has more money than you.

If you have ten dollars and chuck Norris has five dollars ,chuck Norris STILL has more money then you:biggrin:.

If you have a million dollars and chuck Norris has none then you don't have much time to live.
 
  • #71
jkvk94.jpg


 
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  • #72
DevilsAvocado said:
jkvk94.jpg




Holy... moley...

I think I just peed a little. :smile:
 
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  • #73
DevilsAvocado said:
jkvk94.jpg




What the HELL was that? really what was that?

By the way THIS is the only guy that can kill chuck Norris!

From russia with love

FEDOR EMELIANENKO

[URL]http://www.squabbles.com/wp-content/uploads/2009/06/fedor_emelianenko_cuts.jpg[/URL]

I also found this on you tube check this out

 
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  • #74
nismaratwork said:
Holy... moley...

I think I just peed a little. :smile:

Are you laughing because you peed or did you peed because you were laughing
 
  • #75
nismaratwork said:
Holy... moley...

I think I just peed a little. :smile:

:biggrin: Check out the video... number 2 will come naturally... :smile:
 
  • #76
FizixFreak said:
Are you laughing because you peed or did you peed because you were laughing


:smile:

Neither! First, I was joking. Second, the idea is that it was a reaction to absolute terror.

Did you SEE that guy? he looks like he eats people to stay strong, and picks his teeth with their femurs! (leg bone)

@DA: Oh yeah... quite naturally and almost unnoticed. :biggrin:
 
  • #77
FizixFreak said:
What the HELL was that? really what was that?

Well... he IS the http://knowyourmeme.com/memes/technoviking" – the music dance to Technoviking!

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=posAGaWVmvw
 
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  • #78
Forget chuck norris forget techno viking this guy is the next big thing

[PLAIN]http://twentyonwards.blogs.com/.a/6a00d834522e1369e2011570521c98970c-800wi

He is the chuck Norris of Pakistan and he is much better the American version.
 
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  • #79
FizixFreak said:
By the way THIS is the only guy that can kill chuck Norris!

From russia with love

FJODOR MELANCHOLIC??

Nah, that doesn’t work... if you are going for a Russian, you might as well get a real Neanderthal:

NIKOLAI VALUEV!
a+nephillumvaluev.jpg

2.13 m (7 ft 0 in)

But that doesn’t work either. Technoviking will dance him to death.

... when he’s done with the Chinese army ...
 
  • #80
FizixFreak said:
Forget chuck norris forget techno viking just guy is the next big thing

[PLAIN]http://twentyonwards.blogs.com/.a/6a00d834522e1369e2011570521c98970c-800wi[/QUOTE]

:smile::smile::smile:
 
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  • #81
DevilsAvocado said:
FJODOR MELANCHOLIC??

Nah, that doesn’t work... if you are going for a Russian, you might as well get a real Neanderthal:

NIKOLAI VALUEV!
a+nephillumvaluev.jpg

2.13 m (7 ft 0 in)

But that doesn’t work either. Technoviking will dance him to death.

... when he’s done with the Chinese army ...


Whoa... that's... whoa."Summa pia gratia nostra conservando corpora et custodita, de gente fera Normannica nos libera, quae nostra vastat, Deus, regna."(St. Vaast or St. Medard)
:wink:

Oh... and those poor lions!... still, that guy looks... yeah... pretty damned tough. Great hair too... I mean, really, that's an amazing head of hair!
 
  • #82
DevilsAvocado said:
FJODOR MELANCHOLIC??

Nah, that doesn’t work... if you are going for a Russian, you might as well get a real Neanderthal:

NIKOLAI VALUEV!
a+nephillumvaluev.jpg

2.13 m (7 ft 0 in)

But that doesn’t work either. Technoviking will dance him to death.

... when he’s done with the Chinese army ...


My GOD!:eek: what the hell the Russians feed this guy i mean he doesn't even look real but he is no match for this guy

http://www.thehotspotonline.com/moviespot/bolly/reviews/m/maula5.jpg

Watch him and his girlfriend in action they are total BADASS!

 
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  • #83
That's it no more responses i think every body is terrified by his magnificent TOKA!
 
  • #84
Dude... that is a CLEAVER on a stick... I think I have to start watching some Pakistani action movies.

Oh, and my guess with that Russian fellow is that they feed him bricks, iron, and small children! Seriously though, that looks like he's been a bare-knuckled fighter; his face is covered in bone-callouses.
 
  • #85
nismaratwork said:
Dude... that is a CLEAVER on a stick... I think I have to start watching some Pakistani action movies.

Oh, and my guess with that Russian fellow is that they feed him bricks, iron, and small children! Seriously though, that looks like he's been a bare-knuckled fighter; his face is covered in bone-callouses.

He is actually a pro boxer by the way but i think FEDOR EMELIANENKO will kill this guy in a fight.

By the way you if you want to see some Pakistani movies check out this video

 
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  • #86
FizixFreak said:
He is actually a pro boxer by the way but i think FEDOR EMELIANENKO will kill this guy in a fight.

By the way you if you want to see some Pakistani movies check out this video


Ooooh, thanks!
 
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  • #87
I love the "head-butt" camera angle... that looks PAINFUL. I'm reminded of something like a USA western, a Japanese samurai movie, and a Hong Kong action movie.

By the way, it must be miserably hot in that black leather, no?!
 
  • #88
nismaratwork said:
I love the "head-butt" camera angle... that looks PAINFUL. I'm reminded of something like a USA western, a Japanese samurai movie, and a Hong Kong action movie.

