Collection of Science Jokes P2

[Hamiltonian]

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

A Smart Guy's Dream Date:

 

[Baluncore]

"If the automobile had followed the same development as the computer, a Rolls-Royce would today cost $100, get a million miles per gallon, and explode once a year, killing everyone inside".
Robert Cringely, InfoWorld.
From; The Unixhaters Handbook. 1994.

 

[BillTre]

 

[gmax137]

 

[davenn]

 

[davenn]

one for the Earth science people ...

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

 

[BillTre]

Binary tree:

 

[Tom.G]

Anyone know what species that tree is?
(Other than Binary!)

 

[BillTre]

Looks like a palm of some kind, but I've never seen one branch like that.

My guess would be that someone climbed up and physically split the growing crown(s) of the tree in some way (4 times during its previous life).
It also seems more planar than one might expect naturally.

 

[Tom.G]

That prompted me to look at a blowup of the image. There are few junctions that look suspicious, as in photo manipulation.

Starting at the trunk, two prominent junctions are shown below as '?':
Right-Left-Right-?
Right-Right-? Although this one COULD be a shadow.

The shadows are plausible based on shadows of bushy ground cover in the middle distance.

Either way, it is certainly an interesting image! Thanks.

 

[Baluncore]

There are few junctions that look suspicious, as in photo manipulation.

No need for photoshop.
Very few palms are branching, that is a Doum Palm.
Hyphaene thebaica
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Hyphaene_thebaica
https://www.palmpedia.net/wiki/Hyphaene_thebaica
Google images Hyphaene thebaica

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[BillTre]

 

[davenn]

 

[DrClaude]

View attachment 302897

For those who want more: this is from Zach Weinersmith's Science: Abridged Beyond the Point of Usefulness.

It is available for free: https://www.smbc-comics.com/covid/files/miniSciWebv6.pdf

 

[phinds]

For those who want more: this is from Zach Weinersmith's Science: Abridged Beyond the Point of Usefulness.

It is available for free: https://www.smbc-comics.com/covid/files/miniSciWebv6.pdf

I LOVE this definition:
Relativity: The study of how, if you have a clock and I have a clock, it doesn’t mean a damn thing

 

[davenn]

For those who want more: this is from Zach Weinersmith's Science: Abridged Beyond the Point of Usefulness.

It is available for free: https://www.smbc-comics.com/covid/files/miniSciWebv6.pdf

ohhh brilliant thankyou

been reading through some of it, some good giggles and ""insights""

Chapter 5 Earth Science

5.1 History
A bunch of space-junk formed into a big hot space-ball. Later it cooled down, and life formed.
Then, apes evolved on its surface and tried to get it back to its earlier state.

5.2 Major Insights
• Once, a giant rock slammed into Earth, creating the apocalyptic ash-blackened hellscape that presaged the dawn of humanity.
• The Himalayas are still growing, which means that if you sit on top of Everest, you are continuously breaking mountain-climbing records.
• When Mother Earth catches a bad case of industrialization, She fights it off with a fever.
• Earth is “fine-tuned” for humans in the same sense that it was once fine-tuned for dinosaurs
• The continents look like they fit together because land on Earth is basically a sort of broken jigsaw puzzle.
• 6,000 years is not enough time for all this crap to happen

5.3 Subdisciplines
Meteorology: The study of “Is it going to rain today or what?”
Climate Science: The study of “Is it going to devastate human civilization with floods and hurricanes this century or what?”
Geology: The classification of rocks by whether they’re the crumbly kind, the shiny kind, or the kind that got smooshed.
Paleontology: The classification of rocks by whether they once had feelings
Volcanology: Dermatology, but for planets.
Geophysics: The study of really big hunks of Earth.
Geochemistry: The study of really small hunks of Earth.
Geography: The study of various means by which to misrepresent the surface of Earth.
Oceanography: The study of what happens when you slowly carbonate an 80-quadrillion-gallon fish tankjust a little snippet

 

[BillTre]

I like these:

 

[davenn]

the whole thing is a good fun read

 

[256bits]

A good read.

I'm surprised.
In the acknowledgments there was no listing of Shelby Carmen Ron deMontagne._{Neither was there a Ben Dover}

 

[fresh_42]

 

[dextercioby]

Top comment to that pic was:

At our physics student union we had a vote whether to make Schrödinger's cat an honorary member of the union or not. The ballots were put in a box, but the box was never opened...

 

[Hamiltonian]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[dextercioby]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Orodruin]

View attachment 303447

@PeterDonis

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Orodruin]

View attachment 303505

Q: Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?

Spoiler

A: To get to the same side.