By the way, it must be miserably hot in that black leather, no?!

What are you talking about? "MAULAJUT" doesn't wear leather he kills wolves and bears and wear their skin(but he paints it black so it looks like leather).

His wondrous cleaver can stop bullets from a 50 caliber rifle.
 
  • #89
FizixFreak said:
What are you talking about? "MAULAJUT" doesn't wear leather he kills wolves and bears and wear their skin(but he paints it black so it looks like leather).

His wondrous cleaver can stop bullets from a 50 caliber rifle.


That guy needs to be in a new James Bond movie... hero or villain, he'd be great.


Oh.. and... wow... he's wearing wolf/bear hides? Damn.
 
  • #90
nismaratwork said:
That guy needs to be in a new James Bond movie... hero or villain, he'd be great.


Oh.. and... wow... he's wearing wolf/bear hides? Damn.

Too bad that cannot happen the actor SULTAN RAHI has died about some 15-18 years:frown: but the character MAULAJUT lives on as a comic character which at that time was considered a action hero i can't believe my dad still likes this stuff:biggrin:
 
  • #91
FizixFreak said:
Too bad that cannot happen the actor SULTAN RAHI has died about some 15-18 years:frown: but the character MAULAJUT lives on as a comic character which at that time was considered a action hero i can't believe my dad still likes this stuff:biggrin:


Heh... you love what you grew up with, you know what I mean?

Still, sorry about Sultan Rahi... I hope he died well. Bruce Lee, Sultan Rahi... these people need to live longer!
 
  • #92
nismaratwork said:
Heh... you love what you grew up with, you know what I mean?

Still, sorry about Sultan Rahi... I hope he died well. Bruce Lee, Sultan Rahi... these people need to live longer!

Yeah i guess you are right when my dad is watching these type of movies i bearly controll my laughter.

sultan rahi unfortunately died at the hands of robbers he was shot three times sad but true!
Sultan rahi as the bruce lee of Pakistan i never saw it from this angle and the other guy that you see in the picture is still alive and he is also a badass

[PLAIN]http://a.imageshack.us/img717/1281/noorietshirtcopy.jpg

Sohneya is the equivalent of DUDE in English
 
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  • #93
nismaratwork said:
Oh, and my guess with that Russian fellow is that they feed him bricks, iron, and small children!

Yup, definitely some sort of metal! :biggrin:

nismaratwork said:
Seriously though, that looks like he's been a bare-knuckled fighter; his face is covered in bone-callouses.

Nah, he’s a boxer... but he employs the Neanderthal shaving style...

[PLAIN]http://www.hayemaker.com/jscripts/tiny_mce/plugins/imagemanager/files/nikolai_valuev2.jpg

:biggrin:
 
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  • #94
FizixFreak said:
FEDOR EMELIANENKO will kill this guy in a fight.

Agree, if they cut of the legs on VALUEV: 7 ft vs 6 ft doesn’t seem like a fair fight! :biggrin:
 
  • #95
[PLAIN]http://a.imageshack.us/img717/1281/noorietshirtcopy.jpg

THAT’S PETER SELLERS!
 
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  • #96
DevilsAvocado said:
Yup, definitely some sort of metal! :biggrin:



Nah, he’s a boxer... but he employs the Neanderthal shaving style...

[PLAIN]http://www.hayemaker.com/jscripts/tiny_mce/plugins/imagemanager/files/nikolai_valuev2.jpg

:biggrin:

Holy... Oh my...


That's an axe. He's... Wow... that's terrifying.

@FizixFreak: Damn... shot by robbers?! I read that he was in over 750 films, and a Punjabi hero! I'm sorry about that, but for your father... I think we're all supposed to laugh at the entertainment of our fathers... until we become like them! :wink:

Sohneya... I like that.
 
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  • #97
Heil THIS TechnoViking fans! Chuck Norris would kick the Deutsch Haarschmuck off TechnoViking's face with the TechnoViking's own sissy marscherar dans stovlar, which he would then donate to the nearest needy techno dance ensemble.
Thank you Chuck Norris. Be good to us, be kind to us.
 
  • #98
ThomasT said:
Heil THIS TechnoViking fans! Chuck Norris would kick the Deutsch Haarschmuck off TechnoViking's face with the TechnoViking's own sissy marscherar dans stovlar, which he would then donate to the nearest needy techno dance ensemble.
Thank you Chuck Norris. Be good to us, be kind to us.

I'll buy that... but um... how about Russian Axe-face guy? He looks like not much fazes him... like the suffering of others. :bugeye:
 
  • #99
nismaratwork said:
I'll buy that... but um... how about Russian Axe-face guy? He looks like not much fazes him... like the suffering of others. :bugeye:

Russian guy is good only two losses in his entire career a former champion BUT fedor can still beat him why check this out this is for those inferior humans who don't know what fedor is capable of



Nismar i guess you are right one day we will be old and our kids will probably laugh at our entertainment..., this one day i was passing by my neighborhood a and kid calls me "UNCLE" i looked back at the kid like "really" when i was a kid i use to wait for the time to grow up now that i have i don't even realize it:biggrin:
 
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  • #100
FizixFreak said:
Russian guy is good only two losses in his entire career a former champion BUT fedor can still beat him why check this out this is for those inferior humans who don't know what fedor is capable of


Okay, he’s good on wrestling... but in that case I throw in ALEKSANDR KARELIN! The Missionary trick won’t work on him!

aleksandr-karelin_15136459.gif




:biggrin:
 

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