 

[fresh_42]

Q: Why did the chicken cross the Möbius strip?

Spoiler

A: To get to the same side.

Q: Why did the next chicken cut the Möbius strip in half (along the equator)?

Spoiler

A: To get another side.

 

[Borg]

Why am I hungry?
Because I'm thinking about Chicken McMobius Strips.

 

[BillTre]

Why am I hungry?
Because I'm thinking about Chicken McMobius Strips.

Would they have no inside or outside like a Klein bottle?
Where would the dip go?

 

[fresh_42]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[jack action]

 

[Jodo]

 

[fresh_42]

 

[Orodruin]

https://abstrusegoose.com/156

 

[pinball1970]

View attachment 304132

Presumably they submitted their script to a journal in Animal behaviour for ratification?

 

[Orodruin]

View attachment 304132

”Und wenn du lange in einen Abgrund blickst, blickt der Abgrund auch in dich hinein”
- Nietzsche

Spoiler

"And if you gaze into an abyss for a long time, the abyss also gazes into you"

[Google translation added by a Mentor who can only count to ten in German]

 

[fresh_42]

”Und wenn du lange in einen Abgrund blickst, blickt der Abgrund auch in dich hinein”
- Nietzsche

That's my usual feeling in the primate section of a zoo: Who is watching whom?

I once praised Natalie for her baby. You know, what people say about newborns. Apparently, I went too far and Natalie got the impression that I wanted to have her baby, so she spat at me. Bonobos sind auch nur Menschen.

 

[Jodo]

Is There a Santa Claus? An Engineer's Perspective​

Author’s note: All numerical values, calculations and estimates are, of course, indubitably accurate.The first and foremost thing to take into account to properly begin the proof is the number of children Santa Claus must visit each Christmas. There are approximately two billion children (persons under 18) in the world. However, since Santa does not visit children of Muslim, Hindu, Jewish, Buddhist (except maybe in Japan) and other non-Christian religions, this reduces his customer base by 85%, or 378 million (according to the Population Reference Bureau). At an average (census) rate of 3.5 children per household, presuming there is at least one good child in each, that comes to 108 million homes.Santa has about 31 hours of Christmas to work with, thanks to the different time zones and the rotation of the Earth, assuming he travels east to west (which seems logical). This works out to 967.7 household visits per second.This is to say that for each house, Santa has a bit more than 1/1000th of a second to park the sleigh, hop out, jump down the chimney, fill the stockings, distribute the remaining presents under the tree, eat whatever snacks have been left for him, get back up the chimney, jump into the sleigh and arrive at the next house.Assuming that each of these 108 million stops is evenly distributed around the Earth (which, of course, we know to be false, but will accept for the purposes of our calculations), we are now talking about 0.78 miles between households – a total trip of 75.5 million miles (not counting bathroom stops or breaks). This means Santa’s sleigh is moving at 650 miles per second, or 3,000 times the speed of sound. For purposes of comparison, the fastest man-made vehicle, the Ulysses space probe, moves at a poky 27.4 miles per second, and a conventional reindeer can run 15 miles an hour at best.The payload of the sleigh adds another interesting element to our calculations. Assuming that each child gets nothing more than a two pound Lego set (medium sized), the sleigh is carrying over 500 thousand tons (not counting Santa himself, who is, by reputation, rather plump). On land, a conventional reindeer can pull no more than 300 pounds. Even granting that a “flying” reindeer could pull ten times this amount, the job couldn’t be done with eight or even nine of them: Santa would need 360,000 reindeer. This increases the payload, not counting the sleigh, another 54,000 tons, or roughly seven times the weight of the Queen Elizabeth (the ship, not the monarch).600,000 tons traveling at 650 miles per second creates enormous air resistance. This would heat up the reindeer in the same fashion as a spacecraft re-entering the Earth’s atmosphere. The lead pair of reindeer would each absorb 14.3 quintillion (14,300,000,000,000,000,000) joules of energy per second. In short, they would burst into flames almost instantaneously, exposing the reindeer behind them and creating deafening sonic booms in their wake. The entire reindeer team would be vaporized within 4.26 thousandths of a second. This would be right about the same time Santa reached the fifth house on his trip.Not that that matters, though, since Santa, as a result of accelerating from a dead stop to 650 m.p.s. in .001 seconds, would be subjected to acceleration forces of 17,500 g’s. A 250 pound Santa (which seems ludicrously slim) would be pinned to the back of the sleigh by 4,315,015 pounds of force, instantly crushing his bones and organs and reducing him to a quivering blob of pink goo.Therefore: If Santa ever did exist, he’s dead now.